He cancelled our date last minute

struck1

I'm a 26 year old woman and I've been seeing this guy (27) for about a month and we've been on 8 dates together. All of them seemed to go really well. At the weekend I suggested we have a movie night at my place and he enthusiastically agreed to meet.

Come Saturday evening he messages me about an hour before he was to call over and wanted to push it out by 30 minutes because he was delayed. No problem! Then a few minutes later he messaged again saying can we push it out another 30 minutes because his dad asked him to do something at home. Okay, it happens. Then a few minutes later again he says he wants to reschedule because he's not well and by his words 'would not be great company'. He tells me that he had a small headache on and off all day, but never mentioned it until he cancelled!

I was pretty upset that he cancelled and if I'm honest, I took it very personally. He had cancelled our 3rd date before because he was too tired and it's starting to feel like he just didn't want to see me. I would like to think that I'd want to see the person I'm dating even if I'm not feeling great. They could only make me feel better, especially if it's only a small headache. We haven't had sex yet by the way for reasons I'd rather not get into, but it definitely wasn't a factor in case some people think that. Oh and he also said that he would have just fallen asleep if he came over so his excuse changed into him being tired!

I messaged him afterwards saying that maybe he's not that into me, better phrased of course, and I'd prefer to know now than for this to drag on knowing it will turn into nothing. He replied saying that he was really sorry to have disappointed me and he loves spending time with me and really likes me. To be fair to him, he always tells me how much he likes me and has talked of having lots of dates.

I don't really know what's going on. It seems like such an odd thing to do with all those excuses. My mind started wandering thinking that he might have had a date with someone else and had to cancel with me. No evidence of that besides being offline on WhatsApp and Instagram when we were supposed to meet but I can't help but think it with his last minute and inconsistent excuses.

Am I being taken for a fool by this guy, or am I overreacting to him just not wanting to meet that evening? I really like him but I don't want to waste my energy on a guy that doesn't value spending time with me. When I'm with him it's great, and he says all the right things but when it comes to arranging dates he seems to fall down.

Thanks for reading.

witchgirl26

Honestly I think you've overreacted a bit to him cancelling. If it had been that you'd booked somewhere like a restaurant or a show or something, then yes, the last minute cancelling isn't on but realistically when it's a movie in someone's house, it's not like it was major plans. Also you say you'd like to see the person even if you weren't feeling great - that's a very personal thing. Depending on how I'm feeling when I'm not well, I either want to be around people or avoid them like the plague and hide out until I feel better. I'm not good company at those times and if I was at the start of a relationship then I'd be wary of seeing the other person as I wouldn't want to give a bad impression. I don't think you should take it as personal as you have. And I don't think it's falling down on arranging dates - you've had 2 that have fallen through out of 10 arranged (I'm presuming if you've been on 8). That's not too bad at all.

Princess Calla

If he didn't want to see you he would have cancelled straight out.

Sounds like there was something else going on in the background that he thought he could sort out but didn't.

To be honest I probably wouldn't have gone on the attack about not being into you. I get that you were disappointed but I would have let the dust settle abit.

OU812

TBH. Your insecurities are setting you up to read/see more into it then there was.

Maybe not feeling well was an excuse to let you down gently, but if he admitted that he wouldn’t be the best company, then he did the right thing.

Don’t be so insecure. Always have a plan B.

JayRoc

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058221414/he-cancelled-our-date-last-minute

I doesn't sound to me like he's necessarily not that into you, to be honest it sounds more like you and he would have different approaches to things like canceling something last minute.

It clearly wouldn't register with him as a very big deal but it annoyed you, and that's fair enough.

Some people can be a little flaky. It doesn't mean you can't have relationships with these people and it doesn't mean they don't care but (at least in my experience) it might mean you have to manage your expectations of them a little or you may find yourself constantly disappointed or frustrated.

I'm sure he's gotten the message now that pulling out of something with a flimsy excuse last minute is not something you're cool with so hopefully that will be that. I wouldn't recommend getting too bent out of shape over one thing especially given how well you said things have been going otherwise.

Best of luck

ZigZags

Are you sure he’s not going out with someone?

bucketybuck

Jesus, if a simple plan changing got me that reaction then I'd be worried about what I was getting into. Definite red flag territory.

