Disguising a scripted remark as being natural!

Brid Hegarty

What have been some of your experiences where you've planned on saying something in advance, but with the intention of making it look natural? And how did it play out in reality. One thing I've noticed about saying something in advance, which took me quite a bit of time to relaise, is that I rarely thought about what that other person might actually say back to it!

We often find that we think of something good we could've said a few hours after the situation has passed? But if it's someone you know, such as a work colleague or a family member, then you know that at some point in the future they'll make a comment equivalent to it again when the same subject arises, and you'll get your chance to land your blow. 

I think it's good to call people out on there hypocrisy when they go off on rants. I think that if you don't, you'll just end up complaining to somebody else about that person later. But it's easier said than done. It's easy to imagine yourself making a sort of (called for) dig at someone in a sort of joking way, whereby the person it's directed at just laughs it off. But when you actually end up saying it, they may be incredibly offended. Another thing I've noticed about myself when it comes to moments like this if I've planned what I'm going to say, is that I'm less inclined to look somebody in the eye, and my voice would go a little higher.

I remember once when I was knew to a job, there was this fella called Sean. One day he was giving out about the company as I'd heard him doing once or twice before. To be fair, there was a lot wrong with the company. he seemed to be annoying me somehow. It wasn't that I disagreed with anything he said, but more so that there was quite a bit of repetition, and he was getting quite worked up. There was a moment of dead air space, and as I was staring out the window with my back turned to him, I calmly said "don't be a drama queen Sean". One of the female colleagues burst out laughing and I knew I'd hit the nail on the head. I wasn't even that sure he was being a drama queen because I knew very little about the issues he was addressing. But I knew one thing... the fella was always complaining!!! And that was what gave him away. Now I'm glad this lady did laugh because this guy was more of a senior employee than me. I was only new at the place so if she hadn't have laughed, I may well have across as somebody looking for confrontation. That was a time when something I'd planned on saying went well. 

Let me tell you about a time when it didn't go well! Once there was this oldish arrogant bully type where I worked who banged the PC mouse when he worked. The first day working with him, I didn't say anything when he did this. I tried to tell myself that he's just old or whatever. Having thought about I decided I wasn't going to put up with it the next day. I know from experience that when he'd actually do it again that it would be harder to speak up than what I'd expect. I sort accounted for this, so that when the moment finally came, I was ready. Therefore I spoke up without missing a beat as soon as I heard the bang. I said very firmly "are you trying to break the mouse Jim?... do you think if you keep banging it that it will get it to work? Is that it?" For a second I thought I'd made him look stupid, but he then shouted "what?" with a big huge frown on his face. It made me feel like I was forgetting something. I was confused by the fact that he'd say 'what?' when he clearly heard me. I then repeated what I'd already said, while feeling that I didn't explain myself properly. I was probably about to get tongue tied at the point in time that he interrupted me and said "what's wrong with ya?". That was his way of saying you're acting out of character. And he was right; I'm not the sort of person who has the courage to speak up. If I was, I would have challenged him first day. I looked like someone trying to pick a fight and the other two lads in the room, who always gave out about what a bully this man was, took his side!

The thing is if we have a script that we're sticking to, and unexpected stuff happens while we're saying that script, then we don't have the ability to adapt our behaviour. Where as if the thought just entered our head the moment before we saying it, then we'd be able to suddenly change tact if needed, and abort any non-relevant words. In the case of the man who banged his mouse, he was frowning while I was saying my bit... I didn't imagine it happening this way. I also didn't imagine the two others in the room going silent as soon as I challenged him on it. If I'd come up with it on the spot, I'd have had more confidence in the relevance of my remark, and would probably have just said "you heard me".

Anyway that's all I have to say!

listermint

Simple advise, don't preempt conversations. And don't dwell on past conversations.

You are doing both here. And it's not healthy mentally to do either.

Best advice is pause for thought before you open your mouth. This can involve taking a short breath to think before you act

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664520#Comment_117664520

That's a lazy analysis. It does pay off most of the time... as in the case of my first story. Those stories are from when I was quite young anyway. With a bit of experience under the belt it's easy to slip in a scripted remark without any notice.

You seem a bit cantankerous and argumentative Brid.

