Reaching out to ex during covid

Caranica

turnitaround wrote: »

OP here again. Can I ask, is there ever a situation where it's okay to break up and get back together again? I may be wrong, but the general consensus here seems to be that once there's a split there's no way to recover.

Most times when people get back together, the reasons you broke up in the first place usually resurface eventually. You either fix that or break up for good.

The White Feather

turnitaround wrote: »

OP here again. Can I ask, is there ever a situation where it's okay to break up and get back together again? I may be wrong, but the general consensus here seems to be that once there's a split there's no way to recover.

Do you want a discussion on it or are you going to call her? Either decide to call her or don't! Who cares what the consensus is here, it is your life. I said that you should call her and today would be a good day. A long weekend so people generally have time to call and chat. Just go for it and if it doesn't work, move on. If it does, then make sure you work at the relationship and don't mess it up like you did last time!

I would tend to not get back with someone but a friend who was female found out her fella was cheating on her for over a year. She came home to the apartment and caught them in bed together! :eek: They broke up for 6 months and then got back together. They are now married with a kid and are very happy. I thought she was insane at the time and told her not to get back with him. But it turned out he did a load of soul searching and realised that what he had was great. He felt bad for ages over it and rightly so imo. So it can happen.

This would be rare though I'd say. In your case, you are the person who has realised you want to get back together so its up to you to go for it and prove to her that its not out of pity or loneliness. You said your motives are pure so then go for it. The longer you take to decide, then it seems to me that you aren't sure yourself. And if you are not positive the way you feel then leave things as they are.

ILoveYourVibes

turnitaround wrote: »

OP here again. Can I ask, is there ever a situation where it's okay to break up and get back together again? I may be wrong, but the general consensus here seems to be that once there's a split there's no way to recover.

This isn't about that in general its about your specific case.

Originally Posted by turnitaround
I'd appreciate some advice on how to reach out to her, not if I should. Thank you.

Just drop a text ...hiya ..hope you are well. Just thought i would see how you are during covid? Would love to chat and catch up sometime would that be ok? Hope all is well. x

IAMAMORON

This one seems to be dragging out a little?

Op did you get in contact with her yet, we all need to know over here, it is killing us?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

IAMAMORON It is against the Charter to seek updates from an OP. Please read the Charter before posting here again.

Thanks

HS

IAMAMORON

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Mod Note

IAMAMORON It is against the Charter to seek updates from an OP. Please read the Charter before posting here again.

Thanks

HS

Oh apologies Mr Smith, I was unaware of that.

howyanow

cannotlogin wrote: »

I'm going to go slightly against the grain on this one.

You handled the situation badly but I can understand that if you weren't together long and there were a lot of other issues in the background etc., it might have resulted in you calling it wrongly.

The main thing if you are certain you could handle things differently again and communicate rather than cut & run when things get tough.

It's a pet peave of mine when people tell me they didn't want to dump their issues on me etc. I'll decide what I can and can't handle, please don't do it for me. Similarly, you didn't even discuss it with your girlfriend, she could have been a support, instead you just dumped her. She didn't get a choice.

If you're sure it's not just covid induced loneliness, are certain you would handle things differently then perhaps It's worth mentioning it to her,together with a sincere apology for how you handled things.

It probably won't be well received but if there's a chance at all why not take it. People mess up all the time, some are worth forgiving.

Better to regret the things you do, than the things you didn't do.

I agree with this post.
Get in touch with her and be fully honest and explain all to her.
If it works out then great,if not then at least you cleared the air for both of you and ye can both move on with no ill feeling about each other.

Calypso Realm

turnitaround wrote: »

. I may be wrong, but the general consensus here seems to be that once there's a split there's no way to recover.

