Should I tell my friend about her boyfriends behaviour

Laverte

A few months ago I spent the night with a friend and her partner, it was my first time meeting him and during the evening her partner initiated a threesome, we had all taken narcotics and were deep into the night talking. Although it made me uncomfortable I went along with it, at a certain point I put an end to it, my level of discomfort was too much.

Upon reflection I was angry with myself for the entire situation, I didn't want it to happen and was happy I stopped.

A few days ago I met with them again, we happened to all be in Marseille at the same time, we went to their friends house and had a bit of a party. At the end of the night everyone had gone to bed and it was just myself and my friends partner awake.. He started making advances, many, I eventually put myself to bed but it doesn't sit right with me. He was very persistent.

My question is, should I tell my friend? I'm conflicted, on one hand he made advances, I felt it wasn't right and I would want to know if my boyfriend was acting the way he was. On the other hand the nature of our relationship has always been sexual, nothing happened, we rarely see each other (following the last interaction I'm not looking forward to it when we do) and she's really happy, I wouldn't want something that never happened physically be an issue in their relationship.

Side note, they are a very open couple who partake in threesomes and other things frequently, that being said I think him coming on to me while she's asleep wouldn't be ok with her and I doubt very much that he'd tell her.

So what should i do?

I don't think you should do anything. You already know they enjoy threesomes and have an open relationship. Leave it be.

walshb

Will she give a flying fook if you tell her?

Liberty_Bear

You might focus on telling your friend you feelings regarding the threesome and how you felt. Under narcotics we are not ourselves and our inhibitions are lowered to a point that we might regret things we do. Ive been there with alcohol and narcotics over the years, I wake up and go "why did I do that" if only just to stop it from happening again. From what you said they may have a relationship where they can play away with others and as such they do not consider it cheating and the risk from telling might be he might accuse you of coming on to him or lying etc, there are too many variables I reckon at play but you do what you feel is right for you. In your own head just think how narcotics and alcohol affect your judgement if itsa pattern and maybe think about setting a limit, then again you might be grand. Wishing you well OP

Katgurl

I think I'd tell her you were wasted the night of the threesome and regretted it sober. Then I'd ask do they have an entirely open relationship. Whether or not I told her about the next night would depend on her response.

It might be the end of your friendship with her but the situation(s) you've described sound deeply unpleasant and I would feel the need to express that.

PipingProblems

As others have said, if they're in an open relationship, it probably isn't news to the friend. I would, however, let them know that you aren't interested in anything further. It's obviously not guaranteed, but there's a good chance this couple have a very open communication line about sex (you have to to make that sort of relationship work) so bringing it up shouldn't be an issue.

My only concern about your post was you saying he was very persistent. That may be something worth discussing with your friend.

skallywag

Perhaps lay off the drugs too OP if you end up in such a tizzy over actions you take as a consequence?

Xterminator

I think you should resist the urge to unburden yourself, because i don't see any good coming from it, and you risk losing a dear friend.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058240935/should-i-tell-my-friend-about-her-boyfriends-behaviour

In the situation you describe I’d be more inclined to have a good hard look in the mirror before worrying about some other rando’s behaviour.

Wanderer78

you d probably want to be dispatching yourself off to a therapist, as theres probably a few demons roaming around in there, your behavior is abnormal and dysfunctional, please get help before this worsens, best of luck

...Ghost...

Drugs mess with your head. Stop using narcotics. No point telling your "friend" as she has chosen her partner and knows the score. You said already the relationship is only sexual so what you say in the OP is a bit at odds with everything else. Start with cutting the drugs and go from there. I'd say cut out the friend too.