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Burning out - should I tell manager?

  • 06-12-2022 1:30pm
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭ Esho

    I work for s great company, and going into the critical phase of projects.

    My wife's cancer is back and we don't know how long she has til the treatment kicks in.

    I've had a knock to my energy levels since I got my COVID booster and am beyond exhausted.

    Im limping towards Xmas and sleeping on my breaks.

    My manager wants to know why I want more leave over Xmas.

    Any advice on what I should say?


  • Registered Users Posts: 774 ✭✭✭ Breezy_

    Doesn't sound like a great company or job. Only crap of either or both will burn you out.

  • Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭ Esho

    Thanks for that. I don't want to go down that road as I'm afraid it will follow me.

    Ill do it if i have to.

  • Registered Users Posts: 174 ✭✭ headtheball14

    Does your employer have some sort of employee assistance program or your health insurance. They might be worth discussing options with. I probably would talk to your manager too rather than just calling in sick they can try to put something in place. I would say don't try to just push through. You have limited energy and burn out is so hard to come back from try to head it off before it becomes insurmountable

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,110 ✭✭✭ Augme

    What's your end hame here? Do you want them to know about your wife? How much leave do you want?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 774 ✭✭✭ Breezy_

    Use a different GP. Call it stress. Tell work bout your wife and say bye bye when giving them the cert till after xmas. And join siptu, makes the WRC route much easier if you end up there.

    Remember you are but a number in this mighty company. With it's critical phase of projects. Christ that's some line to be spouting along with burnout in the one sentence. I'm actually curious about alot here but.....

    Listen to this guy.

  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 8,342 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Jim2007

    You won’t be much good to anyone including your wife if you end up with a complete burn out, will you?

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,578 ✭✭✭ spaceHopper

    I used to go to bed exhausted, then wake up worse. Blood tests showed why. Go to the effing GP

  • Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭ Esho

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  • Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭ Esho

    You are absolutely right. Thanks for the common sense.

  • Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭ Esho

    That's what I'm worried about. What fallout could there be that would end it up in the wrc? Have you ever heard of any similar cases by any chance?

    Great advice on joining SIPTU, thanks. For peace of mind if it all gets messy somehow.

    What are you curious about?

    That guy is brilliant! Lol thanks. I'm hard wired to be the opposite, but it's not working for me

  • Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭ Esho

    Thanks all, i didn't realise how stressed I am til I see your replies in black and white.

    My manager also asked what cover I would have in place for my leave. This really annoyed me, as there is no-one. Is it normal to be asked to arrange your own cover ?

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,487 ✭✭✭ dmigsy

    Arranging your own cover? No, that's your managers job to sort out. You're right to be annoyed with that question. Ask them who they you want to handover your work to.

    No job is worth burnout. Look after yourself and your wife.

  • Registered Users Posts: 77,692 ✭✭✭✭ Victor

    I would tell your boss about your wife's situation. Suggest that you retain certain tasks, but that others be taken on by someone else. Depending on the circumstances at work, it will depend on whether you keep the critical parts of projects or not.

    Is it your place to invite your boss for an early lunch to do this?

    You could ask your GP / your wife's consultant if there is a counsellor that you could speak to.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,709 ✭✭✭ Andrea B.

    Off site, write down time and detail of each conversation.

    Best practice, but in light of that statement from your manager, even more so.

    Go to doc and mind yourself.

    Being off on stress leave is not an occurrence that follows (in most job types) CV, history or references.

  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 8,342 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Jim2007

    Your consultations with the doctor are private and he certainly will not disclose them to anyone without your permission. Any medical certificate they issue will not contain details of your condition. And even if the company were to ask you to attend their company doctor, he will not disclose details of your condition either he will just confirm to the company your GPs certification.

    And the other thing is that if you don't seek treatment and do suffer a complete burn out then you'll have to go through the same process in any case.

  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 8,342 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Jim2007

    I'd say it very much depends on your level in the organisation, the type of work you do and the management style. For instance in a grid management environment your line manager might not understand the work you do and would no have a clue as to who or how cover could be arranged, so it would be reasonable to expect you'd have to give some kind of input on how cover can be arranged. On the other hand if you are one of a team where everyone is doing similar tasks and the manager is responsible for scheduling, you should not have to give any input. But regardless, telling Joe or Mary that they have to cover for you is the managers job, not yours.

  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 8,342 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Jim2007

    Well we don't actually know what kind of leave was requested... holidays, leave without pay etc....

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  • Registered Users Posts: 774 ✭✭✭ Breezy_

    Theres 2 apps. Hopefully you don't need them but start recording everything. Perfectly legal to use both in these circumstances. And write down dates, times and details of other stuff you don't catch with these. just incase they get sly.

    Maybe you do, as you said "work for a great company" but posts that followed suggest otherwise. Sounds like the higher up folk like to put stress in a box and play musical chairs. You'll soon find out.

    It's a couple of days now. You should be halfway out the door at this stage? Yes? Only victors and Jims posts above should still have you there and your level of good will but out the door by friday at the latest.

    Then check this out^^

    Come back here if they get sly.

  • Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭ Esho

    Thanks very much Breezy.

    Yes , stress in a box is good way of putting it.

    Thanks - going to GP tomorrow :-)

    I really appreciate all your time and great advice.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭ allybhoy

    Agree with the posters above, focus on your wife and family. But one thing is, I dont think you should be falling asleep on your break regardless of how much pressure your under at work and I would tell this to you your doctor tomorrow. Get them to test your testosterone levels (its a blood sample) as you may have a deficiency, if you do its a simple fix and could do wonders for your energy levels.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I am so sorry for your situation. I think you need to be up front with your employer about what is going on, they have a duty of care to support you. Honesty is the best policy.

    Would you consider making an application for carer's Leave from your job? The minimum is 13 weeks, but you could ask your job to accommodate a shorter break if you preferred. It would give you some breathing space for yourself, and time to look after yourself and your wife. Its possible as well to keep working up to 18 hours a week while receiving carer's benefit. It would relieve the stress of worrying about your job, at least as you would have protection. I can't post links but look up Carer's Leave and Carer's Benefit on google. Best of luck.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,525 ✭✭✭✭ fits

    It’s carers benefit that isn’t means tested. Definitely worth looking into n

  • Registered Users Posts: 31 noahungry

    I am so happy to hear this. I read the thread before but didn't have much to add since you already got some great advice, but now I have to say - thank you for the update. Have a lovely Christmas with your family and many more to come!