Is this bullying? What would you do?

TippMammy

We moved from our home of ten years mid pandemic, it was rough, sudden. But our lovely lovely landlords wanted the house for their own son and so instead of seeing out the time we could there we worked really hard to get a new place.

We found a nice bungalow (countryside) and off we moved- me, Husband, two kids, three dogs and a cat.
I was really excited to go interview and delighted seeing inside our possible new home. The nightmare began, I had been given the wrong eircode and had pulled up outside the wrong house. This house was right beside our then house to be.

I sat down and chatted with the agent, talked about my family. We are a young family and due to medical conditions of our children we pretty much live carefully and quietly. Our son has a sensory dog he adores, I have a GSD and a female rescue mutt who I adore which we requested permission to have in the property. We agreed to a much higher damage deposit and provided many letters of reference.

In the middle of this interview the neighbour arrived to complain I had been given the wrong eircode. I'll call her "Karen" going forward. She also wanted to speak to the agent interrupting our interview because her brother wanted to buy the house and wasn't getting through to anyone. I was really thrown and definitely feeling a little nervous to have accidently parked outside the wrong house and caused such a big reaction before I was even offered the house.

Spoke to my own Dad who said I shouldn't take the house if offered, Dad's know things don't they!!! Why didn't I listen, God knows I should have listened. He said "if they wanted the house they won't want you in it. End of story" he says.

I was offered the house and to move in straight away. Karen walked by often in the early days, small friendly comments. You look too young to have a child that age, I smile....What age were you having her? Is husband the Dad...... Small but unsettling moments built and built.

We had our first person come to react to a "report" they had about us. No issues, didn't have any problems and left.. I hoped this was an error.

I meet her outside calling her dog "Mimi likes to chase rabbits. I haven't seen her in three days" Finds her dog in the field across the road and catches her.

I meet her outside and her daughter says "Your dogs are bold they are always barking in our yard at our dogs". She runs off down the road.

I see Karen passing the next day holding her dog we say hello, my son says hello and her dog growls and snaps at my little man which she laughs off. I warn my son to not touch the dog, not all dogs are the same as our dogs. She explains my two dogs are barking all night long and sitting outside her bedroom window.

I am confused, I didn't listen to my Dad when I should have but I listened to his advice to protect myself and before we settled in here I had cameras ordered to keep a track of our front & back yards.
This night I opened the window closest to her house and set a sound recorder app.

I bought muzzles for the dogs to wear at night, they do give the odd bark, it doesn't wake me, it registered as under 1 second in duration and after a week recording it averaged at under 20 seconds of one bark occurrences over an entire night at its worst. With the muzzle the sound came in under 40 db at its loudest registered. We are very conscious of sound in our house for medical reasons.

I had given my phone number to Karen and sent the usual nice texts explaining I appreciate her telling me and letting her know I had set up monitering as well as night time muzzling.

The camera showed they were not leaving their dog house area so most definitely not outside her bedroom window.

We didn't hear from her again, her dogs would visit often and leave little gifts in the front. On one of these occasions I introduced my two to him, a typical small dog he growled and nipped while my two kind of just accepted him. We fostered many dogs in their lives and they are very good to meet new animals and allow them to get away with bad behavior. They know how I expect them to be and were very good.

7 weeks go by, I think things are ok.


Fast forward I get a text to say my animals are out of control.. My cat is terrorising her cats, my dogs are in her garden all the time. I need to sort this out now, it's beyond ridiculous.

Half 7 on a bank holiday Monday, I'm up already (I've got young kids). I explain I'm sorry things are difficult, cats do roam and I've began feeding hers and my cat together so they have a positive association seeing each other. Things are not easy having a new neighbour after so long alone and if it helps I'm struggling too. I can't offer much more help for my dogs as I have a camera on them and they are not showing as leaving, I have an old tablet beside a cracked window and they aren't making the type of noise she is saying. I ask can she maybe send a video of our dogs in her yard (I'm hoping she might see its not our dogs!! If she tries take a pic or video). I’ve caught three foxes on camera setting off my light sensor, it may be foxes.

They are really cute!!! I finish my reply to say I was really shocked to read a text which was so aggressive and can offer no further help other than to hope we can adjust to each other in time and settle in nicely in the future.

She arrived on the door step a moment later fuming.
She was roaring and shouting, I told her she was acting threateningly and to leave, she spewed out a list of my infractions (I've got this on camera too)

We cut the lawn too often, my youngest child is always playing outside (it's a big backyard and we are a limited screen time family) my child is loud, his noises she says (my child has special needs and doesn't sound how a typical child does) my dogs are on the road all the time (but the camera can't see them ever do this, the front is fenced off and they are on camera at rear), in her yard, my cat keeps attacking her cats. I explain cats can be tough and give the example that one of these cats sprayed in my ensuite but cats will be cats so I cleaned it up and now don't open that window to keep him out. It's now not her cat, it's two stray cats. She doesn't own them so it's not her problem. I ask why she said they were hers just now and in the text earlier. She says she didn't buy them. She just feeds them?? I ask how she used such extreme language as “terrorising” if not hers. She shouts they are not mine.

