Dating 🤢

We never use to call it 'dating'. I hate it. It's awkward. You don't know if you'll like them. Noone can pick a place, time, day etc and the whole thing is a big mountain out of a molehill...

I tend to prefer a drink. Ill totally avoid those coffee interviews...I mean 'dates'..

A lot of the time I just drift off into my own thoughts...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1iA44rT6Uf4

con___manx1

Its Better to grab a coffee and go for a walk. Its much more relaxed then and feels less like an interview.

Pissy Missy

So have you been dating long OP? I haven't dated in years because I just don't have the interest of going on the conveyer belt one calls online dating. Though back in the day, I would have preferred to meet for a tea/coffee because at least I can drive away if it goes south.

No I actually do enjoy it...sometimes :D I always have a good time on dates...I don't go on that many. I always make the effort and chat away. Even if I don't think it's going anywhere, I wouldn't be rude or anything like that. I do go off on little thought tangents though. It's the organising and awkwardness at the start I hate.

I don't drink tea or coffee. I find it hard to relax/socialise without a drink. I like a first date to be a pub setting. It's just conditioned in me i suppose.

Count Dracula

Go for a meal.

Nothing beats the boner you generate when receiving a nice bit of footsie around coffee time.

What would you order?

I don't want them looking at me eating.

Dial Hard

Coffee is for meetings as far as I'm concerned, and I can't think of a worse first date than going for a walk.

A couple of casual drinks has always been my first date of choice. If you're not feeling it you can bail after one or two and if it's going great you can just stay out.

I definitely think online dating has become a lot more transactional than it used to be. It's the whole "infinite choice" fallacy thing that a lot of people seem to fall into - the illusion that if they just keep swiping, each person they match/chat with will be better than the last. Some people definitely get addicted to that aspect of it, imo. It gives them the same type of dopamine hit as Insta likes, Twitter interactions etc.

It can and does work, though. I met my boyfriend on Bumble in April. My best friend is engaged to and has a baby with a guy she met there years ago. But it can be a slog and I would say to anyone that as soon as it starts to impact your wellbeing or self-confidence, step away. Online dating is a bit weird in that it requires you to genuinely go into it with clear eyes and an open heart, but you also need to have your shields up to a degree. That's a bit of a paradox that not everyone can navigate, I've found.

Poor Uncle Tom

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119633419#Comment_119633419

Why not, they'll be watching you gobbling later!

Ew. Shut up. Seriously.

Anyone else get that thing where they do something for example they could act over familiar or do something like smile or act too happy and it just makes you sick and other times you're like "awh that's so cute" 😅🤷‍♀️

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119633344#Comment_119633344

I follow that strategy too. Grab the coffee and suggest a walk in the woods. I explain that I need to bring the shovel and big plastic bag in case we encounter any rubbish that needs cleaning.

corner of hells

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119636418#Comment_119636418

Is that in case either of you need to have a dump ?

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119636418#Comment_119636418

And if you go in the evening and she says its getting dark and she's scared, you can say "how do you think I feel... I've to walk home alone." 😁

Joking aside though, I would much prefer a coffee and a walk over a pub/restaurant. It just seems more relaxed and less like a job interview.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119637040#Comment_119637040

You've had job interviews in the pub? 🤔

Jafin

Coffee and a walk is my usual go to for a first date. Had a first date yesterday in fact, we grabbed a coffee and walked around for a bit before going to an arcade bar (we're both into gaming). If you have a shared interest/hobby that you've established before going on the date it's nice to throw that in too. First dates are often quite awkward anyway, regardless of what you do, so doing an activity you both like can help alleviate that.

Mongfinder General

I think the coffee “date” has become popular because it’s cheap. Typically it used to be pub or meal with the man paying most of the time. Sometimes 50/50. Very rarely would a woman pay full whack. Lads have wised up (a bit), particularly those who are better looking and have options. They now have access to thousands of people on apps - so they know that they now can move on quickly with a minimum of fuss and expense.

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119637091#Comment_119637091

No I mean you're just sitting in front of the person asking questions like you would in a job interview. I'd be more comfortable going for a walk outdoors assuming the weather is ok.

Thelonious Monk

Met current GF through going for a couple of walks, was during the pandemic, it was grand, then on 3rd she sort of invited herself over to mine and had a few drinks. I had a great time app dating, but I can talk to anyone really and keep a conversation going, that's key really. All of the people I used to end up meeting with tended to be pretty sound so it was a few drinks out and a bit of craic most of the time at least. Part of me misses it really.

