Help a lady out please

83hamilton

Recently met a lovely guy on a trip abroad. Got along very well and sensed he was interested in me but I was only a month out of a three year relationship at the time. I also ended up quite sick on this trip so my head was not in the game, through lack of practice and not feeling great. So while I was definitely friendly, I wouldn't have flirted back. My friends picked up on his interest too but I felt it was too soon to say or do anything myself.

Home almost two months now and still thinking about him - would it be weird to text and see if he would like to meet for a coffee?

I haven't dated since the break up. I'm over the person, had mentally checked out a long time before relationship ended. Still adjusting to single life but otherwise think head is in the right place.

Do you know if he is single? If so, text him. If you do go out avoid your past relationship on the first or subsequent early dates. It'll lead to a discussion that won't be a good start.

83hamilton

Thanks Chinese whospers.

Single or not never came up in conversation with me, though one of my friends on the trip said he's living with a friend of his. That doesn't give much info, I know. We are all older though - late 30's/40's. Kinda guessing he is single more so.

83hamilton

I also never referred to my relationship status on the trip.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119082555#Comment_119082555

That's still young. Does he know you well enough to remember meeting you on holiday from a text?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119082559#Comment_119082559

Cool. Your potential relationship doesn't need to be burdened by that. It's good you've put it past you. 😊

Goodigal

Go for it. Life's too short to wonder about what ifs. It can't hurt to send a text and suggest a coffee. Worst thing he can say is no.

83hamilton

Yes, spent a lot of the holiday together

83hamilton

Thanks guys. Opinion amongst friends has been not to bother - but I think that's out of fear of rejection and old school thinking that the guy should do the asking, or that he would have asked by now if interested. It's been putting me off but I don't want to resign myself to that way of thinking anymore. We all need to be a little bit vulnerable sometimes!

jimwallace197

Go for it, you sound like a nice person, the worst that can happen is he says hes not interested, the alternative of never finding out is much worse.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119082613#Comment_119082613

That's very positive thinking. So, now that it's decided you ARE going to text him, what are you going to say? 😀

83hamilton

I have Covid at the moment so I'll hold off till next week when feeling better and I'm closer to where he's living - drop a text saying I'm in the area, I know this is out of the blue, but would you be interested in meeting for a coffee?

Then sit and chew my nails in hope! 🤣

thefallingman

Life is short go for it

BorneTobyWilde

Text him to go for a coffee, what are you going to do, book a flight to Greece, Italy, Cyprus.. to go for a coffee

😅😅

83hamilton

He's thankfully living in the same country which makes things easier! 🤣

Go for it. What about it, if he’s with someone else or anything, nothing lost. Just ask would he like to meet for coffee to chat about the holiday.

83hamilton

Thanks everyone!

cuttingtimber22

Agree with others. Go for it. Hopefully works out.

standardg60

Does he have your number OP?

83hamilton

In a group chat, we didn't swap numbers ourselves

ThreeGreens

I'd also suggest you go for it. Looking back, I've had more rejections than I'd care to count. But most are flattered you asked and are very nice about it. But I don't regret asking anyone out even if the rejection was uncomfortable at the time. I do regret being too shy to ask some out.

Anyway, you probably won't meet him again unless he's interested. So if he's not interested, there doesn't have to be any awkwardness!

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119082706#Comment_119082706

That's brilliant, well done for going for it. It might just be me but I can't see any man reacting negatively to you reaching out. At the worst I'd be uninterested but flattered and would politely decline.

Hope it works out OP, fortune favours the bold.

83hamilton

So, I'm back again. In a bizarre twist of fate, we ended up matching on Bumble the weekend after I posted here, and ended up texting all last week. Found out we were both headed to same event weekend just gone and next weekend.

He texted in the two days prior to event Sat just gone - but didn't suggest meeting up, but did speak about the event itself. He had already said he'd see me at the event next weekend. So I took that to mean meeting last weekend was out. And didn't suggest meeting myself. He did however text after said event to see was I out. I said that I had seen him in the crowd at the event but when I looked back again, he was gone. I asked where they had ended up after and I've had no response. That was late Sat night - I've been left on read.

I know it's only been two days. I'm not panicking - yet I'm a bit miffed at the lack of response. Texting as a form of communication in early stages of dating has never been my forte - I tend to read into what is being said/not being said. I do prefer to meet/chat on the phone, but I guess I was wondering if he'd ask to meet Sat. He didn't, so I didn't seek him out, thinking he'll ask if he's interested in meeting.

No question as such - just wondering what do you guys make of this?

Augme

Just ask him to meet for a coffee or pint and go from there. You're both at an age where having to analyse texts to figure out where you stand shouldn't need to happen.

TherapyBoy

Text him & tell him you want to meet for the event next weekend, no maybe’s - just tell him. He’s probably doing as much guessing & wondering & reading what’s being said/not being said as you are & being direct leaves no doubt.

standardg60

If your last text was a question and he didn't reply i'd leave it at that.

Everyone knows a question means you want to continue the conversation, not replying to said question means you don't. If he replies well and good but i wouldn't send another in the meantime.

83hamilton

This is my gut feeling - not a fan of double texting being honest, I don't want to look desperate if he's showing he might not be interested.

83hamilton

Thanks Therapy Boy - the texts in the days prior to Saturday left me thinking he would ask to meet but when it wasn't explicitly said, I made an assumption he wasn't interested. I find texting an appalling way to communicate and an easy way to put someone on the long finger. OK when I know someone well and I've gotten past figuring them out but bottom line is there was nothing direct and without him responding to my last message, I don't feel like being that direct - it feels too vulnerable when not getting the same vibes back!

CrookedJack

Well this is disappointing - What happened to you asking him directly? I was so impressed with you cutting through the game playing and just asking him out, now here you are trying to second guess silence.

If you like him ask him out, then you'll know for sure if he want's to go out with you. At the very least you'll get to not have to figure out what he's thinking, at the best, a date!

83hamilton

Hi Crookedjack,

Yeah I know. I guess old habits die hard - I think I let him take the lead on the conversation front quite a bit. Which was really nice but I think being in isolation with covid and living alone got to me quite a bit last week - I was weary of coming across too eager. Which is something I have done in the past!

I'm kinda sorry we matched on Bumble now, if we hadn't, I would have texted to ask him out directly and I wouldn't be here!

I'm still weary of messaging when he hasn't replied - do I reference confusion over the weekend just gone or head straight in? Like, we are going to the same event next weekend but both with friends which is where he said he'd see me.

Also - I've just come from a relationship where I repeatedly had to ask my partner to work on the same problem for over a year only to get nowhere - I'm working through this myself with a counsellor now but as a result of the lack of response from my ex, I'm just assuming that if someone isn't making the moves, they are not interested anyway. Actions speak louder than words in my dating experience?

sprucemoose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119136729#Comment_119136729

era people can open messages by accident, get distracted by something else etc,. id give it one another message and if theres no response or its not read then jack it in. ideally it would be to just straight out as to meet up too, if theyre not interested its found out sooner rather than later