How are you doing compared to the peers you grew up with?

Ray Palmer

I was chatting with an old school friend and were catching up on people we went to school. When we went to secondary the classes were graded so A1 and A2 were the top classes with one more mathematical and the other more artsy in the subjects. A3 and A4 were the same subjects as above just they felt the students were not as smart as top. A5 was for those with learning disabilities mostly and complete wasters.

After inter-cert the head class didn't matter as people chose their own subjects. More A1-2 took honour subjects but there was a bigger spread. Anyway there were roughly 150 lads in my year. There really isn't a surprise about anybody in terms of where they ended up now. No guy doing badly in school to only become a genius in the real world or people being completely down on their luck who seemed bright. A few health issues and deaths but that is just life.

Generally people I hung around with are on similar incomes and lifestyles and that also seems to be the case with other groups who hung out. I had spoken to an old teacher and he said you can pretty much tell where people will end up in life within the first week of dealing with the first years.

What are other's experiences?

troyzer

I was the only one of my group to go to Trinity, most of the rest of them went off to NUIM together. A lot of them are teachers now. No surprises really.

Sleepy

Out of my core group of friends from home, despite one of the higher achievers of the group in terms of Leaving Certs, I'd think most are in a better place than I am financially due to their having made better / different life choices. There's one who we all lost touch with who heads up a medical research institute in the States and is presumably loaded now but TBH he was always going to do well and we lost touch with him the second he started Medicine in college. The Med students during my time in UCG / NUI, Galway tended to stick to their own faculty socially. There'd have been a few exceptions but they were very much a clique...

None of us ended up as total wasters and I'd imagine most would be doing about as well as our secondary school teachers would have predicted.

Ray Palmer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118616609#Comment_118616609

Some ended up as waster from my school to say the least but they were always headed that way. One surprised me by not ending up in prison but instead helps troubled teens stay out of prison. He was a complete nutter and not a nice guy but he seemed to turn his life around completely. I certainly couldn't do his job emotionally

BrianD3

My secondary school had streaming and I was at or near the top of the top class (and year) in terms of academic ability and LC points. Also scored very well in the verbal/numerical part of the DAT. Did well in college too, at or near top of class every year.

Now, it's over 25 years since the LC and it is pretty clear how people are doing in their careers.

If my peers are the ~30 others that were in the top class in secondary school, I have done badly from a career pov. I am also not in a relationship and don't have children so that could be considered a failure too although a fair amount of that is by choice. On the plus side, I probably have more money than most thanks to inheritances and extreme saving.

If my peers are those from my college course, I am probably about average or slightly above average from a career pov. A lot of those people were highly intelligent and top of their classes in their respective schools yet have had mediocre careers. The people who have done the best out of this college peer group are those who were the biggest assholes - cheats, liars and manipulators. This is less apparent in my secondary school peer group but it's a factor there too. Reasonable intelligence + being an asshole correlates with success in life IME.

Motivator

A guy who wasn’t the most popular or academic was always fixated on becoming a pilot. He absolutely wanted nothing else in life and he was one of those guys that just kind of blended in and got by in school. I hadn’t met him in 20 years but I added him on Instagram last year and was absolutely amazed to see he’s now a pilot for Aer Lingus.

I was in school with utter wasters who were always going to be wasters 20 years down the line. I was in school with a couple of ridiculously intelligent people who are no consultants in hospitals in Dublin and I turned out pretty much as I was supposed to really. Middle of the road so to speak. But the guy who’s the pilot, he wins hands down. Absolutely delighted to see someone actually go and pursue a dream they had and actually succeed.

Mech1

I left school before my cse exams (Northern Ireland) but I still attended 3 exams scheduled, Maths Physics and Computer studies. I got grade 1 in all of those but I wanted to fix cars so that was what I was at.

I'm 54 now, I never had to buy or tax insure a car ever, always a garage policy insurance and always something that I could drive every evening.

Today I run my own garage, and loving it.

