Family not wanting to follow lockdown anymore

LegacyUser

I feel so sic with what I had to experience lately. My mother has decided she doesn't want to follow lockdown any more. She's putting g herself more at risk now. She has a reasonably quality of life right now. She enjoys going out walking. She decided recently to give up with the lockdown because she hates it and herself and her friends are meeting up several times a week in each others homes for tea and chats. They are generally moving about more and getting more public transport and buses and trains too. My mother is 70 and she has some underlying conditions but nothing too serious but I would still be worried that if she was to contract the virus, she may doing badly with it. Not only that but she's putting the rest of my family who live with her at risk.

I keep telling her it's weeks away to a vaccine. Perhaps April or May but she doesn't want to wait anymore.

I feel sick with what she's doing. She doesn't want to follow lockdown any more. I don't understand why she followed the restrictions to date just to give up now so close to a vaccine.

What can I do to get to follow the guidelines and to minimise contracting the virus?

Xterminator

you can do nothing, but look after yourself. your mum is of sound mind and has chosen to break lockdown rules. But you cannot force another person to do the right thing - just set a good example.

now when it come to looking after yourself, you can be extra fastidious about things like hand washing, sitting in an unventilated room with mum etc. sharing utensils etc.

Some distancing from mum may be wise, for now. And i she asks, you can tell her why.

Airyfairy12

Unfortunatly theres nothing you can do, I understand how worrying it must be for you, the thoughts of your mother becoming ill with Covid must be causing you so much anxiety, your concerns are valid but it is really her choice.

Away With The Fairies

I don't understand the comments how it's the mother's choice. It's not just about the mother. It's their friends they're meeting up with. It's also their friend's families. Using public transport as well. There's so much potential for spread. Can the guards do anything since household visits are still banned?

ypres5

Away With The Fairies wrote: »

I don't understand the comments how it's the mother's choice. It's not just about the mother. It's their friends they're meeting up with. It's also their friend's families. Using public transport as well. There's so much potential for spread. Can the guards do anything since household visits are still banned?

you're seriously suggesting he ring the guards because his mam visited someone's house for a cup of tea?

Away With The Fairies

ypres5 wrote: »

you're seriously suggesting he ring the guards because his mam visited someone's house for a cup of tea?

It's not just one house though. The op said the mother and her friends are meeting up. The word friends suggest multiple friends.

The more you meet, the more risk there is.

The DayDream

I wouldn't worry too much, it's some old biddies meeting for tea. They'll probably fall out or get sick of each other soon enough. So few things are open and there are check points she can't go many other places. I'm sure when you were a teen you went to places she wouldn't have been happy about that were more dangerous than Margaret up the roads sitting room.

But I can understand being annoyed. I work in an 'essential' business and it's the grannies and grandpas who are out in full force all the time. It's annoying to me, as we were all told to be on lockdown to protect these oldsters and they are the ones not staying home and more likely to have their mask half off their face.

The older generation tend to get up early in the day and after they're done their housework they get lonely and bored want to go around annoying people. Unlike those of us who grew up on the internet (and can see our phones without glasses) they seem to crave face to face socializing (gossiping about neighbours, complaining about their ailments, chatting absolute shíte to cashiers oblivious to the queue behind them). I think they're probably of the opinion that they dont have much time left/are gonna die soon anyway so don't want to spend any days just sitting around doing nothing.

Which is why I think we should lift the lockdown. I was on board with it for a year. I'm done. Especially since I still have to work full time, dealing with the public, for not much more than the PUP everyone else is on. Then I can go nowhere on my day off, not even past 5k which is where most of my friends are since I moved home during the pandemic.

Since the majority of us under 60 will not have serious risks from covid, let us have our lives back. So many Over 60s I see willing to come out and risk catching it, if they don't want to stay home don't make them do it either.

Anyway I got off track. Unless the tea parties turn into total ragers like the jam in Limerick I wouldn't be too worried. Old people don't listen anyway.

SusieBlue

There is nothing you can do. Everyone has a limit and your mum has reached hers, imminent vaccine or no vaccine.

Please consider that if she followed the rules up till now and has suddenly stopped, she must be quite miserable and feeling desperate. So maybe her current quality of life isn’t as good as you think it is.
In the grand scheme of rule breaking, meeting a few like minded elderly friends for tea isn’t the worst she could be up to, particularly when nothing is open anyway.
I spoke to a relative of a similar age recently who has started seeing their grandchildren indoors again over the last fortnight, they feel they have already missed out on so much and with their advanced age they only have so long left with their families, covid aside. Maybe your mum has had a similar realisation.

All you can do is be responsible for yourself and look after yourself, I understand it’s very stressful for you if you’re nervous of the virus.
I would keep your distance, both physically and figuratively, as much as you can because it really isn’t worth falling out with her over.
Be kind to yourself and do what you can to ease your anxiety. And remember that while you have her best interests at heart, she alone is responsible for looking after herself and you cannot force help on someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

Atlantic Dawn

What doesn't kill her will make her stronger.

Rubberchikken

I sawy first elderly lady without a mask in our local tesco yesterday. I will admit I was surprised but at the end of the day I reckon it's her decision. Security didn't seem to have issues with her coming in and maybe she feels she can't/won't get vivid..who knows.

I don't think you can do much with your mother's decision other than show her that you'll keep following restrictions and guidelines and maybe she'll come back around to them in time.

She's probably getting as fed up with it all as a lot more are. That's only natural.
Hopefully she'll avoid any risk.

Oink

Rubberchikken wrote: »

I sawy first elderly lady without a mask in our local tesco yesterday. I will admit I was surprised but at the end of the day I reckon it's her decision.

The thing with the mask is that it’s mostly to protect OTHER people. So no, I don’t agree - to say the least. I would take it personally if anyone came near me or my children without a mask.

Wanderer78

Atlantic Dawn wrote:

What doesn't kill her will make her stronger.

Maybe she 'll need that strength in heaven!

Nothing you can do op but look after yourself, make sure to wear your mask around her, best of luck with it

Jequ0n

It’s her own decision so you can’t do anything about it. You are, however, perfectly in your right to limit your contact with her if you are worried. She can then decide what’s is more important to her.

And unrelated: she might just be one of few people who admit that they are bending the rules. Have a look at any park/ recreational area/ playground when the weather is nice. And I bet all of these people will tell you that they all stick to the rules ...

Buddy Bubs

I'd say its widespread. People are done with it now and listening to news about people coming in to the country, budget deficits, delayed vaccine roll outs. There will be more and more not complying with restrictions as we move into the more outdoor weather. You can't choose for people.

TheadoreT

She's the type of lowlife that's caused the problems and probably points her finger at everyone else(government, nobody else following ect..) before taking personal accountability. You should be ashamed of her and report any future rule breaches.

Wanderer78

TheadoreT wrote: »

She's the type of lowlife that's caused the problems and probably points her finger at everyone else(government, nobody else following ect..) before taking personal accountability. You should be ashamed of her and report any future rule breaches.

fcuk off!

Hoboo

If this was a group of lads meeting in a síbín the thread would have a very different tone.

TheadoreT

Wanderer78 wrote: »

fcuk off!

Probably another subhuman scum here who put others lives at risk

vladmydad

Leave her alone Karen. Such a bunch of curtain twitchers on this thread. Just reread what you’ve typed on here. Asking strangers what you should do about a grown woman meeting her friends!!! What have you all turned into ? I often wondered how regular people could reach a level where they could inform on their neighbors in the USSR, East Germany etc. now see it and it’s fcuking terrifying. #LookInAMirror

Wanderer78

TheadoreT wrote: »

Probably another subhuman scum here who put others lives at risk

you really are some arsehole, the op is obviously concerned about their mother, and understandably so, the last thing they need is some stranger on the internets being judgmental, and being an all round arsehole

SnuggyBear

TheadoreT wrote: »

She's the type of lowlife that's caused the problems and probably points her finger at everyone else(government, nobody else following ect..) before taking personal accountability. You should be ashamed of her and report any future rule breaches.

Disgusting post.

TheadoreT

You see its more the people going out with flagrant disregard for others lives that are disgusting. Those apologising for her are probably trying to justify or ease their own guilt for their part in this sorry mess.

Wanderer78

TheadoreT wrote: »

You see its more the people going out with flagrant disregard for others lives that are disgusting. Those apologising for her are probably trying to justify or ease their own guilt for their part in this sorry mess.

believe it or not, socializing is a critical human need, hence why we do it, ive been braking restriction rules throughout lockdown, ive no guilt, i do this to maintain my well being, i will be doing so again this weekend for the same reasons

Hoboo

Wanderer78 wrote: »

believe it or not, socializing is a critical human need, hence why we do it, ive been braking restriction rules throughout lockdown, ive no guilt, i do this to maintain my well being, i will be doing so again this weekend for the same reasons

Aye and it's your constitutional right blah blah blah. Fair play, full time mad bastard I'm guessing?