I'm at a loss, she is quiet honestly screaming as morning walkers pass by. I'm mortified, I ask her to leave. She won't. I ask my husband to take over and I hide in the kitchen. She gets more angry, we are sooo noisy, the lawnmower is always on (Its a big lawn and takes 2hr 30 min to cut, I'm not weird I don't cut it early in the morning, it's usually after lunch when I start).

The dogs keep getting into her garden. Her dogs are never here and how dare your wife introduce your dog's to mine... They were in my garden, it's my responsibility to ensure my dogs are introduced and told what I expect of them. Her cats live on the front window here, I can't help this! We drive our car out too often. We don’t walk our dogs enough.

She won't leave, I go back out to ask her to go. My husband gets out his phone and says he will record this as this is "insanity Karen". She runs away. My porch camera has all this footage anyway but the phone coming out got her to leave.

I'm shaking, I've seen this kind of person on YouTube clips from America not ever in real life. This isn't something you expect in a rural rural area on a bank holiday Monday in the middle of a pandemic.

We try go about our day, later I have to run to town for supplies, as I pull out and go to drive on she jumps out into the middle of the road and screams that my dogs were in her yard today and unmuzzled, I try reply that I won't be muzzling the dogs 24 hrs a day when I have no knowledge they are leaving their own back yard. She screams again, there is a man doing ditch clipping just up the way, he stops to watch. I get so angry at this and I'm sick of it so I rise to her and tell her "I give zero f**ks" she says excuse me, I answer again "I give zero f**ks" she screams what did you say and a third time almost catharticly I reply saying each syllable slowly and precisely I give zero ****s- helped with my hand in a zero shape. She moves off the road and shouts big mistake as if she is Julia Roberts. She storms into her driveway and tells me she will report me. Great!!! I have been wrecking my Internet speeds for weeks downloading and saving all my camera footage, I don't have anything to worry about.

Within a week the ditch separating our back gardens is cut, she has gotten guys in to trim it back, enough so she can stare into what was a very private area. Her horse from the field behind us miraculously keeps breaking into the garden and destroying the lawns in huge big tufts.

I just keep my head down. The dog warden visits, he can't find our house so leaves a letter into another neighbour as their dog is often on the road (he's a lovely little guy and no harm to anyone)

Warden makes a second visit, she is ringing him constantly. He pulls in. No dog greets him, no barking, nothing. He knocks on our door, no dogs rush him and no dog barks. I am in hospital with my eldest in Dublin for her ongoing medical treatment. My husband is at home. Working from home like alot of Ireland right now. The warden tells us we may be fined for uncontrollable dogs, my husband brings him into the back where the two "demon dogs" are lazing, one in his house and the other on the hill of our yard with her Teddy dog toy cuddled up. Neither bark, they tell the dog warden hello. Let him give them rubs and go back to sleep. He explains there have been many many reports (we know who made these)

He can't find a fault, they are chipped, licenced and spayed+ neutered. They are not pups and have underwent training for good manners and to assist my son for his special needs. They are good dogs. Exactly what you hope for in an animal that moves in next door. We can't understand the hatred from Karen.

Karen has also been ringing my house agent, after xmas I get a call about my dogs who are out of control, Karen has threatened legal ramifications to agent for allowing a GSD into the house. At this point I'm just tired, we keep having various inspectors visit, be it litter/tv licence/warden.

We had the boiler break down and the work men went to the wrong house where she told them no-one by my name lived in this area, she has used my name in so many complaints I'm sure she could have directed them next door, it was freezing all week and she sent away the men who were going to fix our heating. Where two medically fragile children live. The men couldnt believe it when they came the next day and found us right next door. She had been so angry at them they went to the next job and asked for the office to ring me later for an eircode.

Lockdown has been the worst period of my life, it's been a series of awfulness.

Today after months of her horse destroying (we thought it was someone else’s and wanted to have at least some neighbours like us so never complained) the garden it came in this morning and nearly hit my son. I thought it was the house down the road who owned it so called over, I had been repairing the broken fencing but it kept being broken, I asked if they might be able to fix it. The young man who greeted me explained it was not their horse (I've videos of the horse). An hour later the husband of Karen our bully next door went down the back of our garden to the little area of ditch which has a hole into a mini forest. An area my son who has so little joy in life loves more than anything and instead of fixing where the fence broke and looks to have stood for years, he cut down trees and shoved them into the little area of heaven my son loves.

