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What has helped you most with confidence?

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    #32
    Strumms
    Registered Users Posts: 24,929 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    con747 wrote: »
    Not giving a sh*t and not caring about how other people see me in their eyes.

    This 1000%. I realized that with some people, it doesn’t matter how much you do, in work, your sporting endeavors, personal life etc, how selfless, how giving, how flexible... the more you often do the more they often want ... give not one fûck about any of it or them... put YOURSELF and your interests and happiness first... I’m not saying don’t be generous, or giving of your time and kindness to others but only do so where it’s appreciated...if nothing comes back and it’s a one way street all the time over time... shut the door on them... again if it’s work, sport, family...doesn’t matter...


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    #33
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Torino wrote: »
    The work of Eckhart Tolle, be present and don't identify with thoughts, objects, possessions or anything for that matter. You are the field of presence behind your thoughts, observe your thoughts, emotions and sense perceptions non judgementally.

    Sounds like new age bullshït. Never heard of that dude. Presume he has lots of books and courses to sell?


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    #34
    Tazio
    Registered Users Posts: 698 ✭✭✭Tazio


    DJ-ing.

    I was very shy and not very confident in school but loved gadgets, music, wires, speakers and nerdy electronic stuff.

    In the early 90's I worked as a 'glass boy' in the bar in the local rugby club.. there was a 21st B-day party and the DJ rang in sick. The gear and records were there all setup and I knew how it all worked; so I made the decision to volunteer to spin discs until they found another real DJ.

    They didn't..

    The night was going well - drunk people jumping around to music all good.... until the Birthday cake part of the night!! :eek:

    Birthday Cake came out and I had to sing happy birthday on a microphone to >250 strangers... but it worked out ok. Found a new confidence that night and made nice pocket money in the 90s' DJ-ing. Happy drunk people in parties are great.



    Today - my kids think my vinyl collection and garage sound system is 'lame'.... confidence lost again.


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    #35
    Titclamp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 409 ✭✭Titclamp


    Yurt! wrote: »
    When the penny drops that a hell of a lot of people in the professional world are in fact bluffing and learning as they go. I've also learned that just because a person has swagger and an air of bravado, it's usually not genuine confidence and centredness, it's braggadocio masking poor self-esteem.

    How poor is your self esteem.

    Isn't esteem a pseudo concept anyway.


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    #36
    Torino
    Site Banned Posts: 12 ✭Torino


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Sounds like new age bullshït. Never heard of that dude. Presume he has lots of books and courses to sell?

    The ideas and principals are millenia old, whether that is "new age" I can't say.

    What causes a lot of pain and suffering is identification with a "story of who I am". Presence and self acceptance is key for enjoying life as best you can.

    For example if someone identifies with being a funny person they can become depressed if people stop finding them funny. If someone identifies with being a successful person it can mean job loss is more traumatic than it should be.


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    #37
    Titclamp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 409 ✭✭Titclamp


    Torino wrote: »
    The work of Eckhart Tolle, be present and don't identify with thoughts, objects, possessions or anything for that matter. You are the field of presence behind your thoughts, observe your thoughts, emotions and sense perceptions non judgementally.

    Jaysus.

    He's a misery merchant.

    How boring of a view of reality is the one he is trying to sell. And he's made a fortune so people are gullible and searching for any auld reassurance.


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    #38
    BailMeOut
    Registered Users Posts: 2,977 ✭✭✭BailMeOut


    age


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    #39
    storker
    Registered Users Posts: 5,646 ✭✭✭storker


    I find that the best way to gain confidence is to fake it. People can't tell the difference and so they treat you as if you are confident, with the result that you feel more confident...etc.


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    #40
    The Tetrarch
    Registered Users Posts: 2,092 ✭✭✭The Tetrarch


    If someone makes a negative comment I say that my opinion of myself does not depend on what they say.


