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Saving for a house at 39- comments from family getting me down

  • 24-04-2021 2:59pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello. I know this may seen trivial issue but its starting to get me quite down, almost depressed.
    I just turned 39 this year and have lived at home all my life. My mother died in my 20s and my fathers health turned bad for years afterwards- i was the youngest of 3 and I was happy to stay at home with him and my older brother, looking after him.I work full time in a very stable industry and although I have a very quiet life compared to other guys my age, I figured i was happy to do it, you only have one father. For some fun and relief, I spent my wages on massive holidays all over the world, mostly alone as most people my age have families to look after. I racked up significant credit card bills in my early to mid 30s. I was never hounded by them- I always paid my bills but it came to 20k in total.

    Anyway, my dad was taken into care 2 years ago and it made me re-evaluate my life. I decided I wanted my own flat/house/private space and my older brother is happy to live in the family home forever. We get on alright but Im starting to just want a place to call my own. I knuckled down, did overtime (work is my only source of income, we arent a rich family) and in the space of a year, wiped my 20k debt, then in the last year built up almost 15k of savings. Im single, debt free and have no kids. My salary is 60k a year. I know my age is against me but 2 out of 3 surely isnt too bad when applying for a mortgage?

    Here is the issue- anytime Im asked how are things by family or even workmates, I say Im saving up now for a house and my cousins and Aunts particularly always wheel out the line "Oh, you missed the boat, you are too old for a mortgage now, and on your own too", or "At your age? You havent a prayer". Basically, all comments said in jest but I can tell they really mean it. Insinuating that because I made poor choices earlier in life, that im doomed forever to stay at home until I die. Even at work if i mentioned it, i get the same thing "Well its really hard alone and at your age", all from people who are married and had money from families to help. I have neither of these things through no fault of my own, and I pretty much stopped telling anyone my private business, but its starting to creep into my head now. Am i too old for a mortgage? I literally only want something small- 1 or 2 bedroom house, nothing flashy, or a flat in a decent area. Is that such a pipe dream?

    Im going to see a mortgage broker and a few banks when I get to 20k savings and just see what exactly my options are but do you think its best not to mention anything like this to anyone, since I have gotten nothing but snippy comments. As in literally not one person has said its a good idea. Am i wasting my time? Thanks for reading, sorry for long post!


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,312 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    I’m sorry but your family sound mean and negative!
    Go for it, of course it’s not too late. You will need to be realistic about the location and size of place as options won’t quite be as widespread on that salary as they might be if you did have a partner - but you’ve acknowledged that. Of course it’s very doable and you should go for it and be excited about it. Those people sound like they would be negative no matter what.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 556 ✭✭✭shtpEdthePlum


    You're absolutely not too old. They might have been joking? Or jealous.

    Obviously you'll be paying back a slightly higher rate than somebody who would have gotten a mortgage ten years younger than you. That's just the way the banks operate because they want to guarantee their investment is made good before we die. But it sounds like you'll be well able on that salary given the savings and debt clearance you've done. That'll all stand to you too.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,137 ✭✭✭✭fits


    You will be eligible for a shorter term - prob 25 years. We were around that getting our mortgage. Lots of people are now. I’d have a chat with broker soon enough though just to get your ducks in a row. There might be things you can put into place to apply 6 months to a year down the line.


  • Posts: 3,801 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    The median age for house purchases in Ireland is 34. More than 50% are therefore older. It’s common. You are well in with a chance.


  • Posts: 3,801 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    fits wrote: »
    You will be eligible for a shorter term - prob 25 years. We were around that getting our mortgage. Lots of people are now. I’d have a chat with broker soon enough though just to get your ducks in a row. There might be things you can put into place to apply 6 months to a year down the line.

    Boi is to 67 although I don’t recommend maxing out.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭gogo


    Bank of Ireland do mortgages until a max age of 70, that’s a 30 year mortgage. If you buy a new build house this year, you can avail of the enhanced help to buy scheme which will give you up to 30k .. check out the revenue website for details on it.. go see your bank or broker now, you’ve good savings and with the help to buy scheme will more then qualify for a mortgage.
    People saying they can save or are buying a new house invokes jealousy.. that’s what your hearing from your family, nothing else.
    Go do it!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,452 ✭✭✭gogo


    You're absolutely not too old. They might have been joking? Or jealous.

    Obviously you'll be paying back a slightly higher rate than somebody who would have gotten a mortgage ten years younger than you. That's just the way the banks operate because they want to guarantee their investment is made good before we die. But it sounds like you'll be well able on that salary given the savings and debt clearance you've done. That'll all stand to you too.

