Convincing the wife about cycling holiday

Fugs!!

Hi folks

I really want to try some bike packing this summer, if we're allowed. I have the bike, the ability, the gear and knowhow(I think).

I live in the southeast and want to head for the south west for and tour around a bit down there. I love my own company and am very happy to go it alone. but...

I suggested it last year to the better half around the time things were opening up a bit (May or June) and she straight away started talking about where "we" would stay, and how She would keep up, as she's not a cyclist(she's fit but never shows much interest in cycling).

Then I said "sure I'll go on my own".. She didn't like that idea and gave me "That stare".

So I'm hoping that this year.. Possibly.. Maybe.

Anyone got any advice on how to convince her I'm ok, and its what I'd like.. etc etc..

cletus

I would've thought marital advice fell even further outside the remit of boards than medical advice

grayzer75

Could you not include herself in your plans i.e. you head off for a few days and get her to meet you later in a nice hotel somewhere so she doesn't feel left out.

Fugs!!

grayzer75 wrote: »

Could you not include herself in your plans i.e. you head off for a few days and get her to meet you later in a nice hotel somewhere so she doesn't feel left out.

Yes good Idea and I had thought of that.

grayzer75

Fugs!! wrote: »

Yes good Idea and I had thought of that.

Get her to pick the hotel and maybe book her a spa treatment as an incentive

Fugs!!

grayzer75 wrote: »

Get her to pick the hotel and maybe book her a spa treatment as an incentive

Are you sure you're not my wife??

Seaswimmer

We did something similar a few years ago. 3 men and 1 wife! It was in Spain and we were going point to point on the bikes over 10 days. . She had a car and left later every morning, did a bit of sightseeing, met up for lunch then we were all together when we finished cycling for the day.. Worked really well and the bit of female company was nice every evening.
Maybe you could do something similar.. Let her drive and meet up along the way for lunch ect..

Shedite27

grayzer75 wrote: »

Could you not include herself in your plans i.e. you head off for a few days and get her to meet you later in a nice hotel somewhere so she doesn't feel left out.

Yeah, book into Kenmare, day 1 go out for a short jaunt with the wife, Day 2 do ring of Beara solo while she enjoys the hotel. Day 3, short day with the wife, Day 4 do ring of Kerry solo. Could even spread it out further and take a rest day. There's probably 2 routes on BEara you'd want to do (full ring and across Healy Pass)

lennymc

book it for her, call it a surprise and throw in a spa hotel as suggested.

grayzer75

Fugs!! wrote: »

Are you sure you're not my wife??

Busted

Mefistofelino

Just bear in mind that "Oh, do whatever the effing hell you want" doesn't mean what you think it might mean.

Kevhog1988

Interesting thead... i never thought of booking her in somewhere and meeting her there.

magicbastarder

what sort of hobbies does she have? could she head off for a few days to pursue those while you pursue yours?

TooObvious

I'm like the OP, happy with my own company, my wife knows it though and would have no issue with me taking a few days to go off on a cycle wander - as long as it didn't entail a new bike.

I know it's jokey, but the notion of living in fear of our wives is a bit outdated at this stage, there's nothing to fear - all you have to do is express yourself!

Fugs!!

Great advice here lads.

I've already done the Kenmare idea (almost exactly as suggested) and it worked well. Her parents live in North cork so I could swing by and she could meet me there too.

I did the Paris to Nice cycle 2 years ago and she had no problem letting me do that.

She loves a good spa but besides that her need are relatively sedate and likes a simple life. (That's why she picked me)

sura28

Fugs!! wrote: »

Hi folks

I really want to try some bike packing this summer, if we're allowed. I have the bike, the ability, the gear and knowhow(I think).

I live in the southeast and want to head for the south west for and tour around a bit down there. I love my own company and am very happy to go it alone. but...

