situations where people were misheard or misunderstood

I was having this conversation a few days ago about people mishearing or misunderstanding what other people said, because of accent, or whatever other reason.

A girl I know went into a local shop and asked if they had any cat litter. The girl behind the counter went off for a minute and came back and handed her a calculator.

A friend was in a cafe with a work mate from the west of Ireland. The waitress came and asked them for their order. The guy from the west said 'I'll think I'll have a cup a tea now'... she brought him a cappuccino.

There was a lad from Poland who got labouring work with contractors in Donegal. He had pretty good English but didnt know the local slang. The foreman told him to get a trowel and to 'fire the cement onto the wall'. When he came back 30 minutes later, the Polish guy had lit a fire and was heating the cement over the flames.

Sheridan81

Four candles.

Rodney Bathgate

Sheridan81 wrote: »

Four candles.

Fork handles?

Airyfairy12

I got a job one time and before starting the manager asked me to give her a passport photo so I said no problem, I can run down to the chemist to get them done and drop them into you, said ill only be about 20 minutes, she looked at me like there was something wrong with me, I could feel a bit of tension in the room but she didnt say anymore so I ran to the chemist in the pouring rain and got some passport photos taken.
Went back to the company, drenched with rain to hand them into her, she looked at me and said no, she wanted a photo of my passport, meaning a photocopy. Handed her my passport which was in my bag and she photocopied it on the spot.
Wasted 9 euro and felt pretty embarrassed.

spurious

The back of a DVD called "The Courier" with Gabriel Byrne quoted the "In Dublin" review which was just one word 'Brutal'. I think many non-Irish people may have got the wrong impression.

A bride rang a hotel in Cavan and said she wanted Canapés at her reception. On the day of the wedding there were canopies erected at the door of the hotel. True story.

Outside a pub in Boston one night, a lad from home was in the company of a guy from Manchester... he turned to one of the people in the smoking area and said
'sorry mate, could I bum a fag'

Totally different meaning in the US

Ray Donovan

Paddy Jackson?

Gregor Samsa

Know a girl who was travelling in Poland years ago. She didn’t speak Polish. She had a bad headache, and went to a pharmacy for some pain medication. In trying to convey what she wanted, she kept pointing at her head. They gave her a bottle, and she went back to her room. She couldn’t read the instructions, so took two spoonfuls. Suddenly she felt a burning sensation in her mouth and throat, and she started spitting up blood. She managed to summon help and was brought to hospital, where she remained for a couple of weeks before making a full recovery.

Turns out the guy in the pharmacy thought she was pointing at her bleached blonde hair, and gave her a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

Ray Donovan

Ray Donovan wrote: »

Paddy Jackson?

different scenario

gogo

Back around the middle of March, I told a male colleague I was going to the chemist, he asked me would I see what face masks they had as his wife was looking for them.
I was in the chemists listening to the chemist rattle off what different brands they had and the rejuvenating qualities, and the different types of masks for different skin types and I was thinking how bloody uncomfortable this was and that it was actually weird he even asked me to do this for him...

then it dawned on me....

Gregor Samsa

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

Know a girl who was travelling in Poland years ago. She didn’t speak Polish. She had a bad headache, and went to a pharmacy for some pain medication. In trying to convey what she wanted, she kept pointing at her head. They gave her a bottle, and she went back to her room. She couldn’t read the instructions, so took two spoonfuls. Suddenly she felt a burning sensation in her mouth and throat, and she started spitting up blood. She managed to summon help and was brought to hospital, where she remained for a couple of weeks before making a full recovery.

Turns out the guy in the pharmacy thought she was pointing at her bleached blonde hair, and gave her a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

lost in translation... she was lucky!

lainey_d_123

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I got a job one time and before starting the manager asked me to give her a passport photo so I said no problem, I can run down to the chemist to get them done and drop them into you, said ill only be about 20 minutes, she looked at me like there was something wrong with me, I could feel a bit of tension in the room but she didnt say anymore so I ran to the chemist in the pouring rain and got some passport photos taken.
Went back to the company, drenched with rain to hand them into her, she looked at me and said no, she wanted a photo of my passport, meaning a photocopy. Handed her my passport which was in my bag and she photocopied it on the spot.
Wasted 9 euro and felt pretty embarrassed.

This is absolutely mental. Bit weird of you to just assume she meant that and run out immediately but why would she not have stopped you? She surely realised you'd misunderstood.

Purple Mountain

This happened me a few years back in Rome.
I was Air BnBing with a few girl friends staying with an eccentric Italian couple. They lived in the same apartment block and used just let themselves in to cook for us and their dog would wander in too. Anyway the woman had excellent English but with her Italian accent it was hard to understand her sometimes.
One day she was chatting to me and one of my friends asking us about our lives and I told her I was single.
She told me not to worry, she was a weirdo for years before she met David (husband). I gave a strained smile but was a bit miffed that she thought that just because someone wasn't married, they were weird.
When she left, I said to my friend that she was a bit cheeky with her comment to which my friend replied 'I think she said she was a widow'!
We still joke about it sometimes now.

luketitz

On a pub crawl on Wexford st one night with a mate home from Oz that I hadn't seen in years, we got to the bar and they didn't have his drink and he was giving out (to me, not the bar staff or anything) that he'd have to change from his regular brew for a pint here.

