How can I make it clear I would like us to have sex, but not get weird if answer is no?

deadinsidebutstillhorny

Basically, how can I tell someone (somewhat close friend) I would like us to have sex, if they are up for it. And also, in case of the reply being "no", just making clear I'm talking about being physically attracted, and if it's not mutual, I'm ok anyway (and don't want to push this person away or making it a big deal).

Buddy Bubs

Ask him or her out for a date, that's how

SCOOP 64

Yeah properly i would like to have sex with you out of the blue may not cut it, go out for a date end of night make your move, see what pans out.

YellowLead

Kind of odd to ask a friend to have sex no??? Unless they have expressly hinted they are attracted to you and looking for fwb and you’re not that close friends. If you are close friends and only want sex without dating/romance then I’d avoid doing it as that might kill the friendship. If a male friend I wasn’t attracted to asked me if I wanted sex with him I’d be a bit creeped out and it would damage the friendship.

TheadoreT

Both your username and post seem to be trying very hard to be come across cold and not admitting your feelings.

If you've a friend who you're attracted to and clearly fantasise about you're probably not dead inside. You should just admit to them you've feelings for them instead of asking a friend outright for sex which is probably a bit weird.

If you're feelings are reciprocated then it will probably lead that way anyway and if not it may be embarrassing for a little while but not the end of the world. Outright asking for sex could end the friendship.

Idle Passerby

Is there any sort of flirting going on currently to make you believe they would be interested in the idea? If yes then just ramp it up a little and see where it goes. Bluntly proposing sex if there's no indication of attraction would probably go down like a lead balloon and would likely make the friendship fairly awkward.

OK, get you, you are steering whatever it is you have onto a new platform, from friendship to physical I assume. If there happens to be mutual attraction there’s a possible starting point, otherwise it’s a possible ending point. But you really have to give it a go, but with plan B to sooth oneself or with friends etc should it all fall through as often happens. On the other hand, nothing ventured, nothing won, and old wisdom always dictates one must try.

Tell me how

Seems to me you don't really value the friendship. Be prepared to lose it.

If they are up for it, be prepared for them to want to make it much more than just having sex.

seenitall

Know your audience, OP. If this is a friend you know well, you must have a fair idea if your proposition will be a goer or not. But then why would you be writing here for advice? If it’s someone you don’t know that well, and who is just nominally a friend, well then be quick and straight to the point, what is there to lose? By that I don’t mean jump them or anything, but get them out of an evening, as suggested, and make sure they get the point. Use some old-fashioned charm, if within the bounds of possibility. But do express your, ahem, lustfullness, in an unambiguous way. You’ll then soon enough see, going by their reaction, where you stand.

ETA: Oh, about the weirdness in case of rejection. It needn’t get weird if both of ye are adults and act mature about it. So that depends. Nothing much you can do if the person thinks you’re a creepy pest from now on etc. but that’s why I say: Know Your Audience. You should be able to gauge this stuff way before any actual words about sexy times are spoken. It’s called Emotional Intelligence, and is fierce useful in this type of situation. If you are more like someone feeling their way around in complete darkness, it’s not advisable to proceed with your particular scheme. It is not very likely to end well in that case. Better stick with online dating and such.

Dial Hard

I remember your first thread on this and if it's the same girl (and I'm assuming you don't have that many female friends you want to shag) my advice remains no, leave the poor girl alone.

Be honest about things, and tell him/her that you're 'dead inside' (you've got the sympathy vote going for you then) , yet you're still 'horny'... Should make things less awkward anyhow... If they're a good friend, an opening gambit could be: "I've nothing really to offer relationship wise to anyone, but I feel 'lonely' , you know.. FML".. Maybe get a bit emotional too (sort of trying to 'hold back the tears' ),,, if that could comes naturally.. Be apologetic almost directly afterwards... "I don't know why I'm burdening you with this, it's just that it's not easy for me, you know..."