I suggested it last year to the better half around the time things were opening up a bit (May or June) and she straight away started talking about where "we" would stay, and how She would keep up, as she's not a cyclist(she's fit but never shows much interest in cycling).

Then I said "sure I'll go on my own".. She didn't like that idea and gave me "That stare".

So I'm hoping that this year.. Possibly.. Maybe.

Anyone got any advice on how to convince her I'm ok, and its what I'd like.. etc etc..

Can’t you just tell her the truth? That you prefer cycling alone but c as n include her in other activities or meet up at some point during the trip.

My partner has suggested something similar but also wants to take the kids. I like cycling and nature but I’m not fit for this and wouldn’t enjoy the long cycle nor the kids would. I just told him to go on his own or find a friend. I’m very happy on my own company and don’t see the need to do everything together. He can enjoy himself doing what he likes and I’ll do the same.

No need to tell lies or invent excuses. Just be honest.

Thelonious Monk

Are you not allowed do your own thing from time to time?

magicbastarder

myself and the wife had planned (back in the good old days) that we'd head down to a horse riding centre called annaharvey, and she'd spend the days on the horse while i explored the countryside on my bike. it's about 20km from the slieve blooms.

Fugs!!

I'm allowed do my own thing but 7 days gone is stretching it a little. Especially seeing as I've limited holidays from work every year.

smacl

Fugs!! wrote: »

Anyone got any advice on how to convince her I'm ok, and its what I'd like.. etc etc..

What we used to do was have an extended friends and family holiday, taking a number of houses in holiday estate in Kerry or Clare. Those who liked cycling, mostly myself and my sister, could disappear on the bikes all day. Those who didn't could do what they wanted to do instead but basically everyone had company during the day and we'd meet up in the late afternoon or evening, get fitshaced in the local pub, rinse and repeat. Huge hit with the kids too who basically went 'Lord of the flies' for the week or two and still remininsce about these holidays many years later. Planning on something similar this year once the pox lifts.

Other option I've done a number of times is pick the location you both want to go to, and I'd take an extra day or two either end and cycle down and back. Best of both worlds.

Fugs!!

sura28 wrote: »

Can’t you just tell her the truth? That you prefer cycling alone but c as n include her in other activities or meet up at some point during the trip.

My partner has suggested something similar but also wants to take the kids. I like cycling and nature but I’m not fit for this and wouldn’t enjoy the long cycle nor the kids would. I just told him to go on his own or find a friend. I’m very happy on my own company and don’t see the need to do everything together. He can enjoy himself doing what he likes and I’ll do the same.

No need to tell lies or invent excuses. Just be honest.

I never said anything about lying to her.

Kevhog1988

magicbastarder wrote: »

myself and the wife had planned (back in the good old days) that we'd head down to a horse riding centre called annaharvey, and she'd spend the days on the horse while i explored the countryside on my bike. it's about 20km from the slieve blooms.

Not far from me. Good cycling routes there

LollipopJimmy

Mefistofelino wrote: »

Just bear in mind that "Oh, do whatever the effing hell you want" doesn't mean what you think it might mean.

Poor Steve

magicbastarder

Kevhog1988 wrote: »

Not far from me. Good cycling routes there

i may come back to you asking for routes if we manage to do it in the next year or two.

John Hutton

Get or rent a tandem bike. You will either have an amazing time or get divorced.

dinneenp

Sorry if it's already been said-

It's all about give and take. You plan your trip but encourage her to book one as well (spa weekend with her friend etc.) I think you kind of need to explain that you're very happy going off on your own. She could be thinking you're not and partly saying 'us' so that you have company. Just make sure you word it in a nice way....

