If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on [email protected] for help. Thanks :)
Hello All, This is just a friendly reminder to read the Forum Charter where you wish to post before posting in it. :)
Hi all, The AutoSave Draft feature is now disabled across the site. The decision to disable the feature was made via a poll last year. The delay in putting it in place was due to a bug/update issue. This should serve as a reminder to manually save your drafts if you wish to keep them. Thanks, The Boards Team.

Am I overreacting, partner chose impromptu night out rather than spend time with me after 5 day tr



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭ YellowLead

    OP a kind and thoughtful person does not move into you house and then stay up until all hours drinking mid week so you can’t get enough sleep for work. It’s not that he is kind and thoughtful despite this, he just isn’t kind and thoughtful.

    It seems like you ran into this relationship at lightening speed - potentially because of your age and fears around that. Otherwise it’s not clear why you would be putting up with this behaviour.

  • Registered Users Posts: 561 ✭✭✭ dontmindme

    I also grew up with an alcoholic and pretty useless father

    Now you know first-hand your mother's lot.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,262 ✭✭✭ Furze99

    That's the good side and worth appreciating and maintaining if at all possible. Do the best you can to do that.

    It's also true that the country is littered with couples where one or the other tries to change the other's behaviour. This pressure sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. The only reliable way a person can change is when they want change and invest in it themselves, so I'd say that's where this lies.

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 3,614 ✭✭✭ spaceHopper

    You've know him a year or so and he's a solo drinking promises to change, let down. Was he drinking like this before he met you. If he was in his 20's I'd day he'll probably change - aka grow up. But he's in his 30's and probably this is how he is - he's not going to chance and you nagging him isn't going to make a difference. 

    I'm sure he's very charming, but that's as far as I'd go. By all means give him a chance but don't waste to much time on him. In a blink of an eye 5 years will have gone by and he won't have changed. For now setup a spare room and if he's snoring wakes you, kick him out. As for puking and pissing, that's not good I've only ever one puked like that and it was very exceptional and I was 21. 

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 1,872 ✭✭✭ JoChervil

    Alcoholics very often are very nice when sober. They know they messed up big time and try to compensate. If he didn't have to compensate, would he be that nice? And no nice thing can compensate disrespect. It's simply a different "currency".

    It needs to change now

    No, YOU need to change. Your acceptance of unacceptable behaviour needs to change. And drop the nagging and start doing, what is needed. Nagging only annoys people. Only action brings results. You can't change others, you can only change yourself. Much more difficult, huh?

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 doitlikeadude

    Bang on the money. I hate those posts from women. 'The boy done well he made me dinner tonight' 'My BF is so great he put his clothes in the washing machine as by himself'

    Yes, they are grown adults who can actually do things for themselves and others

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,669 ✭✭✭ Tork

    While I take your point, there's a bit more to this particular Personal Issue. When our OP was with her ex, she posted here a few times about the unhealthy relationship she was in. One of the things her ex did was to weaponise the cooking of food. She explained that she was working long hours (Covid was raging at the time) and would come home exhausted after work. Her ex would've by now prepared and eaten his own dinner but not left a morsel for her to heat up in her own time. Instead, he told her that she would have to cook her own dinner because he wasn't going to. So I can understand why this new guy doing something very mundane and ordinary is a big deal to her.