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Dating apps

  • 30-08-2022 2:14am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 18 Memoryman


    Hi, any thoughts or advice on the most reliable online apps to meet genuine people for meaningful relationships.? Finding myself becoming very disillusioned.

    Post edited by cyberwolf77 on


Comments

  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 57,338 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Gremlinertia


    Hey there, there's probably a more appropriate forum for this than here tbh. The Society and Culture forum has both the Ladies and Gentlemen's lounge, that might help?.



  • Registered Users Posts: 18 Memoryman


    Hi there, apologies am new to this site and still trying to navigate my way around. Thanks for your advice, appreciated.



  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 57,338 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Gremlinertia


    Welcome so!. Go to the Topics dropdown menu at the top of the screen and Society and Culture is there 😉



  • Registered Users Posts: 18 Memoryman


    Good evening Ladies. Allow me to introduce myself as I am new to this site. While I appreciate that this platform is essentially about sharing and discussing information, I am looking for any advice or suggestions in regards to the topic of online dating apps. While I am as yet unsure of the correct protocols in respect of this site, I do not wish to exceed any boundaries. I would like to hear of any personal experiences that members may have had and would very much welcome a female perspective on the whole issue. I have just recently begun attempting to explore what is a veritable minefield in an effort to meet someone genuine for a meaningful relationship. I would very much welcome any comments or advice on the matter.



  • Registered Users Posts: 14,510 ✭✭✭✭ Loafing Oaf


    Well I'm not a lady and I have no direct experience of these sites but the overwhelming impression I get from reading about them is that most of the men on them are just looking for casual sex and there must be a better option if you are looking "to meet someone genuine for a meaningful relationship."



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  • Registered Users Posts: 11,994 ✭✭✭✭ Dial Hard


    I'll repost the reply I gave in your closed PI thread in case you didn't see it there:

    I'd be amazed if the gender stats in Ireland are as skewed towards men as people always claim, given there are actually more single women than men here. I also think a lot of the "Women just have to show up, and 1% of the men get 99% of the matches" stuff you hear is based on US data/anecdotes. Based on my own experiences on the app, and that of my friends, I just can't reconcile that narrative with the reality I've seen.

    Anyway, the fact of the matter is that it's hard for both genders, OP. There are, unfortunately, a lot of time wasters out there on both sides of the gap. At the end of the day, it's a numbers game - kiss enough frogs, etc. etc. But you have to be in the right headspace for it and I always say that if it's affecting your self esteem or mental health in any way, it's time to give it a break.

    Fwiw, I do think Bumble is the best of the options in terms of people being at least half-arsed. Tinder is just a meat-market, barely anyone even bothers to fill in their profile, and in my experience, if they can't even be arsed making that much effort, they're not arsed in general.

    I met my boyfriend on Bumble back in April when I was pretty much done with the whole thing. Was going to cancel our first date and everything because I was like "What's the point of getting on the merry-go-round yet again?" But I was pretty much bullied into going by my sisters and I'm very glad I did!

    There are genuine people out there, OP - lots if them - it can just be very difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. What I will say is to hone your instincts, and trust them - it gets very easy to spot the fake profiles, the people who have no intention of meeting but just want to chat, etc. As soon as your spidey senses light up that you're wasting your time, politely disengage and move on.



  • Registered Users Posts: 257 ✭✭ Goodigal


    I only have experience of Bumble, but it's been a positive one. Am late 40s, divorced with 2 children, so was dating for friendship and fun, with no big plans for the future. I have been seeing someone quite casually for 2 years which suits us both. Even last week we talked about continuing to live separately, and both of us agreed on it because our children come first. Maybe other women would want things to have moved quicker in 2 years, but that's not me!

    I think it depends on how old you are and what you want before you choose the dating apps available. Do you just want to hook up with people (Tinder!), or something that develops into a long term relationship (maybe Bumble or Hinge?) You say you're disillusioned, so maybe you've been on all of them at some point and it's become boring?! In that case, try a meetup or group activity where real life interactions might lead somewhere.

    If you're sticking with apps, be honest about what you want from the outset, say genuine things on your profile, have a few nice photos (don't post gym pics or selfies with a sports car/fish/massive group of friends where they don't know which one is you!!) and be open to chatting to women of different ages. If the chat is entertaining and easy, suggest meeting for a coffee or drink to see if you click in person. Good chat for a few days was normally an indicator to me that they're my kind of person. Good luck with the minefield!! 🙂



  • Registered Users Posts: 18 Memoryman


    Hi Dial Hard, thank you for your feedback and kind comments and advice. It was interesting and refreshing to get the female perspective and I was happy and encouraged to hear of your positive experience, which I thank you for sharing. You are proof that it can and does work for some people with some perseverance and some good luck I suppose to be honest. I wish you continued success with your relationship.