    There will be no difference in rates, rates aren’t dependent on the term he takes his mortgage over ... the term of the mortgage guarantees nothing for a bank, you can repay a mortgage or you can’t...


  • Registered Users Posts: 410 ✭✭Icantthinkof1


    We’re only planning to apply for our mortgage this year as well- same age as you. We’re a family of 5 and never really decided where we wanted to settle, we have now which is why we’re considering applying for a mortgage.
    Don’t take on board your family’s negativity- remember for their age group the done thing was to marry buy their home and have kids young.
    That’s not necessarily how a lot of us live now.
    Life begins at 40 as they say!
    Sorry about your dad by the way


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 556 ✭✭✭shtpEdthePlum


    gogo wrote: »
    There will be no difference in rates, rates aren’t dependent on the term he takes his mortgage over ... the term of the mortgage guarantees nothing for a bank, you can repay a mortgage or you can’t...
    Oh sorry, I honestly have no idea what I'm talking about.

    When I was looking at rates I thought if I was going to pay it back in shorter timeframe the rate would be higher?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,901 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Hi Op.
    I don't know anything about the financial side but I'd suggest maybe meeting with a broker now? Why wait until your 20k mark?
    They might be able to offer you advice now.
    As for your family, stop telling them your business and if they raise the subject again, just stare at them in silence.
    They'll get the message.

    To thine own self be true



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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,022 ✭✭✭Daisy78


    Of course it’s not too late. I was 39 when I got approved for my mortgage and on my own too. At your age what matters is your track record in terms of saving and paying off debt. You have shown that you can turn things around relatively quickly and have made big efforts to clear your debt, banks should look at that favourably. I would recommend you talk to a mortgage broker before you make your application, they really do make a difference when it comes to pitching you as a potential applicant to the various lending institutes and offer good advice on what the banks are looking for.

    Ignore the sneery stupid comments. As far as we have come as a country there is still this conservative attitude of you must be married to someone before you think about buying a property. It’s mean spirited and narrow minded of your extended family to make such comments but that’s people for you. Don’t let it put you off. Talk to a broker, see how much of a mortgage you will get and start planning on what you need to do to get final approval.


  • Posts: 3,801 ✭✭✭[Deleted User]


    Oh sorry, I honestly have no idea what I'm talking about.

    When I was looking at rates I thought if I was going to pay it back in shorter timeframe the rate would be higher?

    Not the rate (that’s the interest rate) but the payments are.


  • Administrators Posts: 13,427 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I'd definitely advise going to a broker now. By the way wheels are in motion and you'd actually ready to takjef out a mortgage you'll probably have your 20% saved.

    There is no harm finding out your options now, even if you are going to wait a little while. At least then when you family, friends, colleagues start telling you you haven't a chance you can tell them that you are already in the process of putting it in place.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,020 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Pay no attention to any negative comments from friends/family/colleagues.
    Talk to a broker sooner rather than later. That way you know you're options.

    If you're determined to have your own place then do everything you can to achieve that.

    Good luck


  • Registered Users Posts: 517 ✭✭✭Ironman76


    My aunt in her 70s bought a beautiful home for 50k. Granted it needed a little bit of work and it is small but to look at it now I’d say it’s tripled it’s value. And it’s a beautiful home and she loves it. It’s exactly what I would go for if I was on my own.

    People that are negative like that are just miserable themselves and can’t bear to see anyone make a go of it.

    Best of luck with it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi. I couldn't let this thread go past without replying to it. I am writing this while sitting in the house I bought all by myself when I was nearly 41 (I'm a woman, if that matters). I went through a mortgage broker and didn't run into any problems getting a mortgage. My only regret is that I bought the house so late in life and that it's a 24-year term that will take me right up to 65. So basically, go for it! Don't mind the begrudgers. You can do this and if you buy the right house you won't regret it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 500 ✭✭✭anndub


    Get yourself a good mortgage broker now and find out where you are at and what you need to do to get to where you want to go. There's no need to wait. That's what they're there for and you're an ideal customer in that you're debt free with a decent salary, a permanent job and no dependents. Banks couldn't care less about what age you are, they'll apply the appropriate rate but won't bat an eyelid.

    Very old fashioned views from your family members. They've far more to be embarrassed about than you with that small mindedness!