Degree's ain't for everyone just do what you enjoy.

growleaves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118617306#Comment_118617306

Sounds like he had clear direction and strong motivation while a lot of people are drifting.

Tell me how

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058232524/how-are-you-doing-compared-to-the-peers-you-grew-up-with

I went to a similar school where classes were graded as yours were after all entrants completed an entry exam. Always felt it likely was very damaging to the self-confidence of those in lower classes as everyone knew why ended up in whatever class you were in.

I was in the top class and was bullied by some guys I knew for being a 'swot' literally in the first week of 1st year and one of those guys who was involved in that continued with that form of bullying for the next 3 years. Some of the teachers were absolute demons in how they belittled those in lower classes and effectively bullied them with statements like 'any wonder you're in this class when you couldn't even do that, learn that' and so on.

Some of the students didn't help themselves, making it clear they had no interest in school, but the class identification literally told them you are on the bottom rung here. I can understand why it was done, in theory it allowed classes to move at a consistent level but in application I think it definitely negatively impacted many.

As for comparison with my peers? Who's to say? Depends on the metric. One of those people I talk about above left even before the junior cert and started working as a block layer apprentice in the mid 90's and rode the celtic tiger wave like a pro and was probably making more than any of the teachers in the school by the time he was 18. Built several houses himself and sold them on throughout his 20's. Think he suffered health difficulties then and lost a lot of what he had earned. Met another guy about 5 years after we left school and he had 4 kids at that point and I just couldn't fathom having that level of responsibility at that age. 20 years later and I have zero and unlikely to have any which does get to me but I don't know if I'd want to have at what he had if that was the alternative.

Mech1

Sorry I forgot my peers,,, don't know anyone I went to school with, I ended up in Australia for a while and then straight to Dublin, Belfast was too much trouble to be bothered about.

freshpopcorn

We're out of school over a decade.

Well nobody has murdered anybody yet.

Those who were smart in 1st class were fairly consistent all the ways through school and went onto university and did medicine, law etc.

A few who's mammy hammered there ABC's into them tough were average in secondary.

A few pushed themselves to get into college. Some stayed at it and others didn't.

A nice few of us went to IT's and didn't stick at it and eventually found jobs in other areas.

Nearly all the people in my college class dropped out of the course and went into different areas.

One guy I went to school with killed himself.

A few people I knew at college died.

A few people never did much realtionshop/carer wise but stayed out of trouble with the law.

Those who were trouble generally are now also. Robberies, drugs assault, traffic offences, etc.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118617542#Comment_118617542

Quite grim reading. Any happy stories?

I myself think I was middle of the pack in school and am still middle of the pack in life. Which I am content about. I lack the drive and energy to get myself to the top in life. I am also not socially adept and considering those factors I think I am doing quite well. Have a wife and son which makes me happier than any career successes I've had.

Sgt Hartman

I just went on to have a rather modest job in science although I've a really good partner, family, friend base and a dream place to live which more than makes up for it ☺️

In my old secondary school class, one guy had a dream back then of being a fireman and he actually went on an achieved that. He's still a fireman to this day. Another really decent lad from my class went into science also and worked in it for a number of years. He now owns his own pub in Limerick with his brother. Another old friend of mine from my class is involved in music production and has played/DJed with several groups over the years. My cousin who was a year ahead of me, and another lad who was in the same year as me were both members of a boyband called Remix for a while. They even got some TV time on a Saturday Morning kids show playing one of their numbers. They didn't make it big though sadly.

freshpopcorn

@[Deleted User] I think most of us are happy but apart from a few Doctors. There's no big exciting jobs from my class.

BaywatchHQ

I think I'm probably the most unsuccessful person ever to come out of my grammar school. I can't imagine how anyone would be less successful than me, unless you died early I suppose. I don't look anyone up as I have no interest in knowing what they are doing.

In terms of my primary school group, they probably aren't as successful as the secondary school peers but still more successful than me.

