Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Boss told Co worker about my mental health issues.

  • 11-07-2022 4:34pm
    #1
    Posts: 0


    I returned to work last week after being out of work with depression for 3 months.

    I had told my boss, who works in another office, the full story. I had a letter sent to her from my psychiatrist stating I was suffering from Bipolar.

    Third day back one of the staff I'm in charge of said to me I heard you suffer from a mood disorder and attend a psychiatrist. I was fairly shocked. I would have went to HR straight away only I'm still finding my feet and a bit frail. I am correct in going to HR?

    Post edited by Hannibal_Smith on


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,580 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    What did you think they were going to say to the staff who had no supervisor for 3 months?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,032 ✭✭✭Gorteen


    Nothing except that the worker in question was on sick leave, would be my expectation.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Well not full health details disclosed in confidence. Every detail.

    Staff had a replacement supervisor.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,580 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    If this was in the work issues forum I would have said the same.

    But in this forum I assume that the OP is not looking HR advice, but advice on how to handle the situation.

    And so I make the point that only in a perfect world do such things remain completely confidential. In the real world if you disappear from work for 3 months somebody is going to speak to the staff you were in charge of, and most likely let slip indications as to why you aren't there.

    So what do you do about it? Again, in the work forum there is one answer. But from a personal point of view that might not be the best answer. Is escalating things and making complaints against your boss the best choice right now? Will the Barbara Streisand effect come into play?

    Is the OP correct in going to HR. That depends totally on what they actually want to happen or what is best for themselves.



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,860 ✭✭✭Pissy Missy


    Sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. I don't have experience with this but you can do 2 things, either/or never tell boss personal business again (def a learning experience) and/or go to HR to seek advice. I think it can be tricky as boss could be a c u next tuesday type of person and make like worse but then at the same time they violated your trust.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,336 ✭✭✭mikeybhoy


    How do you know it was your boss that told them. Gossip can get out easily enough.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    No one else knew bar my family about the psychiatrist and Bipolar II diagnosis. My family live miles away.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,412 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    You might be better off posting this in work problems than here.

    I don’t think it was a good idea to disclose the full details of your diagnosis with your manager but that can’t be reversed now. They absolutely should not have shared this information with your reports and you have every right to be annoyed. Why don’t you speak to your manager first before going the nuclear/ HR route?



  • Advertisement
  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    True enough. I naively though she'd treat the info confidentially.

    Best to speak to her.



  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,240 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Thread moved to Work Problems, which is probably a better place for it. Local Charter now applies.

    HS



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,495 ✭✭✭apache


    Onoir, sorry to hear this happened to you. I went through something similar. If I had thought for one second that my boss had disclosed my confidentialty to my colleagues I would be rightfully very angry and definitely would have taken it further. Do indeed go to HR and demand to know why your personal details were discussed. It's nobodys business. A case for the WRC!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,202 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    Nothing, absolutely nothing.

    Management : ”Onóir is out of the business going forward and when they are due return you will be notified”

    Staff : “yeah but why, what happened come on”

    Managment : “ a temporary leave of absence, is what’s happening, that is the end of the matter and we do not and will not be discussing private details relevant to another persons employment “



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Thank you apache. You're fragile enough returning anyway. Also the staff member telling it back showed poor cop on.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 601 ✭✭✭WJL


    The main thing is to recover fully first. Don't let this drain you. In a month or so when you ar back to yourself consider the various options. A chat with your boss, HR etc. If the issue is going to do more harm to your mental health it might be best to let it pass. Very best wishes and talk to those close to you. Your boss was 100% wrong.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,297 ✭✭✭Count Dracula


    Op, before I post my comment, I just want to empathise with you and your mental health struggles. Bipolar is an extremely difficult condition to treat, endure and manage. I wish you all success and good luck with your treatment and I hope everything works out for you. It is an extremely brave decision to take the 3 months off and try and improve your condition, but it is an excellent decision you have made and you made a great choice in tackling your condition head on, well done.

    I would start looking for a new job immediately. Your boss is an asshole for starters and life is too short to work for assholes, especially the kind of prick your boss is. He is an asshole on more than one count also, which kind of mires him and makes him even more insufferable. There is no way anyone else could have been made aware of your condition, he was solely responsible for respecting and protecting your medical confidentiality. Why would you want to work for someone who does not respect you?

