The last time you spoke to somebody before their death.

DEFTLEFTHAND

My brother died suddenly a few weeks back. I vividly recall our last interaction. He was up in my house having a few cans, listening to tunes. He played the Ryan Adams cover of Wonderwall. When it was over he said "I better get going Kid, I'll talk to you later".

I tried listening to that tune last night for the first time since and broke down on the opening chords. I just had to turn it off.

sadie1502

My mam two years ago the evening of Sunday the 04th of November. Its as clear as day and plays over and over. Its horrible when they are taken suddenly. Sorry for your loss.

Dtp1979

My mother back in the day was supposed to go to a dance with 4 of her friends but for whatever reason she went with somebody else. She said she was talking to them as they drove off. Minutes later the 4 were killed in a head on collision

Gervais08

With my dad a few weeks ago he was in and out of consciousness but I did say to him “if you need to go to mam then don’t stay for me”. I got the call that he’d passed about an hour after I got home and I’m choosing that he held on to see me.

With the mother it was sudden and my last conversation with her was about football! She’d have liked that. I get the thing about connections - I couldn’t pass the hospital where she died for a decade after.

My thoughts to you all going through this, especially this year and with Christmas coming.

eviltwin

Dtp1979 wrote: »

My mother back in the day was supposed to go to a dance with 4 of her friends but for whatever reason she went with somebody else. She said she was talking to them as they drove off. Minutes later the 4 were killed in a head on collision

Oh god that's awful:( I'm so sorry for your loss

Gervais08

Dtp1979 wrote: »

My mother back in the day was supposed to go to a dance with 4 of her friends but for whatever reason she went with somebody else. She said she was talking to them as they drove off. Minutes later the 4 were killed in a head on collision

Similar with my dad - ge did his national service in the 50s and someone screwed up and left him and another guy behind when they went on a routine patrol.

A sniper shot three of them. Took my dad till the 2000s and a very boozy 65th birthday in West Cork to tell me.

I am so sorry for your mam.

JustAThought

I’m very sorry to hear about your loss & your brothers death OP , I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. I had a close family member die alone in the first lockdown in a nursing home. I was outside, the doors were locked and nobody was allowed in. That morning I drove around trying to buy flowers to send in and wrote a card for the staff to read to them. Evert time I see the flowers I bought I feel sick. They would have loved them though.

recyclops

My mam passed away suddenly on a weekend away with friends, on the Friday before leaving she gave me an unusually long hug (I may just imagine that now) and reminded me to take care of my brothers dinner on Sunday.

Which I didn't get to do as we had to travel to another counties morgue.

SeaFields

Very sorry for your loss OP.

Dtp1979

eviltwin wrote: »

Oh god that's awful:( I'm so sorry for your loss

Not my loss. I didn’t know the people. They were my mothers friends and her loss

Gregor Samsa

Very sorry for your loss, DEFTLEFTHAND. It’s tough when the memories hit you.

Got word yesterday that a former co-worker died, age 41. Last time I spoke to him was in January, when he came into our new office to say hello and see the place. He was in great form. He’d left our place late last year, got a new job with a big promotion, had fairly recently moved into a nice new house. He was looking fit and healthy and seemed genuinely happy and relaxed (his job with us was very stressful). Turns out he was diagnosed with cancer in March, and now he’s gone. I wasn’t best friends with him or anything, but it’s really knocked me - and the rest of my colleagues - for six.

My father four days before he passed in late August. After that the agony was so intense the morphine pump was attached. His last bit of independence stripped away, he repeatedly wanted to know where the catheter bag and emergency button was. "I never knew it would be this difficult" were the last words I recall. After I said goodbye for the day (safely assuming we would speak again), I remember looking back through the door window for a moment and his whole demeanour had become incredibly rigid. He had put on one final show of defiance and didn't want us to know how severe things were. That was the last time I saw him conscious.

eviltwin

I lost a friend in June. He was meant to get married in March but with Covid that was postponed. We had a zoom catch up about a week or so before he died and I honestly can't remember what was said. Probably just the usual crap. I'm more gutted that we missed out on one last group reunion, everyone was going to be going to his wedding and now any get together will always be one person short

eviltwin

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Not my loss. I didn’t know the people. They were my mothers friends and her loss

Sorry I read that as your mother passed away too. How awful for her to lose her friends.