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    #41
    Titclamp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 409 ✭✭Titclamp


    Torino wrote: »
    He gives his advice on dealing with anxiety.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYR2hN8zgzE

    If people weren't stuck with learned helplessness he'd be out of business.

    He needs your misery to make money.


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    #42
    The Tetrarch
    Registered Users Posts: 2,092 ✭✭✭The Tetrarch


    Torino wrote: »
    But you will likely still be plagued by anxiety about your own opinion of your self.
    Not a chance.


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    #43
    razorblunt
    Registered Users Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    Regarding public speaking, I think it often helps when you realise in the vast majority of situations and for the vast majority of people they don't want to be there any more than you do, so just say your piece and sit down.


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    #44
    mistress_gi
    Registered Users Posts: 963 ✭✭✭mistress_gi


    It helped my confidence when I realised people, not matter how "important" they are, are only people. Flawed like the rest of us.
    Remarkably statistic has also helped me a lot, when you consider the infinitesimal probability that we are all here at this time, we are all special at the end of the day :)


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    #45
    chrissb8
    Registered Users Posts: 1,170 ✭✭✭chrissb8


    Realising that we're all going to die and we are all the center of our own universes. Also, if anyone is looking at me or cares what they think of me f**k them because I have a great group of friends and was brought up by great parents that say otherwise.

    I know this sounds arrogant, but sometimes you have to say to yourself I am the s**t particularly in work environments where you have to be assured and concrete in decisions at times. It's trusting yourself implicity and being your biggest fan.


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    #46
    Stoolbend
    Registered Users Posts: 1,285 ✭✭✭Stoolbend


    Drink.

    When I started drinking as a teenager I didn't care what people thought about me. It just kinda carried over to when I didn't have a drink then.


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    #47
    Titclamp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 409 ✭✭Titclamp


    Torino wrote: »
    I don't think you understand what presence is.

    I don't think you know that you don't know.

    Difference between docility and illusion of presence of mind.


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    #48
    beejee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭beejee


    Having a penis that runs the length of christendom. So tread carefully, for you tread on my lad.


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    #49
    Elemonator
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,271 ✭✭✭Elemonator


    Faking it until I made it.


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    #50
    Bronco Bullfrog
    Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭Bronco Bullfrog


    Lyan wrote: »
    I've never understood how a person can feel comfortable in a room full of naked people.
    I'm like a blind man at an orgy....just feeling my way around...just bumbling along life's busy highway


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    #51
    bcklschaps
    Registered Users Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭bcklschaps


    KM792 wrote: »
    I know there's the obvious one of imagining people naked when you're adressing a room..
    Just curious on this one as someone who struggles a bit with confidence and presenting myself well..

    What are the best lessons you have learnt through age and experience re confidence?

    Smoking. Seriously try it.


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    #52
    Bronco Bullfrog
    Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭Bronco Bullfrog


    Titclamp wrote: »
    Jaysus.

    He's a misery merchant.

    How boring of a view of reality is the one he is trying to sell. And he's made a fortune so people are gullible and searching for any auld reassurance.
    Yeah, he has all the get up and go of a trifle


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    #53
    previous user
    Registered Users Posts: 1,024 ✭✭✭previous user


    JupiterKid wrote: »
    Believing in the old saying: “if you don’t ask, you don’t get.”

    Also worrying much less of what others think of me the older I get - and that if I have inspired a few other people through my teaching or brought joy and positivity to others though my friendships and relationships then I have served a useful purpose in life.

    That's very insightful, thanks, I love these wholesome threads were people impart wisdom.


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    #54
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    BailMeOut wrote: »
    age

    You beat me to it ;). Getting old puts things in proportion, Also learning to say no.


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    #55
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 17,849 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    Don't be so protective of your ego.

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #56
    Tough03
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Tough03


    Realizing that everyone else is just as messed up as you


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    #57
    ThewhiteJesus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,714 ✭✭✭ThewhiteJesus


    cocaine


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