Proposed Birth Information & Tracing Bill 2021

robo

So I am 99% certain that I've found my BM and her whole family on Facebook after getting the birth Information & tracing documents.

What did others do with the information you were rightly given?

I think the only way I can contact my BM is a message on Facebook, I was thinking of getting someone else to send her a message to see if she wants to contact with me (whatever way she would like - letter, email, meet etc)

How else did others make contact? And if you feel comfortable, can you share how it went?

I don't want to upset my BM or her family, but I don't want to leave it to late either and have regrets. From reading the notes that I got from Tulsa, I'm very happy to see that she went on to have a family and is married and comes across as happy as the notes from the adoption made it out that she was alone.

ahsurelookit1995

Got my file in April and looked my BM up online. Met her twice since then and she seems nice. I have a brother, sister and nephew too :) a cousin for my kids.

robo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121220941#Comment_121220941

That's lovely - do you mind me asking how you made initial contact with your BM, online?

MCBrowne

Contact Tusla and they will assign you a social worker. They don't advise reaching out on social media etc.

It's probably a more drawn out way of doing it but it might be better for you both in the long run as never know what sort of situation your BM is in.

Hermy

While I'd agree that reaching out on social media might not be the best option, speaking personally, I wouldn't be inclined to recommend a social worker from TUSLA either.

While some of them are nice people to deal with, I found they often lacked the required competence, and in the case of one of them, she was downright deceitful and only cared about birth mothers and not a jot about me.

I began my own search back in 2011, long before the new legislation was enacted, and reached out to my birth family through letter writing instead of the intervention of a social worker.

While it had its ups and downs it worked out very well for me in the end.

I got to meet my birth mother (sadly now deceased) and I'm in regular contact with a half-sibling and my birth father.

I think your idea of getting someone else to write on your behalf is a good one.

I had another genealogist helping me with my search for my birth father and that indirect approach gave everyone the space to better deal with the situation.

What you say in your last paragraph is similar to what I said in a letter I wrote to my birth mother and I'd encourage you to include these sentiments when the time comes for you to write a similar letter.

MintyMagnum

What do you do when a year passes and Tusla have still not replied re tracing?

Hermy

I'd definitely be trying to do my own search at that stage.

MintyMagnum

Would Tusla provide dna testing to confirm that the people traced / contacted are definitely related?

Hermy

I'm not aware of them providing DNA testing and I'd imagine there may be legal issues around them providing such a service.

robo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121226976#Comment_121226976

Thanks Hermy - I also think from looking at the documents supplied and social media, that my BM and BF may have married in the end, so I feel that she will have someone else to talk to about this if I do make contact. The notes given do discuss their relationship at the time of my birth and they were still in contact.

Hermy

Yeah that could be quite a positive thing when it comes to you reaching out to them.

ahsurelookit1995

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121221268#Comment_121221268

Hi Robo

i sent an email to the parish priest in her town and said I was trying to make contact with an old friend. I said she would remember me by my maiden name - my birth first name can be a surname too so I thought she’d pick up on the code wording!! She did and then she emailed me back in May. We met in august and then again in September. She has a new husband and two kids. I’ve been messaging them on instagram since she told them. I’m in my 30s and they’re in their 20s. Planning a visit at the end of the month to meet them. Their Dad or no other family know about the situation which is fine tbh that doesn’t bother me..

robo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121243266#Comment_121243266

Ah hope that the meeting up goes well - thats great that you are having good contact with your BM and your half siblings

ahsurelookit1995

I would say that I’ve wanted a sister my whole life (as has she) so we’re both delighted. That said, it’s a really strange dynamic as for me I already have a family if that makes sense? It’s strange meeting people and being told these are your family. Like a mother is someone who raised you and a sister is someone you grew up with and shared clothes and makeup etc.. when I had my kids I had people who looked like me but no one who I looked like, so in that respect it’s lovely. I’m not sure what to feel or what the future will hold, it’s all really uncharted territory so who knows..

robo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121247558#Comment_121247558

You hit the nail on the head for me - I have no kids and also I wanted to know what someone else that looked like me, looked like. It feels very strange now that I know that I have other siblings out there and my BM looks a bit like me, so do some of my siblings. It was just me and my sister when I was growing up, so to know there are others out there now, is very strange and especially since I think we are all fully blood related.