Fancy my gay mate - don’t know what to do

Maz2016

I’m a single gay man in my mid-late 30’s. I don’t have a lot of gay mates. There is one and I’ve fancied him for years. We recently went on holidays for a week together. I’m convinced more now that he would be the ideal man for me. He has so many good qualities and I would love to move to the next level.

He however has gave no indication that he is in anyway interested. I am at a loss as to what to do. Should I say something and risk the friendship or keep my mouth shut and keep a good friend?

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058251810/fancy-my-gay-mate-don-t-know-what-to-do

This is a tricky situation and its one I was in before over the years. I have a good friend and I took a chance and I told him how I felt, I do love him dearly and would love to be more but he said no. We have a boundary and I respect it and I love him dearly now platonically and he was wonderful about it. That might not happen with you and your friend but it does require an adult conversation if it was to happen. Maybe say something along the lines of "I would love to meet someone like you", this opens the conversation but you can save face if it does not go well by saying "oh Id never cross the line of friendship" and move the conversation on. Thats just one idea. Whatever you decide best wishes.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058251810/fancy-my-gay-mate-don-t-know-what-to-do

If you have someone else that you trust that could ask him 'so what do you think of him (as in OP)?', that way if he says hes not interested, it won't ruin your friendship. But if you think by saying it to him directly n it won't impact on your friendship if he says not interested, then I'd go down that road.

Count Dracula

Ask him out, go for it. He will be cool about it either way. Don't set yourself up to fail either. I am astonished you spent a holiday together without cutting loose. You should by now know fine well if he fancies you at all? He may be thinking the same thing, more than likely he is. If he didn't fancy you why would he bother getting close to you?

If he doesn't fancy you don't get too upset about it, move on. You are still allowed be friends with him after, he should facilitate this as long as you are comfortable with it. That will be your biggest problem, if he doesn't see you sexually, dealing with the rejection and then reconciling your future as friends. As I said he will have no problem with you remaining friends, you already are.

Maz2016

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263310#Comment_119263310

"I would love to meet someone like you" - what a great idea. We do have deep conversations over a few pints so this is definitely a good angle to take. We only meet up 3-4 times a year but this seems the best option. I would be so upset to loose the friendship so thank you - its funny - its an easy option but one I would never have thought of.

Maz2016

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263340#Comment_119263340

Thanks, I don't, we don't have mutual friends in this country unfortunately

Maz2016

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119263380#Comment_119263380

I am astonished about the holiday too. He was sick the last 2 days with food poisoning so it definitely didn't happen then. I think there is a small possibility he does fancy me but I have zero confidence so hope its not wishful thinking.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119264047#Comment_119264047

Ah well, liberty bear had a good suggestion there, if you decide to put it out there with him, I wish you the best of luck 🤞🤞🤞

Maz2016

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119264494#Comment_119264494

Thank you too

what the hell!

Such a hard situation to be in. I was like you this time last year. I got much closer with a gay best friend over the lockdown where we saw each other every day, told each other everything and were quite couply really. It was starting to have an effect on me mentally so when we were texting one night I just said I wanted to ask him something and not to be odd with me!

I asked him would he like to go on a date. My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking! Long story short he said that he only saw us as friends. It was hard to hear at the time and took a little time for things to settle but we've been best of friends since and still do everything together. I still do think we'd be great together but now I know where we stand.

I would say that if he is a decent guy he really won't mind mind you asking him. Might be a little weird at the start if he says no but I think it's worth it in the long run.

Maz2016

Thanks for the reply. I was really hopeful for you reading that message, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. It’s great you didn’t let it affect your friendship when he said no.

you hit the nail on the head though, I’m thinking about it every day now it’s affecting me mentally- not in a bad way - but in a way where I’m saying cop on to yourself and do something about it.

what the hell!

Ya thanks man it's a pity it didn't work out and I still think we'd be good together but the stress is gone out of my head. I enjoy the friendship without the wondering. So if it's getting too much for you I would advise to ask him and if he's a good friend he won't think anything of it.

Maz2016

That’s great advice as well. Cheers man

Annasopra

I think you should go for it. Even if things don't work out you can still be friends

Maz2016

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119281070#Comment_119281070

That would be best case scenario. I just hope he wouldnt be offended and things get awkward

Rick_

Any update on this? If you have plucked up the courage to say something I hope whatever his response you are both still on good terms, and if it led to a date, even better!

Maz2016

Thanks for the message. No update as yet but I’ve decided to go for it. Just need to get the timing right. He is just after covid so I’ll wait a bit

i think I will take Liberty_Bears advice and try along the lines of  "I would love to meet someone like you" and explore that reaction a bit. Think I could still save face if it didn’t go my way