I don't have any friends nowadays so it doesn't bother me about others success. When you don't hang around successful people it doesn't bother you what others are doing.

jolivmmx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118618083#Comment_118618083

Success is all relative. If somebody is making their money by screwing over people and making the world worse for other people, is that actually success? Grammar schools have such a narrow definition of success.

Lots of people experience social isolation. I guess it is only a problem if it bothers you.

Hope you have a nice weekend!

jolivmmx

Success is such a relative concept. I know this person who went to an elitist, top-rank university abroad. In his 40s, he was in an entry-level job in his profession. While he still was above the median wage, he used to receive these silly correspondences from his old university, stating the median income of their alumni is 100k. He used to feel like such a failure. And yet, to many, he was a success. We all have our own idea of success. And often it is way too limited. Successful people are those that manage to find some happiness and a relationship that makes them happy, while not marrying themselves to their jobs….

Deregos.

When covid forced the early lockdowns I joined Facebook and reconnected with my old school friends. I'd had no contact with any of them in over forty years as I'd moved away from my hometown in England to Ireland. It was great catching up with some of my classmates again and getting all the gossip on what had happened in the intervening years. They told me loads of tales about what had become of different lads from our year. One of the brighter ones had moved to California and had gone on to receive an award for designing the parachute systems used by NASA and SpaceX but he was the exception really, the rest of us all have all gone on to live fairly conventional lives.

Another guy they did tell me about was paralysed from the neck down after a diving accident and then they also told me how the class bully had been stabbed through the heart by his partner for sexually molesting her child.

Must say what I was most surprised at was how a few of them had never changed their personalities that much from how they behaved when we were at school, as in they hadn't grown up at all, very immature sense of humour and sending each other (and me) idiotic porn videos on Facebook messenger. After a few months of this nonsense I got pissed-off with it and closed my account.

electric_sleep

.

take everything

This is a subject close to my heart.

Anytime I look up someone in my class in school I find they are excelling. It's genuinely weird how out of a dozen or so people every single one has gone on to excel.

The first four in my class:

One is on the board of directors of a bank having done a PhD in Quantum Physics and gold-medalled every year in Theoretical Physics.

Me: a disappointment 😀 (a degree and a Masters but overall no real direction; I've never done anything great).

Next is a professor of dentistry/editor of International journals.

Next I think is a CEO (might be wrong about that).

Next is a commercial airline pilot.

The odd thing is I got the highest percentage in Differential Aptitude testing (literally mid to high 90s in most areas except one) among all these people, supposedly making me suitable for any career (ha, what a joke).

Yet everywhere I turn people are doing better than me. I'm a genuine enigma to myself.

The go-to explanation might be a personality disorder but no, nothing off about my personality either according to personality testing.

I have this theory that anyone who I've ever know becomes successful.

And it does bother me that whatever potential I clearly did/do have is being wasted. An awful feeling really.

Mister Vain

I haven't seen any of them in years, apart from one woman I went to primary school with. She recently got divorced. I had two close friends in secondary school. One had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a really bad way. The other works in retail and is married with a few kids.

I remember scrolling through bebo years ago and seeing a lot of the lads I went to school with living in Australia and NZ. They seemed to be doing fairly well for themselves. I've no idea what they're at now though.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118621280#Comment_118621280

You might just be unlucky ,I don't believe in God but I do believe the universe puts obstacles constantly in some peoples way and tries to mess with their best laid plans.

out of 100 taking French in my year for Leaving cert, 4 got an honour and another 3 passed. So a sh1tload couldn't matriculate anywhere.

Success is relative so I really can't say whether or not the people I went to school with are successful, and most of them I haven't a clue what they are doing.

I have an idea about a few who I was friendly with. One is in a public sector job and married with a few kids. Another has a corporate type job and married with a few kids. They were 'good girls'.

Back in the day it seemed to me that they never knew a day's hardship or hurt. No losses, no broken hearts, no hopes thrown in to smithereens. Now I know that was likely not the case.

