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Sick of stupid men.

  • 20-11-2022 3:04am
    Posts: 0

    Men just want fantasy relationships...most of them (I've met) haven't a clue about real relationships. They just try to mould you into whatever their sexual fantasy is and hope for the best...but they have no real clue what a real relationship entails...the **** days, the non sexy days etc.

    Basically I've found with guys I've met that they just have an idea of who you are and they think when they meet you 'oh you've ticked this and that box' now I can mould you into what I'm into.

    And's not a case of I'm just meeting the wrong guys...I genuinely think this is the way guys feel and behave towards women and I'm sick of it. So if I'm into anything they start calling it 'quirky' and 'weird' like tv shows and music?? Like how is that weird?? Like talking about good music and good tv shows???wtf

    Post edited by HildaOgdenx on



  • Registered Users Posts: 32,821 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock

    Nah, men want the fantasy nights. It's something they need to get out of their system before they can focus on relationships. It's selfish, but there you go. There are plenty of men out there in relationships that are very mutually benefecial and in fully functioning families. If it was all fantasy, they wouldn't exist.

    That said, the focus needs to be on what do YOU want? And how do you communicate that?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    I also want The Fantasy...and I understand that (but where does MY fantasy fit in?) at the beginning and going on...but most of the time they're living in fantasy expecting it to continue like they've no real perspective...

    Like they think you're going to be getting up at 7am cooking them a fry in full makeup...that's just an example (tbf I am actually 'weird'/uncomfortable with cooking or making anything for anyone because of my previous relationship where they put down anything I made for many years)...but that's not the I've cooked for family and they all love my cooking but I was told for a very long time that it wasn't great very average etc but some of my family absolutely love my cooking so I don't pay attention to that anymore...

    I think there's alot of things going on for me just rereading that above lol :/ and I don't think I'm ready to meet anyone myself!! But I stand by what I'm saying that I don't think I'll evereet anyone and fall in love because it's just too difficult nowadays and you can't really be vulnerable with anyone and guys imo are living in a fantasy land that I can't live up too.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,338 ✭✭✭NSAman

    Janey, it’s not always about you!

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    It might sound like that nsaman while I'm eh..hate the phrase...reaching out and through my written words..but tbh when I'm in a relationship it is never about me and my wants and my needs and that is truly the problem so perhaps I'm expressing them here and you're confusing that with how I actually am in relationships.

    This is about me btw.

  • Registered Users Posts: 32,821 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock

    It's about both of you. If the wants to be spoilt then he has to be willing to spoil you too.

    I'm inclined to ask: where do you actually meet these guys? Because there's a couple of things you've said that have raised my eyebrows:

    "And's not a case of I'm just meeting the wrong guys" and "Like they think you're going to be getting up at 7am cooking them a fry in full makeup"

    I don't think I've ever met a guy that's expected that to be honest and it sounds extremely outdated and conservative. Both of them and you. So, I'm pretty sure you ARE just meeting the wrong guys.

    But if you don't think so, then it leads me back to my question: where are you meeting guys that want to be waited on hand and foot?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,709 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump

    Perhaps you could reconsider the type of men that you yourself are choosing in the first place.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭oceanman

    you are just meeting the wrong guys i think. dont get me wrong i like my fry up brought to me in the morning but the make up would be optional.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,118 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby

    What age are you? I'm in my 40s and never experienced this in my dating years. I'm wondering if it's a tinder/too much porn thing.

  • Posts: 2,078 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]

    It does seem things have gone backwards instead of forwards in the last 40 years. The whole dating world is set up to treat people as objects. OP making a big assumption here I'd suggest you try to meet men offline. At least then you can see what they are like in their interactions with other people first.

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,709 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump

    I'd use "choosing" rather than "meeting". The OP is likely meeting and interacting with all types of people.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,953 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    Sorry OP, but this is probably more about you than the guys you are deciding to meet.

    I certainly mould partners, but I can assure you that this doesn’t work with everyone. You can usually tell very early on whether someone is susceptible to this or not. If several men have tried this on you you are probably giving off strong indications.

    Some things in your posts (like the ridiculous breakfast request) sound like boundaries are being tested. Up to you it you facilitate this.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    I would not be bringing breakfast to anyone at this stage. I just don't feel that I want to do nice things like that for anyone anymore.

    Anyway no that was an exaggerated example. It's hard to explain without giving exact examples. Like things guys said to me in previous relationships (along with a number of things) like when id have genuine concerns and raise them with guys 'Dont talk back to me' said in an over the top condescending voice or another 'thats not you' as if they just want you to be this happy go lucky person who never says anything....even in times where I was clearly right in what I was saying.

    Its just a mixture of little things and then the odd red flag and I see it all the time. Then I make excuses for it or let it go even though it annoys me deep down and eventually turns me off the guy.

