Is your life over once you get married?

pgj2015

It seems this way to me, im single by choice and will never get married. I see it with a lot of my friends, they become so fcuking boring once they get married. im heading off for a holiday next month, myself and a few friends to a european city, its going to be mental, nights out, raves etc. I was just thinking about asking an old college friend but he is newly married so there probably is no point. another friend of mine got married 4 years ago, I have only seen him once since. most of these lads are under the thumb, its pathetic to see. Having to ask for permission to have a few beers with a friend.

These lads are only in their 30's but they may as well get the pipe and slippers and be done with it. such a waste of a life in my opinion. I wonder do they really want that boring life or why do they settle down so much?

DarkJager21

The fact that you assume they are all leading “boring” lives says it all, maybe they’ve just grown up?

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

I’m marrying someone that does not want kids and it will be party and travel till I inevitably die

mystic86

A rave. In your 30s. Each to their own. Maybe you should take that on board yourself. Have you considered they might not want to do those things anymore.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076192#Comment_118076192

Thats what im talking about, 30's isnt old and if you want to rave in your 90's then go for it. who cares. But these guys were into the raves, nights out, in their 20's. to me just staying in and only going out with your wife is boring.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076184#Comment_118076184

does growing up mean becoming boring?

like im not a party animal like I was years ago but you still have to let your hair down the odd time.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076189#Comment_118076189

would you not get bored of just 1 woman?

KaneToad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076211#Comment_118076211

"Letting your hair down" is a highly subjective concept.

What does it mean for you?

DarkJager21

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076211#Comment_118076211

I can still party with the best of them believe me ;) I had my 20’s, my raves my yokes every weekend etc but believe it or not it does eventually get boring.

Some of the saddest guys I know now are those “legend in their own mind” types who are desperately clinging on to their youth, waking up with the skag every weekend. Life moves on and people move on, don’t judge anyone because you are still in full on party mode. Sooner or later you’ll realise the lights are on and everyone is gone home.

Pherekydes

No. I got married in 1982 and I'm still here.

Still married, though not to the same woman.🤔

Ubbquittious

I know a few party animals that are married and a few boring sods who are single. Kids put a damper on things though, don't have them or you will be caught looking after them for quite a few years

Back in the day people didn't move around so much and there was always a neighbour or a relative who would look after your kids of a night if you wanted to go partying and you'd look after theirs the next time but thats all gone now.

Buddy Bubs

I've 2 groups of friends. I'm the last one to get married out of them all. One group still go drinking pints every weekend and staying out late and dying the next day. Other group, 1 of them does go out a good bit but the others don't bother much. They talk about it and are allowed no bother but they choose not to.

As someone in mid 30s I like maybe 1 decent night out a month, that does me fine.

elperello

Not over just changed.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076250#Comment_118076250

im not still in full party mode. I said that earlier. im a workaholic these days but still like a lads weekend, gig, night out every so often.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076218#Comment_118076218

I have enough I’m old now

Sheep Shagger

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076279#Comment_118076279

What he said, things change as do priorities whether that be buying a house, having kids or both or whatever. We did a lot of travel pre kids and whilst holidays are different now with kids if all goes to plan we'll restart the travel to different destinations when the kids are older whatever things don't have to be family friendly.

Hardly over, just different.

11 years in and cant imagine not being married. Sure there's ups and downs but you'd get that in a single life too.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076248#Comment_118076248

nights out with friends, without their wives/girlfriends. pubs/clubs, gigs etc

The thing that gets me about them not allowing the husband/boyfriend have a night like that is the fear they will be cheated on. if you dont trust them then you shouldnt be together simple as.

Yes. Once you get married life is over as a single person.

You're responsible for more than just yourself. You've a spouse and most likely kids at some point in time. Can't go out raving and leave the baby at home.

Life changes. It's not over.

Married just means different fun, not boredom. I still go way to rugby/golf trips with friends. Do I want to go to nightclubs regularly with guys I was friendly with in my 20’s? I’d rather scratch my eyes out.

Tell me how

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

Some peoples interests, priorities and focus change over time. Some peoples don't.

One thing to keep in mind, although it isn't a hard and fast rule, is that many people use the excuse that their partner wants them to stay at home, or do something or whatever and so they can't go on a session, simply because they don't want to and instead of their friend being childish and giving them a hard time trying to get them to change their mind, they start a thread on Boards complaining about 'those who are married'.

If you can and do drink and party in your 30's as you did in your 20's then you should really consider are you actually living your best life. There's a reason most people stop doing so and it isn't just because they have a partner in their ear.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076325#Comment_118076325

Do you ever listen to famous people on podcasts talking about crazy nights out they have, when I hear them stories I think that is deadly, thats the kind of nights everyone should have, no matter what age you are, fcuk it you only live once. Now I have mad nights out with my friends when I get the chance(usually in different countries) and you will talk about them for years. maybe its just the way I am, I will probably never "grow up" but it definitely works for me. I just think the boring lads secretly want these nights the odd time but the wife wont allow it. its a shame.

