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Trying to force sale of house with my ex

  • 18-01-2022 8:43pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 151 ✭✭


    Ok guys

    The situation is im trying to force a sale of house with my ex(girlfriend not wife).We have lived in it 13 years last few years were posion she had me thrown out barring oders etc whilst she was the one sleeping around.Iv been out the last 18months but know i want it sold so ican move on.She 100% will not agree to sell so i have no option.Question is can i do this on my own and if so what courts do i go to.If not i suppose a solictor will be pretty exspensive so ill have no choice.She hasnt paid one penny of the mortgage and iv all the proof.We have an 11 year old kid which is why iv held back a bit but iv had enough im in a cabin out a back garden and am 45 so running out of time to get a new mortgage.I know havin a kid wont make any diffrence in the sale because were not married i found this out in court when she tried for another order.Plus we both shoud make 100k each from the sale but of course missy doesnt want to down grade from her 4 bed house.Any advice would be really help full guys

    Thanks



Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 636 ✭✭✭gary550


    Jesus, I sympathise with your situation.

    She's not paying a penny to the mortgage yet she's going to benefit €100k from the sale? What's the craic there? I'd assume she's down as co owner?



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,391 ✭✭✭SteM


    Awful situation for you to be in. Only advice is to go to a solicitor and get the ball rolling. You say you'll clear 100k each but who knows how long it'll take to get it on the market and sold, doubt it'll be straightforward considering there's child involved.

    Will she be position to get mortgage after the sale? 100k may not go far in this market, that's probably in the back of her mind too.



  • Registered Users Posts: 35,124 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    Two sides to every story, a barring order was issued for a reason. Bottom line is go through the right channels, or move back in and play her at her own game, record her if she starts up,



  • Registered Users Posts: 151 ✭✭willdill


    Barring order was appealed and i won with proof of all her lies but agreed to stay out and let thing calm.Agin 4 weeks before it was over she tried again so agreed to sell and id stay out till it was sold once she paid half.She refused to sell then and paid nothing even after tha agreement.I can walk back in tomorrow but again she will try with these orders.She actually believes shes intitled to the houes and one very reason i want sold now is my neighbours have told be a guy is know in and out whilst im paying for it.



  • Registered Users Posts: 35,124 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    PLay it cool, gather evidence, step by step. Her name in on house too I take it ?



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  • Registered Users Posts: 35,124 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde




  • Registered Users Posts: 1,939 ✭✭✭kravmaga


    OP, get your solicitor to confirm if its just your name on the title deeds of the property.

    If its just your name then your in a strong position.

    Get a good solicitor and get the ball rolling. Because you were co-habitating for more than 5 yrs , she may have some legal claim on the sale when it goes through.

    Do you have children together?



  • Registered Users Posts: 6,659 ✭✭✭Gusser09


    13 years in the same house and an 11 year old child. I dont think you are going to get to sell it anytime soon. She has as much rights as you do at this stage regardless of marital status. Try to come to an agreement with her. Perhaps give her more of the equity. Short term pain.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,939 ✭✭✭kravmaga


    @ gUSSER09, Im not the original poster, Im just replying to his thread. Thanks



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  • Registered Users Posts: 151 ✭✭willdill


    She wont budge on anything just thinks she entited to it and i have to walk away and pay for it.



  • Registered Users Posts: 35,124 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    LOL

    Have I NOW entered the Twilight Zone

    She can think and say all she wants, doesn't change facts, or more importantly the law of the land



  • Registered Users Posts: 35,124 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    Move in, record everything, get a body cam if you need.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I've been quoted at least €31,000 to bring a contested case to the Circuit Court as I want 50/50 parenting (not just joint custody) of my children and I want the family home to be sold so we can buy separate places. I would have to earn over €60,000 to pay that (minimum) legal fee. That's an incredibly sobering reflection on how much it will cost you to be free (or have your unfreedom confirmed by a judge sending you to flatland while you pay for the mortgage on the home your ex lives in with her new lover).

    If you are blessed to have a disposable income of €18,000 or less you should be eligible for Legal Aid. If you think you could be eligible, I'd apply for it without delay. Alternatively, FLAC has quite a good, if little known, service where you can book a meeting with family law solicitors for free. I had such a meeting recently. They rang me at a time arranged a couple of weeks beforehand, said the call usually lasts 15-20 minutes, but spent c. 45 minutes advising me over the phone. They suggested I bring my own case, and start by contacting Dolphin House, who would be helpful. I was told that if, during the process, I needed further assistance they would endeavour to assist (within their obvious limitations as a free legal service).