Does he now go through life on edge that saying the wrong thing will get him the "Maybe you aren't into me" treatment?

Things come up, this is real life and its not like he was cancelling something formal. Huge over reaction in my opinion.

Jequ0n

8 dates in 4 weeks sounds pretty intense, OP, especially considering your reaction to his cancellation now.

Tbh I’d put you in the high maintenance category now and move on, because there is nothing more exhausting than frequent drama over nothing.

On your messages, you mentioned he was offline on whatsapp and instagram .

Do you not think that maybe he was just sick, and went to sleep due to being tired. I mean if I have a **** night sleep I get a headache come 7 or so then next day and then I want quiet time and bed.

I mean, it would be different if you noted he was up all night on whatsapp etc chatting, but as you said he wasnt. Maybe , I dont know, he actually had some drama at home with family which compounded his headache and being tired. Families can exhaust you.

struck1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276003#Comment_118276003

I don't know. I spoke to a friend before I replied to him and she had the same thoughts as me. Maybe I'm expecting too much? I'm just thinking from my perspective, if I was into someone I would jump at the chance at spending an evening alone together. I think it was the series of different excuses that really threw me. If he messaged me earlier in the day saying he had a severe headache, then I could understand.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276040#Comment_118276040

Thanks for your advice. I really don't want to blow this up into something bigger than it is. For me if I make plans I will always stick to them. I even hate being 5 minutes late. Maybe we have really different views on this.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276049#Comment_118276049

No way of knowing for sure unfortunately. I could drive myself crazy thinking he's seeing someone else.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276081#Comment_118276081

Would you not be very disappointed if someone cancelled plans with you with a very strange excuse? I'd be more worried if you didn't care your date cancelled. Would suggest you're not that into them.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276087#Comment_118276087

Frequent drama? I just made one comment! I'm really far from high maintenance but I guess if I like someone I'd want them to be on the same page and want to spend time with each other.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276133#Comment_118276133

Could be the case yes, but why not just say that? He's always telling me that he's a big fan of honesty so I was honest with him and hoped he'd be honest with me!

Have I just ruined everything now? Is there any way to salvage this?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276303#Comment_118276303

I dont think your ruined things TBH.

Just explain to him that you were a small bit upset, is everything going on Ok.

You honestly dont know what is going on in the background, he may have had a tough family day and been driven nuts by them, and was in a sore mood and a sore head. He might not have been in a position to say to you just yet that this was the situation.

I think its too early days to jump to major conclusions, from your OP it sounds like everything is early days.

Just ask is he OK, anything he wants to chat about, if not just park it. Sh1t does happen unfortunately.

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276303#Comment_118276303

I think you're expecting way too much from a 1 month relationship to be fair. It doesn't need to be a severe headache to warrent him calling it off. And maybe he thought it would get better so was putting off cancelling. I don't like dealing with people even when I have a slight headache as it makes me grumpy and not pleasant. Not exactly great date quality when you're still in the trying to impress each other phase.

You say that he's a big fan of honesty but what makes you think he was being dishonest with you in the first place here? It's not like he didn't reply to you afterwards or anything. He cancelled plans and gave you a reason - that seems honest enough.

I don't think you've ruined everything but maybe relax a little bit - it's still a new relationship and 8 dates in 4 weeks is a lot anyway so not like he's avoiding you or anything.

loveall

He's always telling me that he's a big fan of honesty

Big red flag right there

foxsake

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276087#Comment_118276087

id' disagree, twice a week is fine.

I think the OP is right, last min cancelling is not on unless an emergency happened. a small headache isn't a reason.

The BF sounds like a little b1tch - turning down a movie night at his dates house.

Its up to the OP to decide - does she want this type of relationship ? If I was "into" a girl I'd want to be dying to cancel a date at the last min.

Why waste time if he isnt trying ...only the op can decide tbh.

bucketybuck

What strange excuse?

From your OP all his messages were within a few minutes, so as I understand it he messaged saying his dad needed something, then a few minutes later he basically said he wasn't feeling that well anyway and he might give it a miss.

That happens, thats real life, I certainly know I have had evenings were I wasn't up for much and just wanted to zone out. It says absolutely nothing about other people in my life.

You are creating a situation where he can't relax and just be honest, you would rather he suck it up and go sit beside you on a sofa or else you will accuse him of actually not being into you. 8 dates in a month but when he wants to take it easy you make a big deal out of it.