    Your secondary issue here is, why your boss has opted to disclose your condition to your colleagues? Do you think he has any sinister motivations in acting so "irresponsibly"? Do you think he may have leaked your condition to colleagues as a way of undermining your authority or competency?

    It is kind of polarised. He is either a total moron who blabbed your illness to the entire office, or , he deliberately did it to unsettle you in your job.

    Why should you bother working for such a person? It cannot possibly ever benefit you and it will only cause you more problems with your condition, which you are well aware is extremely difficult to endure.

    Get a new job and move on.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Thank you very much, very kind post.

    Yes I have put up with other stuff from this lady over the years. There's an element of undermining, pulling me down.

    There's an EU related trip every 6 mts. Myself and 3 others are the next grade beneath. The other 3 have all been asked by her to go on this expenses paid trip to various cities bar me.

    When interviewing for new staff the 3 peers have been asked to interview with her bar myself.

    I moved into the head office, where she works, a few years back and was given an partitioned area to work in away from all the same grades that staff were joking I was out on the road!

    In Covid I wrote articles that were well received online for work, some of an historical nature. They got excellent feedback from peers and the public. She took them down from our website, saying one photo breached copyright! Supposedly. 1 photo out of 25 articles but they were all pulled and the whole section.

    If I was to go further into it I was failed an interview (on what I knew was my strongest section) for a job I acted up several times. I had 17 years experience and someone with 1 got it.

    The door is always closed and lots of whispering in the inner office where she has her 2 cronies with her. Other staff speak of her rudeness.

    Really time to move on.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I would consider this a serious breach of your privacy, and wouldn't hesitate to make a formal complaint to HR.

    Your manager was totally in the wrong for divulging anything personal about you or the nature of your illness to anyone else.

    And while the best you can probably expect is a grudging apology, I would certainly make sure their cards get marked so they never make the same mistake again.

    Even if your colleagues were speculating aabout your absence, your boss should never have said anything to them other than, "I can't discuss it, its confidential."

    And if a manager can't manage that in the face of gossipy colleagues, then they shouldn't be managing any staff.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,731 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    Madness that you'd expect them to assume that something so private would be revealed.


    A real insight into how you'd handle such information I guess.



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,750 ✭✭✭MrMusician18


    This is actually a very difficult situation and I sympathize with you OP. While ideally it is time to move on after such a breach of confidentiality, it will really depend on your recovery in the near term.

    If, for example, you find a new job and your condition flares up requiring time off work again, this may be during a time whilst you are on probation. Whilst absence through long term sickness can be grounds for dismissal (it's a common misconception that this is protected) it is a bit of a drawn out process. You won't have the protection of the process whilst on probation.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Probably say 'he's out suffering with his nerves'🤣



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    In fairness, you don't 100% know for sure how your colleague knew the reason for your leave. A chat with your manager first, maybe? Rather than a formal complaint to Hr.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,202 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    that would give the manager if they are guilty.. ‘wiggle room’ and time to plan a defence.., a heads up as they know what you know.

    the vast majority of managers dislike HR as much if not more then frontline employees…

    when they get the invite to the chat they are already behind the 8 ball. Don’t let them play safe.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I definitely do. The colleague had the location of the psychiatrist. Got that from the letter heading. Other detail that was in the letter. My 90 year old mam and brother, 30 miles away, are the only other people who knew.

    Besides she said ****** told me on the phone! Then the colleague pleaded with me not to get her in trouble.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,412 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    Sorry but it sounds like your colleague will not back you up when it comes down to it. They realised too late that they had slipped up, so you will be short of evidence.

    Ask for a meeting with your manager and your HR lead because they will have been informed of your condition when you disclosed it. Do not tell them why you are seeking this meeting. Get legal advise before you do this because this has been a serious breach of privacy and very unprofessional behaviour.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 601 ✭✭✭WJL


    Agreed. Work colleagues, naturally enough, want to protect themselves. May need the boss for future promotion hopes etc. OP should do as you advise, I'd agree.



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,495 ✭✭✭apache


    FFS, that's terrible. A total breach of confidentiality. I'd lodge a formal complaint but I know it's easier said than done. Your manager is totally out of order.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,242 ✭✭✭brokenangel


    Sorry you are totally incorrect here

    If someone takes time off work then it’s not the job of everyone else to spread rumours and certainly not the job of a manager to tell random people in the company

    If that happened in my company the manager would be fired on the spot. The OP was 100% correct in going to HR.