I walked down to ask why and he said I had given a warning about the horse and while he knows my son loves the area (it’s just a wide ditch of ours with maybe 5 trees where nothing really is at the end of our garden) he is doing what he has to do for safety.
I then realized they may have been cutting this fencing down to allow the horse into our garden, today he had a choice to put those cut trees where he has always had the fence or to punish a small child and justify it as safety.

I did say you could have chosen to block where the fence came down, this is clearly where you want the horse to go but have chosen this. I offered the use of a large panel fencing we have for his safety concern but this isn’t what he wanted. He saw a way to hurt us when previous lies couldn’t, through a vulnerable child. He set a scenario up (the fencing I fixed was cut which I also have photos and videos of, a person on our back camera seen just yesterday in the area and today the fence fell again nearly harming my son and giving this horrible man an excuse.

He doesn’t live next door but took great joy in his work, he paused for a second, looked me in the eye and asked “does this upset you?” before pulling another branch into place. My husband distracted my son while this was happening, no offer to fix the destroyed lawn just slashing and pulling of trees to block the ditch. It turns out the other neighbour who didn’t own the horse is sister to Karen. My dash cam recorded “my warning” which was me asking if it would offend anyone if I fixed where the fence came down as my son loves going under the trees but does not understand horses or how dangerous they might be if scared. This young man acted friendly and then turned my offer into a tool to steal from a child.

My neighbours are pillars of the community.

We didn’t report out of control horses. We didn’t scream at their front door, we didn’t complain as their dog growled at my child, pooed at our front door and peed on the kids bikes in the back. We don’t complain when Karen screams at her daughter’s next door while they cry. We have tried to live the best life we can here.

Ireland has the best people but it has a problem where pillars of communities are often bullies.

What I’ve found is you don’t make complaints and lies to the gardai though, the garda I’ve kept in the loop has told me he sees this a lot, people lie to many but she hasn’t made any complaint to them because it’s illegal to lie to the guards.

I want to hear from others and see what you think of what's happening here. Id love her to realize we see her for what she is and while its tough we are a happy little family making the most of our life.

TippMammy

I called myself a redditor. I know this is the Irish boards. Sorry I'm not that up to date on online language

Emme

That sounds terrible, your father hit the nail on the head. I am sorry to hear about your cat. Your family is definitely being bullied and harrassed. That woman won't be happy until you are out of that house and she gets it for her brother. Often people who portray themselves as charitable pillars of the community on social media are vicious psychopaths.

They are damaging your rental property (hedges etc.) and if this continues you might not get your deposit back when you move. The sooner you move the better. Would it be possible to go to the agent and see if you can move to another property? Tell him you didn't understand that Karen's brother had been trying to buy the house. Explain the situation and provide recordings etc. where possible. If you have references from another landlord it might help you find another place sooner. Also did the Garda you spoke with tell you to get legal advice?

Your priority is to work towards getting out of there. Karen is a lunatic. She won't give up. There is no point in fighting with her, just make sure your name is clear. You're right to record everything.

the14thwarrior

to be honest your post was so long, i didn't know at the end whether you were looking for affirmation if she was a bully, or what you would do.
No, she's not a bully.
she's a bad neighbour, terrible person, and obviously trying to make your life as miserable as possible. Because why? who knows, who cares, don't bother trying to figure that out. the most obvious thing is she wants you to move out, and her brother to move in.

if you are renting, leave. life is too short.
Life is full of unhinged people, and you don't need to live beside one.

if you own the house, get legal advice.
its well beyond bullying

weldoninhio

Keep a log, as much video footage as you can, and report everything, ask for a Pulse number for every report you make.

Jequ0n

I don’t think this is the forum for you, since you are not looking for advice but simply want the story to be shared. Are you hoping that it spreads enough and the neighbour in question is “identified” by the locals? I am really struggling to understand why else you posted this.

This neighbour does not sound like a bully but a full blown nut, and you come across as a door mat for allowing this to happen.

Maybe focus on switching off this immaculate eternal victim role (alas, even before you had met that neighbour).

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

OP, further to our PMs, I shortened the opening post a little, by taking some 'filler' parts out. It might help posters get to the crux of the matter easier and help them in offering you advice.

Thanks

HS

LegacyUser

I had a similar situation with a former neighbour. She owned the house adjacent to the one I rented. My first encounter with her was her shouting at me at the front door. Then came various complaints to various authorities and the letting agent. All over stupid crap like the lawn was too long/too short, the bins weren't taken in quick enough (I was in work). On and on it went. I eventually went to the guards just to give them the heads up that this is what I was dealing with. In the end my car was keyed and rubbish dumped in my garden. Stupid bint didn't realise she'd left stuff with her name on it in the bin. Called the guards, the litter warden and the letting agent.
She got a littering fine, a telling off from the guards and I found a new house.