Sounds exhausting, I know I would be very wary of that.

bucketybuck

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276352#Comment_118276352

"Isn't trying"?

Because he took a night for himself after having 8 dates in a month?

That isn't a relationship, thats some sort of high school musical crap where the lad has to constantly prove himself to the princess.

A relationship would be where two people are comfortable enough with other to both have a life.

Katgurl

You're right to be wary OP. There was a series of flimsy excuses. It was Saturday night.

So what if it was only a night in - is your time not important? I don't know why you should have a Plan B either, you had plans with him and short of an emergency it is reasonable to assume they are happening.

If that makes you high maintenance then I must be high maintenance to all my friends and they to me. It's called being considerate.

I think where you and I would differ though is I wouldn't read into his motivations. It's impossible to know whether he's not pushed, is attached, is flaky etc. All you know is what he's shown you - he will cancel for no specific reason at short notice. It's up to you whether this is a problem or not .

I also wouldn't have bothered messaging him, what is to be gained from that? If I liked him enough to see him again I would probably tell him there that the short notice cancelling is a problem for me and see what he says / if it happens again.

osarusan

Take him at his word for now? Maybe he was not in great form with his headache, and thought it was better to cancel completely rather than go ahead and not be at his best.

8 dates in a month is regular stuff, and a sign that he's pretty into you (and you him).

I don't know why you think you are being taken for a fool by him - it's not like he got you into bed as quickly as he could and is now ghosting you.

One final thought - was the 'movie night' the night where sex would happen? If so, perhaps he's a bit nervous about it.

TobyHolmes

instead of reacting to the situation emotionally about how you feel - think about how he feels. thats what makes a good partner - by thinking of the other person in situations where he obviously wasnt feeling well. he really didnt do anything that was bad- just flaked out on coming over. it sounds like he was really trying to see you but it didnt work out. in that situation asks him if everything is ok - he had a headache and sounds like his father was asking him to do something - sounds like he was stressed, then wasnt feeling well, then went to bed (this is all normal reactions to stress) and then you were giving out to him. poor dude. let up a little bit and give people a break.if he saw you 8 times out of 10 dates you had arranged - he likes you. enjoy it and dont be stressing out.

struck1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276323#Comment_118276323

I don't think I was jumping to any conclusions, I was just very disappointed that he cancelled last minute for what seemed to be a frivolous reason.

Should I say I overreacted? I don't think I did, but at the same time I don't want to scare him of.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276346#Comment_118276346

Like someone else said, for me it would want to be something serious for me not to make a date. Maybe that's just my personality and people are different?

I didn't think two dates a week was a lot. Thought that was an okay pace.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276347#Comment_118276347

How so?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276352#Comment_118276352

I'd be of a similar opinion but maybe not as extreme! I can't tell if it's not him trying or if that's just how he is with anyone he dates.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276375#Comment_118276375

It's strange because he delayed it twice, then suddenly told me he wasn't well (despite not mentioning it at all during the day) and then afterwards said it was because he was tired!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276422#Comment_118276422

Thanks. I thought I was alone with a lot of the replies here. I couldn't resist messaging him back. Maybe it screams insecurity from me, but I just don't want to be wasting my time if he knows he's not that into me.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276439#Comment_118276439

No, sex wasn't on the cards and we both knew that.

I just never know what to do in these situations. If I said nothing then it would seem like I didn't care that he cancelled. Saying something apparently shows I'm high maintenance.

Either way I'm sure he thinks less of me now.

osarusan

Tbh you do come across as overanalysing things, reading too much into them, and needing to respond to them.

"If I said nothing then it would seem like I didn't care that he cancelled. Saying something apparently shows I'm high maintenance."

From his perspective, maybe it is the case that he had a headache and decided to cancel rather than go ahead but be far from at his best, and all he wants is to take a couple of painkillers and get some sleep. But then the other person starts questioning him about what this really means and if he's not really into her...that would get annoying very quickly.

If you just said something like you're disappointed as you were looking forward to the night, but you hope he feels better soon, and you'd like to reschedule sometime...what's the problem with that?

Ficheall

How would you have reacted if he told you he had diarrhoea?