The few others I am aware of are doing well enough. One is a single parent, one re trained in her mid thirties, a past frenemy is exactly as I would expect......

The bullies I know nothing of and I'm happy to keep it that way. A few of the 'too cool for school' types are a mixed bag I think. Last I heard of one he was managing a euro zone or one of those sort of shops. A few of the women from the group are housewives. Or were.

Strumms

1 died of cancer in ‘16… real nice guy but as a kid he always seemed to have ailment after ailment, illness after illness… must be an unlucky family as he lost his sister a few years previously and his father died quiet young too.

1 works in the same industry I did… a contractor of my ex employer I had numerous dealings as did other colleagues, he’s doing good, on about 55-60 grand but an absolute dose who despite being tasked with working for us was slow as fûck to meet deadlines or provide ad hoc support when required.

2 now are in a band together who are in demand for corporate events, a residency in a swanky hotel bar and also work recording tv soundtracks . One too is a session musician who played on a Paul Brady record I think if memory serves me well or someone of that ilk anyway..nice lads, good to see them doing well at something they love.

Me, I’m still alive, returning to health after a difficult few years but the future is bright, sky the limit

Daisy78

You shouldn't need to be in a relationship to be considered a success. Don't understand why someone is classed as a failure if they happen not to be married or partnered up, luck plays a big part in that coming to pass. Lots of great people with plenty going for them who just never met anyone.

Ash.J.Williams

This is something I worried about, then I quit my job and eventually got lucky and now don’t worry anymore

magicbastarder

a guy i knew in secondary school is a famous hollywood actor.

a guy i knew in college is a famous hollywood actor.

i'm not a famous hollywood actor.

AMKC

No idea. Don't really care either. Never had friends in school or after it. Never needed any.

Galwayguy35

No idea what most of my class are doing now as they all moved away once the LC was done and dusted.

One guy appears on Room to Improve now and again when Dermot Bannon wants to show people fitted kitchens.

passatman86

I have the most "thanks" on boards from anyone in my school year. So yeah im a fairly big deal.

Thanks

Sunny Disposition

Career etc seems so important at a young age, but the older you get the less so. Relationship, kids, health, friends that’s all that matters really.

Not having to worry much about money is nice of course, but it’s a good bit down the list of what will bring you happiness.

LeoB

Depends on how you measure success. Different expectations from different eras.

I had a horrible time at primary school where I had a few teachers who were absolute tramps. Never spared a few slaps, pulling our ears, making little of us. My dad died suddenly when he was 47, I was only 11 years of age. My big brother brought me back to school with a warning to the principle if ever touched me again he would kick him up and down the corridor. I wasn't touched again but other kids got it worse. One lad told me he didnt mind getting slaps from teachers. The insults still haunt him. He dribbled a bit and the teacher used to insult him.

I enjoyed my secondary school the variety and meeting people from other towns. The teachers were very good. It was a technical school and from what I know a few went into trades and done very well for themselves. I didnt keep in touch with many from secondary school but I still meet lads from my primary school everyday and they have all done well. But I just wasn't happy in school and I got a job when I was 16 and am still in it, im 58. I drank a fair bit for about 10 years but am off it 30 years now, My only regret in life was not returning to school, maybe not a regret but something I would change. My GP a family friend wanted me to go back and he was prepared to fund it. I done my first exam when I was 54 year and nearly had a nervous breakdown. Practically I was good but didn't like written side of it. I can retire in 2 years with a full pension but am seriously thinking of doing a proper course around social care or something where I would be dealing with people. I love talking and listening to people and am a good communicator. I was a decent enough sports coach.

Being from a rural community farming was the main thing in my area and a lot of lads went into farming, a few very successfully. A few went working in retail and factories. A few emigrated to USA, UK and Canada. One became a priest and sadly has officiated at funerals of former school pals. Sadly a few were killed in car crashes. Not many went on to college. But I know a few returned to do various course through their work. There is far more emphasis on education now than when I was at school. It is like everyone must have a degree when they clearly dont. One or two lad set up their own companies based on trades they had done, Carpentry, Electrical, plumbing etc and they have been successful.

