Text from past Girlfriend

hotrodder

I was with a lovely girl when I was in my 20s. We were both in love but young. Both of us had hectic work and social life’s. This was over 20 years ago. Eventually we split up and went our separate ways. Even though we both met different partners and married others we still kept contact texting every few months. We meet for lunch or coffee about once a year. She appears to be happily married with a teenage son however she still texts me every so often and I text her. Wonder if there is any chance that we will ever get together sometime. Is she txting me because she still loves me. My head is wrecked.

YellowLead

Sounds like a friendship to me. What are the chats about and what is the tone?

If she is happily married I can’t see a chance of getting back together.

hotrodder

She usually tells me about how she misses me and visa versa. She knows I still love her

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058222711/text-from-past-girlfriend

Has your head been wrecked all the time these interactions have been going along? If so why have you been engaging in them? Or has something happened recently that has prompted you to ask?

Is she txting me because she still loves me.

SunnySundays

You are married, any thoughts for your wife or just yourself and your ex?

YellowLead

She’s hardly happily married if she tells an old boyfriend she misses him.

Im sorry but she needs to **** or get off the pot. If she’s married unhappily she shouldn’t be leaning on you for comfort when she knows how you feel about her. If she wants you she needs to leave her husband. Simples.

Are you still married yourself???! Unclear from your OP

redlipgloss

Hows your wife?

Does she know about your friendship?

It might be worth having a chat about it with one of your mates. Which - to be honest - is probably the best response to anyone posting in PI looking for advice from randomers.

Padre_Pio

All I'm reading is

"We both met different partners and are married"

What are you doing, seriously? How would your wife feel if youre thinking of getting with your ex?

You're not friends with her.

JoChervil

Maybe she doesn't like losing anything or anyone? For me she is checking, if her "back burner" is still burning. You are fulfilling some void in her life. But it doesn't mean she is unhappy. All relationships have their crisis times, so maybe she contacts you in such times to get stronger? And she obviously misses old times, as we all do. But I wouldn't read too much into it, if it is a constant very rare contact.

If you still love her, so I guess, it was her who left. So you might setting yourself for another heartbreak.

It is sometimes impossible to cut ties entirely with some people, I know it from experience, but it doesn't mean that anything else is still possible between you two. You broke years ago for a reason.

B.A._Baracus

You are thinking 'What if?'

Think about what is more than what if. You are both married. It was 20 years ago. Maybe you're thinking what if she still wants to be with me... What if she wants a bit of fun perhaps?

What is out weighs the what if. You are married so is she. What about your wife? Not fair on her. You could lay it down on the line to this woman and for her to say no I'm married. Just cause she says she misses you it doesn't mean anything. Could be bored and misses attention. You openly say she knows you still love her - but I didn't read you saying she still loves you above.

Bollocks to that.

Panthro

Presumably you're a happily married man, she's saying she's a happily married woman.

She knows you've still carrying a torch for her.

Do yourself, your head, and your marriage a favour and cut the cord. Sounds like your chasing rainbows op. I'm sorry but it's not a friendship. Cut the cord, get over her and focus on the woman who married you.

Clare_Culchie

I reckon, even though you may not have actioned on it, in your mind you're being unfaithful to your wife by entertaining the notion of running off with your ex. You're only teasing yourself and you're not giving the relationship you're in 100% if you're keeping one eye on the "what if" scenario.

Do yourself a favour and delete her number and ask her to delete yours. This isn't healthy for either of you or your respective marriages.

She likes the thrill of talking with an old flame. If you escalated hard, you might get results. But ask yourself this, is the fun worth the fallout? It could end in marriage break-up for you and her, or a breakdown in the friendship. TBH, I am a man, if I stayed in contact with an ex I know what that would lead to, so I avoid it.

Good luck, and stay safe.

Yurt2

You're married. Work your marriage - set boundaries for your ex, and enforce the boundaries of your marriage that your wife doubtless expects of you.

JimmyVik

I have a friend and she is always at this with old boyfriends. It really annoys her if she thinks someone isnt into her anymore, even from many years ago. Then she will text them and lead them on til they do something, but of course she isnt interested and knocks them back at that point. She just wants the attention and couldnt care less about the other people.

Show the texts to your wife and ask her what she thinks.

bucketybuck

You have been texting and meeting up with her for 20 years? So what prompted this question now?

dubstepper

I can relate somewhat to this. My head was getting wrecked from the confusion. I was occasionally meeting an ex whom I never fully got over. I'm not sure what it meant to her but for me I hanging in some form of hope that we could return to this mid twenties relationship. I was deluding myself as that is gone. If you got back together you would both be older, different people, who would be dragging past marriages into the mix. In some ways it is a lovely dream but it would never survive contact with reality.

I don't say the above to be hard on you. What worked for me was to cut all contact off and I am much happier. As another poster said, pour your energy into your marriage.

_Artemis_

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118318481#Comment_118318481

Whatever her reasons are for wanting to meet, you are assumably still married. What are you doing? If you're not happy in your marriage, do something about that first.

Neyite

I think she's checking her back-up option is still an option. Giving you enough interest to keep you interested but if she was really unhappy and if she really had strong feelings for you, you'd be her first, not last option, no?

And honestly, it's a huge risk to your relationship, your life for seemingly nothing. If I found out that my partner was meeting with his ex, staying in touch with messages, still loved her, I'm afraid it would be game over for me - irrespective of whether or not anything physical happened. Emotionally you've checked out of your marriage if you say that you still love your ex and seem to be waiting around for her to get shot of her husband to be with you.

I am guessing your wife doesn't know that you meet, or the content of those messages? Is your ex and her non-committal flirting to keep you dangling worth a potential separation with your wife, split households for your kids etc and all that kind of upheaval for your home worth that? It might be worth it for you if she committed to leaving her husband to be with you, but she's not even doing that and doesn't sound like she's any intention of doing that.

osarusan

If you have been texting at least occasionally and meeting up very occasionally over the past 20 years, what has changed?

Have her texts changed? Has your conversation when you meet changed? If they have changed, how so?

Or, if they haven't changed, what has changed with you that you now interpret these things as a sign she might still love you?