Floppybits

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119636729#Comment_119636729

Brings a new meaning to hump and dump. 😀

So much easier when you had actually met the person in the flesh either in a pub, club or in work and could ask them if they would like to go for a drink sometime. Now it just seems so much more complicated

Greyfox

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119637116#Comment_119637116

Sounds like it might be you making a fun date seem like an interview. I prefer drinks on a first date as everyone is more relaxed after a couple of drinks. OD is grand as long as you understand that a first date is essentially a chance to meet a person for a chat, nothing more should be expected.

I’ve had dates over past months, never involved a walk or coffee or a drink 😂😁 Have another tomorrow night.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639010#Comment_119639010

I disagree, I get people are nervous on first meeting but there's more fun things to do than rely on alcohol to get you through it like bowling for example. Also I'd hate to drink one too many drinks on a first date and drop my inhibitions and do something I would later regret. Lastly, when you're going on so many dates, the cost adds up quite quickly on people you'd rather you didn't waste it on, the first date is like a screener to those who make it through a second date and you don't mind as much putting an investment into someone who makes the cut. Unless the money is rolling in, I'd hate to be spending €50 a pop on first dates that will go nowhere fast.

Anyone that can get a relationship out of coffee on the first date ought to be canonised.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119633391#Comment_119633391

I get the initial nerves alright.

And I do get not being rude, but when someone cat fishes you or talks about really inappropriate stuff, I think it's only natural that alarm bells/red flags go off and you just want to get out of there. Tis hard to enjoy after that.

In my experience, online dating involves a lot of flirty chat, building up to a moment of physical cosiness, injected with a sense of humour about it all. If you take it overly seriously you will be disappointed.

Run Forest Run

We should bring back courting! 😁

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639010#Comment_119639010

Well obviously I'm not the only one asking the questions. Plus I'm out in the sticks and have to drive everywhere so I wouldn't be drinking anyway. Going for a coffee seems to be popular and is a good choice for a first date.

Jequ0n

It’s not so bad really. Never gone for a coffee date though

After participating in this thread I’m suddenly being targeted by tons of advertising for men’s underwear 🤣🤣🤣

thegame983

There is NO WAY a female is gonna give you the ride after a cup of coffee. Has to be the pub then reward her with a meal after full sex has taken place.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639306#Comment_119639306

why not let her reward you? are you that bad in bed you have to reward them after? 😉

AckwelFoley

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639306#Comment_119639306

Do ye tell them after the pub? "Right if ye ride me,ill buy ye dinner"

What if the sex was shite? You're hardly going to feed her?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639306#Comment_119639306

Ah sure ya just go asleep after that, would have to be breakfast 😂

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639193#Comment_119639193

My experience of dating men is that none of them drink on encounters, as it were. They tend to like to be in full working order un-dulled by alcohol.

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639306#Comment_119639306

What's the reward for half or three quarters sex?

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639396#Comment_119639396

pot noodle for letting him drop the hand

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639359#Comment_119639359

Many moons ago I was promised feeding if “something else were to happen” (agreed to the ride) afterwards

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639359#Comment_119639359

A bag of chips or a kebab, but not both

Deja Boo

after reading this thread, I may never date again.

AckwelFoley

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639477#Comment_119639477

Well. The question on everybody's mind right now, did you sleep soundly with a full belly of grub that night?

BorneTobyWilde

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639396#Comment_119639396

Soup

The Cream Of Sum Hung Gui

BorneTobyWilde

Dates should have one golden rule, zero questions

BorneTobyWilde

https://streamable.com/2vbr2i

Only a few days of summer time love left, better get a move on

Beatty69

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639491#Comment_119639491

Best line I ever heard was a couple arguing one night and your man says "don't I buys you chips and **** you?". Had me in stitches for a week. Member of our indigenous population. 🤣

Still laugh every time I think of it.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639306#Comment_119639306

Rule - no sex on a first date

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639396#Comment_119639396

Pizza is most easily divisible in this scenario 🧐

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639525#Comment_119639525

my belly lay empty for want of liking the food on offer

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639761#Comment_119639761

But there's an exception to every rule...

j2

If you're looking for some kind of magic advice, well I won't say you're doing it wrong because there are a million ways this works out, but that ain't the way forward in my opinion. The old advice about being yourself is never more true than it is in the first date type stuff. If you're a total sociopath, which I am, you can fake out any number of things on a date and get into getting laid etc. I'm on some saint sh1t these days tho.

amacca

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119639714#Comment_119639714

I heard a similar story....except

She said in a plaintive voice

"Ya don't love me ...."insert name here..let's say Anto for the sake of it"

a number of times

He replied "I do love ya" a number of times

But becoming frustrated at her repeated assertion that he didn't in fact love her provided proof in his eyes that he did via a final exasperated reply of

I do love ya "let's say Tracey" don't I ride ya and buy ya chips!

The very essence of a hopeless romantic that he was that evening.