Sick of stupid men.

Men just want fantasy relationships...most of them (I've met) haven't a clue about real relationships. They just try to mould you into whatever their sexual fantasy is and hope for the best...but they have no real clue what a real relationship entails...the **** days, the non sexy days etc.

Basically I've found with guys I've met that they just have an idea of who you are and they think when they meet you 'oh you've ticked this and that box' now I can mould you into what I'm into.

And no..it's not a case of I'm just meeting the wrong guys...I genuinely think this is the way guys feel and behave towards women and I'm sick of it. So if I'm into anything they start calling it 'quirky' and 'weird' like tv shows and music?? Like how is that weird?? Like talking about good music and good tv shows???wtf

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058272512/sick-of-stupid-men

Nah, men want the fantasy nights. It's something they need to get out of their system before they can focus on relationships. It's selfish, but there you go. There are plenty of men out there in relationships that are very mutually benefecial and in fully functioning families. If it was all fantasy, they wouldn't exist.

That said, the focus needs to be on what do YOU want? And how do you communicate that?

I also want The Fantasy...and I understand that (but where does MY fantasy fit in?) at the beginning and going on...but most of the time they're living in fantasy expecting it to continue like they've no real perspective...

Like they think you're going to be getting up at 7am cooking them a fry in full makeup...that's just an example (tbf I am actually 'weird'/uncomfortable with cooking or making anything for anyone because of my previous relationship where they put down anything I made for many years)...but that's not the point...like I've cooked for family and they all love my cooking but I was told for a very long time that it wasn't great very average etc but some of my family absolutely love my cooking so I don't pay attention to that anymore...

I think there's alot of things going on for me just rereading that above lol :/ and I don't think I'm ready to meet anyone myself!! But I stand by what I'm saying that I don't think I'll evereet anyone and fall in love because it's just too difficult nowadays and you can't really be vulnerable with anyone and guys imo are living in a fantasy land that I can't live up too.

NSAman

Janey, it’s not always about you!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896163#Comment_119896163

It might sound like that nsaman while I'm eh..hate the phrase...reaching out and through my written words..but tbh when I'm in a relationship it is never about me and my wants and my needs and that is truly the problem so perhaps I'm expressing them here and you're confusing that with how I actually am in relationships.

This is about me btw.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896165#Comment_119896165

It's about both of you. If the wants to be spoilt then he has to be willing to spoil you too.

I'm inclined to ask: where do you actually meet these guys? Because there's a couple of things you've said that have raised my eyebrows:

"And no..it's not a case of I'm just meeting the wrong guys" and "Like they think you're going to be getting up at 7am cooking them a fry in full makeup"

I don't think I've ever met a guy that's expected that to be honest and it sounds extremely outdated and conservative. Both of them and you. So, I'm pretty sure you ARE just meeting the wrong guys.

But if you don't think so, then it leads me back to my question: where are you meeting guys that want to be waited on hand and foot?

Donald Trump

Perhaps you could reconsider the type of men that you yourself are choosing in the first place.

oceanman

you are just meeting the wrong guys i think. dont get me wrong i like my fry up brought to me in the morning but the make up would be optional.

Idle Passerby

What age are you? I'm in my 40s and never experienced this in my dating years. I'm wondering if it's a tinder/too much porn thing.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896229#Comment_119896229

It does seem things have gone backwards instead of forwards in the last 40 years. The whole dating world is set up to treat people as objects. OP making a big assumption here I'd suggest you try to meet men offline. At least then you can see what they are like in their interactions with other people first.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896207#Comment_119896207

I'd use "choosing" rather than "meeting". The OP is likely meeting and interacting with all types of people.

Jequ0n

Sorry OP, but this is probably more about you than the guys you are deciding to meet.

I certainly mould partners, but I can assure you that this doesn’t work with everyone. You can usually tell very early on whether someone is susceptible to this or not. If several men have tried this on you you are probably giving off strong indications.

Some things in your posts (like the ridiculous breakfast request) sound like boundaries are being tested. Up to you it you facilitate this.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896207#Comment_119896207

I would not be bringing breakfast to anyone at this stage. I just don't feel that I want to do nice things like that for anyone anymore.

Anyway no that was an exaggerated example. It's hard to explain without giving exact examples. Like things guys said to me in previous relationships (along with a number of things) like when id have genuine concerns and raise them with guys 'Dont talk back to me' said in an over the top condescending voice or another 'thats not you' as if they just want you to be this happy go lucky person who never says anything....even in times where I was clearly right in what I was saying.

Its just a mixture of little things and then the odd red flag and I see it all the time. Then I make excuses for it or let it go even though it annoys me deep down and eventually turns me off the guy.

b v

What an utterly misandrist post.

Reverse the genders and imagine a man posting “sick of stupid women” you’d have posters coming down like a ton of bricks to call out the OP, call him an incel, and he’d be banned before the 10th reply.

Sigh, I guess it’s only one form of sexism that gets moderated in 2022.

That's just my experience with guys b v. I suppose I could get told off here and berated for the day as what a misandrist I am and still keep meeting the same guys and not get to the root of my issue.

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896523#Comment_119896523

It’s pretty obvious really. You like dirtbags and keep choosing them. This will never change unless you change the type of men you go for. You might consider this settling but it’s either that or continue as you are going.

b v

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896523#Comment_119896523

What’s your rough age group? You don’t sound very mature.