TheadoreT

Wanderer78 wrote: »

believe it or not, socializing is a critical human need, hence why we do it, ive been braking restriction rules throughout lockdown, ive no guilt, i do this to maintain my well being, i will be doing so again this weekend for the same reasons

There's ways and means to socialize, online etc without putting others at risk. You're putting your own selfish needs above the actual lives of others. Nobody has had the time of their lives here but most (unfortunately not all) realise the gravitas of the situation and that compliance on a large scale is whats needed.

Wanderer78

Hoboo wrote: »

Aye and it's your constitutional right blah blah blah. Fair play, full time mad bastard I'm guessing?

nothing to do with the constitution or being mad, just maintaining my well being, plain and simple

Wanderer78

TheadoreT wrote: »

There's ways and means to socialize, online etc without putting others at risk. You're putting your own selfish needs above the actual lives of others. Nobody has had the time of their lives here but most (unfortunately not all) realise the gravitas of the situation and that compliance on a large scale is whats needed.

you ll will find many struggle with tech, particularly older generations, and online 'socializing' tends to be very anti-social strangely enough, i personally hate it, boards being the only social media outlet i use

newuser99999

Wanderer78 wrote: »

you ll will find many struggle with tech, particularly older generations, and online 'socializing' tends to be very anti-social strangely enough, i personally hate it, boards being the only social media outlet i use

They can pick up a telephone and ring a friend?

This is meant to be the generation we’ve stayed at home for a year for.

So unbelievably selfish. You won’t see news articles written about them or hear Pat Kenny moaning about elderly people socializing.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

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Offer advice to the OP regarding their issue or move on.

Thanks

HS

Wanderer78

newuser99999 wrote: »

They can pick up a telephone and ring a friend?

This is meant to be the generation we’ve stayed at home for a year for.

So unbelievably selfish. You won’t see news articles written about them or hear Pat Kenny moaning about elderly people socializing.

humans need actual contact, again, this is a critical need, low level depression such as loneliness is relatively high, particularly at that age, ive been finding more and more people, in particular older people have been stopping for chats while ive been out walking, people need this, restrictions are starting to break down as people struggle to deal with the psychological implications of these restrictions

SusieBlue

TheadoreT wrote: »

You see its more the people going out with flagrant disregard for others lives that are disgusting. Those apologising for her are probably trying to justify or ease their own guilt for their part in this sorry mess.

Oh, please. Get off your moral high horse. You have absolutely no proof that any of your past actions haven’t negatively effected an elderly or vulnerable person, or that you haven’t infected them with a virus that would be fatal to someone of their age, or someone with a compromised immune system.

If at any time in your life, you’ve done something as simple as leaving your house to go the shop when you were sick with the flu or a chest infection, just know your actions could have potentially killed someone. Any of us could have.
So you have absolutely no moral high ground here whatsoever.

dobman88

helpmepleaseasp wrote: »

I feel so sic with what I had to experience lately. My mother has decided she doesn't want to follow lockdown any more. She's putting g herself more at risk now. She has a reasonably quality of life right now. She enjoys going out walking. She decided recently to give up with the lockdown because she hates it and herself and her friends are meeting up several times a week in each others homes for tea and chats. They are generally moving about more and getting more public transport and buses and trains too. My mother is 70 and she has some underlying conditions but nothing too serious but I would still be worried that if she was to contract the virus, she may doing badly with it. Not only that but she's putting the rest of my family who live with her at risk.

I keep telling her it's weeks away to a vaccine. Perhaps April or May but she doesn't want to wait anymore.

I feel sick with what she's doing. She doesn't want to follow lockdown any more. I don't understand why she followed the restrictions to date just to give up now so close to a vaccine.

What can I do to get to follow the guidelines and to minimise contracting the virus?

That's great to hear and fair play to your Mam and her mates. It's really good to see people begin to enjoy themselves again.

What you can do is just stop contact with her if you're that worried. Shes a grown woman capable of making her own decision and is clearly sick of being locked up. Best of luck to her.

