Off Topic Thread 5.0

OldRio

I'm actually speechless.

https://twitter.com/andrewkimmel/status/1595492438033936385?s=20&t=h1gG-q-U8YVsy_LoynxM5w

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119914878#Comment_119914878

It's genuinely a barbaric style of thinking.

Janan Ganesh had a good article in the FT this week, and amongst other points he contrasts the hypocrisy of Western civilisations who consider it utterly untenable that a Middle Eastern regime that doesn't align with our world view be allowed to sportswash and host a massive international sporting event, but see nothing wrong with consistently relying on similar regimes for our energy security and other economic reasons.

Jenna Ellis was a member of the last President of the US' legal team, and is purporting views there that unfortunately probably aren't as a minority viewpoint in America as they should be.

Dubinusa

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119914878#Comment_119914878

Wtf

Neil3030

Religion doesn't necessarily make you a psychopath.

Psychopaths aren't necessarily drawn to religion.

But oh boy when those two things meet...

Dubinusa

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119916968#Comment_119916968

What is she on? My God, there's 4 dead!

There is a bit of a perverse logic detachment going on with political right wing movements everywhere.

Lost an election? Election was stolen.

Another mass shooting? It's not guns - you should have converted to Christianity

The problem as I see it is that the supporters of these movements have allowed themselves to be made complete mugs of so the window of nonsense keeps moving. People are getting livid at trivial social justice issues and not seeing the bigger picture at all. Brexit unravelling is forcing a bit of a reckoning in the UK, but that reckoning just doesn't seem to be happening in the US. The 2020 election in many ways should have been a bigger shock than 2016.

Mid terms were a tiny ray of sunshine but no more than a tiny one.

stephen_n

Has anyone watched 1899 on Netflix? I’m 6 episodes in and am still unsure if I like it or not. Definitely different that’s for sure. It could be very good if they find some plausible way to pull all the storylines together.

awec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119931772#Comment_119931772

Have you seen Dark?

Same crowd make it, it's excellent. But you really need to concentrate, their storylines are intense.

Dubinusa

Just watched the English! Very good. I also watched the North water. That's good also.

stephen_n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119932829#Comment_119932829

I saw that earlier. Is it subtitled as well?

awec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119932961#Comment_119932961

Yea. There's a dubbed audio track, but don't watch that.

Dark is one of the best shows I've seen. Mind bending.

stephen_n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119932969#Comment_119932969

Might give that a watch so. I’m still trying to process 1899 😄

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119932969#Comment_119932969

...

jacothelad

Quite breath-taking corruption exposed. Who didn’t actually know it was there? Well, no one who could read, write and tie their own shoelaces. Is there any hope at all that this Tory government and it's criminal flunkies will ever be held account for anything? Another day, yet another Tory scandal. How I wish the silent, useless Speaker would find the balls to force an actual answer from this crew. Corruption, venality, egregious lies and stupidity. The anger I feel about this is indescribable. It really does get to you even when you try not to let it. The image of doctors and nurses wearing black bin bags, gets to me. Medical staff living away from home to keep their families safe got to me. People dying alone and saying good by on an electronic device, got to me. Matt Hancock in the **** jungle instead of jail gets to me.

One of the problems has been that the electorate has been gullible to vote for this shower of utter wasters for 12 long years. The longest years ever.

Just hope I live long enough to see the back of the fuckers. You can’t even guarantee that the electorate won’t be taken in again.

 I think that the public have become immune to the shock of yet more millions of their money being wasted or filtered to their friends. Our taxes are now increasing so that even more can be raised and handed to donors and other government supporters ahead of the next general election. Are we now the most corrupt European country? The evidence is damning, yet still there's not a word about it on BBC News UK or BBC Scotland. They're as complicit in this now as their masters in the Tory party.

 

The PPE scandal really is an indication of the contempt the Tories have against the people of the UK. It is as though they sought to make money from the deaths of many. And they did! Well this is just a culmination of the past 12 years and the transfer of public goods and money to the private sector and individuals

As always they asset strip the country

Spivs and charlatans..the sellers of snake oil

Carpet-baggers one and all. Regardless of the method of awarding of such contracts, the fact that Mone and others are all too ready to profit obscenely at the expense of the tax payer is as abhorrent as a government that condones such profiteering.

