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Online dating apps

  • 09-05-2022 9:36pm
    Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭


    I am a single 31 year old male who has been using Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, POF and OKcupid for the past several months. I have earnestly tried my best to start conversations by sending messages to women but to no avail - they never respond to any of my messages. If on the off chance that I am matched with someone they quickly delete me.

    I am an average 31 year old male, not good looking, not bad looking. I have to say that this has been effecting my mental health recently. Hobbies that I use to enjoy have become meaningless to me now as this is all I am thinking about. I am terribly lonely, and I don't have that many friends, to be fair. If I don't make an effort, then when will I? Its not so much that I want to date, but rather companionship with women of my own age. I recently joined Bestfriendfinder which on the face of it, sounds like something up my alley but it is the same story over there - I send messages but they are ignored or deleted.

    Why is it for me that all women of my age seem cold and distant to me?


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,902 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    Are you certain what exactly you are looking for and if you are advertising clearly?

    Your Op seems confused and all over the place, which could explain why you are getting no reaction.

  • Registered Users Posts: 974 ✭✭✭Vestiapx

    I have questions: What height are you ?

    Height seems to be important to people these days many poeple are using lifts and height increasing shoes to add a couple of inches it's the modern version of a padded bra or socks down the pants.

    Are you a bit depressed? Have you tried getting a bit of councilling or coaching ? Many employers or health insurance can offer this for free and it's not that dear even if you have to pay. Friend of mine has been going for years and swears by it.

    Have you tried looking offline for a partner? The best thing I heard recently was look where you would want them to be. So if you want a girl who goes hill walking on a Saturday morning then you won't find her in a bar on a Friday night. Problem is how do you approach someone if you aren't pissed or simply swiping them online.

    And that's the last question. Do you need work ? You are 31 and you can't get a woman online so you ask online if we know what you should do , we don't but you probably do. Are you living up to your potential because if you aren't and it's obvious you aren't then you be need to drop a gear and do it. Whateneve it is that you think you should be achieving you need to start on the path towards that.

    Build a better you and the woman's will come.

  • Registered Users Posts: 22,797 ✭✭✭✭recode the site

    Make sure you have a few nice pictures of you being your best self, but still “you”. Black & white is very flattering. If you like animals feature one. Make an effort to get some good pictures. If you can get someone to take a whole selection of them pick the best. If you have a female relative to ask all the best. Too many guys put very unflattering pictures up, and often it’s because they have nobody they feel they can ask to take a picture. But sometimes it’s good just to be cheeky and ask someone to take a pic or two of you. Also there are ways of setting up good selfies if you put in the time and effort.

    Tinder etc is honestly really an awful market place, you have to take it with a grain of salt. It is only a very rocky stepping stone. Maybe widen your age range, you might be very surprised.

    Whatever you do, don’t judge your worth to women on the basis of how people respond on Twitter. It is a very distant medium, and people often feel they are talking/not talking to bots rather than real humans.

    Nothing Known Talent Management Ltd

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  • Registered Users Posts: 46 ShamanRing

    Just stick to Tinder, it gives you most power. Don’t be a dork, unless you are really attractive. At 31, if you having these issues you are like 50% of the male species - below average in looks, or as you’ll see it referred to: medium ugly! It’s not all bad news though.

    Dont worry about the lack of responses, it’s natural. It’s a game to be played. Show some backbone; don’t double text if they don’t respond, simple unmatch them if they don’t respond. Keep your openers simple, rhetorical questions or statements about their profile works better than ‘ hey how are you :) ‘. Keep it light, don’t go asking about jobs.

    and for the love of god read the post above about photos.

  • Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭Johnrazz

    Do you socialise? Each to their own but anytime I moved in my single days etc I found the pub the best place to make/meet new friends/people.

    them dating apps are after my time, probably would of used them if they were around back in the day but I’m glad they weren’t at the same time by some of the story’s.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,988 ✭✭✭MrMusician18

    That would work, but in the absence of money, a reasonable and respectable job is a good place to start. If you're unfit, then try and get fit. Not only will it help, it's good for you too.

    The apps themselves are all about the shop window and first impressions - so I'd echo the earlier posts that a good set of photos is vital. Would you be interested in talking to the person in your profile? So for photos, dress smartly, have good lighting and get someone else take them. A short snappy bio helps too.

    Online is much harder for men than women. Women get a lot more messages so standing out is really important. "Hi" doesn't cut it. A friend of mine is an absolute master at this having been doing the online thing for a while tells me his strategy is to pick from something a little in the person's profile: sometimes in their picture, sometimes in their description and comment/question on that. If that gets the conversation going, he asks a series of follow up questions on their profile. People are experts on themselves and most people love talking about themselves, so use that to your advantage. It's a numbers game too, so see what works and refine that. Trying to take the conversation out of the app relatively quickly helps too

    That said most conversations will fail. They'll dry up, run their course. Online, you need to roll with the punches as getting knocked back is tough - and you get knocked back continually ultimately until you find your real match.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,426 ✭✭✭maestroamado

    I knew a gobshite a few years ago... anyway he teamed with this lass and they ahd a whirlwind romance and were married in about 6 months... Both looked the part lived the life nice place nice car...

    Both thought the other rich and neither of them had a place of their own... another 6 months and game over...

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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Online dating is not like real world dating, it's more like a video game. It's incredibly fickle. I use it, but I try not to take it personally. People drop in and out, if you go on a date with someone they're probably messaging/dating a few other people at the same time. It's the nature of the near infinite choice that dating apps provide.

    It's just a game. So don't take it too seriously.

    If you want something meaningful, I'd recommend joining a few social groups where you can get to know people slowly and develop a real relationship.

  • Registered Users Posts: 81 ✭✭spontindeed

    OP - don't fret. You have time on your side - they don't. A woman's biological clock is much shorter so they are soon approaching the age where they will have to diall down their ego when this reality hits them. Keep your standards high and take your time as you approach your mid-30's.

    Maybe start with the 'like' button but don't jump straight into texting them. Women tend not to go for "nice guys" so maybe this might be the reason you're being rudely cold shouldered.  

    A lot of ladies have an irrational fear of men but the fact that they block you means they are not serious about dating and are "players". It's a telltale sign of their personality and it gives you an idea of the type of woman they would be if their only response is to block you or cut you off. Stay well clear! At the end of the day, they will still be single by the time they reach 40 - not that 40 is anything to feel bad about.

    I know a 32 year old guy who found his love in Belarus having experienced the same cold shouldering here. She is now with him for 4 years now and he couldn't believe the amount of women who now approach him that never did when he was single! In his words: "they come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken" (no offense intended). If you want to know the dating app he found her on, PM me.