Do you talk to children as equals?

In Actuality

I was showing to my nephew (10) how to play chess recently. It wasn't until my sister came along and started to interact with him that I noticed the difference in her demeanor towards him compared to mine. For a second this nearly made me feel as if I should have more authority in such a situation, but it's actually fine not to. I think some people either perhaps don't empathise as much or else they think that they need to keep the kids at arms length in order for them to respect. 

I'm obviously completely aware that there's certain things children wouldn't be aware of that us adults would be, and I would account for this in some sort of way when interacting with them... and would be able to be in charge when needed. But beyond that I wouldn't sense that I interact with them any differently. I'm not saying that people who don't talk to kids as equals are disrespectful, or they the kids are offended; just that there's a difference between some adults in this manner.

TheW1zard

yes

Allinall

I don't have children, but I talk to my dog as an equal.

Hope that helps.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058220835/do-you-talk-to-children-as-equals

I'm going to guess this was an older sister, and eldest kid in the family?

Older siblings nearly always talk down (especially when they're girls for some reason) - partly out of inherited responsibility and party out of the need to show authority to the parents than the kid.

I think it depends on the connection: if I'm babysitting or in charge, then yes - but if it's my friends kids at a party and the parents are there then no. I just go down to their level.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Gregor Samsa

I think I tailor my approach to everyone a little to the individual and the circumstances, not just children. There's times I'll chat to my kids as equals, there's times I'm in authoritative dad mode, and I'm telling them what they have to do and no bones about it.

Like, I wouldn't talk to my wife and the postman the same way. "C'mere, sugar tits. Have you got anything good for me today, huh?" would not be something I'd ever say to her in a million years. Yet it always makes him giggle, and sometimes I get an extra Domino's Pizza voucher sheet off him.

I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Like when I talk to my son who is two and a half, even that young I can tell he really listens way more intently when I'm explaining something in a non-patronising way. It's like you can really his brain working hard to try and process the information.

Talking to them as if they are intelligent and valuing thier opinions needs to be balanced though. The parent must retain authority and not try to be friends with their kids (I think they can only really be friends when the kids hit their mid-20's)

No not as equals. Am constantly surprised no matter how mature or wordly wise a teenager or young adult is when the going gets tough they can get upset and turn childlike so easily. Even the appearance of a mature understanding of a mature subject with a little cajoling can reveal a knowledge more akin to a primary school child. A child needs a parent or other adult mentor, not a friend, no matter how much you want to be a friend

Larbre34

No, not as equals, because they're not. They are inexperienced humans that are learning.

Their safety and prosperity also depend on me and for that reason there are boundaries. Those boundaries become less as they get older and are handed more responsibility.

But they always get respect and a hearing.

TheValeyard

As an Equal??? Have you tried talking to a toddler? They are mini Hitlers/Gandhi's who think they are superior to you in every way!

Potential-Monke

No, and never would. They're kids, they don't have life experience and usually have their own little warped view of how the world works. Until the parents inform them of real life. But that's not happening as much anymore. "You can be whatever you want to be, as long as you work hard for it". Ah, no. I doubt there are many kids in Ireland working hard towards becoming an astronaut. Because realistically, it's an unachievable goal for 99.99% of those interested in it in Ireland. A quick article I read said there were 23000 applicants for astronaut positions this year. 23000, for 6 places.

Then again, I don't have kids, so I'll never have to be in a position where I'm expected to pass on this knowledge. Thankfully.

My six year old nephew recently taught me to play chess, definitely not my equal 😁

BurgerFace

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058220835/do-you-talk-to-children-as-equals

Can you give an example of how you addressed the boy as opposed to how your sister did?

I never talk to children as if they are little munchkins. I never patronise them with baby talk or feign interest. And never bullsh1t a kid, whether they are 3 or 13. If they ask you a difficult question just take your time to answer it and don't bluff them out with some crap. And I try to expand their vocabulary. If my 4 year-old niece is irritating me I'll threaten her with dreadful consequences. Instead of "that's enough now" I'll say "you despicable little fugitive from a nightmare. Get out of my sight before I give you a famous thrashing!"

SouthWesterly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118270458#Comment_118270458

Heard that Interview Saturday morning. Not everyone can be what they want to be.

BurgerFace

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118256326#Comment_118256326

Your wife loves when I talk to her that way.

"I'd love a go of your burger but himself and myself are gonna have a pizza"

Richard Hillman

Yes. I cannot abide when I see people talk in a wierd fashion to children. I could spot it when I was young.

Also wierd the way adults think kids are there to entertain them. "Ooooh, you're very quiet", knob off Helen.

Potential-Monke

I stick to the old adage of kids should be seen but not heard. Doesn't happen though.

Victor

It really depends on context.

If a 6-year old asks what happens when we die, I'm not going to say we stop breathing and our bodily fluids leak out.

blade1

Yes I call both of them little c*nts!

spakman

No, not as adults because they're not. You make assumptions that adults have a general understanding of most topics. You can't make that assumption with kids. You need to think about how you answer their questions a lot more.

AckwelFoley

I try not to categorise people.

Therefore there is no inferior or superior

Take that for wokesim 2021.

whisky_galore

I generally ignore children, I have no contact with any. People make assumptions about men who interact with kids who aren't their own.

Potential-Monke

@Victor Why not? It's the truth.

No. I talk to children at a level appropriate for their age and level of understanding.

Children are not mini-adults.

Esel

Yes, if they won't get off the swing and give me a go.