bad appearance, negatively treated

2lazytogetup · 07-12-2020 02:39PM #1

just wondering if this day in age, where we dont have gentlemen wearing suits and haircuts that you can set your watch to, do people still judge on appearance.

i havent been able to get a haircut and am dressing more casually that i am used to as no office to go to everyday.

But i was in a shopping centre and was talked down to, a few incidents with people. if i was dressed alot better, i expected i would have got more respect, even subconsciously

Padre_Pio · 07-12-2020 02:41PM

2lazytogetup wrote: »

just wondering if this day in age, where we dont have gentlemen wearing suits and haircuts that you can set your watch to, do people still judge on appearance.

i havent been able to get a haircut and am dressing more casually that i am used to as no office to go to everyday.

But i was in a shopping centre and was talked down to, a few incidents with people. if i was dressed alot better, i expected i would have got more respect, even subconsciously

Of course.
I thought that would have been obvious.

If people weren't judged on appearance then Tinder wouldn't be a thing.

accensi0n · 07-12-2020 02:41PM

Username checks out.

Feisar · 07-12-2020 02:43PM

Clothes don't make the man. Having said that suited and booted generally generates a better reaction.

lost one · 07-12-2020 02:45PM

2lazytogetup wrote: »

just wondering if this day in age, where we dont have gentlemen wearing suits and haircuts that you can set your watch to, do people still judge on appearance.

i havent been able to get a haircut and am dressing more casually that i am used to as no office to go to everyday.

But i was in a shopping centre and was talked down to, a few incidents with people. if i was dressed alot better, i expected i would have got more respect, even subconsciously

Did random people just give out to you that you were in a way ? Or was it security guards?

2lazytogetup · 07-12-2020 02:47PM

lost one wrote: »

Did random people just give out to you that you were in a way ? Or was it security guards?

in their way a couple of times. i suppose if i was dressed better, i would look more important and people would think twice before barging through or ordering me out of their way.

suppose lesson learnt. we can dress down cause we might be working from home, and cant get a haircut. but standards still need to be maintained.

thanks all.

_Brian · 07-12-2020 02:52PM

Humans are fickle creatures, everyone judges on appearance, some can mentally overcome this but they still judge first.

Not giving a shiit what people think is the key.

2lazytogetup · 07-12-2020 02:53PM

_Brian wrote: »

Humans are fickle creatures, everyone judges on appearance, some can mentally overcome this but they still judge first.

Not giving a shiit what people think is the key.

Thanks Brian, well said.

Irish_wolf · 07-12-2020 03:08PM

As a long haired beardy type I can tell you the difference in the way I'm treated when I'm scruffy and when I'm well groomed is immense. I presume it's because when Im unkempt and due a trim people are wary as there's a chance I'm homeless or something and I'll be served quickly and curtly, but if I have my hair washed or tied up nice and my beard neat and trimmed even if I had old clothes on people will just assume I'm some lefty hipster who possibly works in IT/media and will try to upsell me or talk about their latest craft brew/coffee roast.

So yes you are constantly judged on your appearance by everyone. This is a natural human reaction that people do subconciously to assess threats and/or potential mates.

sheesh · 07-12-2020 03:36PM

Yeah I remember something like that happening to me and feeling very wronged but the I realised I was wearing really ****e clothes. they are making a judgement on you based on the the only info available and going with that. What you wear might not reflect your status or level of honesty but that is how people work. With that in mind dress how you wish to be percieved and don't expect strangers to automatically know you are a nice person. grooming is very important too. you can go casual but it has to be new branded casual.

(I cannot believe I'm giving fashion advice to someone. I'm wearing a 20 year old fleece bought in Dunnes)

dxhound2005 · 07-12-2020 03:43PM

2lazytogetup wrote: »

just wondering if this day in age, where we dont have gentlemen wearing suits and haircuts that you can set your watch to, do people still judge on appearance.

i havent been able to get a haircut and am dressing more casually that i am used to as no office to go to everyday.

But i was in a shopping centre and was talked down to, a few incidents with people. if i was dressed alot better, i expected i would have got more respect, even subconsciously

Some aristocratic and bohemian types go round looking like that all the time. But when they speak in a refined and authoritative way, they command respect. You could put on an accent to make them stop talking down to you.

07-12-2020 03:47PM

It's sad that people would treat anyone differently on the basis that they might appear to be less well groomed/dressed - is there a rule that says you only have to be nice to people who you perceive to be on a similar or higher social class??!!!
*shakes head in disbelief*
Can we not just treat everyone the same basic manners and respect?

07-12-2020 03:52PM

...I mean, yes, we all try to analyse people base don how they look/dress, but to use that as the basis to talk down to someone is totally not acceptable in any way.

There's no reason whatsoever to talk down to anyone.

Stevieluvsye · 07-12-2020 04:04PM

Agree that nobody should be talked down to but anyone who walks around looking like a scruffy c**t should cop on and have a bit of self respect and smarten themselves up.

Gregor Samsa · 07-12-2020 04:11PM

I used to have dreadlocks down to my arse. Scruffy beard. Dressed like a crusty.

I was never talked down to in a shopping centre. I actually had a few occasions where auld wans came up to me and asked “do you work here?” when they were looking for something in supermarkets.

I worked as a web developer. Once took part in a sales pitch in the Department Of The Taoiseach in Government Buildings, where I had to give a presentation to a load of Civil Servants. The Project Manager from our company specifically told me not to wear a suit to that, although I did wear a shirt. Built websites, intranets and had client meetings for the The Department Of Agriculture and loads of major companies (Irish and International) and never dressed up.

Never even had hassle getting into pubs or clubs either. Cleaned up about 15 years ago, but still wear jeans, T-shirt and runners daily basis (even in work). Never felt like anyone treated me with any disrespect.