I said 'don't get your knickers in a twist', messing with him and then a big group beside us started murmuring among themselves and then kinda confronted us for being racist (a couple of black folks among them).. after much confusion, turns out they thought I'd said the N word in that sentence above over all the chatter and were on the verge of getting pretty angry til I explained what I'd said and what it meant etc..

Ended up having some good-natured craic with them before heading on to our next boozer but that could've got pretty hairy under different circumstances!

endacl

Ah. A chance to tell this one again!

Originally here... https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=86024390&postcount=80

Right. Well.

Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' () i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid parrafin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.

So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?

Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".

Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.

My funny flute story.

SusieBlue

Working in a bar years ago, a manager asked me to train in a new girl. I introduced her to everyone and showed her the ropes, but realised pretty quickly that she was ignoring me a lot.
First I thought it was cause of the loud music but after awhile it became clear that she wasn’t listening to me even when I called her name. It seemed like she was kind of rude with a bad attitude.
Other colleagues were having similar issues and it was causing big communication problems.
There were times were I’d call her and ask her to do something, and she’d continue doing her own thing as if she couldn’t hear me at all.
In the end I mentioned it to our manager and he said he’d have a word with her.

When I first met her, thought she had said her name was Pepper.
I introduced her to everyone as Pepper.
Her name was actually Heather.
So she was ignoring me because she wasn’t aware I was even speaking to her :pac:

Airyfairy12

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

I got a job one time and before starting the manager asked me to give her a passport photo so I said no problem, I can run down to the chemist to get them done and drop them into you, said ill only be about 20 minutes, she looked at me like there was something wrong with me, I could feel a bit of tension in the room but she didnt say anymore so I ran to the chemist in the pouring rain and got some passport photos taken.
Went back to the company, drenched with rain to hand them into her, she looked at me and said no, she wanted a photo of my passport, meaning a photocopy. Handed her my passport which was in my bag and she photocopied it on the spot.
Wasted 9 euro and felt pretty embarrassed.

That was her mistake. A passport photo and a photo of your passport are two totally different things, you shouldn't have felt embarrassed!

ILoveYourVibes

SusieBlue wrote: »

Working in a bar years ago, a manager asked me to train in a new girl. I introduced her to everyone and showed her the ropes, but realised pretty quickly that she was ignoring me a lot.
First I thought it was cause of the loud music but after awhile it became clear that she wasn’t listening to me even when I called her name. It seemed like she was kind of rude with a bad attitude.
Other colleagues were having similar issues and it was causing big communication problems.
There were times were I’d call her and ask her to do something, and she’d continue doing her own thing as if she couldn’t hear me at all.
In the end I mentioned it to our manager and he said he’d have a word with her.

When I first met her, thought she had said her name was Pepper.
I introduced her to everyone as Pepper.
Her name was actually Heather.
So she was ignoring me because she wasn’t aware I was even speaking to her :pac:

lol

Pkiernan

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

Know a girl who was travelling in Poland years ago. She didn’t speak Polish. She had a bad headache, and went to a pharmacy for some pain medication. In trying to convey what she wanted, she kept pointing at her head. They gave her a bottle, and she went back to her room. She couldn’t read the instructions, so took two spoonfuls. Suddenly she felt a burning sensation in her mouth and throat, and she started spitting up blood. She managed to summon help and was brought to hospital, where she remained for a couple of weeks before making a full recovery.

Turns out the guy in the pharmacy thought she was pointing at her bleached blonde hair, and gave her a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

Maybe stop after the first spoon?

1 out of 10.

Oranage2

I was in Asia somewhere not a tourist place, gestured for the bill by doing a holding a pen and writing motion, they confusedly looked at me then brought me paper and a pen.

enricoh

Worked for a summer in a golf shop years ago, knew sod all about golf.
Misheard one guy telling me he had 32 pints the day before. I told him I'd be in a heap for a day or two after that n he was looking fresh. Turns out he got 32 points in some competition!
One lad asked what sandwich options we had - I said we only sell soft drinks and bars. He was after a sand wedge!

lainey_d_123

luketitz wrote: »

On a pub crawl on Wexford st one night with a mate home from Oz that I hadn't seen in years, we got to the bar and they didn't have his drink and he was giving out (to me, not the bar staff or anything) that he'd have to change from his regular brew for a pint here.

I said 'don't get your knickers in a twist', messing with him and then a big group beside us started murmuring among themselves and then kinda confronted us for being racist (a couple of black folks among them).. after much confusion, turns out they thought I'd said the N word in that sentence above over all the chatter and were on the verge of getting pretty angry til I explained what I'd said and what it meant etc..

