If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on [email protected] for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact [email protected]

Work colleague contacting me during time off

  • 16-09-2022 12:32pm
    Registered Users Posts: 1,376 ✭✭✭fun loving criminal

    Not long in a job. Another person started after me. We get on in work with general chit chat.

    Last weekend she contacted me through Facebook. She messaged me last weekend through Facebook to say I hope I have a good time. They said that when I left work the day before. I thought nothing of it and said thanks.

    So I'm off again this weekend and I get another message. This time asking me to let them know when I get to my hotel.

    I'm having issues with this because I don't like answering to people on my whereabouts and times when I get places during my time off from work.

    I don't know how it was any of her business when I get to my hotel and if I was murdered on my way, there was nothing she can do anyways.

    There has been others out on holidays and she hasn't been messaging them telling them to update her on their whereabouts.

    Anyways, it could be concern for my safety, I don't know. But I still don't like it. We just work together, that's it. I don't want to be messaging outside of work. Not sure if it's me as I do find it triggering due to other issues.

    So how would others take this?



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,890 ✭✭✭Princess Calla

    They are obviously more invested in the friendship than you are.

    Some people are more intense than others.

    Just ignore the out of office contact or reply with an emoji (emoji replies shuts conversation down in a polite way)

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,816 ✭✭✭Deeec

    I take it that you are travelling alone. Maybe she is just looking out for you. I wouldnt see it as any harm. You need to stop being negative and just see it as a friendly gesture!

    Is there a reason why you dont want to be friendly with her?

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,376 ✭✭✭fun loving criminal

    I'm friendly in work, that's it as far as I'm concerned. I don't see a difference from her and my boss messaging me but my boss knows better. Also, when talking in work, she seems to knock my ideas, like I was planning a shopping trip and she told me not to because there's a recession on the way. She's just very negative towards me in work but I'll take it in work to keep the peace. But I don't want to be messaging her outside of work. I like the emoji reply above and just shut down any conversation with emojis.

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 23,503 ✭✭✭✭Strumms

    She sounds like an absolute freak, id just ignore…. “ let me know when you get to the hotel “ is somewhat of a weird, stalkerish message…

    ” listen, enjoy when you have time, give us a shout and let me know how you are getting on, ok, enjoy “. That would be somewhat more appropriate message…

    I had a colleague who I’d get messages from regarding work stuff once or twice a month, if you were just sitting in front of the tv it didn’t matter but once he was looking for advice while I was queuing to check in at the airport… that was the last time.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,816 ✭✭✭Deeec

    Fun Loving Criminal from your previous posts I know that you are not in contact with any of your family and you live alone - she may feel you are a bit vulnerable and need someone looking out for you. All you have to do is reply something like - Got here thanks, all good. See you on Monday'. The see you on Monday is letting her know dont contact me over the weekend. I don't see anything wrong in what she has done being honest - you are overreacting.

    Also the conversation you had re shopping and a recession coming, thats just normal general chit chat! Again nothing to take offence about. Go shopping if you want to go shopping! Shes not knocking you at all!

  • Registered Users Posts: 17,250 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck

    There is a world of difference between her and your boss messaging you. A huge difference.

    What I don't understand is why you are connected on Facebook if you don't actually want her to be messaging you. If you don't want contact outside of work then why accept that friend request?

    Either way, there is no need for drama. If you don't want to respond to people outside of work then just don't respond, if they ask why then just say you don't do social media.

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 1,376 ✭✭✭fun loving criminal

    We're not Facebook friends, I didn't add her. Her message came through on messenger.

  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 4,887 Mod ✭✭✭✭GoldFour4

    Personally I'd be happy that I seemed to have made a friend in work. A simple "At the hotel now, not great coverage but talk to you when I'm back" would be a nice way of letting your colleague down gently.

    Don't see why you've compared it to your boss messaging you, they're completely different unless your colleague was asking a work related question.

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,791 ✭✭✭lawrencesummers

    I find its best to wind up people like this.

    Tell em something like, “cant talk have a serious emergency here, will give you a shout in an hour”

    and then dont reply for days.

    When they eventually track you down say something like you ran out of biscuits and milk and people were coming over for tea

    That should let them know to never take any social media stuff serious.

  • Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭magic17

    I don't really get the fuss. She either likes you romantically or wants to be friends. Either way it seems you're not interested so just ignore or take ages to respond and keep the responses short. She'll get the message pretty quickly that you're not interested in any sort of relationship outside work hours. If she doesn't get the hint then you'll have to say it to her eventually but I highly doubt it'll come to that.

  • Registered Users Posts: 19,240 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams

    In that case always wait 24hours before calling back

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,673 ✭✭✭Xterminator

    this would be the same P who allows contact over Facebook & responds to it in a friendly fashion. then a week later the pattern is repeated and the person in work is supposed to divine OP now has reservations.

    C'mon, they could have not responded to the original message. they could have blocked the person in work. they could have sat down with colleague and expressed their feelings. None of that happened.

    To OP - you can be blunt and tell your work colleague to not contact you outside of work channels. But I personally think that would be an overreaction taking into account the previous message and response seemed to accept it was ok.

    you should just pull back, and don't respond for days, if at all. discourage contact by being unresponsive.

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,791 ✭✭✭lawrencesummers


    its nice to be nice.

    in the length of time it takes to log onto boards and start a new thread you have wasted more time than a quick two word reply would ever take

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,376 ✭✭✭fun loving criminal

    So since this in September, I am getting the feeling this person is watching me in my job and out of work as well. And my problem is it's not their place to be watching me and she's not doing it to anyone else.

