Corporate BS speak

Ubbquittious

I get job alerts sent to my email and one of the keywords I use is 'embedded' and quite regularly I will get job descriptions about "values embedded in our culture", " ensure one bank, one team approach is embedded in your locations" and similar.



Who are they trying to cod with this? This sh1te isn't even embedded into the multi-billionaire owner who is sunning himself on the deck of his superyacht and if it was the G&T's wouldn't be long flushing it out.



Surely bar the odd Indian fella who has been rescued from the slums and put in a nice office with a fancy company car nobody can actually believe this sh1t. Can they not just put down a normal description of what they want the person to do?

McGinniesta

No.

This is why I work for myself.

completedit

I work in Admin and some of the jargon you come across is mental. In an effort to sound professional some emails are just completely indecipherable. The goal of language is to facilitate communication, not to over complicate things that could be said much simpler.

Senior

When I get emails like this from people I work with, I find they are using it as a tool to demonstrate their intelligence/language skills. It is usually not needed but the motivation is how they want to be perceived by others.

I don't cringe at it anymore, just accept it as part of American 'office culture' that we have embraced.

completedit

Senior wrote: »

When I get emails like this from people I work with, I find they are using it as a tool to demonstrate their intelligence/language skills. It is usually not needed but the motivation is how they want to be perceived by others.

I don't cringe at it anymore, just accept it as part of American 'office culture' that we have embraced.

I do it because it's a way of donning the corporate/professional cap. I'd never speak like this in normal life but it just makes sense in that environment to speak like a corporate drone.

banie01

completedit wrote: »

I do it because it's a way of dawning the corporate/professional cap. I'd never speak like this in normal life but it just makes sense in that environment to speak like a corporate drone.

Do you mean donning?

biko

Some high muppet hears some new buzzwords at a conference and then starts using them in the boardroom.
The middle muppets starts using it to appear up to date.

On that note, I haven't heard "synergy" used in years. Must have fallen out of fashion.

km991148

banie01 wrote: »

Do you mean donning?

It would never dawn on me to correct someone's English on the internet.. except when making a point about language!

completedit

banie01 wrote: »

Do you mean donning?

One of those words that I've never actually seen written down before. Makes sense though, how could it be dawn? Although with English anything is possible. Edited it.

banie01

km991148 wrote: »

It would never dawn on me to correct someone's English on the internet.. except when making a point about language!

Ditto

'Confluence' is an alternative.

mooted

translated into....

Lewis_Benson

"Please revert to me"

I cannot revert to you, because I have never been you.

donegal_man

We need to proactively take ownership of this discussion. Ensure the bubble expands to include immediate stakeholders before floating it out to the wider user base.

Zebra3

“Going forward”.

Yeah, it’s called in the future.

wally1990

https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/nkziaz/introducing_corporate_speak_into_your_work/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

deandean

I would reach out to you to embed this new lingo in your work speak as we all all move forward together. Proactively of course.

MyStubbleItches

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

"Please revert to me"

I cannot revert to you, because I have never been you.

This one really annoys me. If you’re going to try to use fancy language, try first to know the meaning.

‘I’ll revert back to you’.

You’ll come back to me twice so? Sound.

whisky_galore

"Reaching out."

Your *insert concept here* "journey"

"Roadmap"

Make me feel nauseous, esp when they leak into everyday speech.

NewbridgeIR

Revert is the one that really annoys me. Why are people so afraid of using reply or respond?

Sheep Shagger

NewbridgeIR wrote: »

Revert is the one that really annoys me. Why are people so afraid of using reply or respond?

Yep and instead of reverting back would you like me to revert sideways or backwards?

mikemac2

Mike today you are on BAU tasks.

I was in a job two years before I know what BAU stood for. Business as usual.

Just means you are doing the normal tasks, there might be a checklist and you are not doing any project work.

So just call it daily tasks so

Americans and their acronyms, they love a 3 letter word for every situation.

Henry...

"Use keywords"

Was told to do that recently

Henry...

NewbridgeIR wrote: »

Revert is the one that really annoys me. Why are people so afraid of using reply or respond?

I think revert possibly has a slightly different meaning

It was used in correspondence to me recently

It seemed to imply that you revert back and continue a process

Biker79

" Reach out " is especially annoying.

It implies a level of emotion that doesn't exist in the situation. I just need some assistance completing a task, not hugs and kisses. Cheers.

Sheep Shagger

Can you please socialise that.....

Err ok I'll tell people.

CoBo55

banie01 wrote: »

Do you mean donning?

Touching, more like...

Cordell

In order to progressively negotiate goal-oriented growth strategies and seamlessly grow resource infrastructures switching gears to rapidiously actualize quality customer service we need to interactively synthesize go forward outsourcing.
Forward looking to synergistically incubate future-proof information will efficiently engineer top-line resources also collaboratively synergize one-to-one functionalities. Also if we are proactively and professionally reconceptualize high-payoff innovation and competently reintermediate innovative results we are looking to enthusiastically extend resource-leveling partnerships.

Build with lines from https://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

amber2

Biker79 wrote: »

" Reach out " is especially annoying.

It implies a level of emotion that doesn't exist in the situation. I just need some assistance completing a task, not hugs and kisses. Cheers.

When ever I hear this phrase for some reason my mind drifts off into the chorus of Sweet Caroline and that’s it I’ve then lost all interest in that conversation.

banie01

I once worked with someone who constantly spoke out about their solutions and proposals addressing the entire gambit of a problem.
Weeks of them waffling about gambits as if it was in any way related to what they were actually talking about.

I did eventually get the chance to pull them aside and explain the difference between gambit and gamut.
They were glad I didn't pull them up on a mail chain and "going forward" they corrected their usage and laid blame on autocorrect.

I mean I'm glad they sorted it, because I really hate when people continuously use pacific words incorrectly :P

griffin100

Bandwidth......as in ‘I don’t have the bandwidth to take on that project’

Fcuk off. Just say you’re too busy to take on more work.

KungPao

An aul fella in my place, a higher up, writes the most formal, stuffy emails with a sprinkling of this crap. Yet in person, he's a real normal "ah how's it going?" fella.

I don't get why some people don't just write more informally for a quick email.

He also doesn't say Hi or Hello, always starts the email with my first name. Seems abrubt and non-friendly to me.

Tilden Katz

completedit wrote: »

I work in Admin and some of the jargon you come across is mental. In an effort to sound professional some emails are just completely indecipherable. The goal of language is to facilitate communication, not to over complicate things that could be said much simpler.

Well said. Succinctness is a trait I really value, whether in emails or here on boards. It should be taught in school. Use as few words as possible to get your point and all the information across. Now that’s a skill right there.

But people think verbosity makes them sound clever.

0ph0rce0

The best part is lunch time after one of those meetings when all the staff are chatting to each other and discussing which buzzword bellend is the biggest wanker.

Then one of them walks in to get a cup of tea and it goes quiet and they know something's up and when they walk out and get down the hall a bit everyone goes waaaaaaaaaaaanker.

Grown adults acting like children. Makes me smile. I love it.

km991148

Biker79 wrote: »

" Reach out " is especially annoying.

It implies a level of emotion that doesn't exist in the situation. I just need some assistance completing a task, not hugs and kisses. Cheers.

Is that why that's an issue?

I hear it all the time and wouldn't think much of it, especially since kind of emotional situation, just like "get in touch with" etc

But I'm aware some people get annoyed by it.

Capt'n Midnight

Zebra3 wrote: »

“Going forward”.

Yeah, it’s called in the future.

There are tribes that travel backwards though time. You face the past because you can see it. The future is behind you because you can't see it yet.

For the Yupno people of Papua New Guinea who live in the uplands, the future is uphill the past is downhill, no matter which way you are facing. Indoors the past is the door and the future is away from the door.

dxhound2005

Reach Out, Revert / Revert Back, Going Forward are fine as long as people understand what they mean. And people do understand, because they complain about them.

What annoys them is the fact that they are new usages in our lifetimes. They are happy enough with thousands of other current usages which were new at some time in the past. Like Contact instead of Reach Out. Contact is American jargon which was condemned in the past like Reach Out is now.

"Contact" itself was once a hated Americanism. It is a classic case of a noun turned verb, a now-familiar story in business-speak. For a sense of early feelings about contact's metamorphosis, take this line from a book by P.G. Wodehouse in 1936: "The prospect whom I was planning to contact, as they call it in America, was leaning back in the arm-chair."

Jimbob1977

I like this thread.

It's full of blue sky thinking.

Allows me to take a helicopter view while running the idea up the flagpole.

PCeeeee

Ask being used instead of request. As in 'the ask here is...'

dxhound2005

Would that be a Big Ask, or a Tall Order.

Samuel T. Cogley

I note your correspondence of even date. Further to my correspondence of 15th inst. and 27th ult. I trust you will note the current position.

JUST USE THE ****ING DATE!

dxhound2005

Samuel T. Cogley wrote: »

I note your correspondence of even date. Further to my correspondence of 15th inst. and 27th ult. I trust you will note the current position.

JUST USE THE ****ING DATE!

And always, always in this format: 04 July 2021. Some people read 04/07/2021 as 04 July, others read it as 07 April. What you write may be read 50 years from now, when one of these conventions has become ubiquitous.

Capt'n Midnight

dxhound2005 wrote: »

And always, always in this format: 04 July 2021. Some people read 04/07/2021 as 04 July, others read it as 07 April. What you write may be read 50 years from now, when one of these conventions has become ubiquitous.

ISO 8601 defined the YYYY-MM-DD standards for dates in 1988

Today is 2021-07-04 see https://xkcd.com/1179/ :mad::mad::mad:

CoBo55

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

The best part is lunch time after one of those meetings when all the staff are chatting to each other and discussing which buzzword bellend is the biggest wanker.

Then one of them walks in to get a cup of tea and it goes quiet and they know something's up and when they walk out and get down the hall a bit everyone goes waaaaaaaaaaaanker.

Grown adults acting like children. Makes me smile. I love it.

Job satisfaction day:D

Touch Base

Strumms

Sean and Kathleen will be implants in X company for us...

No the fûck they won’t be an ‘implant’... they are being seconded to another location to work... an implant, get a brain implant... coming out with that horseshîte..

Capt'n Midnight

Deleted User wrote: »

Touch Base

Baseball. It's not cricket.

gameoverdude

KungPao wrote:

An aul fella in my place, a higher up, writes the most formal, stuffy emails with a sprinkling of this crap. Yet in person, he's a real normal "ah how's it going?" fella.

Actually, I do the same. Maybe not stuffy, but quite formal and factual. In meetings with my boss I may tell him "to ask my left one". Just different forms of communication. I enjoy trying to out corporate my colleagues. Weekly prizes.

Surreptitious

The correct use of language is to be clear and precise, especially in critical writing. This type of stuff, in this thread, I have no experience of.

mikemac2

"I need 100% from the team. No, actually I need 110%"

I reckon some middle managers watch sports and reckon this is how to motivate. It isn't

Henry...

mikemac2 wrote: »

"I need 100% from the team. No, actually I need 110%"

I reckon some middle managers watch sports and reckon this is how to motivate. It isn't

150% is the latest

This are the latest to have taken hold with my US colleagues this year:

Sending me calendar invites titled PTO. When I responded with a WTF (metaphorical of course) I was told that it meant Paid Time Off. Like the company is doing you a favour. I mark my calendar as ‘holiday’ much, I am sure, to the annoyance of my US colleagues. But I’m not going down the ‘vacation’ road, because that leads to ‘annual leave’ and then, seemingly, to ‘PTO’

The other is ‘double click’. Like saying it, not just doing it. When you want to get more into something in a meeting and one of my idiot New York project managers says ‘let’s just double click on that’

To which I respond FFS (metaphorically of course)