There's no home worth that level of crap and it will never ever end.
My advice is start looking for somewhere else to live. And I know it's easier said than done but things won't improve. If you don't have peace and comfort in your own home then you have to ask yourself if it's worth it.

If you owned the house you could build fences and walls and possibly keep her at bay. But it doesn't seem like there is a solution to this as things currently stand.

Hannibal_Smith

As for your situation, as some one else said, continue to keep a diary. I would bet Karen did the same to the previous tenants. I would start with the letting agent. Do a list of the main and serious points:-

- she is calling the dog warden without proof. Tell them all the steps you've taken to keep your dogs from barking at night and that you have footage that it is the foxes entering her property not your dog.

- tell them about the boiler service men and that her sending them away impacts the property.

- tell them she is interfering with the boundary fence and horses are getting on to the property.

- ask whether it is possible for the landlord to improve the fencing around the property.

- tell them of all the people she has had knock on your door because of unfounded complaints and you have proof of it.

Get your foot in there with them so you can show any complaint she makes to him is just spite.

If you go to flac.ie and search for 'nuisance neighbours' there is a booklet that goes through various scenarios and steps that can be taken. Have a read through that and see if there is anything relevant to your situation and see what they advise.

There is also an Accommodation and Property forum here, where you could ask for possible solutions and get the insight of landlords on your situation. I would suggest that you think about using a much more condensed version of events and try keep it as concise as possible.

Hope you can find a solution, best of luck with it.

Foweva Awone

Would you not consider keeping your dogs and cats in the house? Or at least secure the back garden so that they're not roaming into other people's gardens.

Emme

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

As for your situation, as some one else said, continue to keep a diary. I would bet Karen did the same to the previous tenants. I would start with the letting agent. Do a list of the main and serious points:-

- she is calling the dog warden without proof. Tell them all the steps you've taken to keep your dogs from barking at night and that you have footage that it is the foxes entering her property not your dog.

- tell them about the boiler service men and that her sending them away impacts the property.

- tell them she is interfering with the boundary fence and horses are getting on to the property.

- ask whether it is possible for the landlord to improve the fencing around the property.

- tell them of all the people she has had knock on your door because of unfounded complaints and you have proof of it.

Get your foot in there with them so you can show any complaint she makes to him is just spite.

If you go to flac.ie and search for 'nuisance neighbours' there is a booklet that goes through various scenarios and steps that can be taken. Have a read through that and see if there is anything relevant to your situation and see what they advise.

There is also an Accommodation and Property forum here, where you could ask for possible solutions and get the insight of landlords on your situation. I would suggest that you think about using a much more condensed version of events and try keep it as concise as possible.

Hope you can find a solution, best of luck with it.

I agree with the above BUT she should do this with the intention of asking the letting agency to get her another property and to ensure she gets her deposit back when she leaves. She stated that she paid a hefty deposit, I wonder was this because Karen harassed the previous tenant and damaged the place before.

It might be no harm for the OP to get legal advice from a solicitor in another town. She needs to go back to the letting agent ASAP and plead her case.

TippMammy

Foweva Awone wrote: »

Would you not consider keeping your dogs and cats in the house? Or at least secure the back garden so that they're not roaming into other people's gardens.

Heya it's secured. Both come in and out but as neither were pups both have always wanted to sleep outside. They have a home made house (like a mini play house) they share.
We have an electric fence collar too.

TheBoyConor

The whole situation is nonsensical. There is the 2 of ye in it.

She is just a deranged busy body.

But you are too willing to entertain her chit, so she persists and escalates. People like her feed off of drama and live for the reaction.

STOP REACTING. STOP ENTERTAINING HER. FLAT OUT IGNORE HER.

No chats, no texts, don't answer the phone or the door to her, ignore her if you meet her. She will soon grow tired of investing effort in stirring the drama pot when it isn't delivering an theatrical results for her.

ztoical

TheBoyConor wrote: »

The whole situation is nonsensical. There is the 2 of ye in it.

She is just a deranged busy body.

But you are too willing to entertain her chit, so she persists and escalates. People like her feed off of drama and live for the reaction.

STOP REACTING. STOP ENTERTAINING HER. FLAT OUT IGNORE HER.

+ 1 She sounds like a nightmare but you are enabling her OP. Just stop. Tell her if she has an issue she needs to take it up with the landlord. And you need to be getting on to your Landlord about the fence and horse etc. If a horse keeps coming and ripping up the garden and you don't report that to the Landlord who do you think will get the blame for damage to the garden?

