Civil ceremony etiquette

sura28

Hi

After many years together and kids, we have decided to get married.

We have the date booked for May and it will be just us, our kids and the witnesses (bro &sis in-law)

As it’s our first time getting married or attending a wedding and we are not from Ireland I’m not sure e we hat the etiquette is.

We are not interested in a celebration or having guests, just us. We have no rings nor thinking about buying a dress but wearing what we have (just lost job and we are saving for a mortgage so don’t want to spend unnecessarily).

Just wondering, do we have to exchange rings or exchange vows at the ceremony? It never crossed our minds but someone mentioned this to us recently and got us wondering. We prefer not to since not really interested in those things either.

Also I have few dresses in my wardrobe, many never worn or only worn once. The thing is that all of them are short and black. My partner says he doesn’t mind so I thought I wear one of them. They are elegant and I don’t fancy buying a dress online without trying it on first (tried before but had to return since didn’t like them/didn’t fit me). Would it be ok to wear a black dress as the Bride?

I’m not into fashion nor spending money in something I won’t wear again and also conscious about the environment.

We just want to go, sign the papers and leave for a nice meal with the family. We have been together many years and love each other very much so see this more as a formality.

Could any of the recent brides advice?

We want everything to be as simple as possible.

Thanks

Loveinapril

We had a civil ceremony with just our parents in 2016. We were having a "wedding" the following day so the legal bit was just that. You legally have to follow their script, we didn't exchange rings that day and had no music or anything else. We wore nice clothes we already owned and you have just reminded me that my dress was mostly black. I never even realised!

Sultan of Bling

Oh, why can't all women be like you!!!

sura28

Loveinapril wrote: »

We had a civil ceremony with just our parents in 2016. We were having a "wedding" the following day so the legal bit was just that. You legally have to follow their script, we didn't exchange rings that day and had no music or anything else. We wore nice clothes we already owned and you have just reminded me that my dress was mostly black. I never even realised!

Oh that’s great. Thanks. I’m not into weddings myself so want to keep it as simple as possible.

Victor

I've seen some older couples go for a ordinary suit and a plain dress. I don't think there is harm in wearing what you have already, especially if you are money conscious. Another option would be to get a 'boss suit'* as a wedding dress.

There may be charity shops that do very cheap wedding dresses.


* Boss as in like the final enemy boss in a computer game.

sura28

Sultan of Bling wrote: »

Oh, why can't all women be like you!!!

Yes I’m odd, never dreamed of the big white wedding, not religious either and not keen on spending money unnecessarily. My partner agrees and that’s why we decided to get married during the pandemic so we didn’t have to make a big buzz or invite people. I’m a very social person myself but not interested in these things. I couldn’t handle the stress or being the center of attention. I do love a good party but rather be the guest.

wildwillow

Would have been my dream wedding but did the usual nonsense to placate my mother. It was early 80s so not as daft as lately

Wear whatever dress you want but maybe if it's black, use a colourful scarf or something to brighten it up for the day.
I wouldn't bother trying to get the usual white dress.

Enjoy the day and do it your way.

Congratulations.

They have a script, takes about 15 mins

Everything else is optional

Dank Janniels

Sorry I misread ur post and thought u meant wedding hat etiquette!
Please disregard, or not, It might be ur thing!

Loveinapril

sura28 wrote: »

Oh that’s great. Thanks. I’m not into weddings myself so want to keep it as simple as possible.

When you meet the registrar to register your intent to marry they explain all the ins and outs of the ceremony and they are are clear about what you can and can't do. She just skipped our line about rings.

sura28

Victor wrote: »

I've seen some older couples go for a ordinary suit and a plain dress. I don't think there is harm in wearing what you have already, especially if you are money conscious. Another option would be to get a 'boss suit'* as a wedding dress.

There may be charity shops that do very cheap wedding dresses.


* Boss as in like the final enemy boss in a computer game.

I think I'll go for one of my dresses. I bought them years ago on the sales and never have occasion to wear nice dresses. I don't consider myself old (late thirties) haha.

