Housemate -unreasonable noise complaint

Need to get this off my chest before I start work, feel like laughing and crying.

This morning at 7.45 am my housemate who's a female maybe 26 has been living here for 3 years, I'm 31 have been here for four years.

She came into the kitchen at like 7.45 am saying that I woke her up. My other housemate was there. I did nothing out of the way, i did move what was on the straining board into the press and apparently the saucepans and press doors were making noise they weren't. The house was advertised for working professionals and we do behave like mice here. It was very intense for first thing in the morning. She works as a music teacher in the evening, maybe she sleeps in however the rest of us are getting ready for work and not doing anything intentional.

maestroamado

I know you did nothing wrong but give her a break... 7.45 am not the time for reloading the presses...

It's really horrible, before I used to leave the house earlier. We're a house of working professionals, grand if she chooses to sleep in. Two other housemates were already up. Her thing it was that it was before 8, yes that's how people operate before they go to work. We can't demand for people to not be able to live easily, I think she went over board and especially directing it all to me when they're was another housemate in the kitchen. I do think **** her. To me she's a madam

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058238347/housemate-unreasonable-noise-complaint

You done nothing wrong - shes being unreasonable. Its acceptable to be using the kitchen at 7.45am. If she has a problem with this she needs to move out and find another place. Hopefully she reflects on this later and apologises to you.

CantCatchCovid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817406#Comment_118817406

Used to live with a fella that would cook his dinner at 3/4am with headphones on.

Smashing all the pots into each other etc.

Would look at you like you had too heads when you told him to shut the **** up 🤣,never again.

Thanks, to be honest it's changed my morning. It has been the most words she spoke to me to near 9 months - maybe she's got built up rage against me too. If it was a Sunday I'd understand a little bit on a weekday

Princess Calla

7:45 is not early for professionals.

I'd be out the door at 7 to be in the office at 8.

Guaranteed if you left the draining board full she'd be complaining that the dishes weren't put away in a timely manner.

Padre_Pio

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817406#Comment_118817406

Nah, I get woken up at 7.30 most mornings by my housmate clip clopping down the stairs in heels for work.

After 7 is fair game IMO, most would be up for work around then. Maybe WFH has changed some routines, but people should expect some reasonable noise in the mornings.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817458#Comment_118817458

11pm to 7am is standard time to be more careful with noise,other than that a person should be able to live without going crazy or disrespectful. Like she teaches the flute from home in the evening, it's annoying but i get over it, it's give and take. Thanks for commenting, i moved more to the crying stage from the shock of it in the morning

maestroamado

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817464#Comment_118817464

I often stay in a town house and the guy next door says he always knows when i am there as will hear doors etc... i think it would be a good idea to let whoever gets up last put away the pots etc...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817490#Comment_118817490

She came into the kitchen guns blazing, she doesn't speak a word to me. Always wears headphones around the house, so this felt more intense. I get what you're saying and you're right... just want to feel like i can live here with ease. Covid has changed things in our dynamic and I think inflation will make things worse too

beertons

If the pots were dry last night, who didn't put them away? I hate coming down to a full kitchen, stuff everywhere. Tidy up before bed, and there won't be noise in the morning.

maestroamado

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817534#Comment_118817534

Try to use it as an opportunity to have a chat... maybe say that you shouldn't have being putting away stuff... it may help long term if there is a chat about it among you all... she likely realize that there was an over-reaction on her part...

km991148

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817567#Comment_118817567

yeah exactly - everyone has a bad day now and again. Maybe the kitchen noise reverberates more than you think and she's been sitting on it. Maybe other things going on. A chat now and work it out between you before blowing it out of all proportion is my take.

seamus

I would ignore it and continue on.

Monday to Friday, anything after 7am is fair game. Don't apologise, don't yield or imply you did anything wrong. Because you didn't. If she likes to sleep in on weekdays and/or works late, then she should wear earplugs.