Jim2007 · 07-12-2020 04:12PM

2lazytogetup wrote: »

just wondering if this day in age, where we dont have gentlemen wearing suits and haircuts that you can set your watch to, do people still judge on appearance.

i havent been able to get a haircut and am dressing more casually that i am used to as no office to go to everyday.

But i was in a shopping centre and was talked down to, a few incidents with people. if i was dressed alot better, i expected i would have got more respect, even subconsciously

People will always make judgements about you, it's life. But it can be a lot of fun... I used to work in IT and my usual uniform was: polo shirt, jeans and flip flops:

- We had a new employee at one stage who walked up to me and handed me his mail - "Please post those.". I looked at the mail and at him and then asked: "Do you normally ask your supervisor's boss to post your mail?"

- I once spent an hour listening to a finance guy telling us (3) how to unravel derivatives. Towards the end of the meeting, he suggested swapping business cards. When he looked at ours he sat bolt upright in the chair - our qualifications told him that we knew a lot more than he did about the topic.

- My Swiss parent-in-laws arrived late at a hotel in the Italian speaking part of Switzerland and were told the hotel had only one small room left. These were in the day where you still needed to enter passport details when registering. And as they did so the owner noticed that they were Swiss: Ah you're Swiss, I though you were Germans! Well we have this other much nicer room....

- On a train trip, my friend from New York was congratulated on his command of the English language by a Texan.

People are always making assumptions, often wrongly, but the great thing about retirement is that you don't have to give a f$%k and you can get away with a lot, just by pretending to be a doddering old fool :rolleyes:

topper75 · 07-12-2020 04:19PM

Jim2007 wrote: »

... you can get away with a lot, just by pretending to be a doddering old fool :rolleyes:

Hey man - don't go spreading that trick around. Can't have everyone using it.

KaneToad · 07-12-2020 04:24PM

You will always be judged based on your appearance, if that's all that the "judger" has to go on.

If you interact with them and they still judge you based on appearance...that's a failing on their part.

Although I am a big hypocrite - I judge anyone with any type of tattoo a certain way.

LuasSimon · 07-12-2020 04:24PM

Wouldnt bother me how anyone dresses as long as their clean!

Your Face · 07-12-2020 04:34PM

I used to manage a few sites. I always wore a suit.
Then the company I worked for brought in uniforms for managers.
Basically drab navy polo shirts with the company logo on the front.
There was definitely a change in how people looked at me after the change in clothes.

07-12-2020 04:37PM

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Agree that nobody should be talked down to but anyone who walks around looking like a scruffy c**t should cop on and have a bit of self respect and smarten themselves up.

Why?

Does someone else's appearance really affect you?

Genuinely curious.

biko · 07-12-2020 04:37PM

Be well-spoken.
Stand up straight.
Take your hands out of your pockets.
Look people in the eye.
Smell nice.

Then you will be treated better.

Stevieluvsye · 07-12-2020 04:46PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Why?

Does someone else's appearance really affect you?

Genuinely curious.

Seriously?

07-12-2020 04:49PM

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Seriously?

Yes. Seriously.

If other people around you are not dressed and groomed to your standard, how does that affect you?

Padre_Pio · 07-12-2020 04:49PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Why?

Does someone else's appearance really affect you?

Genuinely curious.

Course it does.
If someone comes in to an interview and they're smelly and unkempt, it's likely they won't get hired.

If someone tried to chat you up and she looks homeless, you're prob not going to have any interest.

Likewise, security will watch someone wearing a tracksuit more than someone wearing a business suit.

zanador · 07-12-2020 04:51PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Why?

Does someone else's appearance really affect you?

Genuinely curious.

This. Smell can be a bit overpowering but I really don't care how someone looks, I mean I quite like my Dr to be well put together etc.. but in general who cares? I actually don't notice, and am always being given out to for not noticing haircuts or whatever. One memorable occasion was a friend died her hair pillar box red and I didnt notice

Op, when I've to go out looking like a scruff I used to pretend I've just been camping and that's why I look awful and if you walk with your head high and confidence people will get out of your way no matter what. Now I just don't care and if people judge rats their own ****

Melanchthon · 07-12-2020 04:55PM

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It's sad that people would treat anyone differently on the basis that they might appear to be less well groomed/dressed - is there a rule that says you only have to be nice to people who you perceive to be on a similar or higher social class??!!!
*shakes head in disbelief*
Can we not just treat everyone the same basic manners and respect?

It's not only that way around though, in terms of better dressed means better treated it's context specific, if you look like your coming of the building sites you'l definitely get treated with more respect/time than if your in chino's and loafers or wearing lumberjack shirts without a speck of dirt or dust on you.

Stevieluvsye · 07-12-2020 04:56PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Yes. Seriously.

If other people around you are not dressed and groomed to your standard, how does that affect you?

It doesn't affect me.

But seriously, do you think people who walk around with dirty clothes, unwashed, smelling of BO in this day is acceptable?

SMH

07-12-2020 04:59PM

Padre_Pio wrote: »

Course it does.
If someone comes in to an interview and they're smelly and unkempt, it's likely they won't get hired.

If someone tried to chat you up and she looks homeless, you're prob not going to have any interest.

Likewise, security will watch someone wearing a tracksuit more than someone wearing a business suit.

...but my question is how does it affect YOU?
And that's a question for the people who seem to be personally offended by 'untidy' people.

Smelly is a separate issue - that explains itself.

And, yes, if you find someone unattractive because of their appearance, that's fine, obviously - you don't have to sleep with them. But not everyone likes their respective partners to be excessively groomed, either - each to their own.

My point is: for the majority of people walking around, minding their own business; can't they look how they like, if they are comfortable and happy - once they are wearing something.