Depression and break up

PD2019

Hi,

I recently ended a 4.5 year relationship with an amazing girl for the reason that I was unhappy. Why I was unhappy? After a great deal of thinking and sleepless nights, I came to conclude that everything was all a bit repetitive and that we had less to talk about and needed more commonalities for the relationship to go any further. But I've been doing a lot of thinking since the break up and I came to the realisation that I haven't been happy for a very long time. For well over a year now, I take no satisfaction from my job, have no enthusiasm to do anything really, lost interest in the stuff that used to interest me and generally feel like anything I do, I do poorly leading to low self esteem and just feeling worthless. Which all seem to point to clinical depression. I made an appointment with my GP. I wish I was more conscious of the above and made an appointment to see my GP prior to breaking up with my ex. I'm of course questioning if it was the right decision or if my depression was the cause as the relationship was a healthy one. We got on very well & never argued. I guess its a decision I will simply have to live with :( Just wondering if anyone else out there found themselves in the same situation?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058277324/depression-and-break-up

Does she want to get back with you?

TheadoreT

Staying with someone you're lukewarm about is never a good choice no matter how good friends you are. If the magic isn't there it'll affect all aspects of your life. So that was a good decision but will obviously take a while to get over.

If you're too comfortable in your current role you should try push for a promotion or change jobs or upskill to align with a passion of yours.

Happiness involves fairly constant struggle. Be it fitness wise, pushing out of comfort zone in career, being brave in relationships ect. It never stops if you want true contentedness and the more you settle for the handy option the further you'll be from masculine core.

Are 5+ year relationships meant to maintain that honeymoon period forever?

I think at that stage you're looking at whether the person is a potential partner/parent to your children. It's more about relationship stability and their reliability.

It depends on what you want but I consider it unrealistic that the early days feelings will last forever

dublin49

yeah tough one ,hen or egg.I suppose get yourself right and hopefully you have time to save relationship if you then want to,I see happiness mentioned above,for me life is more about finding your own coping mechanisms to keep yourself energised,exercise works for me .

Larbre34

At this point, it does not matter if your feelings due to your illness were the cause of you breaking up the relationship.

The reason it doesn't matter, is because that ship has sailed. I think its very likely that in the circumstances, your former girlfriend will not want to get back with you at all.

That being the case, you should spare her bringing it up and begin working on sparing yourself the agony over what happened, or about holding on to any hopes of rekindling it.

Treatment for depression, at any severity, is a balance of medical supervision and counselling /therapy. I know this because it's the only thing that ever worked for me.

Counselling will assist you in not turning negative feelings into damaging behaviours, most importantly against yourself.

You do have to live with the decision, but there is help out there to diminish its leftover impact and to make you happier with your choices and decisions in future. You deserve to be happy and content, please don't wait to seek out that support.