It sounds like she was having a bad morning. I'd wait until later today and give her a chance to apologise for going off on one.

osarusan

I'd guess this was the final straw in a line of real and/or imagined issues with other houemates.

Wanderer78

she needs earplugs!

ted1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817406#Comment_118817406

7:45 on a weekday is perfectly acceptable

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817446#Comment_118817446

What did she actually say and what's the issue you're looking for advice on, exactly? It sounds to me like you both overreacted, tbh.

JimmyVik

People are weird.

I used to live in a terraced house. I would have the neighbour on the left knock on my door at all hours of the morning asking me if the noise (said they were playing loud must at 2 - 3am every night) from the neighbor on the right was bothering me. I didnt hear any noise whatsoever from the neighbor on the right, but i often heard noise (not loud) from the one knocking on my door.

This went one every night for 2 weeks. Finally I exploded and told them i didnt hear a fcuking sound from them. In fact I had slept soundly every single night until they started knocking on the door. I asked them would they kindly knock on the door of the person who they have the problem with in future. They never spoke to us again after that. They never went next door either.

The Mighty Quinn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817666#Comment_118817666

I'd agree completely. OP you're over reacting to her over reaction.

My wife sometimes takes the kids on a weekend morning at 5-6am, as I'd usually take them during the week. She'll often then proceed to "get a headstart on the day" and cook the dinner at 6am, pots and pans clanging in and out of drawers, so much for the sleep in. It is a grating noise when you're in bed, I get it, but jesus at nearly 8 in the morning I wouldn't be long telling her where to go if she had an outburst at me about it.

YellowLead

She needs to cop on. If it was 5 in the morning that might be unreasonable but living with working professionals you expect noise from people from 7. Going around with headphones all the time seems weird too.

If she complains to the landlord they will tell her where to go, so just ignore her as much as you can, hopefully she will move out.

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817975#Comment_118817975

she may have auditory sensitivities, this could explain the headphones

breezy1985

What's all this "working professional" bollix. Are there also "working unprofessionals" and "non working professionals"

fatbhoy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817458#Comment_118817458

The dishes and pots/pans should be dried with a tea-towel straight after they're washed, and then put away. Cook, clean, tidy away. No waiting around crap. That's how a smooth house works.

Snugbugrug28

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058238347/housemate-unreasonable-noise-complaint

She's musical so her hearing is off the Richter scale that's why

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118818013#Comment_118818013

Well, for just meaning that we're a house of people who work full time whether from home or outside of the house. I know that it doesn't mean anything to do with a persons characteristics

seamus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817691#Comment_118817691

I know this is off-topic, but yes people are very odd about noise. I live in a group of 4 terraced houses. Let's say numbered 1-4 and I live in no. 2. Kids in no. 4 got drums last summer. Neighbour in no. 1 bitched for a month solid about the noise and how she felt like she couldn't open her windows. Neighbour in no. 3 was like, "Yeah it's noisier inside but they're kids and they don't play for more than 20 mins at a time, so what are you gonna do?".

Some people think there is a right to silence or that complaining about noise is a "done thing". From experience, the important thing is to not relent to these kinds of people or they'll ramp up the complaints. If you are objectively making a reasonable amount of noise for the time of day, then don't promise to make less noise or apologise for it.

If someone doesn't like the normal noise level that comes with a type of living arrangement, then it's up to them to move on, it's not up to everyone else to accommodate them.

thefallingman

If this is the first time she has moaned in years I don’t think it’s a big deal she probably just had a bad day or night like we all do sometimes I wouldn’t be too hard on her

JimmyVik

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118818249#Comment_118818249

To be fair though anyone who buys a kid drums should buy them headphones. There is no need these days for a kid to be playing drums that make sounds loud enough to be heard outside the house. I have a kit myself and not a peep can be heard from any other room on the rare occassions they are played these days.

I find some people can just be utterly ridiculous and aren’t really capable of sharing space or living in urban areas.