As it is Im happily married, 2 children, 1 dog, 2 cars (the green party are making it difficult though). Saved a few quid along the way. I own my own house. Our eldest graduated with first class honors from Trinity and has landed a very good job with a top company and the other is currently in Trinity and doing very well. We put a lot of effort into their education and encouraged them without any pressure. In my eyes thats success.

Are the people who went on to be very successful really happy with life.? I'M not sure they are. No doubt some are but a few I know gave up sports and other clubs to pursue their work careers and missed out on stuff in the community working long hours.

Great thread.

olestoepoke

There were 5 of us that hung around together, we all left school after the Inter Cert. Coolock in the 80s almost no one went to uni. I ended up a Carpenter and travelled and worked abroad for most of my 20s and 30s. The others...One is a very successful builder, one drives trucks across Europe, one died of a Heroin over dose in his mid 30s and finally one guy ended up with serious mental health issues and has been in and out of psychiatric facilities most of his life mainly due to a bad family situation and excessive drug taking.

LeoB

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118621280#Comment_118621280

Maybe they are looking at you and saying the same?

Because someone appears to be successful doesn't mean they are actually successful. What have they really got out of how you see them? How are you measuring success?

I spoke to my boss about 10 years ago about going for a certain job. He told me it wouldn't suit me. I was well liked where I was and to take up this job would require a totally different approach, a change of personality. He was right in hindsight. I think I was just at a low ebb heading for 50 and possibly thinking life was passing me by. But when I thought about it I was happy enough. The guy who took up the role is not liked at all.

We are not all cut out for management roles yet management can't do without us. So take stock of where you. I dont have any qualifications like you and I would regard what you have as been successful. Measure where you are. Where you want to go.

Jim2007

I only caught up a few years ago with people from my class of 40+ years a go….

• The first shock was those that died young, in particular a guy that died in a swimming accident 2 years after we left college. He was the team captain, the boy that lead us to a provincial college championship, the guy who at the end of a match could still find the extra strength to jump that little bit higher, run that little bit faster…. Gone just like that! You just assume everyone is getting on with life and you find others did not get to do the things that were expected - a career, marriage, kids, grandkids etc.
• The second was the number who were smarter than me, got better results than I did, but then did not do anything with them - no college, apprenticeships or even the civil service. Most have ended up in the hotel sector - servers, a bar man etc. They are smart people so I can’t imagine it was by design but rather circumstances. In the Ireland of 40 years ago being smart and getting a county council grant was not enough - your family still needed money if you were to get to college.
• Of the rest: teachers, a couple of senior members of the Garda, a full army colonel, a couple of senior civil servants, one CEO, several business owners, a few farmers, the usual stuff.
• As for me, I don’t know if I’m what others would consider successful, but I’m happy. I stopped working for an income at 55, having not held a full time employment position since I was 26. Mostly I did consulting and obtained royalties from products I worked on plus I held a directorship at a European bank for a couple of years. I still work, but only on stuff that interests me or is a not for profit project.

Gorteen

If we had that "American thing" of a graduation book with 'Most likely to be President', 'Most likely to end up in Jail', etc I would have been the latter.

However, at the risk of sounding immodest, I would have been underestimated!

I'm at the top of the hierarchy in my professional field, with responsibility for the work of more than 500 staff in a large public service organisation. Since leaving school at age 16, without a Leaving Certificate... I've completed study at BSc(Hons) level, Post Grad Dip, and have two Masters degrees on top of professional education. Not bad, for a lad who didn't do a leaving cert!!!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118623099#Comment_118623099

Success means different things to different people. For many it really is career and/or money. For others it's having strong relationships.

Personally I measure success against my own needs and goals rather than what I feel it should be. Being mentally sound and having good people in my life is what matters to me.