Sometimes people are sick. I hope your accusatory response at least included some concern for his well-being, otherwise if I were in his shoes, they'd be walking promptly in the opposite direction. You don't go on eight dates with someone in a month if you're not into them, ffs.

TobyHolmes

i'll also add you are either open to a relationship or not. people who are open to relationships dont constantly question the other persons motivations. if you are wary - which is normal too - then make sure he understands that - and that you are holding him to a higher standard because you are afraid of getting hurt. then he has a choice of whether he wants to engage with someone who thinks the relationship is over everytime they cancel or thinks they are cheating because they cancel etc etc. just communicate about what you want. after 8 dates you should be feeling more secure about things. or maybe you need the "talk" which is where you "label" the relationship. also just call each other and talk on the phone - rather than reading into text messages - makes things easier. good luck.

struck1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276501#Comment_118276501

Maybe. It was just the combination of him cancelling a previous date before and that he seemed to have a string of different excuses as to why he cancelled.

I did say that I was disappointed, but then went on to say more unfortunately. What would you say to claw back from what seems to be a mistake by me?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276519#Comment_118276519

Obviously you can. It could turn out after 7 dates that you're not that into them, or 100 dates!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276552#Comment_118276552

I am open to a relationship, but I am worried of getting hurt. I've been hurt before. I don't want something to go too far where I've developed strong feelings if they're only sort of into me.

I think I should just explain where my thoughts came from. Maybe he'll understand, maybe he won't. But at least he'll get a better understanding of who I am and he can decide from there.

Katgurl

Hi OP,

I wasn't saying you seemed insecure. Apologies I wasn't clear. I meant texting in general is a confusing way to communicate so if (and it's a big if) I was going to bother bringing it up with him I would have waited until we were in company.

I know you and I are in the minority on this thread but I'm firmly of the opinion that you need to set your own standards then it's up to other people to meet them or not.

If you are the type of person that doesn't frequently (it's early days and he's let you down 25% of the time) cancel at short notice and is bothered by this then why pretend otherwise? I would not make arrangements then not show up at the last minute.

Given the variety of excuses he was unlikely telling the truth, I'd assume he was out having extended lunchtime pints then did some damage control with the soppy texts. Really I think you can do better. This is the period when he's out to impress you.

There are literally millions of blokes out there. Find one you can rely on.

JimmyVik

People should just speak to each other. Texting is people is like googling medical symptoms. Your mind just cant handle it and goes into overdrive.

The amount of times people have said to me "Where were you. I sent you a whatsapp and you never answered. The sky is falling down".

The answer was I put my phone on silent when im not working and hardly look at it. But if its important, phone me and it will ring.

TobyHolmes

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276582#Comment_118276582

i certainly wouldnt advise someone to break up with someone because they cancelled coming over to watch a movie- its a bit extreme! these are not teenagers- its like breaking up with someone because you dont like their shoes. if you are 2 adults then you need to discuss the issues - both peoples feelings are valid - its not a dictatorship. The poster needs to talk to him about how this made her feel. then its up to him if he changes how he cancels things last minute and its up to her what she accepts. theres no point breaking up with someone because you set this standard they are not even aware of. is she likes him she will invest the time - she's 25 not 50. if she doesnt then she can move on.

notAMember

I think it's ok to express disappointment. Reading through the lines, a night on the couch with new gf might be an opportunity to get more intimate, and no-one likes being knocked back for sex.

He said he wasn't feeling well. I mean, saying you're sick, and then tired, that's not contradictory, tiredness is also a part of not feeling great. Maybe he was afraid he wasn't at his best for the pressure of some extra-curricular activity. Didn't want to let you down, so avoided the situation.

Katgurl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276628#Comment_118276628

I don't know Toby. This is the second time he's done it. Some people are flaky or downright inconsiderate - they make decisions based purely on what they want to do right at that moment with no thought to the person or people they are messing around.

I don't treat people like that and if I make friends / begin dating someone like that it tends not to work out.

This stage of the relationship is about assessing if you're compatible. Why should the OP not consider if this personality type is going to cause her stress or annoyance down the line?

But if it's genuinely not a big deal to her then I think she should (as I suggested up thread) tell him honestly the next time she sees him that this bothers her.

Pussyhands

I'm going to go against the general comments and say from experience that I've done what the guy has done.