We’d a neighbour who used to give out to us if our kitchen light was on after 11pm !? Absolute pain of a guy. He would knock on the door complaining about our dog barking - I do not and never have had a dog and what’s even weirder is nor did anyone else near by and I have never heard a dog barking in the area. He even called the dog warden on us multiple times.

He would accuse me of having parties or playing loud music, when there were no parties whatsoever and I don’t play loud music. He even complained about a party when there was nobody in the house at all!

I ended up actually having to tell him if he didn’t stop doing this I would have to make a complaint to the guards about harassment as it was going way beyond anything remotely reasonable. Only conclusion I can come to is the guy had a few screws loose.

The other one which was even more abhorrent was at my late mother’s house. She had a neighbour several houses away (like 200m+ from the house) who had a rather highly strung member of the family. She took a notion that my mother’s house alarm was going off regularly. It was not and she was quite tech savvy and very well able to prove the alarm hadn’t sounded.

It’s possible perhaps another neighbour’s alarm was having the odd false alarm, but it certainly wasn’t anything to do with my mom. Anyway, she arrived down at the house one morning at about 8am bashing on the door and going utterly crazy. Roared and shouted at my mother, who had a serious heart condition at the time and also wasn’t all that mobile either due to arthritis.

My mom ended having a huge argument with her and getting pains in her chest and getting dizzy etc, yet this nutter kept roaring at her until she slammed the door in her face.

Some odd people out there…

Your comment is helpful as what I got from it was don't bow to unreasonable requests, as you'll be taken advantage of and I'll regret it

Maybe fair, yes her request is unreasonable, she's human too with her emotions. Might be a build up of all sort of stuff and then she left it out. Not so much what she but how she said it and yeah I'll take no notice of her really. I'll do me. Don't do anything out of spite or be disrespectful

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118818026#Comment_118818026

Well if that's what works for you that's fine. We allow ours to air dry and put them away whenever we are pottering around the kitchen....waiting for kettle to boil etc.

To be honest I'd have a much bigger issue with music classes happening in the house. While a musical instrument played by an accomplished musician can be absolutely beautiful, played by a learner can often resemble a cat being strangled. As for scales being repeated over and over....yeah not for me.

Also does the lesson happen in the bedroom...which is kinda fair enough...or does one of the living rooms get taken over meaning other housemates can't enjoy property that they are paying rent for....which I would find unacceptable.

If I was the music teacher I certainly wouldn't be complaining about noise.....good luck finding housemates that would be happy sharing a house with that set up.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod note

I've deleted a number of off topic posts. The OP has already explained what they meant by explaining themselves/housemates as professionals.

Please remember to offer advice to the OP when replying to their thread.

Thanks

HS

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118819003#Comment_118819003

She teaches online from her bedroom in the evening, it does vibrate throughout the house. I'm used to it and I take no notice. Like we all gotta live in the house and she could be doing worse things. Her bedroom is next to the kitchen downstairs. Right now at 11.25 the washing machine is on in the utility room next to the kitchen, it will be on for another hour. Not on by me, I usually have it on for a half hour cycle during the day. The dryer could be on anther night, I never use the dryer. All that just shows how ludicrous it was that she went off on me for placing a saucepan into the cupboard and it made some noise as I placing the bigger saucepan in the bottom of the pile at 7.45am. It's all pety. I wish my reaction was less frightened and more standing up for myself, in the moment its really difficult for me and then I just got upset. I think I'm getting fed up with being in a house share and with living with others and need to completly do my own thing here in the house, look after number one.

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118821513#Comment_118821513

I find it bizarre that a lot of the responses here are about never backing down and make sure you don't budge an inch. They all sound like horrible people to live with.

I don't know why your response wasn't "Oh, I'm sorry to disturb you, I'll try to be quieter in future".