Gervais08

eviltwin wrote: »

I lost a friend in June. He was meant to get married in March but with Covid that was postponed. We had a zoom catch up about a week or so before he died and I honestly can't remember what was said. Probably just the usual crap. I'm more gutted that we missed out on one last group reunion, everyone was going to be going to his wedding and now any get together will always be one person short

One of our group of friends who travelled for the football died in August, we’d not seen each other as a group since March - and not knowing when we will again.

It’s that distance that is hard.

When my dad died he was in hospital and had been through a lot - aggressive cancer treatments, sepsis and a long stay in a coma in intensive care. Somehow he rallied and eventually was moved onto a regular ward in a the hospital. I would visit every evening on the way home from work and stay for about an hour. The night before he died as I was leaving he asked if I would stay longer, sort of a Mrs. Doyle type 'ah go on go on you'll stay another while' thing. I laughed and said sure I'll see you tomorrow! He died the next day, just as I arrived to the ward and although I was there when he died he wasn't awake. I do wish I had stayed a bit longer that night, tearing up typing this now.

Gregor Samsa

My dad died in May, in a nursing home in Kildare that got absolutely ravaged by Covid 19.

Last time I saw him in person was in February, I brought the kids to see him a few times that month. He had dementia, and was frail, but he was still getting around and had sparks of his old self. I live on the other side of the country, so I used to see him every 2 or 3 weeks, but that month was his birthday and I went every weekend. He couldn’t use a phone any more, so calling him wasn’t an option.

After the nursing homes kicked in their own lockdown in March, I didn’t get to see him. Sometime in early May, I managed to get the staff to find his phone (he had hidden it) and charge it up. They put him on speaker and me, my wife and my kids managed to have a 5 minute chat with him. He put such an effort into talking to us and being interested in what the kids were saying. But then he just ran out of steam. The next week, he was diagnosed with Covid 19, and the staff shortages were such that they couldn’t spare the time for another call, but I was getting daily updates and he was doing fine.

Next thing, he took a turn for the worse, and they called us in to see him. Myself and my brother had to get decked up in full PPE, and we were told the longer we stayed in the room with him, the bigger the risk was to us. We went to see him. He was half conscious and on drugs to make him comfortable. His breathing was awful.

We spoke to him. I doubt he could hear us. We could only touch him with gloved hands. Couldn’t hug him or kiss his forehead. We left, and that’s the last time I saw him. For the funeral, we couldn’t even enter the funeral home, let alone see him laid out. We had to watch the coffin being loaded into the hearse from an adjacent car park over a wall. 8 of us at his funeral.

81 years of being a son and brother and friend and husband and dad and grandad and neighbour and coworker to die alone, confused, helpless, isolated and silent.

Gervais08

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

My dad died in May, in a nursing home in Kildare that got absolutely ravaged by Covid 19.

Last time I saw him in person was in February, I brought the kids to see him a few times that month. He had dementia, and was frail, but he was still getting around and had sparks of his old self. I live on the other side of the country, so I used to see him every 2 or 3 weeks, but that month was his birthday and I went every weekend. He couldn’t use a phone any more, so calling him wasn’t an option.

After the nursing homes kicked in their own lockdown in March, I didn’t get to see him. Sometime in early May, I managed to get the staff to find his phone (he had hidden it) and charge it up. They put him on speaker and me, my wife and my kids managed to have a 5 minute chat with him. He put such an effort into talking to us and being interested in what the kids were saying. But then he just ran out of steam. The next week, he was diagnosed with Covid 19, and the staff shortages were such that they couldn’t spare the time for another call, but I was getting daily updates and he was doing fine.

Next thing, he took a turn for the worse, and they called us in to see him. Myself and my brother had to get decked up in full PPE, and we were told the longer we stayed in the room with him, the bigger the risk was to us. We went to see him. He was half conscious and on drugs to make him comfortable. His breathing was awful.

We spoke to him. I doubt he could hear us. We could only touch him with gloved hands. Couldn’t hug him or kiss his forehead. We left, and that’s the last time I saw him. For the funeral, we couldn’t even enter the funeral home, let alone see him laid out. We had to watch the coffin being loaded into the hearse from an adjacent car park over a wall. 8 of us at his funeral.