Oops!

TheBoyConor wrote: »

The whole situation is nonsensical. There is the 2 of ye in it.

She is just a deranged busy body.

But you are too willing to entertain her chit, so she persists and escalates. People like her feed off of drama and live for the reaction.

STOP REACTING. STOP ENTERTAINING HER. FLAT OUT IGNORE HER.

No chats, no texts, don't answer the phone or the door to her, ignore her if you meet her. She will soon grow tired of investing effort in stirring the drama pot when it isn't delivering an theatrical results for her.

Exactly.... She'll only keep doing it if she thinks it's going to work!

Not a f**king hope would i let somebody like that dictate/scare me into leaving a place i'm paying to live in... People like that pray on the weak.

TippMammy

Thanks a million for replies. I think I needed a bit of tough love and critical advice most of all. My community garda has told me I was too compliant at the start so when I stopped I had made an issue. Im going to just continue ignoring and directing any complaint to our landlord to pursue, who has the time when working and home schooling kids!
I'd move if that was an option but we are desperately saving for a mortgage we hope to have within 12 months, don't want to derail our own plans for a house just to get away from herself.
Feck it, I'll listen to you all and keep logging what happens cause ignoring stuff does still happen but im going to actually report each time now to landlord.

Yeah lawn is thrashed but I got a letter from agent that this isn't my damage as I was anxious to lose our deposit which was more than three months rent and every bit counts in our plans to buy our own.

Needless to say we will not be buying near here lol.

Sorry to read others similar situations, I think until you have lived it its so hard to imagine how you will react and what it's like x Sending best wishes to anyone reading who is going through the same too xx

TheBoyConor

Do not engage with her or her husband on any level for any reason whatsoever. Ignore them entirely. Even if she gets in your face directly asking you stuff. Just ignore her and act as if she isn't there.

You must realise that people like her have a thirst for drama, attention and reaction. That is what fuels their activities. Cut off the supply of attention and they will start to get starved of it and will move on to some other poor sucker who can provide them with the attention they so desperately crave.

A lot of it is probably some sort of mental health issue. Perhaps ADHD or some other behavioural issue that went unchecked from their youth, resulting in this sort of nuisance behaviour you see today.

Yellow pack crisps

Put up a large sign in your front and back garden that your house is recording cctv images and sound. Won’t hear from her again.

ILoveYourVibes

Its business as far as she is concerned. Its money.

She wants to get that house. End of.

Its not actually personal from her point of view. She wants to buy she will do ANYTHING to get it.

This won't stop.

She thinks there is hope of her being able to buy this house for whatever reason.

What i would do ...is ask my landlord to tell her its not for sale and her efforts are just wasting energy.

Put a big not for sale sign up on your lawn.

Its not about you ....if you were another family in that house ....she would be the same.

As far as she is concerned ..its business and she is being cut throat about it ...and since the housing market is so bad ..she might feel its worth it to try.

Stop engaging with her complaints. SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANY OF THAT STUFF.

She thinks there is a hope she will be able to buy the house if you move. You have to convince her there isn't.

Tell her she will never get that house.

Lol tell the landlord ...ask him if he would consider telling her he will never sell it to her.

I would refuse to sell a house to someone who was acting like that ...and its not like tis hard to sell a house these days.

TheBoyConor

Don't bother with any of this putting up "not for sale" signs. Or making grand declarations that she will never get the house, or getting the landlord to tell her.
That is still reacting and feeding her attention. And is literally a waste of time.

Just act like she doesn't exist.

Jequ0n

If the landlord wanted to sell they would have, but they obviously don’t want to deal with this person.

Do not engage at any cost, but consider cctv or motion sensors. Or bear traps.

pinktoe

If your afraid of conflict or unwilling to stand up for yourself, you should consider engaging a solicitor and get a restraining order.
She's obviously causing you a lot of stress which take its toll on your mentally and physically.

You can learn a lot from your GSD. If he's approached by an aggressive all bark no bite type of dog, what will he do? He certainly won't back down under any circumstance.

TippMammy

There is alot of stress. I haven't slept through the night since xmas.
She's also off at home as she is a teacher so I suppose there is just a heightened level of her screaming which is painful. Can a solicitor do something? I know garda is keeping track of things but I don't have the time to ring him about everything each time. Would a solicitor be able to write a letter asking it to stop? Landlord is on my side (during renovations she complained constantly, interfered with builders etc. Which I only found out from a guy living down the road) but landlord agent has just told me they won't be answering calls from her or taking complaints which I suppose is good.. It might just blow its self out.
I don't want to go down legal route to find it makes things even worse! She bought her house for a song three months before we moved so I know the pricing in this area is beyond market level right now and honestly the house itself along with garden is fabulous! Just the location ruins any joy

spaceHopper

It would be worth talking to a Solicitor or would the Garda give her a ASBO. If she's a teacher she needs garda clearance, she could never change job is she has a record. Maybe the threat of it will be enough to stop her.