I think both of ye going together and you heading off mightn't work as you'd be watching the clock if you're away for X hours, thinking I should be back soon. Also, she might agree to it but could change her mind after day 1 on her tod. Could always arrange for he to join you when you're finished & ye have a night or two together (as long as you're not constantly going on about the fantastic cycling & how tired your legs are...)

secman

Once your wife can drive you're sorted as per the suggestions. My wife has never driven, and won't ever , it's a PITA. We have a place in sunny southeast and it's on my bucket list to cycle down via Blessington , Wicklow Gap, Rathdrum, woodenbridge, Arklow Gorey and to the house. But .... would have to organise one of the kids to drive my car .... so in the planning stage still

magicbastarder

quick note - i've edited the title slightly to make it more specifically about cycling

8valve

As already mentioned, beg borrow or steal (OK, maybe not steal!) a tandem.

My better half hadn't cycled a bike in twenty years, when I bought her a ladies hybrid a few years back.

I then changed a few bits to make it more comfortable for her for greenway use (Swept back bars, anatomical saddle, raised stem etc).

She enjoyed it more after that.

Then I borrowed a tandem....and she absolutely loved it. We covered a lot of ground, at a fair pace, with her as the stoker behind.

Smiles and waves and pointing from everyone we met!

I've since picked one up to renovate for ourselves; I'll probably add a plug 'n' play bolt-on electric kit at the same time, to help with the hills.

They're an absolute hoot to use, once you get used to the long wheelbase.

Highly recommended.


PS, I know of a couple of steel framed tandems that can be picked up for small money, if you are interested. Both need a good clean and service, tyres etc but nothing major.

magicbastarder

don't bloody well tempt me...

531

Great thread. I am in a similar predicament except I am going with a friend, for a week, as soon as the Covid19 situation allows. I haven't mentioned it at home yet!

John Hutton

8valve wrote: »

As already mentioned, beg borrow or steal (OK, maybe not steal!) a tandem.

My better half hadn't cycled a bike in twenty years, when I bought her a ladies hybrid a few years back.

I then changed a few bits to make it more comfortable for her for greenway use (Swept back bars, anatomical saddle, raised stem etc).

She enjoyed it more after that.

Then I borrowed a tandem....and she absolutely loved it. We covered a lot of ground, at a fair pace, with her as the stoker behind.

Smiles and waves and pointing from everyone we met!

I've since picked one up to renovate for ourselves; I'll probably add a plug 'n' play bolt-on electric kit at the same time, to help with the hills.

They're an absolute hoot to use, once you get used to the long wheelbase.

Highly recommended.


PS, I know of a couple of steel framed tandems that can be picked up for small money, if you are interested. Both need a good clean and service, tyres etc but nothing major.

Wouldn't mind a PM about those tandems myself...

magicbastarder

there was one for sale on adverts which looked interesting, but was withdrawn before i'd made my mind up about it; a 531 based dawes:

https://www.adverts.ie/road-bikes/handmade-dawes-tandem-bike/21871870

Feets

Last I checked I didn't need my husbands permission to go on a break without him? Why ask permission. Book it after discussing that the dates suit her to be around if there are kids involved and promise her you will wear as much saftey equipment as you need. She will probably head off on her own somewhere or with friends etc.

531

Feets wrote: »

Last I checked I didn't need my husbands permission to go on a break without him? Why ask permission. Book it after discussing that the dates suit her to be around if there are kids involved and promise her you will wear as much saftey equipment as you need. She will probably head off on her own somewhere or with friends etc.

It's not really a matter of permission. I never stopped her from doing anything that involved being away. It is the having to pay in bad vibes!

Feets

Yeh I understand thats what what other halves think - the bad vibes- but once someone comes home from a trip, everyone is happier. There would be worse vibes if you don't take the trip. just my two cents.

531

Feets wrote: »

Yeh I understand thats what what other halves think - the bad vibes- but once someone comes home from a trip, everyone is happier. There would be worse vibes if you don't take the trip. just my two cents.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll get her a present.

Seth Brundle

8valve wrote: »

PS, I know of a couple of steel framed tandems that can be picked up for small money, if you are interested. Both need a good clean and service, tyres etc but nothing major.

magicbastarder wrote: »

don't bloody well tempt me...