 

The abuse of power of Tory governments seems to have no limit, for it is now their standard practice. This is just the tip of the iceberg. When these crooks and spivs are finally removed from power, which can't happen too soon, I'm sure a whole catalogue of carnage across the board will be unearthed. This reeks of criminality. But I find it hard to see who is going to go after those involved. Very unlikely to be the Met (who don't like "political" cases. They cleared Johnson after he gave £126.000 of public money to his mistress) and haven't seen any sign that the Serious Crime Agency would get off their asses to actually do their job. The Good Law Project has done well in uncovering illegality, testing things in court and holding corrupt operators to account. They seem to be doing more than any statutory body in that respect.

We should be really angry about this, I for one am livid, it’s beyond disgusting. Profit over people time and time with these low calibre Tory spivs and their Cronies. Reading through all the reportage regarding Mone and her family, it couldn’t get any dodgier. When will there ever be accountability?

One might question what level of diligence awarded a £200m contract to a company that had only been set up days earlier, had no speciality in medical supplies, no accounts and no trading record of any kind. But not the Tories. You would do more due diligence buying a bag of onions in Tesco than this government seems to have done spending billions of our money in the VIP lane.

The enormous effort that went into this couple hiding the paper trail and their involvement with the companies concerned is shameful, and well done to the journalists and the Good Law Project for digging out the filth. Making millions in profit in a time of fear and death is incompatible with being a Peer of the Realm - shouldn’t it be a prerequisite to give a tiny bit of a **** about the country? Not these days. It seems it is a functional job description of a modern Tory. Grab, Snatchit and Run are the Law firm acting on behalf of the Tories .

Worst infection rate in Europe, worst death rate, largest economic decline, slowest recovery; biggest rake off of taxpayers' money to cronies & donors ... and yet they keep spinning the line that they got the big calls right. If that's the best they can do, we ought to pack in and let the incarcerated refugees from Afghanistan, Yemen and Somalia run the UK government. It would be an improvement. And cheaper.

 

The PPE scandal wasn’t even the first indication of the venality and corruption of the sponger and freeloader Johnson government. Looking back it is still utterly shocking that government ministers directed public money to chums to produce unusable rubbish at inflated prices, at a time when medical staff were unable to source PPE and trying to protect themselves with bin liners. Still hard to process how appalling this episode was, and wondering whether it would have happened under either Cameron or May. Inclined to think not under May, and possibly not under Cameron.

Even more galling that there are no consequences for this state sanctioned plunder, or that the law provides any protection against it. Contrast with Italy where I suspect that the armed Carabinieri would have turned up at Matt Hancock's office in short order and not leaving until they had an explanation

 

The MP's trough is deep, the swill is tasty....Get this!

From the 1st of feb 2021 to 31st of jan 2022, mp's claimed in expenses.....

£132,155,559.95

One hundred and thirty two million, one hundred and fifty five thousand, five hundred and fifty nine quid in expenses for **** sake!

https://www.mpsexpenses.info/#!/all

The Mone money is chicken feed. What about the £37 billion wasted on a ‘world beating’ track and trace scheme that never got off the ground? How much of that went offshore for the benefit of Tory politicians? That may not have been criminal theft but itt was criminal incompetence overseen by Tory chums who didn’t get poorer because of it, that’s for sure.

Does anyone else remember when accepting a four-figure sum to ask a couple of questions in the house was considered sufficiently corrupt that it was front page news for days, and resulted in the loss of a parliamentary career (even if resurrected with UKIP later)?

These days the details of each individual case are lost within a day as the next one rolls in. I can't even remember who Patterson was MP for. Randox and Farm Foods? Or is that the neighbouring constituency?

 

When I saw Johnson becoming PM I just knew the rats would slither out of the sewers of Westminster. "Organised looting and thievery” unleashed on us - except more recently they've dropped much of the organised part and stuck to the looting and theft. The fact that Mone has been denying everything for years speaks volumes. The fact that Gove is evasive in his answers confirms his complicity. The fact that no senior Tory would attend Parliament yesterday to answer questions removes any doubt about their contemptible corruption.

 

I wonder how quickly this will be kicked into the long grass, along with the report into Russian interference in the EU referendum and all aspects of UK politics and the Partygate enquiry?

