What impact talking about your finance is having on others?

FacelessVoid

Hello👋,

From your experience, is it ok to tell others (family, friends, neighbors, strangers) your financial situation (salary, how much you save)?

Please share your experience with me.

Thank you very much!🙏

YellowLead

Don’t see how this is a personal issue?

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528208#Comment_118528208

Hello,

I did not saw e better thread for this topic. Can you please suggest a better one? If there is one better. If not can you please help me with some advice about the question?

Tork

How is it affecting you?

Yes it's a major issue if earning more than them.

You come across as bragging.

No one needs to know your financial situation except your partner.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528261#Comment_118528261

For some reason I feel bad talking about it. I don't know why. I am a software developer and I am having a good salary. I get asked often that question and I don't know if it is having a bad impact on my relationship with other or is just in my mind. Here in Romania times are rough and for some reason I fell uncomfortable.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528287#Comment_118528287

Yeah. I fell uncomfortable talking even with my family about it. The problem is that I fell like I am being pushed to talk about it. I think I made a big mistake telling them.

Tork

I don't know what the culture about discussing money is like in Romania but in Ireland it's not cool to talk about what you're earning. I only know what my OH earns and I've got a rough idea what my parents' pensions are. I don't want or need to know what the rest of my family are earning and I'm sure they feel the same way. I have never told them what I earn and have no intention of ever revealing anything about my personal finances. Chances are, your folks are now jealous and resentful because you're doing well. Be careful not to turn into a smug b*stard. It's not clever to talk about money to your colleagues either, by the way.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528627#Comment_118528627

Yeah, I hope they are not jealous. It was stupid for me to talk about money that open. It is a lesson for the future. How do you consider answering question like "How much do you pay rent?"? I am asking because my rent is pretty high and one of the older members of the family asked me about that. I told the person how much was it and the reaction was not great. I felt guilty about it the whole day.

Thank you for your advice! 🙏

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528713#Comment_118528713

Why should you feel guilty though? Skip dilvulging details. I find my own da is detatched from the cost of most things as he still lives in a 80s/90s bubble . He baulks at a sandwich soup and coffee costing a tenner. Thats life and inflation.

Tork

You have two choices if somebody in your family is nosey enough to ask you these questions. Either lie outright and give them low figures. Or deflect their answers by replying with a vague, unhelpful one. You get extra marks if you pretend to be amused.

"You'll be looking for my inside leg measurement next"

"I wouldn't give information like that to the police"

"Jeez you're fierce nosey" (This probably works better in Ireland than in other countries)

"I'm doing alright/I'm not going to starve"

Rent: "Enough to keep a roof over my head"

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528771#Comment_118528771

Thank you for your advice! I fell guilty because they are living on half of what I pay on my rent. Yeah, most of my family is the same. I will try not to give details from now. I think that is the better approach. Thank you once again! 🙏

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118528810#Comment_118528810

This is a smart approach. I think I will use it from now. It is better and I think I can managed to make it funny 😄. Thank you very much! 🙏

B.A._Baracus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118529119#Comment_118529119

Yeah it is good advice.

For me, my family and my partner know how much I earn and in my experience anyone else who asked how much I earn only asked for negative reasons - never for a pat of the back and a good on you - was always to either begrudge you, to see if they should be getting more (self-interest), to brag they are on more. You get the idea.

Some of the best advice I ever got in life was 'The smart man says nothing' and that applies to more than just how much you earn!

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118529275#Comment_118529275

'The smart man says nothing' that is awesome! Thank you for your advice 🙏. I will try from now on to dodge this type of questions. By your family you mean your extended family?

B.A._Baracus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118529467#Comment_118529467

Immediate family. Talking parents, brothers, sisters, partner type deal.

I wouldn't be telling uncles or aunts or brother in laws etc. Obviously everyone is different. Someone might be more close to an uncle. That's fine. But over all, only those closest to you, should you be saying anything like that.

The rest do not need to know.