TheadoreT

Wanderer78 wrote: »

humans need actual contact, again, this is a critical need, low level depression such as loneliness is relatively high, particularly at that age, ive been finding more and more people, in particular older people have been stopping for chats while ive been out walking, people need this, restrictions are starting to break down as people struggle to deal with the psychological implications of these restrictions

You do realise there's many many countries that are and have been fairly normal during covid? Mainly due to large scale short term societal compliance during lockdowns?

Not only have people such as you caused untold deaths in this country by ignoring rules constantly, they've also dragged this on faaaar longer than necessary.

Wanderer78

TheadoreT wrote: »

You do realise there's many many countries that are and have been fairly normal during covid? Mainly due to large scale short term societal compliance during lockdowns?

Not only have people such as you caused untold deaths in this country, they've also dragged this on faaaar longer than necessary.

you do realise this is a far more complex beast, countries simply cannot be compared in such situations, you re obviously trying to guilt me, this wont work, i own my actions, i accept i may be infected, and may infect, i also own i may be fined, this is also fine. ive actually had conversations with mental health professionals about this, and they were happy with my decisions, they were happy because i am maintaining and prioritizing my mental well being, and im far from being alone in such actions. its also important to realise, some of these actions have been done alone, so no direct danger has been placed on others, so its important not to judge others for such actions. restrictions are now breaking down, as people have had enough, particularly psychologically, so you might want to prepare yourself for this fact, vaccines are being rolled out, so hopefully that can prevent another major surge

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Second on thread instruction. This thread is not a debate on Covid or lockdown measures . The OP is looking for advice on how to deal with their mother breaking lockdown rules.

If you wish to discuss Covid or lockdown measures there is a forum here for it.

Any further discussion on Covid or lockdown measures, that don't offer advice to the OP will be considered ignoring mod instruction and will be carded going forward.

Thanks

HS

Dizzyblonde

The DayDream wrote: »

I wouldn't worry too much, it's some old biddies meeting for tea. They'll probably fall out or get sick of each other soon enough. So few things are open and there are check points she can't go many other places. I'm sure when you were a teen you went to places she wouldn't have been happy about that were more dangerous than Margaret up the roads sitting room.

But I can understand being annoyed. I work in an 'essential' business and it's the grannies and grandpas who are out in full force all the time. It's annoying to me, as we were all told to be on lockdown to protect these oldsters and they are the ones not staying home and more likely to have their mask half off their face.

The older generation tend to get up early in the day and after they're done their housework they get lonely and bored want to go around annoying people. Unlike those of us who grew up on the internet (and can see our phones without glasses) they seem to crave face to face socializing (gossiping about neighbours, complaining about their ailments, chatting absolute shíte to cashiers oblivious to the queue behind them). I think they're probably of the opinion that they dont have much time left/are gonna die soon anyway so don't want to spend any days just sitting around doing nothing.

Which is why I think we should lift the lockdown. I was on board with it for a year. I'm done. Especially since I still have to work full time, dealing with the public, for not much more than the PUP everyone else is on. Then I can go nowhere on my day off, not even past 5k which is where most of my friends are since I moved home during the pandemic.

Since the majority of us under 60 will not have serious risks from covid, let us have our lives back. So many Over 60s I see willing to come out and risk catching it, if they don't want to stay home don't make them do it either.

Anyway I got off track. Unless the tea parties turn into total ragers like the jam in Limerick I wouldn't be too worried. Old people don't listen anyway.

I'm a long time lurker and don't normally post in this forum, but I couldn't ignore this. I recently entered your "old biddies" age group and your sweeping generalisations are both hilarious and extremely offensive. Please come back when you turn 60 and tell us how you're feeling

OP, I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about your mum if she won't listen. If she's living alone she may not be able to cope with not seeing anyone, and is making an informed choice. People of all ages are breaking this lockdown and for all sorts of reasons - but I know that quite a few are doing it to protect their mental health, which they feel is more at risk than their physical health.

It's important to take care of your own bubble, keep yourself and the people you live with safe. That is stressful enough without taking on the worry of another adult who is doing what they feel is right for them, although when it's your mother that's not easy. You may not agree with her decision, but it's hers to make.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

The DayDream - I hold my hands up, I missed your post earlier. Welcome to Personal Issues. The Forum Charter can be found here. When replying to a thread here, posters are asked to offer constructive advice to an OP and although gender generalisations are specified as against the Charter mass generalisations of an age category don't exactly offer much to the OP by way of advice either.