    In terms of how to deal with it personally first off the person that is asking you would seem to be the sort of person who loves gossip. I would just turn around and say firmly “that is none of your business”

    I think you will find the majority of people have so much going on in their own lives don’t need to know what’s going on with other people. If they do find out from the gossips they are not going to say anything to you anyway as they will be aware it’s none of their business



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,825 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump



    Sometimes people will make a guess and then fox a confirmation out of you



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    No there were a lot of details of Clinic name etc. Colleague told me the boss told all in the letter.



  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 254 ✭✭forestgirl




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 254 ✭✭forestgirl


    Why a chat with the manager I wouldn't trust them with my cat



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 254 ✭✭forestgirl


    This is almost unbelievable op,you must be so upset



  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 10,601 Mod ✭✭✭✭Jim2007


    Well before you do anything make sure you are correct - that the information came from your boss. Did the person tell you were the information came from? Is it possible they could have heard it from a mutual contact?



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 601 ✭✭✭WJL


    Really gets worse the more I hear. Unprofessional to put it mildly.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,068 ✭✭✭sporina


    @bucketybuck i feel sorry for people like you - really. - i do. soo.. ignorant.. to say the least..

    i hope you resolve whatever issues are killing you



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,580 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    What exactly do you mean by the comment "whatever issues are killing you"?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,580 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    I'm not incorrect, because I never once said it was the managers job to spread rumors.

    The Op was originally in a different forum, and my point from that perspective was that it is incredibly common that co-workers know why somebody is absent, through many different ways and means. Its not right but reality is what it is regardless.

    So since that is the case, how should a person react? Do you be shocked that people knew, or do you act as if you expected it? That is the starting point of looking at the question from the perspective of the other forum, which is a very different context to that of a forum for obvious workplace breaches of conduct.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,242 ✭✭✭brokenangel


    No it’s not. Plenty of people have taken time out and I have no idea why and nobody else does or cares. A few I do because they told me personally why

    As I said the response is simple, it’s none of your business to the person.

    If people know then a manager has blabbed, so the manager should be sacked



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,202 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    Would a job be comfortable with an employee going to whatever third party and telling them about issues in the workplace, say health and safety ? Financial or the likes ? They wouldn’t, you’d be disciplined could it be proven…you have a contract signed that will say you can’t do that.

    likewise a company cannot impart information related to your health to your colleagues / fellow company employees, it’s illegal.

    A company * might say “ hey you know, would you consider sharing just the general ‘gist’ with the team, but no, would mean no.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,336 ✭✭✭mikeybhoy


    Murky water I would think. Would very much be your word against theirs



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,288 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    These situations often aren't so black and white.

    But this case, when you have a team member telling you that they were informed of the details, by your manager, is as clear as it gets: The manager has clearly used the information for a very different purpose than it was provided for. It's a massive GDPR breach, of sensitive information.

    But can you prove it? It's likely that the employee will lie thru their teeth if asked about it in an official investigation.

    You really need to think hard about what you want to achieve. Especially given your history with this manager, you now have enough ammunition to take a very damning case against them. But without concrete proof, you may not win. Either way, it will be stressful.

    Before going anywhere near HR, I'd look to talk this thru in detail with a mental health professional. Either your psychiatrist, or a therapist they recommend who is clued up about workplace issues as well as your diagnosis. Basically someone on your side, but impartial. (Remember: HR are NOT on your side, their job is to minimise the company's liability.)


    Also - it does seem kind of odd that the other employee remembered so much detail. Even if the OPs manager was talking out of turn, people won't usually recall all the detail of what was said. So I'm wondering if the other employee came upon the letter, and is using it (and you, OP) to try and get the manager into trouble. Stranger things have happened in toxic workplaces, and this certainly sounds like one.

    Post edited by Mrs OBumble on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,515 ✭✭✭Tork


    I had a colleague who suffered a breakdown, went on long-term sick and eventually left. We were never told at any point what was wrong with the guy and that's how it should be. We figured out the rest by ourselves anyway, through texts he sent to his work friends and his demeanour before and after he went sick. What you're describing sounds too specific, unlike the situation in my workplace. As to where to go from here, it's up to you. The quality of HR departments varies wildly and you'll have an idea what way a complaint will go.



  • Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 10,601 Mod ✭✭✭✭Jim2007


    Well then, it’s time to decide what you want to achieve?



  • Advertisement
Advertisement