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,189 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Hello. I know this may seen trivial issue but its starting to get me quite down, almost depressed.
    I just turned 39 this year and have lived at home all my life. My mother died in my 20s and my fathers health turned bad for years afterwards- i was the youngest of 3 and I was happy to stay at home with him and my older brother, looking after him.I work full time in a very stable industry and although I have a very quiet life compared to other guys my age, I figured i was happy to do it, you only have one father. For some fun and relief, I spent my wages on massive holidays all over the world, mostly alone as most people my age have families to look after. I racked up significant credit card bills in my early to mid 30s. I was never hounded by them- I always paid my bills but it came to 20k in total.

    I see so many positive things in your post. You cared for your dad, when it was needed, and you also had massive holiday trips. That's all great stuff. Please don't ever let anyone make you feel that those were 'poor choices', they most certainly were not.
    From what you have said, you are good at setting a goal for yourself, e.g in savings and having a longterm aim, your own place. Again, all very positive stuff.

    I'm not up to date on mortgage requirements, and you know what, those who have rattled off negative comments to you, be they family or workmates, probably are not up to date either. So let that in one ear and out the other.

    As has been suggested, get the ball rolling, look around for a broker, if that's the route that is best for you, and plug away. Anyone asking you anything, do the old 'ah you know yourself...' and don't feel you have to tell anyone what you are doing. You will be the one paying the mortgage, not them, so it's nothing to do with them.

    If you feel you are becoming depressed about things, maybe have a chat with your GP about that.

    Other than that, go for it, and the very best of luck. It's a great goal to have and you are going to achieve it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 594 ✭✭✭waxmelts2000


    Ignore the begrudgers, fair play , keep on saving. AMortgage broker is a great idea as lots of options open to you
    I bought my house on my own (female) so glad I did, rented for 10 years with lot of different people. Wishing you all the best


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    If you know what kind of price range youre thinking of, you are more than ready to go talk to a broker and see yr options

    If you are a first time buyer, and theres anything suitable around new build, that HTB could really do you a favour too


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,817 ✭✭✭Darc19


    25 years used to be the maximum term for a mortgage.

    You won't have any issues on age and you will get up to €210,000, possibly higher if they give you an exception.

    Monthly payments would be under €1,000 and the beauty is that as you enter retirement, your home will have been paid in full


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,189 ✭✭✭Gekko


    You mention your brother staying in the family home, but has your dad made a will and are you not entitled to half of it, which would mean your brother would have to buy you out if he intends to stay there?

    That would be a big help in the future with your situation

    Sorry if this sounds morbid or mercenary...


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I'm 40 and I'm currently searching for my first place. Unfortunately the market is nuts right now because of lockdown, but my age certainly isn't holding me back.

    Go for it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 29,850 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Loads of good advice here.
    My only advice is go and get sorted out now and don’t talk about it with people who are negative again until you’ve a place bought.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,319 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    OP - you sound like you really did your father credit and were a great help and son to him. So you had fantastic holidays - brilliant - I did that too - months at a time, travelling and experiencing new countries and cultures and cuties and sights and meeting like minded people and having adventures and relaxed great times. How jealous do you think the others are - VERY!!! And now - mid covid - will they or their children ever have a chance to have the same freedoms and experiences - sadly probably not. That door is half closed on them and will never be the same again. You did great. You were respnsible for yourself and your overheads and debt, you worked hard and played hard and enjoyed every minute. Now those that did the traditional things want to belittle you and make you feel small - because it looks like you will be able to have had all those wonderful times and stress free life and lovely lifestyle AND now also get to live in comfort and own your own home - just like them.

    39 or 40 or 42 is NOT too old to be a first time buyer. People here have mentioned brokers a lot but I’d also get onto citizens advise and ask them about the rebuilding ireland first time buyer help to buy scheme. There is also a scheme for people who were refused a mortgage by banks - you had to have been rejected on paper three times which then made you eligable for it. It might even be more worthwhile to HAVE been rejected as the bank rates used be lower!! I’d start there and keep saving. Its hard to bank cash like you are and I’d use every opportunity to bulk save while you can.

    I bought a house by myself & with it still not paid off I have every intention of aiming to buy a second house - here or elsewhere abroad. I’m saving in that direction and expect to be given a second mortgage - it’s a risk game for the banks - can you demonstrate you can save, have you a reliable job, are you steady in it, what are your outgoings etc. - and how many more years have you left to work!!

    Banks weigh and reduce the amount they will loan you (regardless of income) depending on if you have a car loan, if you have a child (% per child taken off!), if you declare you have a chronic illness or a history of illness in the family (eg MS/diabetes) etc. Being A hardworking, fit, salaried steady settled man with a steady career and who has shown the ability to prioritise and save will work in your favour.

    I’d look on the banks websites first to see if they state their lending criteria regarding age - and work with that in mind - it can take some time to be approved and get all your paperwork sorted. they probably won’t as it could be seen as age discrimination rather than risk discrimination .