I'd make plans. Then I'd say let's pick another time or another day. The reason would be I'm just happy at home lazing around and I couldn't be arsed going to all the effort, getting ready, driving 30/40 minutes there missing the things I like, like watching football etc.

Coming right out with "I don't want to see you today" will offend the woman and basically that's the end of ever seeing them again. Better to use an excuse.

OP, how far away from you does he live?

Also what were your other dates? In my experience, movie night cuddled on the couch is far too close to relationship type stuff whereas I wouldn't want a relationship and going hiking, drinks or food is far less intimate.

TobyHolmes

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276647#Comment_118276647

hi - those are good points too! i get it. i suppose OP needs to have a good think about what she wants and talk to him about it. thats the best way forward i think.

osarusan

I did say that I was disappointed, but then went on to say more unfortunately. What would you say to claw back from what seems to be a mistake by me?

I think I should just explain where my thoughts came from. Maybe he'll understand, maybe he won't. But at least he'll get a better understanding of who I am and he can decide from there.

I wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't raise it again, or try to explain it, or revisit it at all. Just continue as if it's completely in the past, and wasn't a big thing for you at all.

If he does bring it up (likely in the 'Sorry we couldn't meet, and I want you to know that I do want to see you, I just wasn't feeling well' way), then just say not to worry about it, you know you read too much into it, and to forget about it.

Katgurl

I had to reread the OP because based on the replies I wondered if I had misunderstood it.

For the love of God people he wasn't sick! He was delayed, then doing something for his dad, then had a small headache. The OP was fine with him pushing back an hour even though she might have cut a previous engagement short to be there on time. There was no good reason he didn't show up. And he cancelled an earlier date because he was tired.

And people are saying the OP is over analysing, not open to a relationship, showing red flags.

How about just not putting her hand out to be slapped?

I met up with a woman I had been on a couple of dates with while feeling unwell. I ended up vomiting on the side of the road.

Never again.

JimmyVik

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276751#Comment_118276751

Happened to me too :)

I liked her too, but by the end of the night with me being sick and her taking it as a sign I wasnt paying attention to her we never met again after that.

I would love it to have ended up differently but all I could do that night was think about trying not to puke or fart, while constantly wiping sweat off my forehead and thinking i just want to go home to my bed and sleep.

struck1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276666#Comment_118276666

Nice to get a man's perspective on this. Can I ask if you were into this girl(s)? He only lives 15 minutes away.

Our other dates were the normal drinks, restaurants, going for walks etc. He always said he wanted a movie night so I don't see that being the problem.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276678#Comment_118276678

Is that not just admitting that I was wrong to be disappointed and upset at being cancelled on?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276808#Comment_118276808

I get if you're really sick of course cancel, but is a small headache that much to endure? Maybe it is for some but that's something I'd endure. Especially if the date is just watching a movie sitting on a sofa.

Pussyhands

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276831#Comment_118276831

No I wouldn't have been that into them. But I'd only be looking for casual anyways so not a relationship. He's had 8 dates without sex so doesn't sound like he's looking for casual.

15 minutes isn't far away enough to cause inconvenience I'd say. I'd give him benefit of the doubt.

loveall

Naturally, liars want to convey to you that they’re telling the truth. One simple way to do that, they think, is by talking about honesty. If someone says, “Let me be honest with you,” “Honestly,” or even “I was brought up to always be honest,” for me it's a red flag.

Nothing to say he messaged. Maybe he was having a few with his mates, and what with him being the cowardly type, they messed about on his phone. Or, there was an easy ride that night, maybe not as suitable a type to bring home to mammy and daddy as you. Who the fck knows?

This bllx can't be the be all and end all surely? Lighten up, have a rip if he treats you wrong and move on if his behavior is unacceptable.

bucketybuck

"It's strange because he delayed it twice, then suddenly told me he wasn't well (despite not mentioning it at all during the day) and then afterwards said it was because he was tired!"

I don't get why you keep presenting this as some chain of messages with a constantly changing story, when by your account this all happened within the space of a few minutes.

osarusan

Is that not just admitting that I was wrong to be disappointed and upset at being cancelled on?

No it isn't. There's nothing wrong with being disappointed or upset that he cancelled. I don't see how you can interpret what I'm saying that way.

It's just acknowledging that wondering if he was still interested in you, and that you'd rather not have things drag on if he's not interested, was taking things a bit too far.