    Yes, obviously mediation between you and your ex is by far the ultra sensible way to do things. No doubt about that. It saves time, agro and money. However, it is very often the informed calculation by women that they would fare better in court so they resist and stonewall the mediation process, knowing the legal costs are an enormous impediment to the man progressing any further. I'd like to conclude on a positive note, but once there are children involved it's hard to find that.


    1. https://www.legalaidboard.ie/en/our-services/legal-aid-services/apply-for-legal-aid-online/
    2. https://www.flac.ie/help/centres/familylaw/


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I think this is a valid point. I've now spoken with a number of family law solicitors, and each time when I've relayed to them specific threats around the theme of "I will get full custody and the house and you'll be renting in some dive until they're 23" they have been clear that full custody is highly unlikely. They have been less certain about the renting aspect and that I could indeed spend the next 20 years of my life in poverty while she kept the family home. No messing on that point. (Joint custody is very different to shared parenting; you can have joint custody but lose the right to live in the family home and be forced to rent while she stays, by virtue of successfully claiming to do most of the parenting, in the family home.)

    One particularly spiky family lawyer said to me "Fúck that; why the hell aren't you claiming sole parenting?". It certainly got me thinking very differently about things (because of my job, I do spend more time with them). It's a massive, massive gamble for a man to go to court and the only sure winners are the family law people. There's no organisation dedicated to helping people in this situation - for instance, how do we bring our own case, etc.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Mediation........ it's a noble idea but for any sort of successful mediation process BOTH sides need to be committed to the process & ,like you say, a lot of women will take the view that the courts offer a much better "throw of the dice".

    As regards legal aid..... as the old saying goes ' you get what you pay for' ....... most of the legal aiders are 'failed' solicitors in the real world



  • Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    you need to move back into the house its the one advise every solicitor tells a woman to do so i would tell you move back in asap. A judge will not allow you to sell the house when there is a child and so he may rule no sale till child is 18.



  • Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber





  • Registered Users Posts: 4,426 ✭✭✭maestroamado


    From what you say you are the principle provider and homemaker... if what you say is correct just apply for custody... the personal stuff you mention would be a factor i be thinking... Whoever gets primary custody will likely be living in what is now the family home until the child is 18...

    Trying to sell the home your child lives in not an option at all... this will have an immediate effect... tell no one just apply to the court for custody...

    Post edited by maestroamado on


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    "From what you say you ate the principle provider and homemaker." Jesus, that's a bit harsh on the poor man.



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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    As most kids go to college now, it's going to be 23 for most fathers. If the father can show he cannot afford to pay that mortgage and also rent a home which will have a room for his child to stay with him, then the judge is unlikely to do this if, for instance, two smaller homes could be bought. Or indeed, the judge might do it temporarily until the child is a certain age and then the ex would have to work and the situation could be revised. There are a number of alternatives open to the judge, even if the man is usually going to be screwed financially.



  • Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    he still needs to move back into his house staying in the garden chalet is not on. He owns the house he pays the mortgage and as i woman i think he is getting screwed even before he goes legal its his house he pays for it he cant move on in life unless its sold or resolved.



  • Registered Users Posts: 151 ✭✭willdill


    Tryed to go back yesterday and she kicked off wouldnt let me in told to f off and rang the guards saying i was causing trouble.Its not good my young lad seeing this so i just left.



  • Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    Are you allowed to take your young lad out for day trips and cinema if you are take him and when you return take him to your chalet have a stand off then and maybe she might see sense. Its such an unfair situation you are in. Maybe ask an estate agent to call to her to view the house with a view to valuation for sale might put the frights up her and make her go to mediation with you about the situation. You have to talk calling the cops is cowa\rdice on her part shes effectively tyring to steal your house any judge will see that . Get a killer female solicitor that way its not men ganging up on her.



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,663 ✭✭✭mondeo


    I'd be down to a solicitors office asap for advice. I would stick it in her face that the house will be sold. Think you sleeping in a shack in a garden while she is in the house is disgraceful.



  • Registered Users Posts: 11,138 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    You have to go to solicitors at once.



  • Registered Users Posts: 21,905 ✭✭✭✭Esel


    Not your ornery onager



  • Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    She is stealing his house & the child will be her bargaining tool, as are soo many children so its his right to have a say it is his child too. I find women using children to gain a property with out contributing to the payments on said property is just down right wrong ! the legal system needs to address this. In the future it will be men paying cash to women like the gay community for a child and that will be better & at least more honest.



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