Is it possible to get a tandem PF?

Seth Brundle

Was watching Rick Stein last night on tv and I dropped another hint about heading over to France on the bike for a week or so once covid isn't an issue - maybe around Brittany.
I know she wouldn't be interested in it but wasn't expecting her reaction which was to ask why I wouldn't go further south as there'd be too many British and Irish tourists around Brittany.
Sounds like I've been given permission

eeeee

Thread title edited to be less sexist

Not all of us need to convince a wife...

cletus

eeeee wrote: »

Thread title edited to be less sexist

Not all of us need to convince a wife...

Hmm, but it wasn't a thread about convincing partners, it was a thread about a specific person convincing his wife. I assume he knows she's his wife, because he's married to her.

Don't see any sexism here at all tbh

eeeee

It broadened out to partners more generally, hence the change, but I can change it back it OP wants no bother.

ETA Changed back.

Neleven

cletus wrote: »

I would've thought marital advice fell even further outside the remit of boards than medical advice

Actually having read the thread so far you could give the marital advice forum a run for its money - some excellent advice here!
OP I did this a few years ago and Mrs N11 took herself off to London without the kids as a treat. Planning something similar this year. You don’t have to do everything together and even in the best relationships individuals need headspace and time for themselves.

Fugs!!

GOOD NEWS

We have it all worked out. Heading off for 7 days and we're spending 2 nights together in dingle.

dinneenp

Feets wrote: »

Last I checked I didn't need my husbands permission to go on a break without him? Why ask permission. Book it after discussing that the dates suit her to be around if there are kids involved and promise her you will wear as much saftey equipment as you need. She will probably head off on her own somewhere or with friends etc.

It's not permission, it's discussing the plan out of respect. You don't just say to your partner "I'm going to France for a week."

marvin80

A few years ago me and the OH went to Kerry for the week - I brought the bike.
I got a few cycles in by heading off early in the morning - 6/6.30 - back 2/3 hours later - then we had the whole day to ourselves.
Early start but a big benefit was the low amount of traffic. Cycling through the Gap of Dunloe early in the morning and no traffic was pure bliss.

You have it sorted but renting an electric bike might be another option.

MojoMaker

Fugs!! wrote: »

GOOD NEWS

We have it all worked out. Heading off for 7 days and we're spending 2 nights together in dingle.

Bottle of wine for cletus I reckon

cletus

MojoMaker wrote: »

Bottle of wine for cletus I reckon

Pour moi??

MojoMaker

For lenny, but I'm sure he'd share :pac:

Traumadoc

Fugs!! wrote: »

Hi folks

I really want to try some bike packing this summer, if we're allowed. I have the bike, the ability, the gear and knowhow(I think).

I live in the southeast and want to head for the south west for and tour around a bit down there. I love my own company and am very happy to go it alone. but...

I suggested it last year to the better half around the time things were opening up a bit (May or June) and she straight away started talking about where "we" would stay, and how She would keep up, as she's not a cyclist(she's fit but never shows much interest in cycling).

Then I said "sure I'll go on my own".. She didn't like that idea and gave me "That stare".


So I'm hoping that this year.. Possibly.. Maybe.

Anyone got any advice on how to convince her I'm ok, and its what I'd like.. etc etc..

Hire a e-bike for her.

Wishbone Ash

marvin80 wrote: »

..I got a few cycles in by heading off early in the morning - 6/6.30 - back 2/3 hours later - then we had the whole day to ourselves...

That would be my idea of a cycling holiday from hell. I'd rather be doing the other things for the early 2-3 hours and then have the whole day for cycling. It always seems that for many cycling has to take a back seat. Grown men rushing home from a club rides because they have to do 'other stuff'. Why can't cycling be the other stuff. It's not as if it's something dodgy. I just wouldn't go if I was under the clock.

Rant over. :pac: