Helpline for male domestic abuse victims struggles to cope amid pandemic surge

dontmindme

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/helpline-for-male-domestic-abuse-victims-struggles-to-cope-amid-pandemic-surge-1.4512995


Where are the vigils and media outcry?

suicide_circus

I'd assume traffic to womens/kids/elder helplines are also through the roof. These are deemed acceptable casualties of lockdown.

Augme

Far fewer men are killed, assaulted, abused, and by their partners. That's prbnaly one of the reason their isn't such a huge media outcry.

The stats for male on female violence is alsi far far higher, both in a pandemic and outside of a pandemic. That's prbnaly why there isn't such a media outcry when the gender roles are reversed too.

Also,
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/women-s-aid-helpline-sees-calls-increase-almost-40-during-lockdown-1.4265224

iptba

Extract:

The common thread in calls is an abusive relationship, in 95 per cent of cases involving a wife or female partner.

“Hitting me, kicking me, spitting on me, telling me I’m a useless father, telling me I’m crap, telling me I don’t bring in enough income,” she recounted the calls.

“One man said he sleeps in the spare room and his wife soaks his mattress during the day with cold water and leaves the windows open before he comes home from work. So he sleeps on the floor.

“There are pure emotional and psychological games, men who have no access to funds, their partners controlling their finances.”

Ms Bentley said the organisation sought and was refused funding for a 24/7 helpline from the State’s child and family agency Tusla, which
she criticises for allocating 1 per cent of its domestic, sexual and gender based violence (DSGBV) funding to the service.

Kermit.de.frog

iptba wrote: »

Extract:

Neither party in a relationship should have such power over the other male or female.

Sadly some do for all sorts of reasons.

These are really desperate situations and i'd imagine often there genuinely is no way out for the victim without significant hurt.

.anon.

Nobody on here ever raises the issue of male domestic abuse victims unless they're making a vapid point about female domestic abuse victims getting more media coverage. I wonder why that is. Could it be that they don't actually give a toss about it?

Eric Cartman

iptba wrote: »

Extract:

Thats horrific. So many controlling and manipulative women in this world, the sad part is that some men don’t even realise what their partner does is abuse. With our legal injustices in this country men arent usually in a position of power to be able to afford to leave

CtevenSrowder

dontmindme wrote: »

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/helpline-for-male-domestic-abuse-victims-struggles-to-cope-amid-pandemic-surge-1.4512995


Where are the vigils and media outcry?

There won't be a media outcry as it doesn't suit the narrative.

As for vigils, why would there be? What man has been murdered by their partner recently?

Annasopra

.anon. wrote: »

Nobody on here ever raises the issue of male domestic abuse victims unless they're making a vapid point about female domestic abuse victims getting more media coverage. I wonder why that is. Could it be that they don't actually give a toss about it?

The issue itself is important. Trying to use the issue to prove a point does the issue itself a big disservice. It suggests that some care more about point proving than the issue itself.

Its horrendous and we do need to start tackling this issue through more funding, awareness raising, education and lots of other social policy measures.

UM1

CtevenSrowder wrote: »

As for vigils, why would there be? What man has been murdered by their partner recently?

My cousin...she pulled the self defence card,and claimed he was abusing her ...(long story)

OscarMIlde

It's a good thing this issue is being highlighted, hopefully there is increased funding available for these services. It has been widely reported that domestic violence is increasingly an issue during covid 19. It must be hellish for any victims, especially if they've lost contact with outside support/escape due to unemployment or working from home.

Silentcorner

iptba wrote: »

Extract:

1% of Tulsa's domestic, sexual gendered based violence funding goes to support men....good god, it's worse than I thought.

Why is this even a gendered issue, it affects both genders....

Annasopra

Silentcorner wrote: »

1% of Tulsa's domestic, sexual gendered based violence funding goes to support men....good god, it's worse than I thought.

The report above says 1% of funding goes to this particular service provider. It does not say 1% of funding goes to support men.

jam_mac_jam

Hopefully with increased awareness of this issue there will be more funding provided and men that need it should use it.

Its awful that movements or organisations against domestic violence should be in conflict with each other or be seen to be.

All victims of violence deserve help. We should all donate to men's aid.

Mules

Unfortunately domestic violence attacks by women on men still aren't taken seriously enough by society. I was shocked by the difference in reporting during the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp case. She was recorded taunting him about him 'acting like a baby' when she hit him but she got a pass by the media and her employers.

ThewhiteJesus

Augme wrote: »

Far fewer men are killed, assaulted, abused, and by their partners. That's prbnaly one of the reason their isn't such a huge media outcry.

The stats for male on female violence is alsi far far higher, both in a pandemic and outside of a pandemic. That's prbnaly why there isn't such a media outcry when the gender roles are reversed too.

Also,
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/women-s-aid-helpline-sees-calls-increase-almost-40-during-lockdown-1.4265224

Female abuse to men is mental, look at all the couples in your circle and ask who is the boss in most ? I’d bet it’s the woman. They use mental abuse, threats about not seeing kids again, divorce,sex whatever they can use as their weapon and then a lot of men lose it because the law is on their side no matter what but this is never mentioned of course because women are the only victims

Curse These Metal Hands

Every victim of domestic abuse deserves access to adequate and timely help. Anything less than that is just not good enough.

Smee_Again

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

Eric Cartman

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

A thread was started talking about mens abuse and this is now the second point dismissing the thread on its own merit and saying it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women.

If you listened youd hear that it is geing brought up on its own merit here.

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

You're assuming a lot there. You've no idea how many people have or have not done any of those things.

ThewhiteJesus

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

Wow imagine a man wrote this on the Sarah Everard thread last week when it was implied all men are rapists and should cross the road and cow down to all women , absolute hypocrites

Smee_Again

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A thread was started talking about mens abuse and this is now the second point dismissing the thread on its own merit and saying it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women.

If you listened youd hear that it is geing brought up on its own merit here.

Where are the vigils and media outcry? Doesn’t sound like it is being brought up on it’s own merits.

Smee_Again

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

You're assuming a lot there. You've idea how many people have or have not done any of those things.

Pretty safe assumption though.

Pete Moss

iptba wrote:

Extract:

I would not even like to begin to try to imagine the psychological horror a person must feel, regardless of their gender, in such a situation.

To be so vulnerable in the one place a person should feel secure must be soul destroying.

I hope anyone in such a situation finds the support and means to leave.

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

Pretty safe assumption though.

Assumptions and generalisations tend to offer nothing of worth to a discussion, unfortunately. The point remains, you've no idea what struggles are ongoing to secure more funding for male domestic abuse support or to raise awareness, so it's pointless to say otherwise.

Smee_Again

ThewhiteJesus wrote: »

Wow imagine a man wrote this on the Sarah Everard thread last week when it was implied all men are rapists and should cross the road and cow down to all women , absolute hypocrites

I don’t know what point you’re trying to make here.

I’m a fella BTW, and I just think that if men want to raise the many many difficulties and issues they face they should do it without reference to the supports women have had to fight for.

But what happens is that posters on here just bitch and moan about what supports are there for women but aren’t willing to buy in the effort to campaign for men to have access to the same supports.

Should men have access? Yes. Do they? Obviously not.

Is that the fault of women? No.

ThewhiteJesus

Smee_Again wrote: »

I don’t know what point you’re trying to make here.

I’m a fella BTW, and I just think that if men want to raise the many many difficulties and issues they face they should do it without reference to the supports women have had to fight for.

But what happens is that posters on here just bitch and moan about what supports are there for women but aren’t willing to buy in the effort to campaign for men to have access to the same supports.

Should men have access? Yes. Do they? Obviously not.

Is that the fault of women? No.

You clearly have some weird agenda

Smee_Again

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

Assumptions and generalisations tend to offer nothing of worth to a discussion, unfortunately. The point remains, you've no idea what struggles are ongoing to secure more funding for male domestic abuse support or to raise awareness, so it's pointless to say otherwise.

Like I already said it’s a pretty safe assumption that the posters on here making the most noise about men’s rights are doing SFA about it in the real world.

They don’t even care about other men, it’s all just pantomime for them.

One eyed Jack

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A thread was started talking about mens abuse and this is now the second point dismissing the thread on its own merit and saying it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women.

If you listened youd hear that it is geing brought up on its own merit here.

The thread doesn’t have any merit regarding male victims of domestic violence though when it was only brought up as a rebuttal to women! This is the opening post again -

dontmindme wrote: »

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/helpline-for-male-domestic-abuse-victims-struggles-to-cope-amid-pandemic-surge-1.4512995


Where are the vigils and media outcry?

Where’s any notion of male victims of domestic violence as an issue in it’s own right in that question? It’s speaking directly to a comparison in the differences in how both issues are regarded in terms of funding and participation, ignoring social history to make their point as though support for female victims of domestic violence appeared out of the blue and was never met with considerable resistance, and is still met with considerable resistance. And it’s expected that the issue of male victims of domestic violence is to be regarded with equal consideration as though people should regard the issues equally? You can’t compel people to care about something they just don’t, and it’s a fact that if people cared about the issue of male victims of domestic violence, they would be funded 20 times more than any funding given to support female victims of domestic violence.

As it happens, organisations providing support for male victims of domestic violence appear to be doing alright for themselves -


Men’s Aid Ireland has €244,000 funding for its six staff operation this year, an increase of €5,000 on last year.


€250k to support a six staff operation? Seems entirely proportionate to the size of their operation compared to the size of the various organisations supporting female victims of domestic violence. There are, the last time I checked, least 80 different organisations providing support for female victims of domestic violence, receiving a combined funding of approximately €20m. And that’s not including funding contributions from the general public which in any organisation amounts to a pittance of their income. Seems about proportionate to me tbh.

biko

Domestic abuse of men does deserve more attention that it usually gets.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

Not possible with it being labeled toxic masculity, abuse of privilege or 'oh look - men complaining about abuse - how ironic'.

nolivesmatter

Smee_Again wrote: »

Like I already said it’s a pretty safe assumption that the posters on here making the most noise about men’s rights are doing SFA about it in the real world.

They don’t even care about other men, it’s all just pantomime for them.

Ironically your posts have been by far the most dramatic.

The topic of this thread was made clear from the article linked in the OP: "Helpline for male domestic abuse victims struggles to cope amid pandemic surge.
Calls to Men’s Aid Ireland are being missed amid 35% spike in level of demand"

bobbysands81

I did a thesis about 3/4 years ago about Intimate Partner Violence. The conclusions of all major international studies on this issue are all very much the same and that is that a man is every bit as likely to suffer violence at the hands of his female partner as a female is to suffer violence at hands of a male partner.

However, the severity of the violence that women suffer at the hands of their male partner is far far worse and they are far more likely to be seriously assaulted and/or murdered.

Smee_Again

nolivesmatter wrote: »

Ironically your posts have been by far the most dramatic.

The topic of this thread was made clear from the article linked in the OP: "Helpline for male domestic abuse victims struggles to cope amid pandemic surge.
Calls to Men’s Aid Ireland are being missed amid 35% spike in level of demand"

No, the topic of the thread was why aren’t there vigils and more media outcry for male victims of domestic abuse. It’s literally what the op wrote.

And the answer is because men are doing SFA to draw attention to it.

Eric Cartman

bobbysands81 wrote: »

I did a thesis about 3/4 years ago about Intimate Partner Violence. The conclusions of all major international studies on this issue are all very much the same and that is that a man is every bit as likely to suffer violence at the hands of his female partner as a female is to suffer violence at hands of a male partner.

However, the severity of the violence that women suffer at the hands of their male partner is far far worse and they are far more likely to be seriously assaulted and/or murdered.

Which absolutely makes sense, theres also societies attitude of not seeing women hitting men as a problem, a woman slapping a man or hitting him during an argument is still too normalised in society.

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

No, the topic of the thread was why aren’t there vigils and more media outcry for male victims of domestic abuse. It’s literally what the op wrote.

And the answer is because men are doing SFA to draw attention to it.

Are they doing SFA or getting very little media coverage/interest from the public for their efforts so you just assume they are doing nothing?

NSAman

It’s a real issue.

Domestic violence on men is an overlooked issue completely.

While I only have anecdotal evidence from two friends of mine, I see the actual scars (both literally and psychologically) that it can cause.

Dismissing this issue, is wrong. Surprisingly enough, in both the cases I mention above, the woman painted herself as the victim during divorce proceedings. Neither of those men would ever raise a hand and have sworn to me that they never have, their kids have also said the same thing.

Leaving your then partner with facial scars from smashing a glass on their face, is abuse.

Having no place to go and hiding the truth for fear or ridicule, is abuse.

Having no one believe you when authorities were involved, is abuse.

Men absolutely have little support when it comes to domestic violence.

Housefree

Men are disposable to society. Look at all the things with a serious gender imbalance

Male outcomes in divorce
Male vs female suicide rate
Male vs female sentencing for similar crimes
Male vs female prison population
Male gender mutilation still allowed
Male vs female work place deaths

The list goes on

Smee_Again

Curse These Metal Hands wrote: »

Are they doing SFA or getting very little media coverage/interest from the public for their efforts so you just assume they are doing nothing?

The posters on here? SFA.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Smee_Again wrote: »

The posters on here? SFA.

Female abuse - everyone's problem.
Make abuse - make problem.

Why arent men doing more to combat abuse by men? Well, why aren't women doing more to combat abuse by women?

Curse These Metal Hands

Smee_Again wrote: »

The posters on here? SFA.

You clearly said men in the post I responded to, not specifically men on here.

nolivesmatter

Smee_Again wrote: »

The posters on here? SFA.

Maybe. But we can't prove it one way or the other, no point going after them. All we can do on a forum is discuss.

Kermit.de.frog

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Which absolutely makes sense, theres also societies attitude of not seeing women hitting men as a problem, a woman slapping a man or hitting him during an argument is still too normalised in society.

Yeah. When you think about it, in almost every movie even today, or drama series, soaps or whatever, there is the almost obligatory shot of a woman slapping a man across the face at some point for whatever reason, because it's deemed normal or more likely gives dramatic effect to a scene.

I don't get why that's still so prolific because to me it's clear cut if you hit your partner (whether it's a man or a woman) that's abuse at the end of the day.

iptba

Smee_Again wrote: »

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Do you do these things? If not, based on your logic, you don’t care about male victims.

Same would also apply for other issues or causes, unless you do one of those things, you don’t care about it.

Ten of Swords

Smee_Again wrote: »

Like I already said it’s a pretty safe assumption that the posters on here making the most noise about men’s rights are doing SFA about it in the real world.

They don’t even care about other men, it’s all just pantomime for them.

You have made that point now, several times. Let's move on

ThewhiteJesus

I know from people in my life that if a male makes a call like that, it really is out of last chance desperation as we as a gender find it so hard to talk. So it’s upsetting that there mightn’t be anyone on the other end of a phone.

biko

Things that don't help

https://twitter.com/Evie_Magazine/status/1373302895106527233?s=20

Dyr

Augme wrote: »

Far fewer men are killed, assaulted, abused, and by their partners. That's prbnaly one of the reason their isn't such a huge media outcry.

The stats for male on female violence is alsi far far higher, both in a pandemic and outside of a pandemic. That's prbnaly why there isn't such a media outcry when the gender roles are reversed too.

Also,
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/women-s-aid-helpline-sees-calls-increase-almost-40-during-lockdown-1.4265224

How many wind up topping themselves?

I know a few males who suffer or suffered from domestic abuse and tbh my sympathy for them became limited over time, they knew full well what they were getting into and went ahead then insisted on staying. You rescue someone from drowning over and over and they keep jumping straight back in the water you realise they're not really a victim.

dontmindme

Bambi wrote: »

How many wind up topping themselves?

I know a few males who suffer or suffered from domestic abuse and tbh my sympathy for them became limited over time, they knew full well what they were getting into and went ahead then insisted on staying. You rescue someone from drowning over and over and they keep jumping straight back in the water you realise they're not really a victim.

Don't think you could be more wrong here tbh.

fryup

how about gay men being attacked by other gay men...is it prevalent?

dontmindme

Smee_Again wrote: »

Domestic abuse is an important issue whether the victim is male or female.

But, why do so many men only raise the issue to complain about the attention given to male on female abuse.

If you actually care about male victims do something, donate to or create a charity, set up a support group, request additional funding via your local representatives.

Literally do anything, this is what women have done for years and we know it works because you’re here bitching about it.

I'm complaining about the lack of attention given to male abuse victims, but for some unknown reason you'd rather deflect from the issue.