  • Registered Users Posts: 75 ✭✭b v

    What an utterly misandrist post.

    Reverse the genders and imagine a man posting “sick of stupid women” you’d have posters coming down like a ton of bricks to call out the OP, call him an incel, and he’d be banned before the 10th reply.

    Sigh, I guess it’s only one form of sexism that gets moderated in 2022.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    That's just my experience with guys b v. I suppose I could get told off here and berated for the day as what a misandrist I am and still keep meeting the same guys and not get to the root of my issue.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,307 ✭✭✭jackboy

    It’s pretty obvious really. You like dirtbags and keep choosing them. This will never change unless you change the type of men you go for. You might consider this settling but it’s either that or continue as you are going.

  • Registered Users Posts: 75 ✭✭b v

    What’s your rough age group? You don’t sound very mature.

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,369 ✭✭✭YellowLead

    It’s all down to the type of men you are choosing OP. You need to have a much better filter going forward. The men I date are kind of the opposite - they go out of their way to make ME breakfast and typically prefer the no make up look.

    If somebody ever said ‘don’t talk back to me’ I’d be out of there like a shot - that’s not men these days, that’s asshole men and there are asshole women too.

  • Registered Users Posts: 13,980 ✭✭✭✭StringerBell

    Men just want fantasy relationships?.....okay, but it's definitely nothing to do with your decision making in choosing prospective men. Give your head a wobble Jane

    "People say ‘go with the flow’ but do you know what goes with the flow? Dead fish."

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,998 ✭✭✭...Ghost...

    Yeah, I don't think this is a men problem, it's a you problem.

    Here's some solid advice; start how you mean to go on.

    Here's some more; look up the definition of insanity.

    Free Palestine from Hamas

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    The 'dont talk back to me' was years into the relationship. It wasn't actually 'dont talk back to me' it was 'dont question me'. It sounded bizarre to me when they said it..out of line with what I thought their character was.

    Anyway can't really explain it. Just have to figure it out myself I think. Im not a misandrist at all. If anything I've given some guys too much credit.

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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Its a bit of both I think.

    I'm not taking fault for things that were clearly wrong done or said to me in the past but I guess I can learn from it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,369 ✭✭✭YellowLead

    How do you choose men, what characteristics do you go for? Is it all looks? Or do you go along and date anybody just because they act interested (despite red flags)?

    Generally you can spot those dick men from their dating profiles, and if it’s not obvious then, it is from the chats back and forth and you’d certainly pick it up on the first meeting - it’s super rare somebody would be able to hide that. Beware of men who drop sex into the conversation or over compliment before you’ve even met….

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    No I don't think I go for looks but I don't think that's any determining factor. I know a lot of very good looking guys who are just nice lads. And no I don't just date anybody.

    The guys who seem genuine are too reserved and I like playfulness. That's whats super rare, a guy that's a good partner, fun and genuine and not constantly trying to tell you who you are or what you like to suit them or what they want all the time. I suppose it's just difficult meeting the right fit for anyone. I want a guy to lead but to know when not too and I want to be proud of him.

    I actually think now I wasn't meant for a relationship. I don't really see myself with anyone ever anyway. I think im too angry right now.

    The thread has been good for me to question myself and what I want if ever do meet anyone but at the moment I don't see myself like that.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,179 ✭✭✭bottlebrush

    You need to decide yourself what it is you want. Pay attention early on to patterns of behaviour that cause you to feel uneasy. Most of all, be careful what you tolerate as it teaches people how to treat you.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    I don't want to have to analyze someone, I just want to be in the moment but you're right, it's not like that. Thanks. It just makes me feel a bit sad that I have to be wary of all these things.

  • Registered Users Posts: 9,004 ✭✭✭Ficheall

    I still can't get over someone wanting a fry brought to them at 7:30am (nevermind wanting their partner to be all make-upped-up). What's the story there?

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,307 ✭✭✭jackboy

    So you don’t go for guys who seem genuine as they are too reserved. You are intentionally seeking out guys who don’t seem genuine.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,953 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    No disrespect OP, but you are all over the place and it must be impossible for anyone to gage how you want them to be. You sound like you can be hard to figure out and I am not surprised that there are communication issues.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    No that is not what I said. I have invested in guys who seemed genuine but they were too reserved to take it to any other level.

    I don't go in thinking that guys aren't genuine in general. I might just be having a chat and getting on with them. I'm not sitting there going 'oh he seems like a dick, this is going to be great '.

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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Clearly I'm well put together, know exactly what the problem is already jequOn and that's why I posted a personal issue I'm dealing with in here at 3 am.

    I don't want anyone trying to gage how I want them to be.

This discussion has been closed.