  • Registered Users Posts: 9,737 ✭✭✭ cena


    Replies would be nice to get back. This is coming from a guy. I have match with the same women 3 times and never a reply



  • Registered Users Posts: 257 ✭✭ Goodigal


    Well that's disheartening and pretty much bad manners. Hope you click with someone soon



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,199 ✭✭✭ Breezy_


    Don't swipe right on them again! If I recognise someone from seeing them before it's LEFT LEFT LEFT. I asked one before what the f*ck she was at. "I'm only on here cuz I'm bored" She was on there years! She was 36. Psycho.

    Don't bother writing first or if you are then just say Hi so as not to waste to much time on all the time wasters.

    Met one before, after a couple of years she cheated on me with a guy 11 years older than me. And I was older than her.

    Another, I kinda guessed she was still talking to a few other guys 2 months in so I asked....six...SIX other guys 8 weeks later after I'd met her several times, but I was "near the top". I see she is still on there right now, "active" and it's 2 years later. Psycho

    90% on them apps over, I dunno...28 has something wrong with them. Men and women.

    Bumble, Hinge, Baddoo, POF, they're all the same, don't pass any remarks on anyone saying such and such is better than Tinder. Better people, Rubbish. Bumble is probably better as the UI makes them write first so it cuts out all the time wasters for ya...not uncommon to have 11 timers ticking down in there and all disappear. Yeee, time saved.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,853 ✭✭✭ Pissy Missy


    Early 30s single lady here, I used to use dating sites in my 20s and I'm very much done with them now. I have used Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Badoo and POF. I found they all brought a mixed bag. Though personally I preferred POF as I felt it had the best potential to strike up a conversation compared to the other sites/apps. I have friends who have met their other half on Tinder, pof and bumble so I think anything is possible from all of them. Wish you the best of luck with them and stay safe.



  • Registered Users Posts: 18 Memoryman



    Thanks for your balanced and helpful advice. It pays to take an open minded approach I suppose but also equally important to maintain a sense of perspective I would think, to avoid getting tunnel vision from the whole thing. I expect some of it may well just be down to timing in some cases, aside from shared interests etc. Well they do say that hope springs eternal and where there is hope there is always possibility I suppose. 👍️



  • Registered Users Posts: 18 Memoryman


    Goodigal,

    thanks for your candid and sound advice and for putting a personal perspective on the whole subject by sharing your own personal experience. Apologies for the delay in replying. Alot of what you said makes perfect sense in terms of establishing your objectives or expectations from the outset and being clear and concise in respect of what you want or wish to gain from the whole experience. However that being said these expectations have to be realistic of course. A balanced perspective helps I suppose in taking a positive and openminded approach from the outset and at least opening your mind to the possibility of chance without overthinking it. Equally important of course to maintain this perspective and not become detached from the real world in the process, with what is essentially a virtual process to begin with.

    I am a mature aged gentleman who is young at heart and who recently parted company from a long term relationship. So this is very much a new experience for me and i'm sure one that is not without its challenges. While I wouldn't necessarily regard myself as a hopeless romantic or have an idealistic view of life, nevertheless I believe in traditional values I suppose. On that subject I just wonder have people's attitudes changed somewhat or to what extent has the modern generation been influenced by Social Media. Has Social Media undermined or distorted some people's values and beliefs. and in shaping their attitudes has it ultimately changed their expectations and outlook on life?..... Sorry a bit too heavy!! ..... I suppose at the end of the day a good person will always be a good person regardless. Having said all that, maybe I am being overly critical as I am very much a novice to the whole experience.

    Absolutely, I totally agree that developing other social outlets for interacting with people is vitally important also. Whether its expanding on new or existing interests or pastimes to broaden our social interaction.

    Of course, as you quite rightly pointed out, it goes without saying that honesty is an essential and integral part of the whole experience and removes the ambiguity by allowing people to make informed decisions.

    In the meantime I will continue to cautiously explore the minefield 🧐 and who knows !





  • Can't really articulate it and frustrated with the whole thing tbh....doesn't help that I don't know what I actually want either lol 😁

    Post edited by [Deleted User] on


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