My Boyfriend (34) Left Me (33) For a Younger Woman After Nearly 5 Years Together. I am Heartbroken.

Ciara_G

I am finding it difficult coming to terms with being a single woman over 30 and I don't want to be eternally single like so many of my friends over 30. My boyfriend and I had a great relationship. He left me a note saying that I spent our relationship trying to change him and the way he feels. 

I love and miss him so much and he is a highly educated man from a very respectable family in a high socioeconomic position. I can't stop him but my heart is broken over him going with another woman seven years younger his age. I just really want him back.

He walked out the door and left, didn’t really say a word to me. He still won’t talk to me and respond to my messages. He’s unfriended but I don’t think he uses it anymore so I can’t find anything out as to why he just left me. He blocked my entire family & all my friends too. I messaged him, begged again like I always did. It has been 1 month since that happened, and I'm still hurt & can’t forget him and I find it difficult to come to terms with this. I really saw a future with him and we both hoped to begin starting a family. 

I guess i was used in his process. I realise now, I was always temporary.

Larbre34

There is very clearly no going back, he has made his decision and his reasons very clear, whether you agree with his logic, or not.

I would suggest some counselling for yourself to assist in this very difficult time for you personally, to help you move on also and to have the contented life you deserve.

If its any consolation, my now wife and I met when we were over 35, had children, married and set up home together and are really very happy 16 years later.

Take care of yourself.

YellowLead

He left you a note - he didn’t break up in person? That’s awful and a huge shock for you - no wonder you are feeling broken.

There were a few things you mentioned however that cause slight alarm bells to ring. Why tell us he was from a ‘high socioeconomic position’ - did you love him or the life he could provide for you?

Your first line is your difficulty coming to terms with being a single woman over thirty. Was that really a great relationship - or is your distress more the fact that you are single and over 30? You are only 33, that is still young enough not to be at panic stations yet!

You say you messaged him and begged him like you always did - had he broken up with you many times before? Was this really out of the blue?

As another poster mentioned, maybe talk to a counsellor to get some perspective and some coping strategies and look after yourself.

i124Q

YellowLead has a point above. There is a lot of history you guys have together over the past 5 years that we don't know. We don't know if he was a prick, or if you were the prick 🤔 2 sides and all that. Sorry you're hurt though. Maybe you deserved more than a note? Who knows.

Get yourself onto Tinder, the only way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else 😉

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058274601/my-boyfriend-34-left-me-33-for-a-younger-woman-after-nearly-5-years-together-i-am-heartbroken

He left me a note saying that I spent our relationship trying to change him and the way he feels. 

Men who dump their wives/partners for a younger model always have some sceal like this to justify their actions, when the vast majority just want 'fresh meat'. I wouldn't pay it any mind unless you have good reason to believe there's some truth in it. It's not you it's him.

littlevillage

Look on the bright side. Better to break up with this lad now, than 10 years time when ye are married, family etc.

Also think of the song "Alice" by the band Smokie.

Soo Smokie is obsessed by Alice, and he's depressed because she's leaving.... but meanwhile Sally is obsessed with Smokie and he doesn't even realize it.

Just maybe there's some other bucko knocking about out there that you have ignored and will be more than happy to fill You're that void. 😏

https://youtu.be/-XxGf4KAWPs

Goodigal

Agree with Yellowlead, his upbringing or status, or the age of this other person really have nothing to do with the break up. It sounds like it's definitely over, for several reasons according to him, and there's no going back. Don't make a fool of yourself begging to get him back. It's done. And it doesn't sound like it's the first time it's happened. Let him go!

As another poster mentioned, it's time to work on you, and seek out a counsellor to help you through this. Consider the future as a new opportunity for adventures and in time, another relationship. But first, it's ok to grieve this one and take time to get over it. Try to stop thinking about what you could have done in the past and look ahead. I know it hurts right now, but you're only young, you've plenty of time on your side. Good luck moving forward.

Airyfairy12

I just noticed a couple of unhelpful comments in your post.

Firstly you come across as if you judge and look down upon your single friends who are over 30, this mindset is awful and will only lead to you turning that judgment onto yourself which will worsen your emotional state. I think that finding your person and ending up in a secure relationship is always a recipe of chance and circumstance like being in right place at the right time or meeting through a friend.

Being single at any age is no reflection either good or bad on the person. There are some truly awful, mean people in long term relationships, likewise, there are earth angels with everything going for them that are eternally single. Being in a relationship says nothing about a person!

Secondly, you mention his high level of education, his socioeconomic class, his respectable family, I know that all of these things look good on paper but again, they say nothing about the person! These descriptions could be used for Donald trump and Ghislaine Maxwell, does that make them good relationship material or people you would want to spend your time with?

It just comes across to me like you are very concerned with what other people will think of you & how your image looks to your friends, colleagues, family and neighbours. You cant go through life taking your self esteem and self worth from other peoples opinions because sh!t happens, things go wrong and people leave, equally, you shouldnt judge other people based off of superficial things like socio economic classes and who theyre married to. If you do, youll attract equally superficial people who drop you in a split second for someone else who looks better on paper.

I think you really need to work on yourself and learn about whats really important in life. Do you want someone who you love for who they are and who loves you the same or do you want to impress people who really dont give a f**k about you or your life, just so you can feel like youre doing better than other people? Because that sounds like a sure way to end up alone.

I truly feel that if people or things aren't right for you, if you don't get rid of them they will eventually rid themselves from your life one way or another. I don't get the impression that he has any intention of getting back together with you. It's hard now but I think breakups can be bittersweet, they push you out of your comfort zone, they force you to face yourself and totally focus on yourself and your healing, there is so much learning from this and its a painful journey, you wont be the same person at the end of it but it'll be worth it.

Maybe now is a good time to make a new plan for your future.

Breezy_

That is a messed up post Ciara.

Reminds me of - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098837/

"high socioeconomic position" this was doomed long ago. You have time I guess but I suspect you'll waste it.

I was a tad older than you and betrayed by a woman after 5 years...tried the online dating and met 2 women....One did a runner when she seen my car, the other did a runner when she found out my job....and then I took a loooooong still ongoing hiatus from the opposite sex.

A few years have passed and guess what, I still see the pair of them on dating sites.

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Tork

If all of this happened, I don't blame your ex for blocking you all. You sound very difficult to break up with.

Irish_rat

First things first, sorry for your breakup, it's one of the most awful things to go through. I was in a relationship for 5 years and I made a decision to end it but we spoke about it in person and it was incredibly hard for both sides even my side. It was taken as serious as it should be. 5 years is incredibly long.

The way your partner ended the relationship is really unforgiveable and gives a big indication of the type of person he is.

You will need a lot of time to reflect and concentrate on yourself for a while. I would advise not to go on any dating apps etc for a long time until things heal.

Now just to bring something up:

he is a highly educated man from a very respectable family in a high socioeconomic position

I don't agree at all with this mindset. For example I was with a teacher before who was a headcase and like the drink too much. Now I'm with a women from what you would label a low socioeconomic position but loves life and is a caring and thoughtful person.

A lot of people in this country judge others on job position and status which is worthless in my opinion. In my industry the higher educated you get the more difficult people you encounter.

farmingquestion

You're only 33. The whole "left for a younger woman" is more like when a 40 year old leaves for a 25 year old.

You're still young.

Jarhead_Tendler

Not sure why you would want him back. He has no respect for you and he sounds like a **** person. Find somebody that will treat you with respect. 5 years together he not only leaves you but cant be arsed to tell you. He is a coward. I hope you find happiness