YellowLead

It’s all down to the type of men you are choosing OP. You need to have a much better filter going forward. The men I date are kind of the opposite - they go out of their way to make ME breakfast and typically prefer the no make up look.

If somebody ever said ‘don’t talk back to me’ I’d be out of there like a shot - that’s not men these days, that’s asshole men and there are asshole women too.

StringerBell

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058272512/sick-of-stupid-men

Men just want fantasy relationships?.....okay, but it's definitely nothing to do with your decision making in choosing prospective men. Give your head a wobble Jane

...Ghost...

Yeah, I don't think this is a men problem, it's a you problem.

Here's some solid advice; start how you mean to go on.

Here's some more; look up the definition of insanity.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896582#Comment_119896582

The 'dont talk back to me' was years into the relationship. It wasn't actually 'dont talk back to me' it was 'dont question me'. It sounded bizarre to me when they said it..out of line with what I thought their character was.

Anyway can't really explain it. Just have to figure it out myself I think. Im not a misandrist at all. If anything I've given some guys too much credit.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896608#Comment_119896608

Its a bit of both I think.

I'm not taking fault for things that were clearly wrong done or said to me in the past but I guess I can learn from it.

YellowLead

How do you choose men, what characteristics do you go for? Is it all looks? Or do you go along and date anybody just because they act interested (despite red flags)?

Generally you can spot those dick men from their dating profiles, and if it’s not obvious then, it is from the chats back and forth and you’d certainly pick it up on the first meeting - it’s super rare somebody would be able to hide that. Beware of men who drop sex into the conversation or over compliment before you’ve even met….

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896712#Comment_119896712

No I don't think I go for looks but I don't think that's any determining factor. I know a lot of very good looking guys who are just nice lads. And no I don't just date anybody.

The guys who seem genuine are too reserved and I like playfulness. That's whats super rare, a guy that's a good partner, fun and genuine and not constantly trying to tell you who you are or what you like to suit them or what they want all the time. I suppose it's just difficult meeting the right fit for anyone. I want a guy to lead but to know when not too and I want to be proud of him.

I actually think now I wasn't meant for a relationship. I don't really see myself with anyone ever anyway. I think im too angry right now.

The thread has been good for me to question myself and what I want if ever do meet anyone but at the moment I don't see myself like that.

bottlebrush

You need to decide yourself what it is you want. Pay attention early on to patterns of behaviour that cause you to feel uneasy. Most of all, be careful what you tolerate as it teaches people how to treat you.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896819#Comment_119896819

I don't want to have to analyze someone, I just want to be in the moment but you're right, it's not like that. Thanks. It just makes me feel a bit sad that I have to be wary of all these things.

Ficheall

I still can't get over someone wanting a fry brought to them at 7:30am (nevermind wanting their partner to be all make-upped-up). What's the story there?

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896817#Comment_119896817

So you don’t go for guys who seem genuine as they are too reserved. You are intentionally seeking out guys who don’t seem genuine.

Jequ0n

No disrespect OP, but you are all over the place and it must be impossible for anyone to gage how you want them to be. You sound like you can be hard to figure out and I am not surprised that there are communication issues.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896906#Comment_119896906

No that is not what I said. I have invested in guys who seemed genuine but they were too reserved to take it to any other level.

I don't go in thinking that guys aren't genuine in general. I might just be having a chat and getting on with them. I'm not sitting there going 'oh he seems like a dick, this is going to be great '.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896913#Comment_119896913

Clearly I'm well put together, know exactly what the problem is already jequOn and that's why I posted a personal issue I'm dealing with in here at 3 am.

I don't want anyone trying to gage how I want them to be.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896949#Comment_119896949

I based this on your more recent update. I read it twice and wondered what/ who you want. Imagine how confusing it must be if you are dating someone and their expectations aren’t clear.

YellowLead

OP you say the genuine guys you invested in were too reserved to take things to another level - can you expand on that? What is the other level?

If you are dating a guy and he doesn’t want things to progress to actually being boyfriend/girlfriend and committing - it doesn’t mean he is too reserved, it means he’s just not that into you. And it’s fine - that’s what dating is all about - getting to know each other etc and it’s nobody’s fault if it’s not the right fit.

Or do you mean they were too shy to sleep with you?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896962#Comment_119896962

When I said I want someone to lead but to know when not to? That's just a little thing. You see it with couples all the time. That they go to each other for support and advice. Maybe what I really meant was I want someone I can trust.

Some of my responses might seem all over the place because I'm half responding/half talking to myself to figure myself out.

I really don't expect a lot to be honest.

Just not to speak to me like I'm a piece of **** would be nice at this stage.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119896972#Comment_119896972

Some maybe were just not into it but it's not really what I'm talking about.

No I don't mean too shy to sleep with me.

Men bad!

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

Regarding sexual experience (as a woman) I find most guys do ask what you might be into, they also try to negotiate you into what they are into, and may indeed make repeated attempts to see if they could persuade you into whatever fantasy act they would like you to partake in. That’s consensual; what isn’t acceptable to me is the very occasional one who try and play it by ear during intimacy, and it becomes something short of rape if they don’t seem to know their own strength.

YellowLead

What do you mean then? When you say the genuine ones are too reserved to take things further?

I don’t allow any repeat of a bad experience with someone.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119897027#Comment_119897027

You can close the thread now mods.

Thanks to anyone who posted advice.

HildaOgdenx

Mod Note - Thread closed at OP's request.