If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on [email protected] for help. Thanks :)
Hello All, This is just a friendly reminder to read the Forum Charter where you wish to post before posting in it. :)
Hi all, The AutoSave Draft feature is now disabled across the site. The decision to disable the feature was made via a poll last year. The delay in putting it in place was due to a bug/update issue. This should serve as a reminder to manually save your drafts if you wish to keep them. Thanks, The Boards Team.
Hello all! This is just a quick reminder to ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere.

Unemployed guy, should I date?

  • 24-11-2022 7:30pm
    Registered Users Posts: 27 carlandlenny

    Hi, I posted here as I wanted a ladies perspective. I know there is a relationship forum too, but since I'm not in one...

    So, guy in 50's been out of the dating game over 10 years and single for 2. Signed up on the dating apps at the start of the year, no luck on them thus far.

    Had to recently close down my business so am on the dole now. Prospects look poor as getting no response to my job applications.

    I had deleted 2 of the 3 dating apps I was/am on except POF as it seems you have to go to the site, been a bit lazy to do that.

    Been getting a few "likes" which I just ignored but got one the other day that if I was still working I'd be writing to in a flash, attractive, put an effort into her profile, seems very interesting person.

    Based on what she listed in the work field I'd guess she is on 40-60k

    I understand everyone is different, but am I right to be very reluctant to write to her, or anyone in general?


  • Registered Users Posts: 257 ✭✭ Goodigal

    Why are you letting your current employment status stop you from reaching out and initiating a chat with someone? Do you think at this age of life, someone's earning capacity is the most important thing in a relationship? We have all been around the block!!

    You said it yourself - she looks like an interesting person. Why not try find out?!

  • Registered Users Posts: 256 ✭✭ BingCrosbee

    Nice people don’t judge. Best of luck to you also in the work place. I’m 64 and started a new job at 61 in an area I knew nothing about. If you had your own business you must have good get up and go.

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,999 ✭✭✭✭ Dial Hard

    I can only give you my experience from the opposite (female) perspective, but when I went through a period of unemployment a few years back I took myself off the dating apps. I just felt that I was in a position where I didn't have a whole lot to offer at the time and I certainly didn't want to put myself in a position where I had to turn down dates, activities or whatever because I didn't have the money.

    I don't think it's a judgement thing, or anything to do with being "nice", tbh. The fact of the matter is simply that I like to do things with a partner, and pay my own way when I do them and I wasn't in a position to do that while I wasn't working. And I couldn't think of anything worse than trying to navigate dating and (potentially) the early days of a new relationship while I was in that position.

    Obviously everyone is different, though, and your mileage may vary.

  • Registered Users Posts: 13,131 ✭✭✭✭ recode the site

    Make contact with her, absolutely nothing to lose.

    Do one thing every day that scares you

  • Registered Users Posts: 27 carlandlenny

    Thanks for all the replies so far.

    The above is exactly how I feel, especially as a guy, I know it's 2022, but I think there is still expectations that a guy earns more and pays for dates more often than not. I know that's getting ahead of myself but it's on my mind.

    LOL at your username, was Die Hard taken :)

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 3,448 ✭✭✭ YellowLead

    I think as long as you have a history of working, display a willingness to find work and show prospects of that actually happening - you will be fine.

    If somebody asks what you do you can just say you are changing careers and decided to move away from being self employed and maybe say what area you intend to work in.

    If I’m totally honest personally I would find it a bit off putting, but if I liked a guy one every other level and he previously had an income I’d still give him a shot.

    Also you can date other people with low incomes / unemployed don’t forget.

    I wouldn’t expect a guy to earn more than me, but I would prefer if he earned the same or close enough to it so we could share expenses and afford the same types of holidays / eating out etc. simply because it’s easier that way.

    Finally - I don’t know your history or wants but given your age you might be less likely to end up dating women in their early 30s who want kids and are expecting the man to earn more so they can comfortably give up working for a few years when baby is small.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,089 ✭✭✭ snowcat

    So basically you might date a guy if he earned less than you but you propably would not because he could not afford the five star restaurant bills..The mind boggles

    I earn not far off 500k and my wife earns about 150k but she works and has a great job and we have separate accounts and never questioned each others accounts for 10 years.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,448 ✭✭✭ YellowLead

    5 star???? That’s not what I mean at all. I enjoy eating out and like to do that with somebody I am dating - doesn’t have to be often or Michelin star. I like to go for weekends away. Clearly if I was dating somebody and they suddenly lost their job I wouldn’t end things over it, but I would expect them to put effort into finding a new job. OP has said that is his intention so I think as long as he makes that clear he will be fine.

    Also I said earning less was okay. Just as long as it’s close enough to what I do.