Having children isn't important to me or working every hour going or visiting x amount of countries.

We each have the things which matter and I don't think any of us has a monopoly on success.

Juran

From my gang in school, we all went to college/RTC in the mid 90's. 3 are teachers, 3 are stay at home mothers (didnt really have a career to give up), a couple work in admin roles, 2 in mangement roles and a few settled in the US. After university, I by chance ended up in the pharma industry, moved a few roles, completed a couple of masters thanks to employers, worked in clinical trials for years and started my own consultancy in this area 8 years ago. I work mainly for European based pharma companies, I travel a lot to Asia, US and europe. I live a very modest life, I dont flash my wealth to my friends, for example, my husband and I travel 1st or business class for longhaul holidays, but I dont tell my friends.

But I do believe some of my school friends who dont have a lot of money, but have their own house, kids, annual holiday to Spain are probably happier in their life.

Steve012

Doing pretty well tbh, a lot of my friends from the past are dead, drug overdoses or suicide. Pulled myself out of the mud in my mid twenties, engaged to the woman of my dreams now, and came from a builders labourer, to an accountant, have a dream house in Wicklow, came from a bad part of Tallaght originally, so happy out with life!! 👍🏽

Great topic btw OP

Anyone I went to school with cant think of or never heard of anyone who did anything unusual I would say 80% are nurses or teachers or something similar.

My friends, I have known since we were tots walking to school together, one runing their own business with their husband has become well off. The other sold up in their 50s, made money from their house and move beside the sea in Wexford, and only works part-time now.

corner of hells

I'm doing OK, married with adult kids nice house and nearly there with the mortgage.

In a career that I love , never going to be a millionaire though.

Of my friends , most seem to be doing OK, a few living in the US, Australia or Europe.

eEmployed mainly as tradesmen, teachers or nurses. Quite a few never left the area we're from and a what seems to me a lot of failed relationships and marriages.

One seems to be living a very difficult life at the moment, last I heard he was homeless in Glasgow struggling with alcoholism .

Temptamperu

they are married with kids and im getting drunk playing elden ring. we can tell who is clearly winning 😂

yagan

Interesting thread. Leaving school in the 80s meant emigration so I lost contact with a lot of school friends. Only a handful managed to get jobs in my hometown but I got back in the late 90s and I could see others trickling back to settle down, start families.

A best friend who was extremely smart was taken with drug addiction. Another friend who was dead quiet in school turned into a womaniser.

Only one lad ended up doing exactly what he wanted to do!

I was very middling in school, went to college years after I left school and I've had three distinct careers since. I'm not rich, I've seen a lot of the world and knowing how good we have it now makes life's simple pleasures more enjoyable.

Witchie

I was so full of potential at school. Always in the top sector of my class, popular and doing well in most exams. Then I went and got pregnant in the 2nd year of my 2 year college course. Married the loser, went back to do another course, worked for a music magazine (dream job!) left to keep him from moaning about how much I enjoyed my work. Moved back to my home county, had another child, kicked the abusive husband out and spent almost 20 years doing jobs I wasn't that mad about just to keep my kids in a warm, comfy home and give them a chance at life.

Went back to college when I was 40, ended up following my childhood dreams and becoming a writer. When my youngest went to college I went travelling in Asia and lived there for 4 years until COVID. Moved back home temporarily, but now am in Albania for a year, own a content agency and am loving life.

So while most of my friends went on to be nurses, teachers, an archeaologist, work in computers or finance, I raised 2 amazing young lads, struggled through some really shi**y times and now live the life I dreamed of on those depressing, lonely nights.

I feel successful despite the fact that I make crap money and currently don't have a partner, but I have so much fun getting to know people from all over the world as I travel and explore it. I should be sleeping, but an urgent client request came in so am up dealing with it because I am due to have no electricity tomorrow! The joys of running a business eh?

padd b1975

Make more money than most but work harder than all.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118728975#Comment_118728975

That's very impressive perseverance