How to get someone into rehab

Pebbles81

Hi all,
I really need help and information on how to get my alcoholic sister into a rehab programme.
She has recently admitted that she has been drinking 2-3 bottles of wine per day, how did we not know? Looking back all the signs were there but we put it all down to anxiety and mental health problems , many years ago she used to starve herself for days on end, and became seriously underweight.
She is now attending her GP who has told her she needs to stop drinking and has been on medication to help, it hasn’t helped, she either doesn’t take the medication or uses it incorrectly. It’s not working, but we’ve been told that she won’t be signed in anywhere until she stops drinking. That’s not going to happen, she won’t go to AA, she won’t listen to anyone. We’re at the end of our tether.
How do we get her into rehab she is slowly killing her self?
Appreciate any advice

drydub

Pebbles81 wrote: »

Hi all,
I really need help and information on how to get my alcoholic sister into a rehab programme.
She has recently admitted that she has been drinking 2-3 bottles of wine per day, how did we not know? Looking back all the signs were there but we put it all down to anxiety and mental health problems , many years ago she used to starve herself for days on end, and became seriously underweight.
She is now attending her GP who has told her she needs to stop drinking and has been on medication to help, it hasn’t helped, she either doesn’t take the medication or uses it incorrectly. It’s not working, but we’ve been told that she won’t be signed in anywhere until she stops drinking. That’s not going to happen, she won’t go to AA, she won’t listen to anyone. We’re at the end of our tether.
How do we get her into rehab she is slowly killing her self?
Appreciate any advice

First of all, I'm sorry your sister is going through this , but also im sorry that you are going through this. The pain and suffering alcoholics put family members through is hell-like and completely unbeknown to them.
I am by no means an expert but i've been recently going through similar with my own mother, albeit she has been abusing herself with alcohol for a much longer time, so i recognise the space you are in right now.

What took me a long time to understand and accept, after ringing the GP's , after sitting in A&E for 14 hr stints, ringing and crying down the phone to the HSE helpline, is that we are powerless to a certain extent.

The person needs to want to do it themselves.

That's why they need to hit a rock bottom, and no one knows where that is until it dawns on the person themself, sadly.

Alcoholics don't know they are alcoholics for the most part so they aren't heightened to the self destructive behaviour. Where as when i watched my mother (continue to) suffer, it was all i could think about, and it tore me apart.

There's no quick fix or answer but what I would suggest you do is talk openly with someone about how you feel. The person, albeit close, is not solely your responsibility and is making their choices freely themself and they have to come to the realisation of what they are doing themselves. Talk with them. Listen to them. Sometimes its all you can do.

But do look after your own mental wellbeing. It will consume you and it can be terrifying to watch from the sidelines, powerless.
Wishing you the best of luck OP

Clare Kat

Pebbles81 wrote: »

Hi all,
I really need help and information on how to get my alcoholic sister into a rehab programme.
She has recently admitted that she has been drinking 2-3 bottles of wine per day, how did we not know? Looking back all the signs were there but we put it all down to anxiety and mental health problems , many years ago she used to starve herself for days on end, and became seriously underweight.
She is now attending her GP who has told her she needs to stop drinking and has been on medication to help, it hasn’t helped, she either doesn’t take the medication or uses it incorrectly. It’s not working, but we’ve been told that she won’t be signed in anywhere until she stops drinking. That’s not going to happen, she won’t go to AA, she won’t listen to anyone. We’re at the end of our tether.
How do we get her into rehab she is slowly killing her self?
Appreciate any advice