This simply isn't true in reality. Relationships are not black and white and can be complex. Lots of couples, who split up went on later to get married. In fact I know quite a few this has happened to. Obviously it all depends on why you split up in the first place. In some cases, of course it would never have worked anyway, irrespective of timing etc etc

OP if you two are still in touch, are getting on reasonably well it should happen organically, anyway. To get the ball rolling so to speak, I would start for apologising for your past behaviour and take it from there. However, you need to be 100% certain this is what you truly want and for the right reasons. Good luck with it all.

qwerty13

Calypso Realm wrote: »

This simply isn't true in reality. Relationships are not black and white and can be complex. Lots of couples, who split up went on later to get married. In fact I know quite a few this has happened to. Obviously it all depends on why you split up in the first place. In some cases, of course it would never have worked anyway, irrespective of timing etc etc

OP if you two are still in touch, are getting on reasonably well it should happen organically, anyway. To get the ball rolling so to speak, I would start for apologising for your past behaviour and take it from there. However, you need to be 100% certain this is what you truly want and for the right reasons. Good luck with it all.

Just in relation to why they split in the first place - it’s all very well for the OP to stay that the issues they were having outside the relationship have been sorted, but the more pertinent point is has the OP sorted out why their reaction to life issues is to shut their partner out, and then dump them. This sounds like an inability to communicate - has the OP addressed this? And fixed it so that they’re ready to date anyone - let alone the person they pushed away. Don’t mess her up again.

Same with regard to being 100% certain. Don’t mess her up again.

IAMAMORON

The same problems still exist and both partners need to deal with them. Otherwise the relationship is going to fail.

What can happen is that one partner is stubborn or hates losing so is hellbent on making it succeed. This usually ends up frustrating the other partner, it really is a no win scenario a majority of times.

Neyite

turnitaround wrote: »

OP here again. Can I ask, is there ever a situation where it's okay to break up and get back together again? I may be wrong, but the general consensus here seems to be that once there's a split there's no way to recover.

Yes, I've done it with two ex's. The first time he dumped me and I was gutted, then a few years later he apologised for breaking up with me and we got back together, then I was the one who ended it a couple of years later, and he was the upset one. But once he got over it, and met someone more suited to him than me, he saw that I'd made the right call and we stayed friends.

Second ex ghosted me, and I, being young and stupid, gave him more chances than he deserved. I've no interest in any contact with him.
I know someone who took her partner back after him cheating about a year after. He was very regretful and second time around was devoted, but the spark couldn't come back for her. Another person I know was afraid it was getting too serious, too fast and broke up for about six months but then when his ex began to date again he knew he couldn't lose her so asked her back and they are happily married now.

Loads of people break up and get back together. There's no foolproof formula but it can work depending on what went wrong the first time and what has changed since.

leggo

Of course exes have got back with each other OP, and I imagine many of whom ended up lasting. But just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it applies to your situation. Simple things need to be in place for that to happen: have there been fundamental changes that directly address any incompatibility? Are both parties ready to accept full responsibility for any wrongdoing that occurred? Can the person who was dumped forgive the hurt that rejection caused them and, if so, are they forgiving for the right reasons? These might seem like easy questions we can box-tick with answers but the issue is that they are actually huge issues that are unlikely to be in place.

When you’re with someone, you’re trying to gel your lives so that both lives are enhanced by the other, and you need to be fundamentally compatible for that to be the case. Like I said earlier in the thread, for example, when you ran into difficulty...had you done so with someone you were compatible with, they’d be an asset and not someone you’d see your life as better off without. Being compatible with someone is hard, and when people put it to the test and it comes back negative, it requires two people to fundamentally change who they are as people to match. That’s an EXTREMELY unlikely thing to happen because it’s difficult to change yourself fundamentally and takes a lot of work. So take that difficult thing, multiply it by two, then hope that when you put those two things together they gel seamlessly and the changes that happened didn’t just push you further apart.

Nothing you’re saying addresses any of this, instead you speak of having no luck on the apps. This is why people are telling you you’re reacting out of loneliness. Nobody is judging you and saying you’re a bad person here, people are just trying to explain how you’d both likely be better off starting fresh with someone new. Or at the very least looking at the issues that caused you to break up and honestly assessing if things would be different instead of going to someone you hurt with “yeah I’m sure it’ll be grand” as your plan. But, again, it’s your life so if you think none of this matters and you’re right, do it. And if it’s a mistake learn this stuff for yourself, that’s okay too.