The only one interested in a new dress is my 9yo daughter so it brings me more illusion to get her a dress than buying one for myself!

sura28

Thanks. Registrar was lovely on the phone and he seemed more excited than me about the wedding! haha. I just don't want to show up and not now any of the basics.

sura28

Dank Janniels wrote: »

Sorry I misread ur post and thought u meant wedding hat etiquette!
Please disregard, or not, It might be ur thing!

Never wore a hat, not usual in my country of birth. We don't have bridesmaids either, no woman in my country will wear the same dress as another at a wedding ,haha

sura28

Deleted User wrote: »

They have a script, takes about 15 mins

Everything else is optional

Thanks

sura28

wildwillow wrote: »

Would have been my dream wedding but did the usual nonsense to placate my mother. It was early 80s so not as daft as lately

Wear whatever dress you want but maybe if it's black, use a colourful scarf or something to brighten it up for the day.
I wouldn't bother trying to get the usual white dress.

Enjoy the day and do it your way.

Congratulations.

Thanks, I may use a colourful accessory, that's a good idea.

New2Dubs

sura28 wrote: »

Yes I’m odd, never dreamed of the big white wedding, not religious either and not keen on spending money unnecessarily. My partner agrees and that’s why we decided to get married during the pandemic so we didn’t have to make a big buzz or invite people. I’m a very social person myself but not interested in these things. I couldn’t handle the stress or being the center of attention. I do love a good party but rather be the guest.

This is me exactly! We eloped & had 2 strangers as our witnesses. We just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary on Friday.
You’re right to suit yourselves - wishing you all the best, have a wonderful day.

eviltwin

You can do what you like. As far as I remember with my own wedding the only thing not allowed was religious references. After that do your own thing. We had a very non wedding civil service and it was great, in and out, no fuss. They won’t bat an eyelid.

sura28

New2Dubs wrote: »

This is me exactly! We eloped & had 2 strangers as our witnesses. We just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary on Friday.
You’re right to suit yourselves - wishing you all the best, have a wonderful day.

Thanks, that's the idea

sura28

eviltwin wrote: »

You can do what you like. As far as I remember with my own wedding the only thing not allowed was religious references. After that do your own thing. We had a very non wedding civil service and it was great, in and out, no fuss. They won’t bat an eyelid.

Thanks, great to know this! no fuss is my kind of wedding!

salmocab

eviltwin wrote: »

You can do what you like. As far as I remember with my own wedding the only thing not allowed was religious references. After that do your own thing. We had a very non wedding civil service and it was great, in and out, no fuss. They won’t bat an eyelid.

This is it, there is a very basic legal requirement they must do and beyond that you can add music or readings but can’t be religious.

lazygal

We did a basic ceremony with our parents. We dressed up but that's your choice. No personal vows or rings exchanged. Took ten or 15 minutes. Job done .

Spanish Eyes

I wish there was a law to say all weddings should be like this.

Pandemic is helping a bit. Sorry for my cynicism.

Best of luck and congratulations!

sura28

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I wish there was a law to say all weddings should be like this.

Pandemic is helping a bit. Sorry for my cynicism.

Best of luck and congratulations!

That’s why we decided to wed now. We don’t have to justify our decision to family or friends and we get to do what we wanted, just a simple ceremony.

sura28

lazygal wrote: »

We did a basic ceremony with our parents. We dressed up but that's your choice. No personal vows or rings exchanged. Took ten or 15 minutes. Job done .

