What’s the Norm

Marymoore

So my friend is always complaining that her husband is mean with money etc. Anyway she proceeded to tell me that they went for a bite to eat. They shared a pizza and had a drink each and her husband asked the waitress can they split the bill. They each paid half and the waitress looked at him funny and asked if he wasn’t going to treat his wife.. I don’t agree with the waitress getting involved but is it unusual for a couple to split bills? Should the man pay? Or they take turns or what is the norm. I didn’t know what to think so didn’t want to go against her husband but she finds it a turn off that he didn’t pay and thinks he should treat her sometimes.she told me he thinks she’s spoilt expecting him to pay..

sam t smith

How do they manage their money as a married couple?

Do they pool some or all of their money?

Does she spend hundreds a month on hair and beauty etc for example?

Marymoore

What’s hers is hers and what’s his is his… they don’t share money at all

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029846#Comment_119029846

So they split the weekly food bill, utility bills, car insurance etc?

elperello

Yes, a married couple splitting the bill is a bit eccentric.

sam t smith

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029846#Comment_119029846

Maybe he feels he is overpaying for bills, mortgage etc.

Gregor Samsa

We split the bill. But we both pay with our cards from the same joint account. But only my wife is earning, so it's only her money that goes into the joint account. But she works for me (I own the company, but I don't take a wage). But she also owns the company that's my company's only client. Which my company is the only supplier of.

We find it less complicated to just split the bill than figure out who should pay each time.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029846#Comment_119029846

They're far from normal. It won't end well.

The Mighty Quinn

To each their own I suppose, if they're agreed on the arrangement. However in this situation it sounds like they aren't.

Why do you ask if the man should get it?

I guess many couples do split it in a fashion, but usually in the format of, you got dinner last time, this is on me. Or pay from a joint account they both pay into. Very odd to ask to split the bill between a couple at a table, even if they were planning on paying their own way, usually one would pay and one reimburse.

The notion of separate financial lives in a marriage is strange to me, whatever about each half having some of their own to spend after they've contributed to household costs, but to keep it 100% separate seems bonkers.

riclad

hes just mean, you cannot even buy a pizza for your wife, ?theres a woman who wrote to slate.com, for advice

her husband is very rich, he makes her pay half the bills, mortage etc she works in an office job.

but i think you need to sort these issues out before you get married. a miser is a miser, a cheater is a cheater,

people dont change much after the age of 20. also maybe they earn roughly the same income so he feels the should go 50,50 in every expense they pay , many women earn more than their partner nowadays

Esse85

Why would you suggest "should the man pay?" unless you're in your 70s of course.

How do we know the wife isn't wreckless with money and the man is the one managing the finances?

Every relationship is different and what I think is fair is that the higher earner pays an extra percentage when splitting bills or covers the bill more frequently and that goes for the man or the woman.

Marymoore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029855#Comment_119029855

None of their money is pooled. And no she is not a big spender at all. Only thing she would spend on other than bills/food etc would be meals out (maybe once a month or so) she never buys clothes or beauty or gets her hair done in fairness. Even if she did she would be the one paying. They actually take turns doing the grocery shops. She pays all the utility bills and car bills as he doesn’t drive. She was very down about it talking to me, she told me she feels sad seeing her future with him like this- claims she never saw this side before marrying.. shes also afraid cos shes 38 and afraid if she leaves him she’ll lose her chance to have kids.. tough situation, just didn’t know if she was being dramatic or not…

they both earn similar amounts although her very slightly less..

Atlantic Dawn

Are they both oddballs? Marriage means sharing the lot 50/50, sounds insane what they are doing.

sam t smith

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029880#Comment_119029880

Nice to see the ‘keep it simple, stupid’ principle in use.

The Mighty Quinn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029880#Comment_119029880

Wut?!

If you're both paying your half of the bill using your own joint account card, for the same joint account, why not put it all on one card. And why would you even pay your half on your card if the only money in the joint account is your wife's? In essence she pays twice then, she pays with her money on her card, and you pay with her money on your card.

Makey no sense to me. I'm sure I'm missing something here!

Anyways, whatever works for you both 😁

Gregor Samsa

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029955#Comment_119029955

Look, it’s just easier to split it on the two cards than have one of us pay it from the joint account and then try to figure out what the other owes them when we get home. Sitting down to reconcile accounts is a head wreck after a nice meal out. Why complicate things?

Yeah, none of this happened.

Kermit.de.frog

I fully support the equality agenda. 50/50 I say.

riclad

i think its nice for one person to pay the bill especially if one person earns more than the other, maybe sometimes its the woman, maybe sometimes its the man, i dont know how someone owns company and earns nothing, but sometimes people open a llc, because it reduces the tax bill on certain assets ,or it may take years before you have enough clients to make a profit.im in favour of equality,

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029896#Comment_119029896

She should get a taxi type meter for the car and charge him every time she drives him anywhere.

Larbre34

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119030159#Comment_119030159

I know a couple of people down the years for whom this would have been normal. Even if this exact story isn't true, such a thing does absolutely happen.

squigglestrebor

He sounds like a tight bolix to be honest, and its on of those traits that will only every get worse. Tough situation on the age front. The biological clock is a real disadvantage for women, i think they have it on the whole equal to men in ireland but thats one area thats proper shite for them, they are limited with regard to dating/partners imo.

HildaOgdenx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119030159#Comment_119030159

Agreed.

Was there a worm in the fish, OP? 😝

mojesius

Jaysus, it sounds a bit odd. Here we just pay with whoever's card is handiest to reach.

HildaOgdenx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119030284#Comment_119030284

Indeed.

But OP has form for unusual happenings with friends...

I'd always pay for dinner/lunch with my wife to treat her. Maybe it's a generation thinking, but I'd feel uncomfortable asking or expecting her to pay half.

Quantum Erasure

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119029880#Comment_119029880

sounds tax efficient

(or inefficient, i dunno)

PalLimerick

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058244873/what-s-the-norm

This is obviously about you. How would you know all the trivial details otherwise. Just one of "ye" pay or take turns. Frank from Home Alone comes to mind. Mr Cheapskate.

PalLimerick

People say the Man sounds tight and mean. And I genuinely wouldn't do what he did. But why does the Man only sound mean and not the Woman?

Paul Pogba

Joint account in our house, wife works from home, loves heat, uses more electricity, eats more food as I buy lunch every day, her portion of the shopping bill probably twice as much as mine, electricity, internet, sky , groceries all paid from the joint account.

She earns more than me. All bills split evenly through joint account. Doesn’t bother me, it is what it is. Take it in turns paying for meals etc non joint account stuff , but herself probably pays for it 6/10 times as she normally suggests it. Not much disposable income myself after all bills are paid but comfortable and joint account works well.

sporina

@Marymoore are you that boardsie person again??? the one with all the mate's issues (or your own lol)..

(apologies in advance if your not)

The Mighty Quinn

Have two babies, a mortgage, childcare and 2 cars. What is this "disposable income" people talk about 😆

elperello

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119030801#Comment_119030801

Don't worry you will get your payback when you are living mortgage free and the kids are driving you to a restaurant and picking up the bill 🙂