I mean it costs you nothing, it'll make her life easier, it'll diffuse the tension and you get to be a good person too. All of this "stick to your guns, never say die" stuff just seems childish. As i'm sure her over the top reaction obviously was too. But as you say above she's obviously constantly being disturbed, so I imagine this was the straw that broke the camels back - I think there's a more compassionate view you can take here rather than the more combative suggestions.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118821582#Comment_118821582

The thing is though it wasn't so much what she was saying but her manner too in regards to it and other then that it would seem like I'd be unable to come downstairs till when she approves. She said that it was before 8. I wasn't sorry though as I wasn't doing anything deliberate or unreasonable and I will be boiling the kettle again before 8 in the mornings like I've always done over the last 4 years. I get what you mean that even in the then and there if I said sorry that you woke up. I was so taken a back by it and my other housemate was in the kitchen too and at 7 am, he was dragging his bike out of the living next to her room and went off and in after half an hour he dragged it back in, making noise too. He could keep the bike in the back yard that has an external entrance through the back door that is locked. It feels like as the other female, who is anxious (that's probably apparent as I'm disecting an interaction here) it was easier to place her anger on me. Now maybe this reads validate that I'm right

The washing machine is now going through the spin cycle which is la bit loud where my room is upstairs, if you're downstairs like her it would be very loud. She's all friendly with the guys. I think her nose is out of joint that my work role has changed where I'm moved to a permanent work from home role and at home, when she used to enjoy an empty house during the day with everyone else gone to work and it's easier to say something to me then the lads.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118821582#Comment_118821582

But why should she apologize she did nothing wrong.

She could easily have been taking a pot out to boil an egg, frying pan for a rasher, liquidizer for a smoothie, coffee grinder for a coffee etc. All perfectly normal breakfast noise. 7:45 is a perfectly normal breakfast time.

The OP didn't deserve to be shouted at.

Caranica

There's a couple of things here:

Sounds like the landlord/tenants have turned a downstairs reception room into a bedroom. Houses were not designed for this and of course sound will carry.

OP if you're working from home all the time, did you have to put the stuff away first thing?

At least two of you are now working from home, based on the length of tenure neither of you did that before. It will change the dynamic of a house. Did you both address that with your housemates OP? Maybe offer to pay a slightly larger portion of utility bills?

I'm not justifying her reaction but I think there could be more to it than just noise, I agree that it probably is pushback against you being there all the time.

KerryM9

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118818249#Comment_118818249

Wait so you think people don't have a right to peaceful enjoyment of their home? Crazy stuff.

I get that not everyone is sensitive to noise to the same degree, but there's a real lack of empathy here for people who do struggle with noise, for whom it can cause real mental anguish. And not everyone can just leave their home, depends on their financial situation etc.

Jequ0n

OP, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Fine, she shouldn’t have snapped at you, but here you are now conjuring up reasons why she might be having an issue with you personally.

Your updates simply show that there were several things that might have woken her this morning and the most likely explanation is that she just had enough by 7:45, so you got to bear the brunt of it.

Of course she was out of line. But your over analysis of her behaviour and possible attitudes towards you (the envy angle especially) make you look petty, not her.

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118821679#Comment_118821679

As I said, she could apologise for disturbing her - I mean surely as adults we know that it's possible unintentionally upset people, and as empathetic adults we would be sorry for that.

I agree OP could easily have been doing those things, and presumably would be trying to do them with as little disruption as possible to someone still in bed. I know it's certainly possible to rearrange pots and pans quietly.

The OP did not deserve to be shouted at. No one deserves to be shouted at. Only children think in terms of people deserving bad things happening to them.

spakman

Crying about it is a bit OTT. Just roll your eyes and carry on with your day

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118873160#Comment_118873160

Ya it got my off guard. I've got that attitude now and a better perspective. Thanks though

Esse85

Reading this would put anyone off ever house sharing again.

Yep, it sure would and it's all petty small trivial things that add up, lack of communication too.

LilacNails

Sometimes when u do communicate , still doesn't make a difference .