Please familiarise yourself with the Charter before posting in PI/RI again.

Thanks

HS

Rubberchikken

Oink
I realise that the masks are to protect others but how do you actually convince an elderly person to wear one if they don’t want to or don’t see the issues involved?

I genuinely was surprised to see her maskless but I was hardly going to call her out. I will admit though I would have loved to hear her reasoning.

Hi OP,

One question - do you live with her?

If you don't, tell her you'll see her next when restrictions are lifted and you're allowed to do so and you're both fully vaccinated.

If you do, tell her she is being highly inconsiderate by putting the other people with whom she shares the household at risk, and that you don't appreciate it. If she doesn't care about herself, she should at least care about them.

You can't stop her, but you don't have to condone her actions by pretending its okay or excusing it.

freshpopcorn

I don't think there's much you can do OP.
Unless you want to stay away from your mother for now.
One positive OP is at least she's honest with you and you know where you stand with her. I know people of all ages and their breaking the rules and they are lying to family members about it once they get home.

leggo

This is a **** situation to be in OP, no doubt, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing it.

And yet as I’ve seen elderly couples going around over the past year, including those who opted not to cocoon during Lockdown 1, I have to say I’ve thought how I’d be in their situation and can’t judge them too much. When you’re that age your mortality starts to be a daily part of your life and decision-making, and part of me would prefer to live somewhat freely and take a ‘whatever happens happens’ view. You don’t know if you’ve got days/weeks/years ahead of you at that stage and the risk is that you follow the rules, stay cooped up, then could have a heart attack anyway. So why not go for a walk if you want?

Ultimately I think I’d still veer on the side of public safety thinking of others and follow the rules, as I’ve done now, but I don’t blame others who’ve taken your parents’ view.

All you can really do is accept this and try see it from their standpoint, rather than what you want for them or what you think is morally right. You don’t have to agree but you also don’t have to fracture an otherwise good relationship with them while they’re elderly either. I had family who were careless during Lockdown 1, with them I had my say and told them the harsh flip side potential consequences of their decisions, then just accepted they were adults and I don’t have the right to control them even if I disagree. That’s all you can do because all trying to control them will achieve is making you go insane quicker.

Graces7

Wanderer78 wrote: »

you ll will find many struggle with tech, particularly older generations, and online 'socializing' tends to be very anti-social strangely enough, i personally hate it, boards being the only social media outlet i use

That is not the point. It really isn't.

Phone calls are grand communication. And in this situation?

Graces7

Wanderer78 wrote: »

humans need actual contact, again, this is a critical need, low level depression such as loneliness is relatively high, particularly at that age, ive been finding more and more people, in particular older people have been stopping for chats while ive been out walking, people need this, restrictions are starting to break down as people struggle to deal with the psychological implications of these restrictions

Not true. Period.

We all can understand the reason for all this and adapt and more than cope. If we care. And most of us do care. About the welfare of those around us.

That is what being human is about; not self centred gratification of desires. About caring for others; respecting their needs. Need to avoid infection. Need to live in peace and safety. Respecting and keeping safeguarding rules

And I am deeply thankful to those who respect the precautions and make this situation safer for those of us who are vulnerable.

OP. take care of you in this. Please. it is a dreadful situation for you. Stay as apart as you can.

SNNUS

[
Fair play to her, time for her to live.



quote="helpmepleaseasp;116476054"]I feel so sic with what I had to experience lately. My mother has decided she doesn't want to follow lockdown any more. She's putting g herself more at risk now. She has a reasonably quality of life right now. She enjoys going out walking. She decided recently to give up with the lockdown because she hates it and herself and her friends are meeting up several times a week in each others homes for tea and chats. They are generally moving about more and getting more public transport and buses and trains too. My mother is 70 and she has some underlying conditions but nothing too serious but I would still be worried that if she was to contract the virus, she may doing badly with it. Not only that but she's putting the rest of my family who live with her at risk.

I keep telling her it's weeks away to a vaccine. Perhaps April or May but she doesn't want to wait anymore.

I feel sick with what she's doing. She doesn't want to follow lockdown any more. I don't understand why she followed the restrictions to date just to give up now so close to a vaccine.

What can I do to get to follow the guidelines and to minimise contracting the virus?[/quote]