Not sure if banter

askingaquestion123

New job, not there long. Virtual classes for training.

Two trainers. So new trainer who's leading a group for the first time shite'n on about how one person he trained got to the top and they sent an email a few years later saying " its all because of u". Just blowing his own whistle saying how great he is, more or less to that effect.

The older trainer shoots back "ah sure they sent me the same email!" as a joke and to downplay how great he is. Then immediately the new trainer who's in charge shot back "Next you'll tell me she was thinking of askingaquestion123".

The reason I took this personally is because I've had some mental health issues the last few years and been probably the quietest person in the class and don't particularly enjoy being on webcam all day - i do my best and i'm always on time and interact when I can but I'm fully aware I come across very monotonous. The way I took it was when the second trainer joked backed she emailed him too it he shot back that suggestion is so ludicrous she might of been thinking of me too.

I could be way over the mark here and maybe it's just banter, but it didn't feel like it to me. After it was said I could notice subtle backtracking and he went on trying to take the piss out of his one or two class favourites a bit as if to give the impression it's normal but imo I could see what he was doing.

Anyway just felt like posting

hawley

Do you have a contact for HR? The fact that you are not physically together means that it can be difficult to pick up the body language of other people. It might be worthwhile to outline how it played out to a HR manager. If he has previous, then expect it to be taken more seriously. It seems like he was trying to use you as a means of getting a quick laugh. Was trying to put you down.

askingaquestion123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117930168#Comment_117930168

Thanks hawley, that's how it felt to me too at the time. I doubt many others picked up on it and if they did prob just forgot about it already. I always question these things because it could just be me being over sensitive.

I do have a contact for HR but don't really want to cause any problems tbh.

hawley

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117930194#Comment_117930194

It would depend on whether or not it is a pattern of behavior towards you. It could be construed as bullying. If you are worried that it could escalate, I would contact HR as an initial step. They might advise you to keep a record of any incidents. If it gets more pronounced, you could take a case. I understand you probably don't want to put yourself in that position, but you can't allow yourself to be bullied. Can you discuss it with anybody else on the course?

askingaquestion123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117930222#Comment_117930222

Too early days to talk about it with others, I wouldn't know whether or not they'd repeat it back. I'll sleep on it anyway and see how it goes tomorrow, I appreciate the advice and thanks for confirming that finding the scenario insulting wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

Bannasidhe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058210182/not-sure-if-banter

If someone made a comment like that in the forum I MOD they would be told to keep it civil and stop playing the man.

Might not be bullying as such but it absolutely is unprofessional.

dotsman

What the fcuk???

A person has just started a new job and are going to make a complaint to HR over a nothing? Can't see them staying in that job very long.

@hawley - stop feeding her paranoia. It is not bullying - nothing even close to it. Even talking to HR about something like this would see any decent HR/manager manage the OP out during their probation period as these are clear signs of "trouble" ahead. Nobody would want to work with the OP, they wouldn't feel safe to do so.

@askingaquestion123 - you say you have been dealing with mental health issues over the past few years. I am very sorry to hear that. Are you still getting help for dealing with those issues, as I would be afraid you will get very bad advice here? The simple reality is that, from what you posted, yes you are reading in to things that aren't there, but you should talk to somebody (a professional) about that and work through it. in the meantime, enjoy the new job, make a great first impression with your new team, management and HR and I hope things work out for you very well in the long run.

askingaquestion123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117930309#Comment_117930309

That's why I posted - my perception of such situations might be totally skewed. To me it was an insulting comment, I'll take it on the chin for now and move on.

dotsman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117930341#Comment_117930341

Please do - for your sake. Don't get me wrong. If it got a lot more severe or was repeating, I would suggest having a friendly private chat with the offender and just explain that you are a little sensitive to comments like that etc. Only then, if it didn't stop, or got worse, would I go the official route. Remember, working with other people will mean different personalities and sense of humour etc. Being able to ignore/laugh off etc minor stuff is essential when working with people. If you are seeing someone, I would suggest getting their advice/perspective on this. They may also be able to suggest things you can try so this doesn't upset you.

ultimately, it's only when it gets big/constant etc and the "offender" isn't responding to a friendly request/chat etc that there is any point in going the official route. Even then, you need to understand the "practical reality". If a newbie is complaining when they have only just started, they are going to just be viewed as hyper-sensitive/troublesome and it's best to not keep them. Likewise, if there is a personal conflict between a newbie and a (possibly well liked) established member of staff, again, it will be a lot easier to resolve the issue by not keeping the newbie past probation. It may not necessarily be perfect or fair, but it is just a simple fact of life you need to be aware of.