    I borrowed (the mortgage) from Ulster Bank. I was a walk in off the street and had no account with them. The normal banks I had banked with all my life refused to loan to me despite considerable savings, a good job and a healthy 5 figure savings. Because UB is now pulling out of Ireland I would apply to them asap to see if you can get in before they go. The others you can deal with in a tear or so - UB will not be here then. EBS also offered to loan to me because there was a family history of banking there and I had had a Holy Communion account there - even thou it was unused for decades - technically I had a savings account and back then they were not a bank so it was in line with their corporate goals - madness!!!

    I’d open a direct debit savings account for a set large amount of money equivalent to at least a mortgage payment per month to go into every month and not be touched. I had had no history of specific savings but could show I had a regular outgoinv of 1,200 for college fees every month for 2 years (I showed them the monthly college receipts) and this was the proof that they needed to show I could guarantee I could regularly pay a large monthly outgoing and would be reliable. 1,500 or even 2k savings p/m would smoke them out for you as a great risk if it were feasible. Oddly they did not value a large regular salary going into an account for me - one with a v good end of month balance and with all kinds of bits & pieces for bills etc going out - it was the specific set amount every month that clinched it for me - a direct debit monthly saving account was really what they wanted to see.

    I’d keep saving hard, let it accumulate, check eith CA and the likes of Threshold for the scheme details or who would specifically know the up to date status in schemes from an specialised perspective and work from there. The more money you have saved the more attractive you are to them. Your buying overheads will include say about 3k for a solicitor and say 1k for a surveyor and a moving van so deduct that in your head from your savings as the banks certainly will. Keep banking as much as you can and check the age thresholds discreetly quickly and get onto UB. They will all be checking your credit history ( and gave access to it) so be honest about it. You can also check your own credit history which used be updated/upgraded every 2 years if you improved your bill paying history! I can’t rememver the agency to do this with but it might be interesting to talk to them - often a one year period of paying everything promptly can erase a bad patch and make you more attractive to banks to loan on!!!

    I’d be very positive about it all - you have great things going for you and are saving big amounts & know what you want ( don’t buy an appartment!!) . Keep at it and keep following your dreams - in Ireland there will always be begrudgers and cautious nancies paralysed by the past — don’t let them put you off or ruin your future!!!

    Age IS important in this as you’ll want to have 20 years to pay it off and work - and have a few quid put by to save for the 2 years the government won’t pay a state pension in. I’d also ask do you have a pension plan? You don’t want to buy a big house and them live in poverty once you pay it off and retire. Is your brother being the shrewd on in staying in the family home and being able to save and bank all that money for when he us old/retired.10k a year on a state pension win’t pay a mortgage and certainly won’t float a great lifestyle in retirement - the banks may ask about this too.

    Don’t mind your family and relations and their bitter nosey or semi well intended comments. It is probably the only thing they ‘have’ going on in their lives and houses are a media frenzied hot topic for anyone. Hold strong, be nice, and if needed say you find it stressful and would rather not talk about it . Or answer Indeed to any mean comments - that might help.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,377 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    I dont see what age has to do with it? My mother is 60 and got a mortgage last year and she's on half your wages.
    Ignore your family, I have aunts & cousins like yours and if I mention starting anything new or making a plan for the future, without a thought they put me down and tell me that's never going to happen. If I had listened to them id never have achieved anything.
    The only opinion that matters is yours, you know whats best for you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,817 ✭✭✭Darc19


    I dont see what age has to do with it? My mother is 60 and got a mortgage last year and she's on half your wages.
    Ignore your family, I have aunts & cousins like yours and if I mention starting anything new or making a plan for the future, without a thought they put me down and tell me that's never going to happen. If I had listened to them id never have achieved anything.
    The only opinion that matters is yours, you know whats best for you.

    Age has plenty to do with it, but at 39, it won't affect them.

    Your mother probably got maximum 7-8 years of a mortgage and probably has shown she will most likely be in gainful employment for the period


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,758 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp


    I bought my first house at 39.

    Don't sweat it. You are doing fine.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    why do you care what people think. do what you want. don't bother even telling them


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,930 ✭✭✭spaceHopper


    The best time to buy would have been 20 years ago but that old news you are where you are and do your own thing, if you want to eat beans for two years to afford to have your own place then no it.

    You should check out affordable homes, the income limit is 58k before tax but there are some exemptions for example local authority tenants, maybe you can bring your income down using a pension, its worth looking into and getting advice.

    If you buy a B3 or better BER you can get a great rate from AIB on fixed term.


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