If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on [email protected] for help. Thanks :)
Hello All, This is just a friendly reminder to read the Forum Charter where you wish to post before posting in it. :)
Hi all, The AutoSave Draft feature is now disabled across the site. The decision to disable the feature was made via a poll last year. The delay in putting it in place was due to a bug/update issue. This should serve as a reminder to manually save your drafts if you wish to keep them. Thanks, The Boards Team.
Hello all! This is just a quick reminder to ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere.

Contact with children after separation

  • 17-01-2023 8:53pm
    Registered Users Posts: 1 mamieg

    My son was living with an Irish girl for several years they had 2 children together before separating he’s English & moved back to the uk he pays voluntary regular maintenance. He tries to keep regular contact & vists a few times a year. She promises for regular video calls that then don’t happen she’s always saying if he pays more money he can have more contact but he doesn’t earn much & already pays 50 euros a week. They tried mediation while he was still living in Ireland but didn’t really work. He’s desperate for regular contact but doesn’t know where to start with him being in uk and 2 different legal systems to deal with I guess he wouldn’t be entitled to legal aid in Ireland as non resident he thinks a court order is the way to go for regular contact but can’t afford big bills can you represent yourself ? Is there anywhere he can get free advice ? Thanks for any suggestions.


  • Registered Users Posts: 280 ✭✭ Senature

    This might sound harsh, but he moved to another country from his children but wants more regular contact with them? Bit of a contradiction there, and an added complication in getting arrangements worked out. The children reside in Ireland, so it would be the Irish courts he would need to deal with. Although I'm not sure how they can impact on day to day contact while he has chosen to live abroad. Could he move back to Ireland for a while, especially while the children are young?

    While access and maintenance should be treated as seperate issues, €50 per week for two children seems totally inadequate considering they live with their mother 100% of the time.

  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 8,522 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Jim2007

    It is totally unrealistic to expect to have regular contact if you move to another country, that is a decision of his making. There were no restrictions on him continuing work in Ireland, establish permanent residency and even obtain citizenship.

    The per capita GDP of the UK is about $42k and the per capita GDP of Ireland is about $83k, yes almost twice as much. That makes £50 pocket money, split between two kids. Which means the mother is carrying all of the costs of bringing up his kids.

    If your son is genuine, then he needs to get himself back to Ireland, find a decent job and start making a decent contribution to the upkeep of his kids. Even if he got a favorable court decision right now he could not avail of it because he has not got the financial ability to take advantage of it by traveling more often or to pay for them and their mother to visit the UK.

  • Registered Users Posts: 739 ✭✭✭ Loueze

    To answer your questions: maintenance and access are treated as completely separate issues by the courts, and one is not contingent on the other.

    Your son can contact Treoir for advice - - and he can represent himself in the district court, without a solicitor.

  • Registered Users Posts: 50 ✭✭ iniscealtra

    If he wants more regar contact with his children his best option is to move back to Ireland and live nearby. He can then share custody. He would be able to see them weekly. Otherwise as you say he will only see them on holidays. Regarding video calls he will really have to have a good relationship with the mother of his children as thís is work for her. A visit from your son would be his responsibility rather than hers. A visit is múch more preferable. She would get a break from the kids rather than having to corral them for a phonecall. €50 a week is a very smál payment when as the other posters siad she has them 100% of the time.

  • Registered Users Posts: 344 ✭✭ Girl Geraldine

    € 50 a week is absolute pittance. You'd hardly keep a dog for that money, never mind raise a child.

    Also, as pointed out, the absolute contradiction and hypocrisy of your son complaining that the mother is making access difficult - when he took it on himself to move to the UK. Absolute garbage.

    Your son needs to step up and do the decent thing. Move his hole back over to Ireland and do what needs to be done.

  • Advertisement