Exactly what we want.

jlm29

We had the exact wedding you describe. Just turn up and follow their script! You can wear your PJs if you wish!
I actually assumed that we had to have some kind of rings because it’s in the script, I only realise now that they were unnecessary! Though to be fair, I wanted one anyhow, and my husbands cost around a tenner, so it didn’t break the bank

sura28

jlm29 wrote: »

We had the exact wedding you describe. Just turn up and follow their script! You can wear your PJs if you wish!
I actually assumed that we had to have some kind of rings because it’s in the script, I only realise now that they were unnecessary! Though to be fair, I wanted one anyhow, and my husbands cost around a tenner, so it didn’t break the bank

I’m glad to know there’s no fuss around the ceremony. Now I need to get all the documents ready. Thanks

Peregrinus

sura28 wrote: »

. . . Just wondering, do we have to exchange rings or exchange vows at the ceremony? It never crossed our minds but someone mentioned this to us recently and got us wondering. We prefer not to since not really interested in those things either.

. . . We just want to go, sign the papers and leave for a nice meal with the family. We have been together many years and love each other very much so see this more as a formality.

The legal minimum for a wedding ceremony is:

- A celebrant present

- Both spouses present

- 2 witnesses present

- Public declaration by each of the spouses that they know of no legal obstacle to their marriage

- Public declaration by each of the spouses that they accept each other as spouses.

Everything else - rings, dresses, music, candles, readings, poetry, etc - is optional; you can add it if you want, but you don't have to. The only limits to what you can add are:

- You can't add anything with a religious character. So no churchy music, for example.

- You can't add anything that would be inconsistent with the declaration of freedom to marry or the declaration of acceptance of one another as spouses.

- And of course practical limits; it may have been your longtime fantasy to arrive for your wedding on the back of an elephant, heralded by trumpets and cymbals, but the civil registration office is probably not set up to accommodate this.

sura28

Peregrinus wrote: »

The legal minimum for a wedding ceremony is:

- A celebrant present

- Both spouses present

- 2 witnesses present

- Public declaration by each of the spouses that they know of no legal obstacle to their marriage

- Public declaration by each of the spouses that they accept each other as spouses.

Everything else - rings, dresses, music, candles, readings, poetry, etc - is optional; you can add it if you want, but you don't have to. The only limits to what you can add are:

- You can't add anything with a religious character. So no churchy music, for example.

- You can't add anything that would be inconsistent with the declaration of freedom to marry or the declaration of acceptance of one another as spouses.

- And of course practical limits; it may have been your longtime fantasy to arrive for your wedding on the back of an elephant, heralded by trumpets and cymbals, but the civil registration office is probably not set up to accommodate this.

Thanks for taking the time to explain this.

I’ll have to cancel the elephant booking then!

Peregrinus

sura28 wrote: »

Thanks for taking the time to explain this.

I’ll have to cancel the elephant booking then!

I'm sure the deposit is refundable!

nikpmup

I got married in September just gone in the registry office in Dublin- we exchanged rings because we had them but the registrar will do the ceremony with or without. He actually suggested I do a walk down the aisle type thing with our son, which I did but I did feel a little silly - its literally 10 steps! I wore a calf length red dress (type of thing you'd wear to a christening/day at the races) but the bride before me had a full on dress with train & veil, the works. So really - do what you please and are comfortable with, it makes no odds at all!

sura28

nikpmup wrote: »

I got married in September just gone in the registry office in Dublin- we exchanged rings because we had them but the registrar will do the ceremony with or without. He actually suggested I do a walk down the aisle type thing with our son, which I did but I did feel a little silly - its literally 10 steps! I wore a calf length red dress (type of thing you'd wear to a christening/day at the races) but the bride before me had a full on dress with train & veil, the works. So really - do what you please and are comfortable with, it makes no odds at all!

Thanks for sharing your recent experience. I’ll be keeping it simple. It will be just us, the witnesses and both our kids. Will wear my black dress and no rings or vows.

lazygal

Best of luck OP!

Bit of a random one but it is worth looking into whether its worthwhile being jointly assessed by Revenue once you're married.

sura28

lazygal wrote: »

Best of luck OP!

Bit of a random one but it is worth looking into whether its worthwhile being jointly assessed by Revenue once you're married.

That’s one of the reasons we’ve decided to get married after 15 years. In our eyes we are already married but we need to sort all the legalities for our children.

lazygal

One of the main reason we got married. Easy way to ensure there's no issues if anything happens.