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Worried about my career

  • 03-11-2021 10:48pm
    Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Hi all,

    Need some advice as I don’t really have anyone objective to turn to.

    I qualified in my career nearly 5 years ago. 2 years ago, I went into a department to progress my career and gain experience but it is completely toxic and while the work is ok, the people have ruined my experience and completely eroded my confidence in my job.

    I know second and triple guess myself. I started to suffer from depression 4 months after my transfer to the department. My mental health has been up and down - I never suffered with anything like this before.

    in my previous department, I was confident and capable - I don’t feel like myself anymore.

    Bullying is widespread and it’s not one particular person, it comes from every angle.

    I have been criticised, interrupted and undermined in front of other colleagues and clients, I have been gaslit, blamed for things when they go wrong, I have been second guessed to the point I now cannot be decisive and do not trust myself. I could be standing next to two or three other colleagues in the same rank and the person in charge will question me on why something and something isn’t done despite other people being there too - there seems to be a higher standard expected of me constantly while others get away with doing the bare minimum or recoiling from taking the lead.

    I am constantly questioned. I now believe I am as stupid as people make me feel that way on a daily basis.

    I like the work but the people have ruined it for me and I’ve lost all interest.

    I feel trapped.

    any words of wisdom?


  • Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭ Ethan Damaged Tear

    Life's too short, move on.

    If you work somewhere that you can transfer internally then get moving on that. Otherwise get your CV and LinkedIn updated. Depending on your sector there's a good chance you'll find something super quickly.

  • Posts: 1,010 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]

    Its much easier to get a new job when you are already in a job. Keep plugging away at your current job but start making new applications now, looking for references etc. If its really toxic, others will have left before you..if you have their details ring them .. they may provide valuble advice.

    Also suggest a good modern translation of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations, "“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading. Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man’s two hands, feet or eyelids, or the upper and lower rows of his teeth. To obstruct each other is against Nature’s law – and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction.”

  • Registered Users Posts: 894 ✭✭✭TheadoreT

    I find it hard to believe everyone is out to get out there. As you progress in jobs it tends to get to bit more cutthroat and higher standards are expected of you. You cant take things so personally. I think it would be more beneficial to learn to adapt to the environment and get a thicker skin, rather than saying everyone is terrible in this department and it would be better elsewhere. You'll like encounter similar anywhere.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,321 ✭✭✭Jump_In_Jack

    That is quite shocking, I know for a fact that in my organisation where I work all off those behaviours would be picked up on by management and there would be mediation and disciplinary measures if it continued.

    You have a right to be respected in your workplace, all of that stuff is bullying plain and simple.

    if the industry norm in your work is like that then change industry if possible, in my industry there are strict codes of ethics and there is absolutely no way a colleague would be tolerated by management if they behaved like you have described.

    Maybe your boss is too gutless or the culture is all wrong, but it won’t be like that everywhere.

    If you stay in that environment you will need therapy soon enough, and work should not affect you outside of work hours, if you are stressed and upset after hours then that needs to be addressed.

    If your boss is amenable to talk it out then that’s where I’d start, write down the points you want to make and rehearse the conversation. Keep as calm as you can and try not to allow your boss to fob you off or make you feel your concerns are invalid.

    If your boss isn’t approachable then take it to HR if possible, or else it is time to seriously reconsider staying in that job. Maybe you could move back to your old job?

    Best of luck with it, hope you find the strength to work your way out of this situation and feel better soon.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,853 ✭✭✭messrs

    Hi OP. I was in a very similar situation. In fact as I read down through your post its making me think you work for the same company as where all that happened me!! I worked with a fantastic team of people then one by one we all started to leave over the manager we had. Even though we all went to HR about this person our grievances were not listened to - instead it was said we were all combining together to gang up on this particular manager!!

    My advice to you is get out ! Start applying for jobs - look on Linkedin and see if anything there you would be interested in. You spend enough of your day in work so been miserable there isnt worth it. For me leaving and going to a new job was the best thing I ever did, my confidence was so low leaving - so much so to the point where I was almost afraid to apply for jobs and sit interviews as I thought I wasnt good enough!! You need to get out of there before you get completed ground down.


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    Post edited by Hannibal_Smith on

  • Registered Users Posts: 10,039 ✭✭✭✭Flinty997

    It's not everyone. It's everyone in a certain area or team. It could be someone has gone in there has created a culture of bullying and it's gone unchecked and festered.

    You notice the difference when you leave and move to somewhere normal.

  • Registered Users Posts: 10,039 ✭✭✭✭Flinty997

    The only thing is to transfer somewhere else or get new job.