81 years of being a son and brother and friend and husband and dad and grandad and neighbour and coworker to die alone, confused, helpless, isolated and silent.

Other than the location of the nursing home and my dad a year older, that’s my story too.

I’m just glad there was a lull in cases and I got to visit him - admittedly through a window.

My heart breaks for you.

el Fenomeno

This is a heavy hitting thread. Genuine lump in my throat reading some of these posts

I'm going to get off the toilet now and finish reading it somewhere more appropriate and dignified.

DEFTLEFTHAND

The thing which crucifies me is that I could have sorted my brother Daragh's problem that night. He was too proud to talk, money is not an object to me, I would have given over my life savings to still have him here.

My Mum and Dad are absolutely broken. We'll never get over it as a family.

Professor Moriarty

My mother rang me while I was at work. I was to busy to talk so I told her I'd ring her after work. I forgot to ring her. She died suddenly at 8.25 that evening.

razorblunt

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in March (years ago, not this year) and it really hit hard in November time.
I can't recall the final chat itself (though I do wish I had taken one of the more lucid moments to chat properly) but there were two things that stand out even now:

1. coming back from the vending machine when I was with her and I thought she was in a deep sleep, she woke as I was opening the packet and said "g'wan I'll have one of those", I protested she shouldn't and she said "you're not going to tell on me, I'm not going to say anything sure they can't kick me out. She ate half the packet as we just sat there chatting shíte before she dozed off again

2. Going to see after work near the very end and falling asleep for 40 winks next to her on the chair. It was one of the most peaceful, serene sleeps I've had, I'm not a believer in anything spirtitual, maybe it was just my own mind reassuring myself but I had a strange sense of calm.

Spoke to an uncle of mine,lived next door to us growing up,who was dying of terminal illness and coming near the end

He had kind of accepted it,told me the practical plans about his grave etc he had put in place....but most of all,he was hating missing out on seeing us all move onto next stage of life and missing out on meeting his grandkids etc

eviltwin

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

The thing which crucifies me is that I could have sorted my brother Daragh's problem that night. He was too proud to talk, money is not an object to me, I would have given over my life savings to still have him here.

My Mum and Dad are absolutely broken. We'll never get over it as a family.

Deft I'm so sorry, I wish there was something comforting I could say. I'm thinking of you, your parents and Daragh.

Gregor Samsa

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

The thing which crucifies me is that I could have sorted my brother Daragh's problem that night. He was too proud to talk, money is not an object to me, I would have given over my life savings to still have him here.

My Mum and Dad are absolutely broken. We'll never get over it as a family.

There’s some problems that are easy to solve in hindsight, but impossible to solve when they’re happening. It’s perfectly natural to dwell on the what ifs and if onlys now, but it’s my sincere hope that time eases your burden. Darragh will never be forgotten by you and your family, and there will always be an unfillable hole, but someday the good memories will outshine the bad ones. Take care.

completedit

I'm very sorry for the loss of your bro.

The last thing my dad said to me was 'I love you buds, see you around'.

COVID

el Fenomeno wrote: »

This is a heavy hitting thread. Genuine lump in my throat reading some of these posts

I'm going to get off the toilet now and finish reading it somewhere more appropriate and dignified.

I'm not sure we needed to know you were on the toilet in the first place.
Hope it all went ok anyway.

ofcork

Father 2 days before he died from cancer was sedated for the last couple of days was a bit all over the place but had some lucid moments too.

HildaOgdenx

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

The thing which crucifies me is that I could have sorted my brother Daragh's problem that night. He was too proud to talk, money is not an object to me, I would have given over my life savings to still have him here.

My Mum and Dad are absolutely broken. We'll never get over it as a family.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

And to all of you who have shared your stories, my sincere condolences also.

John45

My very elderly mam died tragically. Something I could have prevented but there was a row in the family and i didn't get it done. She was on her own. Still cant look at her photo or talk about it4 years on

I met a good friend of mine in town. He was rushing one way and I was rushing the other way but he called after me and I turned around and he was looking over his shoulder at me with a cheeky face and he said "I have something to tell you, ok?" He died suddenly, not long afterwards and all these years later I still find myself wondering what it was he wanted to tell me.



I am so sorry for your loss DEFTLEFTHAND.