Move to my boyfriends home country or break up?

321123

I seriously cut down the post since I realized it was way too personal, anyone remotely close to me (like colleagues or cousins) would instantly be able to find out that it is me based on family circumstances, where in Dublin we live and my boyfriend’s job.

The situation is that my boyfriend since 4 years who is absolutely fantastic and the who I really love wants to move back to his hometown Stockholm (Sweden) before we start a family and I wonder if I should come with or not but a move would break my parent’s hearts and I'm worried it would not work out for me.

Salary Negotiator

Would you be happy to move abroad?

It seems your biggest fear is not doing what your parents want instead of doing what you want.

Based on what you’ve said here I’d be open to the move but it’s something you’ll have to talk about with your partner.

uck51js9zml2yt

My wife left her country to marry me and she had to learn English. It's also a hard language, surprisingly.

Learning the language in the country is a lot easier than just classes.

It's not an insurmountable problem and Stockholm isn't that far away. No further than driving Dublin to Tralee.

Idle Passerby

I think it's a no-brainer. Go to Sweden. The only thing holding you back is apparently your parents and they are both relatively young and healthy and there's 3 other adult children in the same county as them.

You don't say what you want but it sounds like you'd be in favour of life in Sweden if it wasn't for your parents objections so don't let them hold you back.

LegacyUser

Sounds like you like life in Sweden. No harm in going for a bit and see how it goes...if it doesn't work out you can come home. I mean better that, and give it a shot, maybe it works out and you live happily ever after or maybe it all falls apart, but what's the alternative? Have it all fall apart now? Go, your parents are fine and you can come back if they get sick

PARlance

I suspect the reason he isn't totally enamored with your parents is due to the power they seem to have over you.

Seems like a complete no brainer. I love Dublin, bought and still have a house there, but we got out as soon as the kids arrived.

You currently travel a lot. You could be back very frequently and your parents could get to you fairly easily.

Idbatterim

I would give sweden a try for sure! There is no way with all the pro's you mention after a four year relationship, I wouldnt be giving it a try. This whole pressure from the mammy etc, I dont know if its a purely irish thing, but it is exhausting! If you rent and are paying below market rent, is a consideration, but likely a small one in the scheme of things...

I totally agree with his point of living in commuterland etc, my idea of hell. the finances wouldnt allow somewhere he would actually want to live in dublin?

do you speak swedish and what will both of your employment prospects be like over there?

Redser87

Absolutely go to Sweden! It's a wonderful country. You would probably find that some of your travel plans would involve coming home, but you could travel around Scandinavia and Europe very easily - even by rail. I suspect pay and conditions are better for nurses over there too. As others have said, you could come home very easily and quickly if the need arose or if you just wanted to visit.
The one thing that concerns me about your post is not to do with your question, but with the level of detail you've provided. I know you probably want posters to understand the context, but you've given a lot of specific information that could identify you, such as your age and home county. Maybe that doesn't bother you, but on a national forum I'd personally make the information a bit more generic.

BoJack Horseman

Get thee to Sweden

Idbatterim

theyll have high tax rates, like you are paying here with your marginal rate, but youll actually get something back for them there!

Purple Mountain

You are under no obligation to your parents.
They already have 3 children nearby.
Take them out of the equation.

Rikand

Move to Sweden. They all speak superb English over there too so you'll be grand even with the language 'barrier'

321123

Idbatterim wrote: »

I would give sweden a try for sure! There is no way with all the pro's you mention after a four year relationship, I wouldnt be giving it a try. This whole pressure from the mammy etc, I dont know if its a purely irish thing, but it is exhausting! If you rent and are paying below market rent, is a consideration, but likely a small one in the scheme of things...

I totally agree with his point of living in commuterland etc, my idea of hell. the finances wouldnt allow somewhere he would actually want to live in dublin?

do you speak swedish and what will both of your employment prospects be like over there?

Not enterly sureif it is but if I compare to my boyfriends's parents and how his friend's parents are it is miles apart. They seem to be happy as long as their kids are happy no matter where they choose to live or what they choose to do.

He is on good pay with Irish/Dublin standards and would be in Sweden too where he can work as a lawyer in a law office specialising in EU/internaional law, not sure what he will be paid but I'm sure it is good. As long as I learn Swedish I could easily get a job there, probably with the same or a bit higher net salary than here but their healtcare is in better state (they are still striking and unhappy there but it is still miles from here).

321123

Redser87 wrote: »

Absolutely go to Sweden! It's a wonderful country. You would probably find that some of your travel plans would involve coming home, but you could travel around Scandinavia and Europe very easily - even by rail. I suspect pay and conditions are better for nurses over there too. As others have said, you could come home very easily and quickly if the need arose or if you just wanted to visit.
The one thing that concerns me about your post is not to do with your question, but with the level of detail you've provided. I know you probably want posters to understand the context, but you've given a lot of specific information that could identify you, such as your age and home county. Maybe that doesn't bother you, but on a national forum I'd personally make the information a bit more generic.

That is very true! Thanks for the input.

Thank you, completely forgot about that, edited my post a bit.

321123

Idbatterim wrote: »

theyll have high tax rates, like you are paying here with your marginal rate, but youll actually get something back for them there!

They pay the same on average, seems to be a myth that it is so much worse in Scandinavia than here. They don't have property tax, no inheretance or gift tax either. What is higher is taxes on business.

321123

Purple Mountain wrote: »

You are under no obligation to your parents.
They already have 3 children nearby.
Tskd them out of the occasions.

You are right, but it still would break their heart and I would feel super guilty.

extra gravy

I'd fear that if you don't go, in time you may regret it and possibly end up resenting your parents. Be brave and go for it, if it doesn't work out, it won't be the end of the world, you can always come back. But at least you'll know you gave it a try.

appledrop

It's a no brainer you have to go to Sweeden. If you dont try I think you will always regret it.

Nurses are in high demand so if you do decide to come home you will get a job no problem.

listermint

As an aside to everyone saying move to sweden. You can't sail here , hill walk here, and we do have some semblance of seasons. ..what I'm saying is you don't have to live in Dublin nor have to live in a semi d in a commuter belt. Plenty of folks have all of that here just takes an ounce of imagination.

Salary Negotiator

321123 wrote: »

You are right, but it still would break their heart and I would feel super guilty.

Would you feel worse breaking up with your partner?

Only you can decide which is more important, your happiness or your parent’s.

Irish_rat

321123 wrote: »

You are right, but it still would break their heart and I would feel super guilty.

If you see a future with him then it's probably worth considering it.

strandroad

I'll go against the grain a little OP but I think you need to be very clear eyed about what you really want.
Sweden is a fantastic country and the services alone although not quite what they used to be are worth moving there for. At the same time, the vision of Sweden you and your boyfriend have seems to be a little detached from the reality of daily grind in Sweden (yes there is daily grind in Sweden too).

Sailing or keeping horses for example is not an exclusively Swedish thing, in fact you have plenty of either here and it's a quite a recognised lifestyle as are holiday houses or golf course apartments. There is nothing stopping your boyfriend from sailing in Dublin for example, it just seems that you have more time and a different mindset over there so you actually take advantage; this might evaporate once you have your daily duties too. Children need to be collected from childcare anywhere you go too (even if the childcare is nearly free), unless he expects you to stay at home. If you want to build a house it does mean a commute of some sort as houses are still located in the suburbs in Stockholm and with the density you need to move out to build too. If you're happy with a family apartment instead you will avoid long commutes but you'll have to bring up your family in an apartment which while absolutely normal in Sweden might require some serious mentality adjustment from an Irish girl. You'll find it easier with regard to the rain, in the spring or summer anyway, but Swedish winter is absolutely dreadful and feels like you're going to be in the dark forever if you're not used to it, with SAD and bad moods and what have you. People have slightly different manner and values around community, social distance etc. - again you might find that you need serious adjustments outside of his family bubble especially if you haven't lived abroad before. While he easily returns to his social circle you might feel temporarily left out with a language to learn too.

It sounds like you're both picking your boyfriend's family and friends' best achievements and best bits of their lifestyle and are hoping to share or imitate them all. In fact your lifestyle might be quite a lot more boring and demanding and a lot less fun with significant adjustment needed on your side specifically.

I would advise you to try and move back with him (if that's what he wants - you seem to be making an assumption here). Your parents and your siblings will be fine, I wouldn't worry about it much at all, you will visit and so will they. But in your head give it a fixed trial time, perhaps a year. See how you like it, see how it turns out. Absolutely do not have children before this time is up - if you have kids but you can't bear Sweden or if you split, you won't be able to return to Ireland. It might turn out brilliant and you'll start a fantastic new life; or if it turns out to be too hard and you'll have to decide again but you would have tried. Do not move late in the year though, give yourself a couple of months to adapt first before you face the winter.

Mr. Incognito

Why do you need to make long term plans immediately. You are hitting the panic Button.

Life changes.

Try Sweden and see what its like. Your parents have 3 other kids to mind them. They sound very controlling

MissShihTzu

I was in the same position as you, OP. Only I lived in London where I am from and my now husband lived in Ireland.

We did the long distance thing, but it was getting harder and harder to be apart, and as we decided we wanted to make a life together, we had to decide where.

I had all the same questions as you. My friends, family and life was in London. But my best friend helped me keep my head on. It's only an hour to go home, and I could always come back if things didn't work out.

My parents were not happy. My brothers didn't think I would make it work, and my friends hated the thought of me leaving. But - I did and although things haven't always been plain sailing (moving over right at the start of the recession), but we're married 12 years and still happy. I go to London three or four times a year, always on the phone to my friends and some have made the trip over to visit. I think the fact I couldn't just up and leave when things got rough, made me more determined to make this move work.

I think what I am trying to say is - Give it a go. You won't know if you don't try and Ireland is not so far away. Focus on what YOU want, selfish as this sounds and only go if it's right for YOU. You alone are the author of your life and your happiness. Not your parents, not your siblings, and certainly not your partner.

Good luck to you!

Thelonious Monk

I've a friend who moved there for a Swede about 10 years ago with no idea of the language, and he has quite a good job for Facebook now and 2 kids with the same wan. Everyone speaks English there. Also another friend who got a Norweigan girl pregnant after a night out in Flannery's and he's been in Norway about 10 years now too, couldn't speak a word of it and still can't really!
So I'm sure you'd be grand

stop animal cruelty

I really do feel sorry for u, it's such a tough decision. From how u described ur partner, he sounds so perfect. I would be very slow in letting him go!

Looking from the outside I think the best decision would be to move to Sweden for a year and see how u get on. You could be so surprised u might end up actually liking it and not thinking it's as bad as u once thought. Like others have said, a quick flight home is always there.

Your friends will always be there for you, Skype or pick up the phone. U might not feel so far away from them now with all the ways we can connect and communicate today.

It's understandable the guilt u would feel leaving ur parents, but u have one life and it's your choice to live it how u want. You don't own your parents anything, really. Anyone who truly cares for someone will always back whatever decision u go for, and be there if it doesn't work out.

Guaranteed u will end up regretting not doing what possibly could be the right choice, by giving Sweden a go with the love of ur life.

321123

strandroad wrote: »

I'll go against the grain a little OP but I think you need to be very clear eyed about what you really want.
Sweden is a fantastic country and the services alone although not quite what they used to be are worth moving there for. At the same time, the vision of Sweden you and your boyfriend have seems to be a little detached from the reality of daily grind in Sweden (yes there is daily grind in Sweden too).

Sailing or keeping horses for example is not an exclusively Swedish thing, in fact you have plenty of either here and it's a quite a recognised lifestyle as are holiday houses or golf course apartments. There is nothing stopping your boyfriend from sailing in Dublin for example, it just seems that you have more time and a different mindset over there so you actually take advantage; this might evaporate once you have your daily duties too. Children need to be collected from childcare anywhere you go too (even if the childcare is nearly free), unless he expects you to stay at home. If you want to build a house it does mean a commute of some sort as houses are still located in the suburbs in Stockholm and with the density you need to move out to build too. If you're happy with a family apartment instead you will avoid long commutes but you'll have to bring up your family in an apartment which while absolutely normal in Sweden might require some serious mentality adjustment from an Irish girl. You'll find it easier with regard to the rain, in the spring or summer anyway, but Swedish winter is absolutely dreadful and feels like you're going to be in the dark forever if you're not used to it, with SAD and bad moods and what have you. People have slightly different manner and values around community, social distance etc. - again you might find that you need serious adjustments outside of his family bubble especially if you haven't lived abroad before. While he easily returns to his social circle you might feel temporarily left out with a language to learn too.

It sounds like you're both picking your boyfriend's family and friends' best achievements and best bits of their lifestyle and are hoping to share or imitate them all. In fact your lifestyle might be quite a lot more boring and demanding and a lot less fun with significant adjustment needed on your side specifically.

I would advise you to try and move back with him (if that's what he wants - you seem to be making an assumption here). Your parents and your siblings will be fine, I wouldn't worry about it much at all, you will visit and so will they. But in your head give it a fixed trial time, perhaps a year. See how you like it, see how it turns out. Absolutely do not have children before this time is up - if you have kids but you can't bear Sweden or if you split, you won't be able to return to Ireland. It might turn out brilliant and you'll start a fantastic new life; or if it turns out to be too hard and you'll have to decide again but you would have tried. Do not move late in the year though, give yourself a couple of months to adapt first before you face the winter.

Thank you for the thoughtful post! That is of course very true and something that I am aware of. Being somewhere on holdays is not the same as living there. My boyfriend spent 5 years working in Stockholm after college before he moved over so he is well aware of how an every day life there is too but I of course wouldn't know if I didn't try it.

The not having children early thing is really what is hitting it. I feel like I want to try living there before I get too old in case I realise that I am not happy outside of Ireland and then still have a chance to have children.

Have you lived in Sweden or are you Swedish?

321123

Thank you all for the replies! Very appreciated:)

Whitecarstones

From a single (lonely) person I would urge you to grasp onto the guy you love, and god damn it move to Sweeden. Dont let it go!
Your parents will get over it. All the best.

strandroad

321123 wrote: »

Have you lived in Sweden or are you Swedish?