That way, you've got an 'out' so to speak... plus you're not really 'asking' them, yet they may offer to help out...!

May or may not work for you as an approach.. might not suit your personality... Just a suggestion based on your username ☺️

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118026954#Comment_118026954

Yeah I wouldn't have thought it was difficult for anyone with reasonable social/conversational skills to start dropping increasingly broad hints about what they are looking for in this scenario. Bring sexy stuff like underwear, contraception into the conversation, I'd say the penny will soon drop.

Tork

I remember your other thread as well. Is this the same person or someone else?

If it isn't the same person, is there any reason why you only seem to want to shag people in your immediate circle? Why not use one of the dating apps?

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118024851#Comment_118024851

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118024896#Comment_118024896

I think he would be better to sidestep this bit if he can manage it, avoid sending mixed messages at the start of the 'arrangement'.

Gas how many of us are assuming OP is male and the object of his affections is female...If both are male OP's game plan might be more workable...

The key to introducing a sudden increase in intimacy in a friendship for me would be communication. Not just sex - but any sudden stark increase in intimacy emotional or physical.

If you do not have a good level of communication with this "friend" then I would find myself hard pushed to recommend attempting such a move.

The fact that you do not communicate well enough with this friend to know how or what to say to them - or how to approach them - to instigate such a change - but instead think people on a forum like this who do not know the person at all in any way might be able to tell you what to say to them - suggests you are certainly not there with them at this time.

If you as their supposed close friend do not even know how to broach the subject with them - us total strangers sure as hell will not be able to tell you.

Find ways to let the friendship grow and develop. And if it ever gets to a point where you find you know what to say - or how - without asking strangers for advice - then you might be in a healthy position to suggest sex.

magicbastarder

If you as their supposed close friend do not even know how to broach the subject with them - us total strangers sure as hell will not be able to tell you.

i came in to post an approximation of this.

also, if you're their friend, surely sex will alter the dynamic of the friendship, to the point of completely endangering it, if you don't also want a relationship?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118027442#Comment_118027442

Manipulative twaddle.

If you want a friends with benefits situation, tentatively propose that. If you have feelings for her, ask her out.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118031275#Comment_118031275

I think you're being facetious here. By simply 'asking for sex' OP would likely have a similar experience to this guy

Ramsey’s social circle overlapped with the Bloomsbury Group and he shared their ideology of intimate friendship and free love. This didn’t always work out well. At one point, he became obsessed with a friend’s wife, asking her bluntly: ‘Margaret, will you fcuk with me?’ She turned him down and he was distraught.

https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v43/n04/kieran-setiya/the-ramsey-effect

As I said above, if the OP is having regular conversations with his 'target', I think the way to go is to ramp up the sexualised banter as tastefully as he can manage, and if she responds well to this, he should find an opportunity at some point down the line to put his proposal.

Wombatman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118032295#Comment_118032295

Yeah, getting your average secondary school teacher to give teenagers lessons on how to score seems like wonderful idea.

veil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058213302/how-can-i-make-it-clear-i-would-like-us-to-have-sex-but-not-get-weird-if-answer-is-no

Do not overthink it, ask her out, that's if she's single, she just might be into you. Sometimes when you overthink it, you kill the possibility of a positive response. If the "no" bothers you: let her know it doesn't change anything and that you can still be friends no matter what.

Segotias

Do not ask this person out, from the sounds of it you are just looking for sex, there is nothing wrong with that. However asking someone out gives an indication you are interested in them instead of just sex.

Be honest if you want a FWB situation and accept it and move on if they don't.

Dial Hard

thread is over a month old, OP hasn't been back since their first post and this is the second thread they've had on the same topic and they did the exact same thing the first time...

jj880

Say: "I know someone that wants to ask their friend about having sex but they arent sure how their friend will react - what do you think?" Then listen.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

As the OP hadn't been back in 2 months, I'll close this one off.

Thanks folks

HS