    I had a sick day and she messaged me 10 minutes after my start time to ask about me. I'm getting the impression she wants me to answer to her on my days off. Now, it might seem nice of her to see how I am. But I'm not liking it and I'm not liking other things that she's been doing. She's not my manager and messaging me through Facebook messenger so early in the morning but she knew I would have to be awake because I would have to ring my manager. I don't know, it's not sitting well with me at all wanting to know what's up with me. I done what I had to do by contacting my manager on the day.

    Now all that could be seen as nice checking up on me but it's everything else on top of this as well. She seems to be watching me in my work as well.

    Some people use personal phones in work. It doesn't bother me. I do as well, not enough as others. I was using my phone one day when this person turned around to me and told me that it was unfair to be using phones when other people are working and she said it quite angrily. It was just me and her in the room and I felt this was directed towards me because she's not saying anything about others on their phones and they use their phones more than me!!

    Not only this, a few days later the supervisor told us all that we're not allowed to use phones in work anymore. I find it funny because the supervisor never had an issue before this but I think they would have to do something if an issue is brought up and someone isn't happy. So I think this person complained about phone use, but not sure and I'm not sure if she named names. She does seem to have an issue with me, so who knows if she named me but I was the first to be told by the supervisor, so it feels like I'm the bad person that needs to be told first and I'm not using the phone as much as others. I check my phone for payslips, whereas others are messaging on their phones all day long. It doesn't bother me in the slightest if someone is using their phone, it's being watched I'm not liking and how she's not saying anything else to others on their phone use.

    I find it funny she's having an issue about people using phones but yet, she herself was messaging me when I was out sick and she shouldn't be using the phone herself !!!

    So another issue. We have to wear a uniform in work but management aren't too fussy about it. There has been a few days where I forgot my uniform and I wouldn't be a minute on the floor and this person would tell me to put it on knowing i keep it my locker. It has happened quite a few times.

    Not only this, another person forgot their uniform and she's not pulling this person up on it. In fact, this person has forgotten their uniform a few times, and nothing is being said about it. Whereas, if it was me, she would pull me up on it.

    In fact, one day both this other person and myself forgot the uniform and she never said a thing to any of us. I know if it was just me, she would pull me up on it. So she seems to have a problem saying something to others but no problem watching me and saying things to me.

    So this other person wasn't working with us one day and I forgot my uniform and she's back telling me about my uniform. Management couldn't care less and it's not this person's job to be telling anyone anything but she's definitely seems to have an issue about me.

    Another day, I was starting work and she told me what to do, which was fair enough, maybe it needed to be doing, it didn't bother me. I went to clear off the table and she thought I had no intention of doing what she said and she had a fit. I was only clearing the table, so that I could work!

    Another day, she overloaded my table so I had no space to work and again she's not doing this to anyone else.

    Small issues really but it feels like she's watching me and she's not saying anything to anyone else about their behaviour in work (uniform/phone). She's not messaging anyone else on their days off either, holidays or out sick.

    I can't avoid this person as we're working closely together all day long. So not sure what to do and I don't want to be creating a bad atmosphere in work either if I say anything and she gets all pissy towards me.

    So to summarize, I don't like being watched by someone where it's not their place and they aren't watching others. So how do I handle this type of person?

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 25,082 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble

    As above.

    Also block them on all social media.

  • Registered Users Posts: 283 ✭✭Hungry Burger

    I have always worked in jobs where it was common to text people outside of work hours to tell them something important about the next day, see how they are getting on with something etc. Never seen it as weird or an inconvenience. Would hate to be starting a new job nowadays, I’d say I’d be the ‘weirdo’ in the OP and none the wiser I’d done anything wrong!

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,376 ✭✭✭fun loving criminal

    Thanks. I could let the previous contact slide except, since then, she's just watching me in my job and it's obvious because she's not pulling anyone else up. It seems very subtle so far because she knows when to pull me up, i.e when there's no one around. So it will seem like she could pass it off as concern or whatever and I don't have anyone to back me up in all this. I'm trying to avoid her or have someone else in the room with me, so that she keeps quite with the other people around but it's not always possible.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,376 ✭✭✭fun loving criminal

    Thanks for this. I will bring it up with my manager.

  • But the other person isn't texting about anything that is their business.

    I think people are being hard on the OP. This other person is coming across as overbearing. Asking for a message when you get to a hotel is something your mother might do, not a work friend.

    OP, ignore the messages and block if you want. Be prepared for some blowback as they won't be happy.

  • Registered Users Posts: 17,808 ✭✭✭✭recode the site

    I know this type, had a few in my workplace at one stage. A colleague of same grade feeling it their business to control me or whatever other person they set their sights on.

    De thick plottens

  • Registered Users Posts: 890 ✭✭✭spakman

    I wouldn't like that either. I think you might be spending too much time worrying and thinking about this person, but their behaviour isn't on either - especially contacting you outside work, that's none of her business.

    If she does it again, don't reply, or send an abrupt reply that gives the signal you're not interested in having a discussion.

    When you back to work, if she asks why you didn't reply (or why you were abrupt) , then take the opportunity to tell her you like to leave work in the office, and not mix it with your time off.

  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 3,705 ✭✭✭Augme

    Not sure I'd be getting the manager involved. If you have an issue with your colleague contacting you outside of work then it's your responsibility to tell then not to, asking your manager to do that for you doesn’t look particularly good.