Open Relationships - Your Thoughts

Witchie

I was in an open relationship for about 3 years. When we met, I told him I couldn't be with just one guy and he said I could do what I wanted as long as I didn't tell him. So I did. It worked well until I realised that he and I weren't having sex anymore and that we barely spent any time together despite living together. I ended it then as I felt we were just friends now and I wanted him to be able to go find someone to love and for me to potentially do the same. That was over a year ago and I am single. Dammit.

_gir

couldnt do it, just wouldn’t feel close to my wife anymore if I knew she was doing the same thing with someone else. Would feel less like us against the world and more like me alone

Dr. Bre

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118819961#Comment_118819961

John was panging her?

jmayo

Those old open relationships really seem to work.

You get quite contended well adjusted couples.

Just ask Will Smith. 😉

Ave Sodalis

Open relationships work for people who are on the same page from the start. It helps if both people are in that sort of scene in the first place, where communication is already of the utmost importance.

I couldn't have had an open relationship with my last relationship, but I haven't ruled it out for future ones for various reasons.

They're not easy. It's not a walk in the park and they aren't for most people. There's also different degrees of open-ness. However, they do suit some people more than completely monogamous relationships.

BattleCorp1

I don't think I couldn't handle an open relationship. I think jealousy would get the better of me.

Jequ0n

Makes sense of both partners are on the same page. It’s not for me but fair play if it works for people.

cuttingtimber22

Does sexuality come into whether it works or not? If one or both are bi, perhaps such a relationship can work? Or does that matter at all?

cuttingtimber22

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118858013#Comment_118858013

You could handle it then. Is a double negative a positive?

BattleCorp1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118859829#Comment_118859829

I may learn to proof read my posts.

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118859860#Comment_118859860

ah fcuk it, we knew what you meant

im not convinced open relationships can work, i suspect most, if not all involved have dysfunctions that may require professional guidance to resolve....

cuttingtimber22

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118859860#Comment_118859860

Sorry I knew what you meant - just a bit of devilment.

BattleCorp1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118859993#Comment_118859993

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118860028#Comment_118860028

Ah yeah, I knew it was just messing. 😁

I suppose open relationships can work for some people, but it certainly wouldn't be for me. I'd be far too jealous and don't think I could handle somebody else messing with my missus.

One of my mates used to have a semi open relationship. Not quite a fully open relationship but both of them strayed (with each other's knowledge) for a bit of side action. They used to have threesomes/foursomes too the odd time. They cut it out years ago because the complications outweighed the benefits for them. It worked for a while but then things started to get complicated so they dropped it.

Feisar

I couldn't do it, not when I was younger and not now. Having said they when I was a younger pup I could have a couple of women on the go, not going out with any of them but in sexual relationships with them. I presume I wasn't all their one and only's. So what's the difference really, emotional investment?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118816723#Comment_118816723

Yes it is too rigid and that's the whole point. It's about making a commitment. It means that breaking up is more consequential and for some relationships that rigidity can keep them together through hard times. We live in a disposable culture nowadays, I personally like the gravitas that marriage has over just a plain old relationship.

Fandymo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118817098#Comment_118817098

If it's a loveless marriage, leave.

seamus

I don't judge tbh. As another poster says, I think the proportion of people who think they could handle one is considerably smaller than the number who actually can.

The foundation of the relationship has to be absolutely rock solid. Like two best mates who are absolutely certain of their position with eachother.

For most people the issue with these things is not really about the sexual aspect, it's about the underlying worry that your partner will find the other person more thrilling or more enjoyable than you, and will discard you for them. Whether you've been going out for 4 months or married for 40 years, this doubt can be always there. The other partner may find some people attractive, even flirt a little. But a physical entanglement is considered to be playing a risky game.

But if a couple are past this, they have no fears that the other half is going to run off because some they've had a wild night with some bemuscled lothario, then away they go.

It's a bit like the difference between home and a hotel. A hotel is nice for a night or a weekend. It's luxurious, it's clean, someone else has done all the work, someone else will clean up after you, you get to forget about your troubles, great. But you wouldn't want to live there. You still want to come home, and when you get home you're glad to be home, happy to be back on your couch with your telly. So it can be with an open relationship. The fling is a fling. It's wild, it's fun, it's something new. But done correctly, you always want to come to your partner. You'd never choose a hotel over your home as the place to be.

Hotblack Desiato

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118861667#Comment_118861667

and what if it's not loveless, just sexless?

y0ssar1an22

Consenting adults, do what you want.

Would it be for me? No.

Fandymo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118861847#Comment_118861847

If you love someone you wouldn't want to ride someone else. Have a wank.

Hotblack Desiato

Plenty are and some doing it with the blessing of their spouse, too. Naive, clueless, dismissive reply but sure this is AH

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118861624#Comment_118861624

It means that breaking up is more consequential and for some relationships that rigidity can keep them together through hard times. 

I don't understand this outlook; if you're only staying together because you've signed a binding legal contract then your marriage is dead, a sham.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118865943#Comment_118865943

That's not what I said though. It's that in the bad times, the legal contract makes people think twice about walking away. In those instances, it can be the making of the relationship that people look back on with the feeling of happiness and satisfaction that they stuck with the relationship. This is subtly different to what you are saying I said.

Liberty_Bear

Some very engaging and some very ignorant comments on this thread. Only really catching up with it now. Some people are not open to an open relationship or polyamory, others want it. The older I get the more I see monogamy as being one of a number of options. Through my lens, Ive a certain set of sexual inclinations I enjoy and want to continue enjoying, they change with time. All of us are the same. These incliniations will not go away so if I do meet someone where the chemistry is there but they dont meet all my needs (and no partner ever does , either that or its rare) then Im going to be open to them about wanting it elsewhere. The partner becomes an emotional anchor. Yet I could meet someone tomorow who Im quite happy to be in a closed relationship with.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118816723#Comment_118816723

It's not big brother and the State rushing in with lawyers.

The laws are there to protect potentially vulnerable parties from being deprived of their rights. If the affected party wants to waive their right to assert those rights then there is none of the above. But it is that party who makes that decision themselves. You can make any sort of contract you want with any other person. Just read the T's&C's before you sign. If you don't bother, and sign it anyway, don't be crying about it afterwards.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118857728#Comment_118857728

No pangs of regret afterwards anyway

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118867217#Comment_118867217

I think that many people would like a one-sided polyamorous aspect.............where they have a partner who isn't interested in playing the field but is happy for them to do it.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118826586#Comment_118826586

You could swap your missus temporarily........

What was the RTE "comedy" series with Rats from the Flats about the swingers? Or the same fella who played him.

Edit. It was called Fergus' Wedding

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnQ5jcooF_0

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118859450#Comment_118859450

It would definitely work easier if you didn't really give a sh1t about your other half and were with them for some other reason (money/convenience/stuck etc)

BingCrosbee

I’d swap her temporarily at least once a week. When she tells me she’s heading down country working it’s like manna from heaven. All I want is peace and quiet