I have a friend who is married but in fairness to him he is still a party animal when given the chance, marriage has meant less money for him so he cant do these trips that much.

Getting married is not the end. Having children is the end

DarkJager21

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076325#Comment_118076325

Getting married doesn’t mean that either.

Can seem that way but people, male or female, tend to bring **** on themselves.

Oh, you married a woman who has had rows with you most times you've had a couple of drinks without her? And now you don't go out much? But maybe you'll moan about her being overbearing. Who could have possibly seen that coming!?

I'm sure people can change when they get married but the few close people to me who've done it it didn't happen. They go on like it did but it's just a crystalisation of how things already were.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076351#Comment_118076351

Ah no 😁. That's just the beginning. All the while investing the best of character and principles into the next generation and hopefully you won't end up in a nursing home.

The saddest thing ever that I hear is when a person in their 70s or 80s calls my office and tells me they are "alone". The sadness in the voice is heartbreaking.

KaneToad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076312#Comment_118076312

I'd prefer a night out with my partner compared to friends. You seem to see having a partner as something negative. I'm the complete opposite.

Dunno about getting married ending life (essentially dont see point of getting married tbh)

But having kids sure.as fcuk seems like a short cut to death by tedium.....kids emselves are likely grand....but fcuk me the taughts of endless kids parties,sleepovers,play dates and dull as dishwater conversations about nothing of note at BBQs just seems like an utter utter waste of a life

DarkJager21

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076446#Comment_118076446

Surely the bigger waste of life is being that sad **** off his nut at 60 in a nightclub, hitting on girls young enough to be their daughter and going home to an empty bed?

PalLimerick

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

Not married but in a LTR. Wouldn't be in to raves. Under no circumstances would I seek permission to go out. But you are right most are under the thumb, and they will know this and say the likes of us are immature and so on to make up for their whipped behaviour.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076451#Comment_118076451

Yeah when ya see people getting themselves into the same situation over and over it's a bit hard to feel much sympathy after a while.

Elessar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076218#Comment_118076218

You remind me of myself a few years back. I said exactly the same thing, I was happy being single, going on dates, having fun little flings, travelling, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Then one day I met my (now ex) girlfriend and everything changed. She completely changed me, took me outside of my little world I was in and showed me how awesome it was being in a loving relationship and having someone at your back. Being part of a team. She expanded my world, my experiences and my thinking entirely. Ironically it wasn't until we broke up that I truly saw the value she brought and the lessons I learned thanks to her. I finally understand why people get into a relationship and want to get married and spend their lives together. It's a really nice thing.

What I'm trying to say is, you just haven't met the right woman yet. When you do it'll all make sense. You'll genuinely, really WANT to spend time with her and do things with her. And then you'll fall in love, whether you want to or not and the rest will unfold itself to you in time.

NIMAN

OP sounds like he will one day be the sad case that is the oldest guy in the nightclub.

Might have one mate left who thinks like him, and the 2 of them will look like right weirdos eyeing up girls half their age.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076465#Comment_118076465

Lad,i likely drink/have less nights out than your average married person with kids etc,even without covid about

Its just not for me,neither is a lifestyle that geos with kids/families,just seems excessively boring.....like im sure kids are good on a domestic level etc and could get onboard with it as regards workload

,but if ya have em,it wouldnt be fair on the kid to deny em the rest either and tedious is what it seems like to me (and confirmed by close friends)

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076301#Comment_118076301

But every married man will say stuff like this, even the ones planning to walk out on the wife and kids a few weeks later. I remain to be convinced...

Tork

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076481#Comment_118076481

There's more than a grain of truth to this. What age are you OP? You're almost inevitably going to get to the stage where you don't have many single friends to go out with any more. And if you go to pubs and nightclubs the young ones will be giving you a wide berth because you're one of those weirdo auld lads who still thinks he has it.

Oranage2

The all nighter just isn't worth it when you're married, you just know the other half is gonna be pissed when you're ikea shopping and you're just hoping she doesn't want that new expensive sofa out of spite as you're hanging with your ice cream and meatballs

NIMAN

It's just the process of growing up and your priorities in life changing.

