Tales of laziness?

Roger Mellie Man on the Telly

For my own reference I'd appreciate any tales of extreme laziness you internet people may care to relay. I'll understand if you can't be arsed of course.

I ask because I've recently been shocked by my own exceptional uselessness. I can't even be bothered with the hassle of arranging for other people to do stuff for me anymore. I fear I may end up dirty and alone.

'Seventeen' lyrics are apt:

I’m a lazy sod
I’m a lazy sod
I’m a lazy sod
I’m so lazy
Yawn
I’m a lazy sod
I’m a lazy Sid
I’m a lazy sod
I’m so lazy
I can’t even be bothered
Lazy
Lazy

"Why so weird Roger? "

Go to bed OP. Your drunk.

Ubbquittious

Laziness is the future. There will be only people earning passive income from land/houses or robot factories and people on UBI. They'll all be very lazy. Perhaps they'll go to festivals for amusement or try to escape reality by plugging themselves into an immersive virtual reality environment known as the "Matrix"

Seth Brundle

I've a great story to tell but I just couldn't be arsed writing it down

EmmetSpiceland

Ubbquittious wrote: »

Laziness is the future. There will be only people earning passive income from land/houses or robot factories and people on UBI. They'll all be very lazy.

Not true. There will always be people who derive their “self worth” from their job, as well as unimaginative types who can’t be alone with their thoughts, or simply don’t have any thoughts.

Meaningless jobs will still have to be made up for this “cohort” to keep them off the streets, make them feel important and stop them causing problems for the rest of us.

Ubbquittious

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Not true. There will always be people who derive their “self worth” from their job, as well as unimaginative types who can’t be alone with their thoughts, or simply don’t have any thoughts.

Meaningless jobs will still have to be made up for this “cohort” to keep them off the streets, make them feel important and stop them causing problems for the rest of us.

Who will invent the jobs for them and who will pay them though?

EmmetSpiceland

Ubbquittious wrote: »

Who will invent the jobs for them and who will pay them though?

The multinational conglomerates that run the auto factories that pollute our planet and provide us with all the products the government pays us to buy.

Capt'n Midnight

I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he’s still half asleep, bleary eyed… basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He’s squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It’s painful to watch.

But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I’m-still-totally-asleep voice, he says “heeeey. It’s OPS. Could you… shift our barpat… yeah, one six five. Thanks.” And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.

And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie’s face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I’ve just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship’s back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he’s changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He’s literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe.

He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I’m terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he’s not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.

storker

A friend of my niece, when the class was tasked with drawing something inside the house, chose the fireplace as her subject because she could draw it without having to get off the sofa.

Using only Ctrl-c & Ctrl-c to post.

Burt Renaults

I'm so lazy I

Hyperbollix

TL;DR

sheesh

I have done little to nothing for a year

everything goes in the dish washer

A friend of mine got sacked from his apple job because he didn't turn up for work on numerous occasions..




His work was a desk beside his bed...

If you find yourself being lazy, you have to snap out of it. Laziness is probably the worst habit.

Sometimes when I feel the fog of laziness descending, I'll snap my fingers right in front of my face, just like that! *snaps fingers*

Snap, and keep snapping until you eventually think of a more productive activity. *Snap* It really gets you in the mood for action. See?

I'm off to cut the grass.

Montage of Feck

I'm still in bed!

Conall Cernach

A Lamb Named Miltiades! wrote: »

If you find yourself being lazy, you have to snap out of it. Laziness is probably the worst habit.

Sometimes when I feel the fog of laziness descending, I'll snap my fingers right in front of my face, just like that! *snaps fingers*

Snap, and keep snapping until you eventually think of a more productive activity. *Snap* It really gets you in the mood for action. See?

I'm off to cut the grass.

Will you do mine when you've finished? That finger snapping trick doesn't work for me.

Conall Cernach

Conall Cernach wrote: »

Will you do mine when you've finished? That finger snapping trick doesn't work for me.

I snap my fingers at myself because that's the noise my primary-school teacher used to make when he said "Miltiades! Wake up!" (he obviously didn't actually use my boards name, that's paraphrasing)

Do whatever worked for you as a child, throw a blackboard-duster at yourself. Anything.

Idleness is a cancer, never let it settle in.

Cut your own grass!

beerguts

Worst case of lazyness that I heard about was of a young lad that would piss into the sink in his ensuite instead of the toilet just beside it. It was the first thing closest to his bed so that is what he would use. A mate of mine told me about him and his antics as he was doing a job in the house and got the smell of piss from the sink, he quizzed the lads mother and she confirmed it.
How ****ing bad do you have to be

85603

beerguts wrote: »

Worst case of lazyness that I heard about was of a young lad that would piss into the sink in his ensuite instead of the toilet just beside it. It was the first thing closest to his bed so that is what he would use. A mate of mine told me about him and his antics as he was doing a job in the house and got the smell of piss from the sink, he quizzed the lads mother and she confirmed it.
How ****ing bad do you have to be

manys the time i used my piss-jug, even while having an ensuite 1.5 meters away.

its the best.

Capt'n Midnight

Drinking from cans because they go into into the recycling bin,
Bottles have to be taken to the bottle bank and feed into it

corner of hells

85603 wrote: »

manys the time i used my piss-jug, even while having an ensuite 1.5 meters away.

its the best.

But do you still not have to empty your piss-jug ?

85603

corner of hells wrote: »

But do you still not have to empty your piss-jug ?

when you get up for your morning leak.

Potential-Monke

I put 3 individual squares of bog roll onto the back of the bowl to save me having to clean it afterwards.

arctictree

I have a neighbour who brings the dog for a 'walk' with the lead hanging out the window of her car and her driving slowly. I have never seen her walking anywhere in 30 years!

When Peter Ustinov was signing up for the British Army he was asked what section he was interested in. He said the tank corps and the recruiter asked was it because he wanted to be first into battle.
He said no, it's because if he had to go into battle he wanted to do it sitting down.

Fils

We will be dead long enough, no excuse for laziness.

odyssey06

Mr Churchill, to what do you attribute your success in life?

Conservation of energy. Never stand up when you can sit down. And never sit down when you can lie down.

Church on Tuesday

Lived with someone once who used to use a toaster as a lighter. There was a power socket beside the front door were they'd smoke outside all hours, so the person in question took the toaster from the kitchen (permanently) and left it plugged in the socket beside the door in the hallway.

I moved out shortly after.

the beer revolu

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Drinking from cans because they go into into the recycling bin,
Bottles have to be taken to the bottle bank and feed into it

Or perhaps they buy cans because they are lighter, take up less space and keep the beer in better condition. Oh, and way, way better selection of beer in cans. While I bring my cans and bottles to recycle, myself. Not having to go to the bottle/can bank would be a nice additional bonus!

I can't think of any reason to favour bottles over cans. I must be bone idle!

Capt'n Midnight

the beer revolu wrote: »

I can't think of any reason to favour bottles over cans. I must be bone idle!

OT

Milk bottles let the light in which damages one of the vitamins, IIRC riboflavin.

Potential-Monke

the beer revolu wrote: »

I can't think of any reason to favour bottles over cans. I must be bone idle!

Depends on what we're talking about. I always found beer nicer from bottles, and the same can be said with minerals. Glass bottle > Can > Draft > Anything else.

When I was a lazy teenager of about 23 and staying in my grans, I could hear my granny pottering in the kitchen downstairs in the early morning and rather than call down (or get up), I rang the house phone to ask if she'd make tea. She had to walk out of the kitchen and into the back hall to answer the phone, and she hung up on me.

Then she tore up the stairs like a ten year old to rip the duvet off me, and tear a strip off me for laziness - rightly!

global23214124

Am getting up five minutes before my first meeting at work and making coffee. Neglecting to shower and dress properly until I'm arsed later in the day when I'm more awake. Habit of working from home sometimes.

Lockheed

I bought a desk from IKEA, a new computer and multiple screens to enhance my working from home experience. Then I spent the entire academic year attending lectures in bed.

I don't think I used the desk for college work once. Essays were so much handier done half asleep, sipping at a coffee, under the covers.