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Big Boardser: Challenge Thread - No Chat allowed

  • 01-03-2021 6:43pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 17,532 ✭✭✭✭ Trigger


    This is Big Boardser

    This thread will be used for upcoming challenges within the BB House.

    The first challenge will commence this evening so keep an eye on this thread for updates
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mark on


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    The Joke Is On You Challenge will be starting shortly

    As a Reminder

    This is a No Chat Thread and is for Thanking purposes only

    You can chat and discuss the challenge in the Main House Thread

    Big Boardser thanks you in advance for your co-operation


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    The Joke Is On You:

    Necro needs cheering up because Modding is stressful and thankless, so we're putting on an Open Mic Night here in the Big Boardser House.

    Big Boardser Contestants - today's challenge was to submit a Joke to tickle your fellow Houseguests pink. You have had since Saturday to do so in your Challenge Thread.

    The jokes have been submitted to us, we will now post them in this brand spanking new Challenge Thread...

    You will ALL vote on the submissions by Thanking the posts, and the joke with the most votes will see the player win immunity for themselves and a chance to save another from the next eviction.

    Voting will conclude and the Veto Winner announced at 11am tomorrow morning.

    If there is a tie, the Head of Household will cast a deciding vote between the tied jokes.

    The Jury Members have also been invited to thank posts in The Challenge Room, but will not be posting here in the Main House or interacting with any of you fully fledged HouseGuests, so please don't attempt to engage with them


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #1

    Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear bright—until they open their mouths.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #2

    4 nuns die and go to heaven.

    St.Peter asks first nun "have you had contact with a penis?"

    She says "I touched one with my finger". St.Peter says dip it in holy water.

    Next nun says "I've fondled one". He says "put your hand in holy water".

    Suddenly there is a commotion, a nun has pushed to the front of the queue.

    St.Peter asks whats up

    "Well if I'm going to gargle that holy water I want to do it before Sister Ann sticks her arse in it!"


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #3

    A man is constantly changing channels on the TV, then turns to his wife and says 'I don't know what to watch, the porn or the golf.'

    His wife replies: 'Watch the porn, dear. You know how to play golf!'


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #4

    A New York Attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned and asked to speak to his client.

    "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

    The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let me hear the good news first."

    The Attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures which she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."

    Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

    The Attorney replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #5

    How can you tell a vampire is sick?

    By how much he is coffin!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #6

    What is Forrest Gump’s email password?

    1forrest1


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #7

    Two frogs sitting on the side of a river and both were hungry.
    A packet of crisps floats by and one frog says, "I'd love to eat those but dont know how to open them."
    The other frog says, "ripit, ripit"


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #8

    "I was gonna tell a joke, but someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy!"


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #9

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #10

    An American, an Indian and a Greek die and end up in hell.

    They bump into devil:
    -Devil: You all have one chance to leave hell and go to heaven. All you need to do is endure 3 hits of my whip without making any sound. And you can use anything you want as protection. American, you go first. What will you use as protection?
    -American: I will use this big rock.

    The American gets in position behind the rock. The Devil whips the rock who breaks in dozens of small pieces and then whips the American who cries out loud.

    -Devil: off you go. Indian, you are next, what will you use for protection?
    -Indian: Nothing, I have done yoga and meditation for 50 years and my body can endure physical pain.

    The Devil hits the Indian one time, two times, three times, and lo and behold the Indian stands there without even flinching.
    -Devil: fair enough Indian, you are free to leave for Heaven right away.
    -Indian: thank you. If you don't mind I will stick around to see how the Greek will get himself out of this.
    -Devil: OK. Greek, you are the last one. What will you use for protection?
    -Greek: I will use the Indian


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #11

    Knock, knock

    Who's there?

    The interrupting sheep

    The interrupti...

    Baaaahhhh


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #12

    Paddy walked into the local and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, Paddy got up to head of home saying goodnight to the barman

    "S'cuse me," said a shamo, sitting at the bar who'd been watching Paddy confused "What in the name of jaysis was that all about?"

    "Nothing," said the Paddy, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives and told me i better not touch a pint."


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #13

    Someone in this house has gone and stolen my mood ring.

    I don't know how to feel about it...


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #14

    A guy goes into his doctors complaining of a sore arsehole. And the doctor asks him, where abouts is it sore ?

    "At the entrance" replies the man.

    To which the doctor replies : "well, as long as you keep thinking of it as an entrance, it's going to be sore."


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #15

    You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #16

    Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar.

    When I have a pessimistic thought I put some money in.

    It's currently half empty.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,469 ✭✭✭ jluv


    Aren't these supposed to be anonymous? Oops sorry


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #17

    A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes.
    "I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man.
    "Okay." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!!"
    A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
    Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched and says that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.
    "Not to worry" says the waiter and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen.
    "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"
    The dishwasher wields a huge meat clever and is just about to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.
    "I am sorry, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.
    "Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show... Hans that does dishes can be as soft as Gervais with mild green, hairy lip squid"


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #18

    What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

    Diddly-squat


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #19

    ~ ~

    I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I **** you knot.

    &


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #20

    I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said 'do you mind waiting a bit?'
    I said 'No'.....
    'Good' he said. 'Take these drinks to table nine'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #21

    What do you get from a pampered cow?

    Spoiled milk.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #22

    My Grandad used to say "as one door closes another one opens"

    Lovely man.

    Terrible cabinet maker.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #23

    I once sent a naked selfie to everyone in my contacts list. Not only was it embarrassing... but it cost me a fortune in stamps.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #24

    Horse walks in to a bar, the barman says "Why the long face"


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #25

    A guy is sitting in the doctors office, doc walks in and says

    'I have bad news.

    I'm afraid you're gonna have to stop masturbating '

    Guy, is shocked, asks why?

    Doc answers,
    'because I need to examine you'


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #26

    So, a dyslexia walked into an arb.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18,503 ✭✭✭✭ Also Starring LeVar Burton


    Joke #27

    Why do bees have sticky hair ? because they use honeycombs.


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