Importance of physical attraction

Gael23

Been chatting to a guy on Tinder on and off the last while, potentially too long to turn ot into something.

One if the reasons is I don’t think he’s all that attractive but I still have feelings for him, I get a vibe that he’s a nice guy Does that make sense?

My question is when you are not attr@cited to someone can it still work out?

wandererz

No. Don't even think about it.

There will always be doubts in your head and the next attractive person you feel you have "feelings" for, you are going to move on.

Stay friends.

dogbert27

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058278114/importance-of-physical-attraction

The answer to your question is no.

It's bad enough being friend zoned in real life but being friend zoned on Tinder?! 🙈

I thought the whole point of the app was to eliminate that?! 😄

Dial Hard

And this is why it's always better to meet with someone sooner rather than later, so these phantom "feelings" don't develop. Although why you'd even match with, let alone meet someone you don't find attractive is beyond me.

Tbh, OP, I think you might benefit from giving dating a break. You've had how many threads in here in the past year, all following the same pattern. Maybe it might be no harm to focus on yourself and being happy single for a while.

YellowLead

I think you need to be honest with him, you’ve kind of been leading him on.

I have little sympathy for him, being daft enough to chat for god knows how how long without meeting - but still.

In his head this isn’t a friend thing but a potential relationship. But if you don’t fancy him you need to come clean.

As somebody else said - meet after a brief chat so this problem doesn’t happen. I often find men more attractive in real life than I do their photos - but in some cases I know straight off that I won’t fancy them and the second scenario seems to be the case for you here.

Airyfairy12

If you have feelings for him its likely that attraction will grow naturally between you.

The only way to find out is by meeting, but try to manage your own and his expectations as far as you can. Maybe ye will click, maybe ye will be bored, or maybe one of you might find oneself more enthused than the other at the end of the day.

Akrasia

It all depends on where you are in life.

When you have lots of options open to you and you're not 'tied down' by committments like children, pets or property, you're possibly going to be on the look out for a 'better' partner.

When you're committed, you should accept your partner 'letting themselves go' a little bit. Especially if there are reasons why that partner had to change their 'regime' to fit in with the couples lifestyle

Also, as people get older, regardless of what they do health-wise, their bodies will change and mature, so if you want any kind of long term relationship, you can't base it entirely on physical attributes that first made them attractive to you (well you can, but you're playing the lottery)

If you end up having children with your partner, both of you will change physically...

Physical attraction brings couples together.

Emotional support, love and mutual respect keeps families together. (and you can absolutely still be turned on by your partner as you age together. sex is still important)

Idle Passerby

How do you know you aren't attracted to him if you've never met in person? I'm guessing he isn't a total cave troll if you swiped right to begin with. Yeah, You need to fancy the person your with but if your ruling out a nice guy you enjoy talking to because he has an uninspiring profile picture, I'd say you were being pretty shallow. Why did you bother starting the contact if you'd already dismissed him based on his looks?

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120077031#Comment_120077031

If you end up having children with your partner, both of you will change physically...

If Gael23 was to have children with his partner one of them would certainly have to change pretty dramatically...

Romance can certainly blossom between two people who were platonic friends to start with but I don't think you can force it by dating etc. Maybe look to develop a real-world, casual friendship with this guy and hope something develops organically...

FintanMcluskey

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120077031#Comment_120077031

Emotional support, love and mutual respect keeps families together.

In the movies it does!

Life and circumstance keeps the plebs together, despite the unhappiness

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058278114/importance-of-physical-attraction

I think it would be worth meeting him unless there's an absolute dealbreaker involved for you lookswise. Sometimes when you really click with someone, that can make them more physically attractive to you in person. But that doesn't really translate via photos.

I don't think it would be a waste of time given that you've already invested time in getting to know him.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120063332#Comment_120063332

I wouldn't do this, don't tell the poor lad you don't fancy him before the date! You may well find yourself attracted to him in person, so don't put that out there until you're sure. God imagine him getting ready for a date with someone who's said they're not attracted to him. Don't do that. If you end up liking him you'll have already given him an insecurity for no reason.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120077274#Comment_120077274

Ah I thought OP wasn’t going to go on the date and I thought it better she tell him she sees him as a friend if she’s sure she doesn’t fancy him at all, than continue on this road of chatting where he might have his hopes up and be invested.

I’ve heard it said that childless couples are among the happiest and seem to remain in love life long. No competition or distractions. Of course that depends on both parties either not wanting children in the first place or being reconciled with the fact that they are not going to have children. I’ve seen people get together in their 40s - 70s and be absolutely passionately in love for the long run.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120077655#Comment_120077655

OP is male, just fyi.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120077655#Comment_120077655

Ahh ok, I'd agree with this!

Don't go near anybody for any sort of "romantic" relationship unless you fancy them. Play the tape forward: imagine being in a marriage where the other person didn't fancy you, wouldn't touch you or show any sort of physical affection. You are creating a Hell for your life. You will ultimately perish, after years of withering. It will take your sanity, your heart, and your soul in the most real ways. It is the silent ultimate destruction which permeates so many long-term relationships "for the kids's sake" and the like. And to top it off, the law ensures you will be punished (if you're a certain gender) if you decide to leave it.

Be honest now, walk, and save yourself pain in the future. It is not personal in the slightest. Be true to yourself and your needs first, and everything else follows. You have only one life.