The other poster is correct in that you cannot make someone attend rehab. It’s a terrible situation and having been through it with a family member my main advice to you is to look after yourself as the alcoholic will bring you down. They will seek any excuse to justify their drinking i.e. the annoying family member who is nagging them to enter rehab ( please don’t take this personally, I’m talking in the general sense). I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to attend Al-Anon which is a support group for those affected by alcoholism. Given the pandemic you will most likely have to do this online and there are several. Theo group will help you to understand that alcoholism is a disease, not a choice, and it will provide you with the tools to handle this situation as best you can. I have attended many over the years and cannot say enough about this organization. It’s a horrible experience to witness, deep down most alcoholics/addicts have very low self-esteem and use alcohol to numb their painful feelings. Set some concrete boundaries with your sister, and stick to them at all costs. However don’t do it from a holier than though, judgemental perspective, in other words “ say what you mean, but don’t say it mean”. This can be very difficult I know especially with someone you love dearly. I’m not sure if you know anyone in recovery ( someone who has sobriety and is in AA) who could reach out to your sister as this is the one person who might be able to get through. Pain is a wonderful motivator and she needs to hit rock bottom before she can get up again, basically tough love from those around her. Please keep the faith and above all mind yourself.

Sigma Force

Pebbles81 wrote: »

Hi all,
I really need help and information on how to get my alcoholic sister into a rehab programme.
She has recently admitted that she has been drinking 2-3 bottles of wine per day, how did we not know? Looking back all the signs were there but we put it all down to anxiety and mental health problems , many years ago she used to starve herself for days on end, and became seriously underweight.
She is now attending her GP who has told her she needs to stop drinking and has been on medication to help, it hasn’t helped, she either doesn’t take the medication or uses it incorrectly. It’s not working, but we’ve been told that she won’t be signed in anywhere until she stops drinking. That’s not going to happen, she won’t go to AA, she won’t listen to anyone. We’re at the end of our tether.
How do we get her into rehab she is slowly killing her self?
Appreciate any advice

You’ve been givin some wrong info which is a bit scary tbh because if they are telling people they won’t get in to rehab unless they’ve already stopped drinking that means a lot of desperate people are being left to cope on their own. The whole reason for rehab is to stop drinking they go there for help how are they supposed to stop it’s crazy but a lot of rehab centres have this silly rule. Chuin Mhuire doesn’t however. There are a number of them dotted around the country however she has to phone them not you or anyone else, she then has to phone them once a day for a week or so and then she’ll be given a space (time scale may differ from
Place to place). The main thing is that it is completely pointless for her to go to rehab unless she is willing to go, forcing her, bribery etc doesn’t work. If she’s been taking meds on and off did she go to the doc willingly? The doc can also only give out the meds so many times before that have to stop. Unfortunately you can’t make her do it. It’s so hard to watch but all you can do is supply her with the info and offer background support.

GaroldCrash22

I don't think it's a good option to try to put a person in an institution against their will . It will not have the desired effect. 

prishtinaboy99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058102600/how-to-get-someone-into-rehab

Going to the GP is a good start but I think with alcoholics most suffer some some sort of mental condition be it depression or anxiety etc and thats the reason they drink to a dangerous level. When i went to my GP is an excellent doctor for physical ailments he told me to take my mind off it, think of something else which was about as good advice as an ashtray on a motorbike.

GPs struggle with mental conditions, in the end i went to see a psychologist and she got me thinking different about the reasons why i drank to dangerous levels. I started to trust this person and felt she was the only person who understood my situation, then she convinced me to go to rehab/psychiatric hospital.

While in the hospital i could deal with my depression as i felt miserable when sober alone and would inevitably relapse, i got to the stage where i couldnt live with or without alcohol and thats a scary place to be for an alcoholic.

I would suggest getting a psychiatrist or a psychologist on board is a good step as they are more qualified to get through to an alcoholic than your regular GP.

monkey1234

Sorry to re hash this old thread, however we are currently in this with a family member. The spouse has now threatened to bring Tusla, the Garda and so on into the situation. We as a family are at our wits end, however they are continuing to drink but telling us they are not. I rang al anon myself but didn’t get any where as such. Only that the person themselves will have to make the decision to stop. 

We are living on our nerves daily , we thought the softly softly approach was the way to go , however this isn’t working. I’m not sure why I’m writing this but we feel so helpless as do my extended family

TherapyBoy

I don’t think you can force it, if they don’t want to stop drinking they won’t stop.