Drunk messages

standardg60

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119238616#Comment_119238616

Don't agree with this at all to be honest. For me 'thought you were losing interest' is a feeble excuse and an attempt to shift the blame to the OP, they were engaged at the end of the day. Secondly i feel the drinking is masking unhappiness rather than simply addiction. He now admits remembering the texts so it wasn't a case of drinking to blacking out (another excuse).

Maybe it was the impending wedding which was bringing things to a boil for him, drinking and crying out for help to the ex of all people, after eight years with the OP.

There is no going back for me here, OP deserves better and he needs to deal with the ex issues, if that's possible.

Big Bag of Chips

@Printer25 I have merged your 2 threads. There is no need to start multiple threads on the same topic.

...Ghost...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119240952#Comment_119240952

You don't have to agree with it. It's the OP who needs to decide on the best course of action. We know very little of the situation and of the OP and partner, so it's all too easy to say end it as we have no skin in the game. It's also reckless if anyone suggests this without having any detail or insight.

standardg60

It's hardly reckless, OP is looking for advice and opinions, they don't have to follow any of them. I'm posting based on my thoughts as a man as how i would perceive his behaviour which the OP wouldn't be familiar with.

We could all post ah feel for you but it's up to you and hope it works out heart emojis and feel great about ourselves for empathising.

...Ghost...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119241205#Comment_119241205

It is reckless to encourage the OP to end the relationship. While she doesn’t have to follow any advice here, she is clearly confused, conflicted and likely not in her right frame of mind.

As a man, I don’t assume to know very much about her situation; certainly far too little to tell her to toss her fiancé and move on. But I do know that taking a step back, communicating honestly and setting boundaries will help the OP no matter her decision. No heart emojis needed for those of us with a mature way of communicating our views.

anewme

OP, I think you need to put yourself first and focus on your own recovery. You can’t control his behaviour, only your own so do what’s best for you.

He needs to sort himself out, you are not his Mother.

This is No. 1 on the list of “what I wished I knew before we got married”. You’ve got the warning, take it as your lucky day. Too many others find this out after the fact when they are stuck and that’s when resentment really kicks in.

life is hard enough without creating additional drama, at the end of the day, finding someone honest and good to you is priority, it’s not this guy.

Printer25

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119241485#Comment_119241485

I identify better on this perception to be honest. I was in complete shock, i am now conflicted and emotionally struggling and the setting boundaries from here on it will help both of us.My inability to set boundaries from the beginning of the relationship was my failing. I take the decision that is to be made seriously. I am taking the time out to make the decision. I have to work through my trust issues while he works through his alcohol issues. Both of us needed to review our communication issues as him ' feeling I was losing interest' should have been communicated to me and I need to communicate clearly now on what I will accept going forward and start putting my feelings first instead of his.

..

Airyfairy12

He has drink problems and messages his ex when he's drunk, he is most definitely making moves on other women when he's out and no doubt women has responded to his advances in the past . Telling you he 'doesn't remember' is his way of dodging any blame or accusations for his own behaviour. If you marry him, this behaviour won't stop, you'll just be married to an alcoholic who cheats on you. Is that what you want your future to be like? BTW he won't change! He might for a short time until he wins you back and gains your trust but he is who he is.