Gregor Samsa

If you want your scripted remarks to appear natural, try method acting. When you wake up in the morning, become the person who gives out to a man banging his mouse. Don’t just say the words, be that person. Maybe the person who complains about another person banging their mouse wears a red hat, or has a limp. If so, buy a red hat and limp into and out of the shop. Make sure the lady who sells you the hat does not doubt for one second that you have a limp.

Someone who says “Don’t be such a drama queen, Sean!” In a calm manner while looking out the window might well be the kind to smoke a pipe. Buy a pipe - but don’t just suddenly pull it out and light it up when you’re about to say your line. Be a pipe smoker. Commit to it for days, weeks beforehand. So that when the time comes to devastate Sean and impress your co-worker with your line, it won’t be Brid awkwardly blurting it out while trying to light a mass of tobacco that will choke her and make her gag - it will be pipe-smoking lady doing what she was born to do.

listermint

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664566#Comment_117664566

Lazy analysis. ?

You are the one on here thinking about ways to script out conversations that haven't yet occured.

That's mentally unhealthy .

looksee

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664760#Comment_117664760

This somehow reminds me of someone. Can't remember exactly. He had a hat I believe, and shot people - bang!

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664786#Comment_117664786

Who says it's mentally unhealthy? You think comedians don't do this? You've just been socially conditioned... that's all. It's something I'm interested in, and you're trying to shun me for it. All you're doing is trying to shut down any debate... don't do this, don't do that... don't question anything. I'm sorry but it's not as simple as you want it to be. If you were to apply your same attitude to science we'd be back in the stone age.

Most people don't try to experiment with themselves in social situations, and they don't get to figure out what would happen if they did or said certain things. They don't get to put their finger on why they back down. They don't learn. Humour is something that can be studied and learned.

Yes everyone knows that it's best to pause for thought when possible. But that's not always possible. I'll teach you one thing; wit is dependent on timing. But if you've nothing to say, then why not stay out of the thread. This thread, believe it or not, is for people to discuss experiences where they've said something that they've planned on in advance, and talk about or it played out.

Ultimate Gowlbag

wow,do people actually spend time outside of the shower having fake arguments in their heads?

You have an opinion or statement then just say it,your conviction in your words should be ready for any comeback!

Any time you think of a good retort - even if it's after the fact - ya might want to write it down 😊 . You could come up with 3 or 4 zingers! Read them out loud from time to time, and then them well rehearsed ad-libbed lines will come across natural like .. Be a nice feather in your cap - it's a good feeling when ya come out with a 'doozy' 😀

What ya don't want to do is to say your line, only for someone else to say something else simultaneously, and for your 'belting response' to be drowned out 😐️ Temptation then is to repeat yourself.. doesn't look great, and you'll probably lose more than ya gain in terms of 'social cachet' , or 'street cred'.

Social interactions irl are disquieting - outside of the best of times - in the main, and in this poster's opinion, they're best off avoided 😂

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058200855/disguising-a-scripted-remark-as-being-natural

If you are going to script a challenge you should also script an out if it does not work. You should have asked yourself what if the two guys back him up after saying he was a bully and what if his response is not as you expected. Then script answers to those and other possibilities including the possibility that you will be totally confused by the response

standardg60

Definitely best to dream up multiple scenarios where you'll be able to drop the mic in any instance, then when you eventually leave the house you'll be ready for anything

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119333867#Comment_119333867

A year later? Don't encourage him!!

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119333991#Comment_119333991

Probably the same person bumping up the thread.

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117664520#Comment_117664520

Winston Churchill said some of his best off the cuff remarks took months of preparation!

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119335585#Comment_119335585

Brid, would you ever give it up! You're replying to a year old post on your own thread. It's ridiculous. If you were really interested you would have replied twelve months ago.

Donald Trump

I would like to extend to you, an invitation to the pants party.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lE-tdtGed8

Brid Hegarty

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119335737#Comment_119335737

AprilDays dug up the thread. I just happened to re-read the first reply and it made me think of Churchill.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119335885#Comment_119335885

Come off it! You opened the thread and, typically, hardly paid it any attention at the time. Typical of your threads. Post an inane obscure observation and then ignore it for weeks or months.