Katgurl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276868#Comment_118276868

I'd agree with this actually and also think you need to reset your perspective.

You seemed initially to be investigating if this meant he wasn't into you, followed up by trying to figure out if you've ruined it and how you can fix it.

You don't know him, can't know his motivations. Only time will tell.

You know you. You know he's the type to cancel at short notice for a non emergency. If that doesn't bother you great. If it bothers you a little, tell him - but in a 'i don't like this, is it likely to keep happening?' way not asking about his feelings for you way. If it bothers you a lot then end it because people in general don't change.

I agree with the pp who said talking about being honest does not mean they are honest and he was probably drinking with the boys or lining up some easy sex. Or he could be the type who can't cope with a small headache.

sham58107

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276909#Comment_118276909

Oh for god sake !! " drinking with the boys " " lining up easy sex" Maybe the guy just had a bad day it does happen !

he was helping his father maybe things got complicated , and maybe yes he had a slight headache all day, maybe it got worse maybe he has migraine or maybe he was felling worse. He did say sorry , just move on ,BTW did the OP even ask how he was later ?, said he would not be good company, maybe he should have came over and got sick all over the place.

Katgurl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276932#Comment_118276932

A small headache would not have him vomiting all over the place.

So - best case scenario he was having a bad day?

That's a great indicator of their future relationship then. Fine to leave OP twiddling her thumbs on a Saturday night because he's decided last minute he's not in the humour. It's presumably too late for her to make other plans and she likely spent time getting the house ready, herself ready and probably bought food in.

But he's (maybe) having a bad day so her situation is irrelevant. And let's face it, the postponing followed by cancellation looks suspicious.

jimwallace197

I dont want to be blunt OP but coming from a guys perspective, I think he was up to something that night, he either met up with another girl(most probable) or went out with the lads on the pull. The kind of things he was saying and changing his mind etc.

Catch him on the bounce, say you have doubts where he was on Saturday night, see how he reacts. If he continues to deny, offer to look through his phone & his yours to dispel any doubts.

I know you dont want to go into it, but I think the lack or non existent sexual side of the relationship is a factor too. Especially in the early days of a relationship. If you are preferring to take it slow rather than him, then id definitely be concerned. Guys usually dont want to wait too long before finding out if you're both compatible in the bedroom department. He might like you but might want to get laid too.

struck1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276868#Comment_118276868

You're right. I shouldn't have mentioned him not being interested. I think I should apologise for that and say that I shouldn't have questioned it.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118276909#Comment_118276909

That seems reasonable. I guess if I don't like something he does I need to know if it's a common thing. I know I haven't encountered this before so I'm really confused.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118277194#Comment_118277194

I appreciate your advice but I definitely do not want to go down that route! If he was on a date with someone else I'd rather not know. It's still a bit casual at the moment and asking to look through his phone is never going to end well no matter what.

The non-sexual side of things was a mutual decision that I'd prefer not go into!

FintanMcluskey

Did I read 8 dates in a month and no sex?

Sounds like he's incredibly keen to have gone on 8 dry dates

loveall

Has he arranged a next date yet? A super one to make up for letting you down?

He may not feel he's in relationship territory without sex, and therefore not really doing anything wrong in going elsewhere. Not saying that's the right thing at all, just humans will find an excuse.

Fandymo

Extreme drama. If it were me, i'd be sending a "it's not you it's me" message. He couldn't make a date. Get over it.

Chickpea111

its been one month, 8 dates is very intense and you sound far too heavily reliant on him emotionally, if I am honest. You're putting all your eggs in the one basket here as well. You're so young, get out there if you can and meet more ppl - being so into one person after one month is not healthy.

nj27

I'd cancel a date at the drop of a hat tbh

struck1

It

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118277303#Comment_118277303

Not my decision. There's a medical reason his end that I'd rather not go into. Safe to say he's not getting it anywhere else either.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118277333#Comment_118277333

No. He hasn't replied to my last message so I'm not sure what he's thinking at all.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118277365#Comment_118277365

I wouldn't normally get emotionally invested early on but he has expressed so much interest in me that it's hard not to.

It's interesting to hear so many different replies. It goes to show that everyone thinks differently and that in some eyes I overreacted and in others he is a horrible person that should be dumped. No wonder I never know what to do in these situations!