We all drank and loved nights out when we were young, but when you get to a certain age and stage in life, most people don't have the interest to do this any more. The odd one for sure, for a big match, or a birthday or a special occasion, but it might involve a meal as well as drink. It becomes more about the company and chat, than about getting drunk and the shift.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Some people will still want to do this into their 40s, 50s, etc. But you'll stand out from the crowd, as there won't be many like you. I know a guy who is in his mid 40s, and he still acts like he did in his 20s. Partying any free night he'd get, drug taking etc. In fact he has started hanging with a younger crowd as well, as his original mates have 'grown up'. I have no doubt he'll still be at it in another 10 years time, unless his life changes dramatically. He's single and to be honest ain't going to find any sort of partner living that lifestyle.

But sure as long as he's happy....

Dazler97

I hope not, I'm only in a relationship 6 months and perhaps it may come to marriage in time but I'd like to think it won't be all doom and gloom being married. I'm only 24 btw

Thelonious Monk

Any of my friends who are not social now were not that social before they had wives/kids and were always a nightmare to get out of the house.

I have plenty of friends who still make time to do stuff with their mates because they enjoy it and want to have healthy relationships with others.

Nights out boozing and doing coke etc. are great craic but as you get older and you make your life more interesting it doesn't become so appealing, especially with the mental/physical pain after a sesh.

chrissb8

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

I'm in my 30's and don't want to live as I did in my 20's. It's boring and repetitive. Think you'll find most people are getting their head down at this age to set themselves up for the 2nd half of their life. Marriage, career, children, financial goal etc. not one size fits all but generally most are focusing in on something.

As for the under the thumb thing that is just bulls**t to see. Fully grown men saying sorry can't come out...and then spend the night watching Netflix as they have done with their partner every other night of the week. If a partner can't understand the importance of friendships then they are selfish, don't have such friendships and can't understand, or, are insecure to the point that spending any time away from them is a sign of not "wanting them". Any relationship is a coming together of two individuals who while having made a commitment to spend most of their time together should make room for the things that make each other happy. In fact, they are the only types of relationships that I see are full of happiness really.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076446#Comment_118076446

Nothing wrong with having kids but I pity the parents I see at supermarkets with a load of kids with them.

lawred2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058214894/is-your-life-over-once-you-get-married

Seen through the prism of raves and all night benders then yeah they (we) probably do become boring.

But the reality is that they (we) probably prefer to be doing something else more often than not.

I get more out of getting up early on a Sunday morning and coaching the young lad's rugby minis than I ever did nursing a hangover. Followed up by an afternoon fishing with the lads when the weather is decent. Getting out hiking at the weekend with them, sitting at the top eating our packed lunch.. simple but seriously fulfilling.

I'm happy enough with a few pints with some old friends once a month or so.

I suppose that will sound boring to some but c'est la vie. We can't all be the same.

NSAman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076211#Comment_118076211

Unfortunately, for some people growing old DOES mean becoming boring. Luckily we are at an age now that we are (@@@cough@@@) middle-aged. We still lead a crazy life that most people our age do not. We travel a fair amount, we don't do nor ever have done the rave thang..... I am lucky (as is herself) that most of our friends are pretty non-standard also. Our friends are a mad mixture of married couples, singles, of all sexual persuasions and marital and non-marital status. It makes life interesting.

It depends on the people you hang out with. My friends from childhood are still my friends from childhood and we can still have a laugh like we did growing up (granted when they are out of the suit and ties, they are one hell of a lot different to when in them)

Some people DO change and become their fathers when they get married, obviously freedom/time is restricted if there are kids and rightly so. Without kids, why become the "couple" who only do "coupley" things.

Herself and myself still get up to mischief as a couple but also on lads/ladies nights and weekends away... it makes seeing each other again much more fun..;)

tayto lover

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076218#Comment_118076218

An old lad said to me one time when we were taking about a married neighbour who also had a girlfriend- “ it’s a poor mouse that one has one hole to go to”.

lawred2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076446#Comment_118076446

You know what, you're not wrong there. I'm allergic to a lot of that crap. I think you learn after your first to start finding ways to swerve anything that is a social gathering solely based on the kids knowing each other.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076465#Comment_118076465

Yeah because all 60 year olds are sad **** lol what about being 60 and stuck with a bitch of a wife who looks more like a man than a woman? most people who come out with that are just jealous of the single guys life. as someone said there are pros and cons of being single or married.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076477#Comment_118076477

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNnzLHTkLDQ

lol only messing. Ah I hear ya, I actually could probably fall in love easily enough if I let it happen but its not for me just yet anyway. I will never let a woman tell me if I can go out or not though.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118076481#Comment_118076481

Jealousy alert. typical bitter reply there. I don't go for women half my age, usually women from 25 to 35 or thereabouts. the only sad people are people who think having a good night out in your 30's is sad. I pity people like that.

NIMAN

I can guarantee you, I am not jealous.

TomSweeney

I bloody love a night in with my slippers on and a good book!!!

Maybe a glass of warm milk and honey at my side!!!

Love it!

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