Also tell her not to enter the grounds of your house she's to contact you. If she needs anything she has to contact the community Garda

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/justice/law_enforcement/anti_social_behaviour_by_adults.html

Last resort, tell her you have some choice CCTV footage that you could upload to youtube and publish and share on the local community facebook group. But if you do all hell will break loose.

Hannibal_Smith

I think the advice to ignore her is worth following. Do not get wound up by her, hard I know. Give it a bit of time to see whether it has any effects.

So maybe two weeks or so of ignoring, keeping a diary and if she persists in being a nuisance absolutely go see a solicitor and they will advise you properly.

You've got the landlord, a neighbour and a garda on your side, so the perception that she is a pillar of the community that everyone listens to is not accurate. You also have footage of how she is behaving. You're more in control here than you think.

As others have mentioned, there's a few steps you can take.

You've already been in touch with guards - I'd ask them them about charging her with harassment etc - take out a protection/barring order against her, you fear for your and your families safety.

Record EVERY single interaction with her on video. If she comes near you, you stick your camera up in her face (not in personal space obviously), but make it very obvious you're recording. If she puts a finger on you, you call the guards on the spot and report her for assault.

Record every single interaction with her and her family - keep a logbook and present this to the guards as evidence - you're already started down that road, so keep up your contact with all concerned.

Publish a video/videos of her having one of her rants - make sure people see it. Send it to the school she teaches in if needs be. The only way you'll handle people like this is to absolutely mortify them locally. Contact local newspapers, radio stations etc etc - you know you'll be gone within a year, but you can 'help' her destroy her 'good' reputation locally in the meantime.

Jequ0n

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Publish a video/videos of her having one of her rants - make sure people see it. Send it to the school she teaches in if needs be. The only way you'll handle people like this is to absolutely mortify them locally. Contact local newspapers, radio stations etc etc - you know you'll be gone within a year, but you can 'help' her destroy her 'good' reputation locally in the meantime.

And you think will de-escalate the situation?
It is the sort of stuff I’d do to bully someone. While I appreciate that it is great fun it certainly does not calm things down and I don’t think the OP wants more drama at her doorstep.

There is also the danger of getting completely sucked into her game this way.

Claw Hammer

Solicitors will cost a fortune. It would be about €600 for the first consultation alone in most cases. The best thing is to get a recording of her shouting at her daughter or the like, something which would embarrass her if it was circulated.
When the opportunity arises, tell her you have it, show her a segment and tell her if there is any more nonsense the recording is going to the parish priest etc.

Jequ0n

Jequ0n wrote: »

And you think will de-escalate the situation?
It is the sort of stuff I’d do to bully someone. While I appreciate that it is great fun it certainly does not calm things down and I don’t think the OP wants more drama at her doorstep.

There is also the danger of getting completely sucked into her game this way.

Absolutely it won’t de escalate, but clearly the op is not dealing with a reasonable person here. There are times in life when you need to fight fire with fire. The OP has tried doing things right, that’s failed so it’s plan B time.

I’m clearly not suggesting they break any laws or do anything untoward to aggravate the situation, but simply protect themselves.

First step would be to get the guards to have a word with her. Restraining order could follow that quite quickly and if that doesn’t do the trick then public it is.

wiggle16

Deleted User wrote: »

Absolutely it won’t de escalate, but clearly the op is not dealing with a reasonable person here. There are times in life when you need to fight fire with fire. The OP has tried doing things right, that’s failed so it’s plan B time.

I’m clearly not suggesting they break any laws or do anything untoward to aggravate the situation, but simply protect themselves.

First step would be to get the guards to have a word with her. Restraining order could follow that quite quickly and if that doesn’t do the trick then public it is.

Publishing a video of her ranting and raving would be counter-productive because if a video is published then the Gardaí will stop taking the OP seriously. They won't entertain any further complaints because all they will see is two people trying to antagonise each other, no matter what the OP has had to put up with from this nutter. In a situation like this you have to keep your hands clean.

OP I'd strongly second those who have said ignore her and do nothing to her apart from telling her to f*ck off and leave you alone if she approaches you again. As Hannibal rightly pointed out, you have a lot more control of this situation than you realise and the big thing you have going for you is your credibility. If you give in to the temptation to get down to this woman's level by publishing videos etc on social media you will have lost that.

wiggle16

wiggle16 wrote: »

Publishing a video of her ranting and raving would be counter-productive because if a video is published then the Gardaí will stop taking the OP seriously. They won't entertain any further complaints because all they will see is two people trying to antagonise each other, no matter what the OP has had to put up with from this nutter. In a situation like this you have to keep your hands clean.

