Corporate BS speak

Ubbquittious

I get job alerts sent to my email and one of the keywords I use is 'embedded' and quite regularly I will get job descriptions about "values embedded in our culture", " ensure one bank, one team approach is embedded in your locations" and similar.



Who are they trying to cod with this? This sh1te isn't even embedded into the multi-billionaire owner who is sunning himself on the deck of his superyacht and if it was the G&T's wouldn't be long flushing it out.



Surely bar the odd Indian fella who has been rescued from the slums and put in a nice office with a fancy company car nobody can actually believe this sh1t. Can they not just put down a normal description of what they want the person to do?

McGinniesta

No.

This is why I work for myself.

completedit

I work in Admin and some of the jargon you come across is mental. In an effort to sound professional some emails are just completely indecipherable. The goal of language is to facilitate communication, not to over complicate things that could be said much simpler.

Senior

When I get emails like this from people I work with, I find they are using it as a tool to demonstrate their intelligence/language skills. It is usually not needed but the motivation is how they want to be perceived by others.

I don't cringe at it anymore, just accept it as part of American 'office culture' that we have embraced.

completedit

Senior wrote: »

When I get emails like this from people I work with, I find they are using it as a tool to demonstrate their intelligence/language skills. It is usually not needed but the motivation is how they want to be perceived by others.

I don't cringe at it anymore, just accept it as part of American 'office culture' that we have embraced.

I do it because it's a way of donning the corporate/professional cap. I'd never speak like this in normal life but it just makes sense in that environment to speak like a corporate drone.

banie01

completedit wrote: »

I do it because it's a way of dawning the corporate/professional cap. I'd never speak like this in normal life but it just makes sense in that environment to speak like a corporate drone.

Do you mean donning?

biko

Some high muppet hears some new buzzwords at a conference and then starts using them in the boardroom.
The middle muppets starts using it to appear up to date.

On that note, I haven't heard "synergy" used in years. Must have fallen out of fashion.

km991148

banie01 wrote: »

Do you mean donning?

It would never dawn on me to correct someone's English on the internet.. except when making a point about language!

completedit

banie01 wrote: »

Do you mean donning?

One of those words that I've never actually seen written down before. Makes sense though, how could it be dawn? Although with English anything is possible. Edited it.

banie01

km991148 wrote: »

It would never dawn on me to correct someone's English on the internet.. except when making a point about language!

Ditto

'Confluence' is an alternative.

mooted

translated into....

Lewis_Benson

"Please revert to me"

I cannot revert to you, because I have never been you.

donegal_man

We need to proactively take ownership of this discussion. Ensure the bubble expands to include immediate stakeholders before floating it out to the wider user base.

Zebra3

“Going forward”.

Yeah, it’s called in the future.

wally1990

https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/nkziaz/introducing_corporate_speak_into_your_work/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

deandean

I would reach out to you to embed this new lingo in your work speak as we all all move forward together. Proactively of course.

MyStubbleItches

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

"Please revert to me"

I cannot revert to you, because I have never been you.

This one really annoys me. If you’re going to try to use fancy language, try first to know the meaning.

‘I’ll revert back to you’.

You’ll come back to me twice so? Sound.

whisky_galore

"Reaching out."

Your *insert concept here* "journey"

"Roadmap"

Make me feel nauseous, esp when they leak into everyday speech.

NewbridgeIR

Revert is the one that really annoys me. Why are people so afraid of using reply or respond?

Sheep Shagger

NewbridgeIR wrote: »

Revert is the one that really annoys me. Why are people so afraid of using reply or respond?

Yep and instead of reverting back would you like me to revert sideways or backwards?

mikemac2

Mike today you are on BAU tasks.

I was in a job two years before I know what BAU stood for. Business as usual.

Just means you are doing the normal tasks, there might be a checklist and you are not doing any project work.

So just call it daily tasks so

Americans and their acronyms, they love a 3 letter word for every situation.

Henry...

"Use keywords"

Was told to do that recently

Henry...

NewbridgeIR wrote: »

Revert is the one that really annoys me. Why are people so afraid of using reply or respond?

I think revert possibly has a slightly different meaning

It was used in correspondence to me recently

It seemed to imply that you revert back and continue a process

Biker79

" Reach out " is especially annoying.

It implies a level of emotion that doesn't exist in the situation. I just need some assistance completing a task, not hugs and kisses. Cheers.

Sheep Shagger

Can you please socialise that.....

Err ok I'll tell people.

CoBo55

banie01 wrote: »

Do you mean donning?

Touching, more like...

Cordell

In order to progressively negotiate goal-oriented growth strategies and seamlessly grow resource infrastructures switching gears to rapidiously actualize quality customer service we need to interactively synthesize go forward outsourcing.
Forward looking to synergistically incubate future-proof information will efficiently engineer top-line resources also collaboratively synergize one-to-one functionalities. Also if we are proactively and professionally reconceptualize high-payoff innovation and competently reintermediate innovative results we are looking to enthusiastically extend resource-leveling partnerships.

Build with lines from https://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

amber2

Biker79 wrote: »

" Reach out " is especially annoying.

It implies a level of emotion that doesn't exist in the situation. I just need some assistance completing a task, not hugs and kisses. Cheers.

When ever I hear this phrase for some reason my mind drifts off into the chorus of Sweet Caroline and that’s it I’ve then lost all interest in that conversation.

banie01

I once worked with someone who constantly spoke out about their solutions and proposals addressing the entire gambit of a problem.
Weeks of them waffling about gambits as if it was in any way related to what they were actually talking about.

I did eventually get the chance to pull them aside and explain the difference between gambit and gamut.
They were glad I didn't pull them up on a mail chain and "going forward" they corrected their usage and laid blame on autocorrect.

I mean I'm glad they sorted it, because I really hate when people continuously use pacific words incorrectly :P

griffin100

Bandwidth......as in ‘I don’t have the bandwidth to take on that project’

Fcuk off. Just say you’re too busy to take on more work.

KungPao

An aul fella in my place, a higher up, writes the most formal, stuffy emails with a sprinkling of this crap. Yet in person, he's a real normal "ah how's it going?" fella.

I don't get why some people don't just write more informally for a quick email.

He also doesn't say Hi or Hello, always starts the email with my first name. Seems abrubt and non-friendly to me.