There's a smell emanating from Westminster and it's beginning to resemble that of a blocked sewer...

I have absolutely no idea how any Tory MP can live with themselves given the constant issue of sleaze and theft (from the electorate) and general evildoing. But... silly me, they're Tories. Doubt they even notice.

stephen_n

The UK is exceptionally good at corruption.

jacothelad

In this grim time of huge inflation and war we need something to lighten the mood. How about a thread of bad jokes. I'll give an example.

A busker on the London underground has taught his dog to play the trumpet. He went from Barking to Tooting in less than an hour.

or

Polce toay say they are nvestgatng a strng of ID thefts.....

or

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,

"I'm too old for this nonsense !"

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,

"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-

"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

The Cop left saying,

" Have a good day, Sir "..

stephen_n

A guy walked into a bar waving a pistol. He yelled I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911. With 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber. I want to know who’s been sleeping with my wife.

A voice from the back of the room called out!

You’re going to need more bullets.

aloooof

I’m friends with a Polish sound engineer. And a Czech one too.

jacothelad

What is the difference between a trampoline and a banjo.

You take your shoes off to jump up and down on a trampoline.

jacothelad

A guy walks in to a shop and there is a man behind the counter. The customer points behind the shop assistant and says. "I want to buy that Fender Stratocaster and that Telecaster." He looks around a bit and then says "Also give me that Les Paul over there."

The assistant looks at the customer and asks, "Are you a drummer by any chance?"

"Why yes ," says the man, "How on earth did you know?"

"Well sir, this is a butchers shop."😂

What's green and smells like pork?

Kermits fist.

jacothelad

3 New fathers rush to the hospital to see their new born. Englishman, Asian guy and a Welshman. Doctor says with all this Covid 19stuff going on , I am afraid our record keeping systems are in a bit of a mess. We have got the babies mixed up, and aren't sure whose is who. I can only suggest drawing lots for the order of choosing.

The Englishman wins the draw, and goes first. He enters the baby unit, and emerges with what is fairly obviously an Asian baby.

The Doctor says, are you absolutely sure that is the one you want?

Too bloody right, says the English guy. There is a 50/50 chance one of those other bugger is Welsh!

Boom boom

jacothelad

A Tibetan monk claims to have seen Jesus's face in a tub of margarine. He says: "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

jacothelad

Seeing as I have so much time on my hands at the minute I thought I'd make a donation at the sperm clinic. The nurse asked me to masturbate in the cup. I said "f*!# me! I'm pretty good but I don't think I'm ready for. a competition!"

Q: How do you think the unthinkable?...A: With an itheberg!

Five surgeons are discussing what type of person makes the best patient to operate on.The first surgeon, from Belfast City Hospital, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Antrim Area Hospital, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is co lour coded."

The third surgeon, from Royal Belfast Hospital , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Musgrave Park Hospital "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Ulster Hospital, Dundonald , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. 

There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the arse are interchangeable.’

jacothelad

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?". The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie.

The rabbit consumes them and leaves.The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman". The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman" Smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses. The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties".

The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie".

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it?" The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it".

"Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie". The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves....

.....NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you"

To which he is answered, "I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent yourpublic house".

The barman says, "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous"

The rabbit says, "Yes I know".

The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead"

The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it".

The barman said "You never came back, what happened?"

"I DIED", said the Rabbit.

"NO!" said the barman, "what from".

After a short pause. The rabbit said...

"Mixin'-me-toasties."🤣🙃

jacothelad

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell the husband.

That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, and went to the bathroom.

The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her...

When he finished and was still panting, the wife said: "You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And then she switched on the light...

"No madam," said the gardener.

stephen_n

At the dole office in New Ross a Culchie walked in to pick up his cheque.

He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2019 Mercedes AMG, and he will supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her early 20's and has a rather strong sex drive.

A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is 200k a year.'

The culchie just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bullshittin' me!'

The social worker said, ' Yeah, well . . you started it.'

stephen_n

Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Iran all out!

Pretty soon England will be the only Muslim country left in the World Cup.

Did you hear Norway put bar codes on their ships. So they can Scandinavian

jacothelad

In Egypt, a mummy has been discovered covered in chocolate and nuts. Archeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.