Donald Trump

Which couple are you part of OP?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex45znGdECE

rolling boh

Definitely brush off the money questions other than a partner it's nobody's business. If you are doing well fair play but others and that includes family will be jealous and might try and guilt you into being a cash machine .Of course helping family can be done but should really only be for something important like a.health issue or something .

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118529655#Comment_118529655

Really really funny 😆. I see myself more as the host of the party. Let me give you a glimpse of my life. I don't buy designer clothes, I have a 250 euros phone nothing that will attract looks. I consider myself a frugal guy. The biggest expense that I have is rent because I like to live in the heath of the city, it saves me time. The things I spend the most amount of money are food and books. I like to eat quality healthy food which is much more expensive where I live. For me is annoying when people try to show off especially if I know they are not rich(which happens a lot). Regarding rich people I admire them, I don't consider myself rich at all and I know there will be a lot of more work if I want to increase my net worth.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118529633#Comment_118529633

Thank you very much! I was thinking the same. Thank again! 🙏

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118529722#Comment_118529722

Yeah, I read The Millionaire Next Door and as I understood for the book is a really bad habit to give or lend others money. It will damage their spending and saving habit and by landing them money you will damage your relationship with them.

FacelessVoid

What you will do when people will ask you to lend them money?

rolling boh

I know it could be difficult but you have say no in general say any savings you have are put away and you do not have access to for a couple of years .If it's your family they sometimes be the quickest to take advantage .I don't know if you plan to stay here for good but if you do you will need quite a bit of money to live on after you are no longer working and you never know what can happen so money is important to have .Any money you hand over for things you will most likely never see it again .If people keep asking they have no respect for you so keep your distance I feel .

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118530047#Comment_118530047

The part with the no respect is hurting me a little bit but is the truth. I hate when people see others like ATMs. Thank you very much! 🙏

NiceFella

There is literally no value to anyone apart from your partner to give that information. I wouldn't share even if people asked me.

I have a friend who never shuts up about how much of a bonus he is getting this year etc. I don't know why he thinks that's ok to say it. It's a real turn off especially if you are a hard worker and making somewhat less. That kind of stuff is classless.

Keep it to yourself.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118530286#Comment_118530286

Yeah, you are right. I understand now why some people don't talk about money. Thank you! 🙏

Sunrise_Sunset

I agree with one of the posters above. I don't think when people ask this question that it has any good intent or purpose. My husband and one of my friends knows what I earn, that's it. I would also say that once it's known that you are a high earner in comparison to family or friends, that they might come looking for "loans". If you want to help people financially, then that's ok, but don't view it as a loan, cos you'll only be disappointed! Any money you give, be prepared to never see it again. Therefore only give what you can afford to see be paid back, and consider that in your budget.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118532621#Comment_118532621

Yeah. You are right. It is not a good idea to tell others what you make. I had some issues when one members of the family asked me for money and before sending them the money he told me that he wanted to buy a PlayStation. Initially he told me that he need the money for an abortion. He put me in such a bad spot... Giving him money for killing an unborn child or knowing that he will never be able to provide for a child was a hard decision for me to make. Finally I was glad that it was a lie. When I told him that I will not give him the money he got mad and stated a fight with me...

Thank you very much! 🙏

witchgirl26

I think it depends on the people involved and the context of the conversation. I have open conversations with some of my friends in terms of how much we earn and are saving. We're in similar fields so it's a good way to benchmark against each other if one is earning less than the potential market. It's never done as a bragging or one-upping each other so we take it at face value and leave it at that.

With anyone else who asks how much I earn my standard answer is "Enough". That's all they need to know. I may give an actual figure in terms of saving per month but that's it.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118534148#Comment_118534148

Regarding friends working in the same industry I feel the same. You are right, I would dodge this types of questions from now on. Thank you very much for your advice! 🙏

Claw Hammer

In Ireland, many people who earn more than you look down on you and many of those who earn less despise you and are jealous. Talking about money or displaying either signs of having money or lacking money provoke the same reactions. Come into work in a new car and the office begrudger will be able to tell you after half an hour exactly how much the list price is and who has a more expensive car.