OP I'd strongly second those who have said ignore her and do nothing to her apart from telling her to f*ck off and leave you alone if she approaches you again. As Hannibal rightly pointed out, you have a lot more control of this situation than you realise and the big thing you have going for you is your credibility. If you give in to the temptation to get down to this woman's level by publishing videos etc on social media you will have lost that.

Ah you’re not wrong to be fair. I would tend to be a bit hot headed and would enjoy meeting a see you next Tuesday like this head on 😂

I would maybe add that publishing would be a last resort if guards etc don’t do anything to help resolve. The threat of it might just be enough to cool her jets though.

Qwertyminger

I would publish the video 100%. If you don't want people to put videos of you being an absolute tosser on the Internet, don't come onto their property and act the git. Soften her cough.

TippMammy

Qwertyminger wrote: »

I would publish the video 100%. If you don't want people to put videos of you being an absolute tosser on the Internet, don't come onto their property and act the git. Soften her cough.

I would love to but this is going on months and I've refrained from sharing with anyone outside this house other than a partial part of one I showed to the Garda.
I haven't even sent them to the landlord. She made some pretty disgraceful comments but I don't want to lower myself to anything that will bring notice and drama. I haven't shared with neighbours that are nice. We both just have said she can be hard to deal with and we all know what it means. I could have reported about horses but she has kids too and while I could say they broke the control laws on horses 18 times in a three month period that's not what I want to bring on any family. She has had these episodes infront of her kids and mine, I just get so embarrassed.
I got a nice piece of advice too that I can direct the dog warden to the community garda so that should stop him having to visit which is a lovely relief! Thank you for all the messages giving great advice.
Now I just have to figure out getting the bins out and in when she's not looking.. Any tips on making wheely bins silent lol

tea and coffee

You need to ignore her or stand up to her. She's allow destroy stuff and make your life a misery so you're terrified to even make noise with the bins, but she's on you like a tonne of bricks over bullsh1t made up stuff? Stop letting her walk all over you.
Ignore her rants except to record them.
I had a neighbour like that- kept his place like a tip but moaned we had 3 cars on the road instead of 2. Moaned I had a dog roaming into his garden when his dog used to make people so afraid that they wouldn't visit my house or his.
A friend of my late parents came up to the house one day and his dog nipped her. She was terrified and very upset.
He came up ranting and raving that she shouldn't have parked outside my house etc.
I told him how dare he. Get out of my garden. It was his dog was the issue.
Off he went and he never mentioned it again.

These people are not used to people standing up to their erratic behaviour. In the same way you might be afraid of a stray dog as you don't know it's next move, that's how they work.
You stand up tall, walk confidently past, And pay the dog no heed.

ILoveYourVibes

TheBoyConor wrote: »

Just act like she doesn't exist.

This is not realistically possible.

In case you didn't read ...they allowed a horse roam on her garden .....presumably it was startled as she says it nearly hit her son.

They have wrecked her garden and she has the woman banging on her door.

bertiebomber

this woman is just a hater & yes a bully and a real karen - its very hard to get a rental with a dog or two i know and very often you have to take a second grade house but to be honest i would start looking as this is not good for you to live in a type of fear of "what next". Life i s too short for this type of sh1t


Eventually she might say your dogs bit her or something like that just for spite be very careful of the dogs she is capable of poisoning them id put them in the house at night for sure if they were mine.

As to the horse if the horse wanders onto the road and causes an accident the real owner will be in big trouble not your problem. But if its on your lawn and your gate is open just be careful.

>SNIP<

AndrewJRenko

Qwertyminger wrote: »

I would publish the video 100%. If you don't want people to put videos of you being an absolute tosser on the Internet, don't come onto their property and act the git. Soften her cough.

Publishing widely could lead to some difficult questions about data protection and GDPR. An alternative would be to share video privately with school principal or Chairperson.

Either way, it would definitely be an escalation, so be prepared for her to escalate in return.

Emme

bertiebomber wrote: »

Eventually she might say your dogs bit her or something like that just for spite be very careful of the dogs she is capable of poisoning them id put them in the house at night for sure if they were mine.

I agree with that OP, bring your dogs in at night for their own safety. You are dealing with a lunatic.

Do not put any recorded material of her or anything pertaining to her online or anywhere else in the public domain. Reserve relevant recordings for the gardai, the letting agency, the landlord, the dog warden etc. where necessary. If you make any recordings of her public you lower yourself to her level and invalidate your entire case straight away.

Is there a neighbourhood watch scheme in your area? Sign up as long as you don't have to go through Karen or her cronies to do so.

TippMammy

There is a nieghbourhood group but I want to avoid it. There is a large family presence surrounding the area and I just want ways to help it die down, not flair it up in any way. An example is yesterday I had a large thin tube in bin (it was left over from a Christmas delivery) so while bin was not filled over capacity it was standing out of the top. She was out on front road talking loudly about why bin weights are needed thanks to people like this. It's so cringey and ridiculous. Now that's easy to ignore but it's just an example of what goes on between the bigger screaming sessions. I'm now also waiting to hear from the bin company about over filling bin. I've learned this is what comes From tiny tiny things. I know she's most likely to ring and complain the rules are bin must be closed and why did next door get away with it etc.

If you thought my first explanation was long, the list of crazy things that's happening is full of things you couldn't imagine!!

Her actions have shown that this is not going to die down - in fact, I daresay that unchallenged she's going to grow bolder.

If the bin company contact you, ask them to put her complaint in writing to you - present this to the guards you've been dealing with as further proof of harassment.

Hannibal_Smith

It is ridiculous, but you cant let it get to you. What shes saying can only upset you if you add value to it. There is no value to it, shes out to wind you up.

Instead of looking at it as waiting for the phone to ring on the back of another complaint, think of it as - if the phone does ring and its the bin company take a note of the name of the person ringing, time and date of the call and a brief note on what was said. Add it to your diary of events.

Its not going to stop overnight. It will take time for her to realise she is not going to win so you have to persevere in ignoring her and in keeping records.

Car99

if your phone got lost and all those videos ended up on youtube, tktok , streamable what would happen?

Jequ0n

You do realise that she is actually doing you a favour by acting this way in public? Sure people won’t won’t to get involved but you can be sure that they talk.

I bet she is far from being seen as the “pillar of the community” by her direct neighbours.

Count yourself lucky that she is too stupid/ deranged to know how to bully you in more subtle ways

wiggle16

Jequ0n wrote: »

You do realise that she is actually doing you a favour by acting this way in public? Sure people won’t won’t to get involved but you can be sure that they talk.

I bet she is far from being seen as the “pillar of the community” by her direct neighbours.

Count yourself lucky that she is too stupid/ deranged to know how to bully you in more subtle ways

I would be inclined to agree with this - as difficult as it is to stomach, she is only undermining herself by talking to others about you. People in the area absolutely know what she is like, your arrival definitely did not precipitate this behaviour out of nowhere so I doubt anyone is taking anything she's saying about you seriously.

ILoveYourVibes

Jequ0n wrote: »

I bet she is far from being seen as the “pillar of the community” by her direct neighbours.

I can see the logic in your statement. I hope you are right.

The thing is ...if its a small community in rural Ireland ....and she has family in the area ....its not that they will see her as a pillar of the community as such. Its just ....her family and their friends will take her side because ....they feel they have to.

I hope you are right though and 'old ireland' has moved on.

I really hope i am wrong. But i have seen people stand by unacceptable behavior or let it go ...because the da was a big wheel in the town.

And the op mentioned a brother etc.

I hope i am wrong though and you are right.

Optimalprimerib

Is she your only neighbour, could you talk to the other neighbours about her, maybe if they know how she is acting, and she is such a pillar of the community, she could soften her cough.

Let them know that you have recordings of her and get those recordings onto a cloud or external source away from your house asap. I cannot imagine the lengths she would go to to win.

Honestly, tiger king has nothing on this. Netflix could grant you a big pay day for documentary rights on this.

Lantus

Horses have fairly well laid out laws regarding their control and owners are legally responsible for all damage they cause to any property. You need to get reporting this asap.

TippMammy

Small update for any curious. I gave 7 days ignoring her and if I saw her outside I went in.
This seemed to have spurred her more and she actively walked her two dogs on a lead into the front lawn to poop three times a day.
I changed tact and starting giving a huge smile and a wave every chance I got. Didn't hang around after but I went manic with my smiling face! Today her brother pulled over on the road while we were walking and gave us a welcome gift?!?! Must be poisoned surely lol. I introduced my family and made polite small talk and he went off again. My husband thinks I've unnerved everyone with my smiling and crazy waves but next door is the one running off when she sees me now! Amazing!! Long may it last. Kill 'em with kindness or look mad as hatter?!

crazylady1

Well done OP. That's brilliant. ðŸ‘ðŸ‘

Purple Mountain

It sounds like she has serious mental health problems.
Maybe there are other neighbours who could give you a back story?

maniac2003

Purple Mountain wrote: »

It sounds like she has serious mental health problems.
Maybe there are other neighbours who could give you a back story?

Nail on the head, it would deffo seem that way. Hope you can enjoy the remainder of your tenancy now tipp mammy