Interested or just being friendly?

The Young Wan · 28-06-2022 4:33pm #1

I've been texting a co worker pretty much non stop since Friday night. We work on the same team but different departments.

Friday night after a team event we took a train home together (it wasn't just us two, there were four of us) and he would NOT shut up about the cat. I was placating him a little throughout the journey home.

At the dinner I was talking about the drinks I was having last night for my birthday, he was in the group and said "oh sweet, text me about it"

So I was like "cool, I'll ask John* for your number and send it on" then John was like "you know he's right here, you can just have his number right now yeah?" So Tom* put his number in my phone and said "call me there" so he would have mine.

He initiated the contact Friday night saying about the cat and it's kinda gone from there.

And it's not anything too "I wanna put my dick in u" explicit but there's also been some deep messages like about his parents divorce and that life is messing him up/has messed him up a bit (no details but given some of what he's said, I'm imagining a break up of some kind) and how he's in a bit of a low and he's gonna start therapy, and like. . . .things you don't talk about with a normal Co worker?

Or in such frequency? Cos don't get me wrong. I love the other guys on my team to pieces. But we rarely text outside work. The only co-worker I regularly text outside work is someone with whom I make a lot of plans and travel on day trips with. My mind is like "he wouldn't message so much if he wasn't into you in some way?"

But also he has showed me his cat. A lot. She's a good girl.

There's never been anything explicitly flirty, but things like making some kind of way to see each other, like me cooking lasagne or him offering to help with furniture if I move, or a round of shots to see which of us can best represent our country (I'm Irish, he's Australian.)

TL;DR a co worker and I have been in pretty constant contact, and I don't know whether it's because he's interested or just as friends.

Jonnyc135 · 28-06-2022 4:41pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058252224/interested-or-just-being-friendly

Hard to call as he is Austrailian and they may do things differently but I'd say he is interested alright, would be worried about him talk so forwardly about his parents breakup and how he is going to therape, personally I would be saying that to co workers unless we were very good friends, but then again I am an Irish male

Jonnyc135 · 28-06-2022 4:41pm

Wouldn't

StevenToast · 28-06-2022 4:42pm

Keen as mustard

The Young Wan · 28-06-2022 4:44pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263094#Comment_119263094

I'm very kind of in two minds, we've not spoken today a lot so am like "maybe he's lost it?"

But I would be keen to get to know him. Is there something giving that sign to you?

StevenToast · 28-06-2022 5:34pm

Most single men wont engage in the kind of activity you have outlined with an attractive female in pursuit of friendship....

whatchagonnado · 28-06-2022 5:36pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263099#Comment_119263099

Unloading himself (no, not like that! Yet at least!!) on you re. divorce, after a few texts, is a bit weird, imo.

And would second the 'friend' stuff above. He wants to sh*g you...

Liberty_Bear · 28-06-2022 5:56pm

Maybe the chap wants to be friends. Men from Anglo Sphere can have this hesitance to open up about their feelings at the best of times. Throw a few drinks into the mix and the lads is open and feels comfortable with you. Id chalk up to a few drinks but why not see if he fancies a coffee and ask him how he is. Whilst its an invitation to continue the chat he had over text with you it is also a chance to see what he is like minus the alcohol . Best wishes with it x

bitofabind · 28-06-2022 6:14pm

He might be interested, but I'd find it a bit weird / red flaggy that he's talking about being in a bad place, family trauma stuff, maybe a breakup etc. Like I get we're all human and go through these things, but if he's got a load of unresolved stuff coming to the surface do you really want to be getting tangled up in that? Is he over his ex? Why is he treating you as his therapist? Just a few things to think about.

Jequ0n · 28-06-2022 6:53pm

Maybe it’s just me but if a woman told me about her family drama/ low mood stuff this early on I’d take that as a turn off. If this hasn’t turned you off then go ahead and ask for a date and see how it goes.

dontmindme · 28-06-2022 7:06pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263627#Comment_119263627

...or else like the OP I'd be thinking..."hmm...seems vulnerable...I might be in there"

The Young Wan · 28-06-2022 7:09pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263682#Comment_119263682

I did see the potential for therapy as a green flag. Not a lot of men (that I know of) go to a therapist.

My ex desperately needed it and never went, so seeing someone admitting it was refreshing.

Jequ0n · 28-06-2022 7:12pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263682#Comment_119263682

True, but that works better once the fish has been hooked already and you want to keep them tied to you.

The Young Wan · 28-06-2022 7:31pm

There's been not as much contact today. But I'm back at work, he's off bú a little hungover today.

It's making me think he's not interested. Making me a little worried. And I don't think it should

Idle Passerby · 29-06-2022 8:07am

Hmm...I'd be wary. He's offloading to someone he barely knows about some pretty heavy stuff straight off the bat. I'd find that fairly off-putting regardless of how flattered I was. I'd assume he's interested in you being a crutch.