FacelessVoid

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118555459#Comment_118555459

Thank you for your advice! 🙏

Sevenup79

Talking about money or displaying either signs of having money or lacking money provoke the same reactions.

It is so true. I am not into fashion and live modestly. Some work colleagues earning a bit less seemed to dislike me. I never talked about the cost of anything just got what I needed. The same people made a big deal when I changed my car. In order to blend in, people have to be seen to spend a certain amount on lifestyle. The amounts depend on who your peers are.

Go under the radar don't live a bit too modestly compared to those around you, but don't flaunt money. It is a balance.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118711324#Comment_118711324

Posted by accident.

PeonyPink

As they say, ignorance is bliss.

Im working in the sector I studied for initially.

In the last few months, between my friends and partner, I was shocked to learn they earn triple what I am on in the private sector and I am now very unsettled and disillusioned in my job. It has definitely made me question why I stayed on this path and why I’m working in an extremely hard and draining job and paid peanuts.

notAMember

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118712605#Comment_118712605

Try not to be too frustrated by that. I worked for years as a contractor. My headline number, the amount per hour etc was higher what someone in the corporate job was earning, and maybe higher again than what the public service equivalent would take in. But, I didn't have a pension contribution, health insurance, life or ill ness benefits , training paid for, annual leave etc etc. So I stopped being a contractor because those other benefits are worth a lot more to me now that I have a family to support too. It's not always as straightforward as salary. Sometimes the "soft" benefits like flexibility, better parental leave, job sharing, or possible career breaks etc are worth more in your life than the number.

foxsake

I have never told anybody what I earn or savings.

In fact I'm not sure my wife would even know my earnings.

I actually cringe when fellas tell me what they earn and certainly never tell family.

MissShihTzu

Being English. I was taught that it was bad taste to talk about money. I've found people are FAR more upfront here! I don't tell people what I earn - it's none of their business...

I went back to work after a spell of unemployment. I needed a new wardrobe, so I was buying bits every week - a top, a jumper, pair of trousers - whatever. One of my Irish friends remarked I was buying a lot of new things and how could I afford it. I told her I sold drugs (of course I don't!). Point being - she shut up fairly smartly after that.

We also decided to change our car a few years ago. Got smart remarks about that too - so we told her we robbed a bank. See OP? Either you tell people live and direct to Eff Off and mind their own business -or make cracks back.

FacelessVoid

Hello all. After some long time I come back on this forum. Thank you all for the advices, it means a lot to me. 🙏

JuliusCaesar

Nobody knows what other people's circumstances are. People abroad may well think our salaries in Ireland are fabulously high - but they don't know what the cost of living is here.

Lending money? I've only lent any substantial amount to one brother - and I only had it because I was saving for a large purchase at the time. I know he's sensible with money, and he only needed it for 6 months or so, and we agreed that he'd pay me back by a certain date, PLUS the interest I'd have earned on it, if I'd left it in the bank. He paid me back before the time agreed. Other than that, I've never lent anyone anything, unless I could afford to lose it - €20 here or there, max €50.

Even friends have no idea of your responsibilities - they might 'know' it intellectually, but not emotionally, they just don't get it, even with repeated explanations. It'd do your head in.

Anyway, long way of saying there's no need to give ANYONE (other than your partner) exact figures.

gorse

I'd be going against the grain here, but I'd see it as a positive if people could be more open about what they earn. Then someone starting out or switching sectors could have a realistic idea of what they should be earning. And it is much easier for employers to mess about with wages if no one knows what others are earning.

Boasting or belabouring the subject is never nice, but if someone asks the question it is not your fault.

After all that bluster, I'd probably make an awkward joke if someone asked me straight out. It shouldn't be such a taboo though.

Strumms

Not going to be dispensing personal information like that just to educate young people.

up to them to evaluate if they are being paid a commensurate wage for their talent, experience, qualifications and anything else…

gorse

How can they properly evaluate if they are being paid enough if no one talks about wages? Extended family wouldn't be in the need-to-know category in my mind, but I've always appreciated it when any friends or colleagues have been open about their salaries.