Ended up having some good-natured craic with them before heading on to our next boozer but that could've got pretty hairy under different circumstances!

I can't stand people who eavesdrop on conversations, hear something completely out of context or even mishear it, and then start getting confrontational with you. It's really ignorant IMO and I wouldn't have had 'craic' with someone who had just accused me of being racist because they'd jumped to conclusions while being ignorant of local words and language while being visitors in my own country. It's incredibly rude.

Hope they don't go to Korea....sure they'd end up going home ranting about all the racist Koreans saying 'niga' ('you are')!

We had visitors over from the US, one of them was an older man who was going a bit deaf. It was the month of October and it was unseasonably mild, almost warm.

In a bid to make conversation I said to him 'its mild..' to which he burst into a big, almost fake smile.

So I said it again, 'its mild..' Same thing again, a big fake smile. Then I realised that he thought I was telling him to smile.

retro:electro

I’ve told this before but I had a friend who worked in a taxi service in Galway. One evening a black lady and her three kids came in to book one and my friend told them they could hop in the black people carrier outside as it was free.

Excuse me? They said..

At that moment it dawned on my friend what she had just said. Oh no.. not a black people carrier, a black people carrier, you know.. it’s the type of car!!!

She had to bring them out and show them what she meant.

Awkward for all involved.

SlowMotion321

(Billy Connoly joke)

Two drunks in an ally, one turns to the other and says

1st "Is this Wembley?"

2nd "No it's Thursday!"

1st "So am I, lets o for a drink!"

During the most restricted part of covid lockdown, I was checking with my Grandmother in Dublin daily.

One day I called her and asked her how she was doing and she told me she'd had a great threesome the night before. So good, in fact, that she was going to get a whole gang together and do it again on Friday night.

She'd discovered video calls and had chatted with a couple of her friends the previous night. Every time I think of her genteel little voice telling me about how much fun her threesome was, it cracks me up.

retro:electro

retro:electro wrote: »

I’ve told this before but I had a friend who worked in a taxi service in Galway. One evening a black lady and her three kids came in to book one and my friend told them they could hop in the black people carrier outside as it was free.

Excuse me? They said..

At that moment it dawned on my friend what she had just said. Oh no.. not a black people carrier, a black people carrier, you know.. it’s the type of car!!!

She had to bring them out and show them what she meant.

Awkward for all involved.

I think you wrote that somewhere here before, and it still makes me laugh out loud.

moonage

There was an Australian fellow trying to sell his house and when the advert appeared in the paper it included "no asians".

A TV reporter confronts him about his apparent racism until, after a while, they realise there was a misprint in the paper and he wanted "no agents":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YM9Ereg2Zo

odyssey06

I said I really like U2.
She heard I really like you too.
Awkward moment.
Reader... I didnt marry her.

Exiled1

The Manager of a large garage in Carlow calls over TY student and points to his large demo model car. It had a scratch on the drivers door.
He points at the car and says to student 'sand that' as he is moving towards the door for a business meeting elsewhere in town.
When he returns a few hours later he finds the whole side of his new car thoroughly sanded.
Manager is naturally incandescent and rings school and threatens a lawsuit.
The Principal tries to remain calm and takes the manager through the incident. 'Did you ask him to sand the scratch or the car?'
Manager admits he said 'that' without being specific.
Result - Manager accepts he should have been specific with the enthusiastic student. The garage continues to take on students for work experience!!

Up in Howth with a friend and we were looking at the Gorse and I said "lots of gorse" and he goes "Yeah totes gorse" (thinking gorgeous). Story sounded funnier in my memory, I'll grant you.

Gregor Samsa

A couple of years ago, my then 6 year old daughter came in all in a tizzy. Some kid visiting the neighbourhood was out playing with the local kids (all about 6), and some dispute developed. The visiting kid called a local girl a really bad name, and the local kid ran home and told her father, and he came out and gave out stink to the visitor for saying such a terrible thing.

“What terrible name did she call her?” I asked

“A dirty horse!” Said my daughter. “That’s one of the worst things you can call someone!”

“Dirty horse?” I scratched my head for a minute, and then it dawned on me, and all i could do was laugh.

I’ll wait a few years to explain to her what a “dirty whore” means.

.anon.

Around 20 years ago, I had to bring my younger brother to the dentist. As I sat in the waiting room, I suddenly heard howls of laughter coming from the treatment room. It went on for around five minutes, stopped and then started again. Anyway, when my brother eventually emerged, I asked him what the hell was going on in there...

Apparently the chair had got stuck when fully reclined, and the dentist muttered at it under his breath "ah come on, get up ye bastard!" My brother heard him, and thought he was talking to him, so he apologised and immediately sat up... as if a dentist would call a ten year old child a 'bastard'.

Capt'n Midnight

Mokusatsu, a word that we could very well translate as “no comment” , or “let me withhold comments for now” was translated as “let’s ignore it”.

And because of that Hiroshima got nuked.