I'm not Swedish but spent some time there, never had the option to stay for good though. It's a lovely country and I'm sure you can be very happy there if it all works out, it's just that some of your descriptions sounded a little on the optimistic side!

tampopo

321123 wrote: »

You are right, but it still would break their heart and I would feel super guilty.

You get to live your life, not theirs.

iamwhoiam

I absolutely would go with the man you love . Life is to be lived and your life is your life . The world is small and flights are cheap and Skype is so easy now to keep in touch . Go and be happy

tampopo

Didn't see the unedited post but I feel, like others, you should give it a go. You will live longer after your parents have gone, just like they did. Live *your* life. Have no regrets. Give it a go. It's a nice country (with its faults) you'd be mad to miss this opportunity to go and experience it.

LLMMLL

I'm reading into your post a little but I think your mother/parents sound very controlling. You are defending her as "typical Irish mammy" which makes me think she's actually worse than you are letting on.

Your boyfriend seems to make you very happy, yet she treats him worse than your siblings partners to an extent that he has noticed because he might take you away from her? Not even to Sweden but just to Dubkin? That is completely unacceptable and not normal mammy behaviour.

She has 3 children living very close to her and she will be "heartbroken" if one child moved away?? Even to Dublin? That's not normal mammy behaviour.

You have to put things in perspective about your mother. People can be heartbroken for a good reason, but sometimes they're heartbroken for a ridiculous reason.

Tork

I don't see what you have to lose by giving Sweden a go. If you like the place and you come to feel OK about living there permanently, great. If not, then you can look at your other options. If you break up with your boyfriend after that, at least you won't be wondering what might have been.

It also would help your parents readjust their expectations and assumptions. You can't live your life by what your parents want. They will be upset (and angry) at the start but they will be fine once they come to terms with it.

AulWan

As a mother of two adult children, if you were mine I would be telling you to go...go... go.

I would be heartbroken, but my heart would be healed by knowing that the daughter I love so much is living her life and in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person and is happy.

HER happiness is my first priority, not my own.

Your mother sounds incredibly selfish, if she would dream of talking you out of being with the person you love because she couldn't bear some distance.

ETA- a flight from Dublin to Stockholm is 2hrs 40 minutes, and there are flights currently on sale for €48! Its not the ends of the earth.

Go.

LegacyUser

321123 wrote: »

You are right, but it still would break their heart and I would feel super guilty.

OK so lets play the game - you break up to stay in Ireland to keep parents happy then what? You hope you meet someone else that you care as much about as your current BF and spend the rest of your life wondering what if. Go and at least give it an honest try.

Moving to Sweden, while yes a big change, isn't as huge an ordeal as moving to the middle east or Asia. The level of English is very high, EU so no visa issues going over. Plenty of flights back and forth to Ireland with under three hour flight time. It seems after 4 years you should at least see what its like before breaking up.

You need to be honest about trying though. If you've already decided you are going to hate it because of guilt with your parents then it's a waste of everyones time.

Emme

Whitecarstones wrote: »

From a single (lonely) person I would urge you to grasp onto the guy you love, and god damn it move to Sweeden. Dont let it go!

Your parents will get over it. All the best.

Another single lonely person here. I have several friends who emigrated in their 20s/30s and most of them met somebody abroad. The one thing all of them said was "if I'd stayed in Ireland I would never have met anyone decent". It's very hard to meet somebody in Ireland and if you do most of them bail if you have any serious responsibility. You have to ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I happy to pass up the chance of a lifetime for the sake of my parents?
  
• Is my life the priority here or is the life of my parents the priority?
  
• If I decide to stay in Ireland can I accept the possibilty of being single for the rest of my life?
  
• If I stay in Ireland am I happy to work in a country where I get nothing for my taxes and things are likely to get worse rather than better?

My advice: go to Sweden. Try it for a year. If your parents have a problem with you going away for a year then you really need to get away! When you get there you won't feel as guilty as you think, you might feel that for the first time in your life you can breathe and live properly! Your world will open up. Sign up for language classes when you get there. Learning a language in an immersive environment is something everyone should experience.

You can come home a few times a year by plane. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, don't pass it up. If you decide to stay in Sweden with him you have a right to do so. Enjoy a proper summer and proper snow and the outdoor lifestyle it brings if that's what you want. From what I know Swedes are more reserved and sometimes considered unfriendly but they are supposed to be very genuine and honest.

If your parents miss you that much they can always come and visit you in Sweden.

eagle eye

If he is telling you it's over if you don't move to Sweden then don't go. He should be willing to stay if he wants to be with you.
If he is willing to stay then give it a go if you feel you could for 12 months and then decide.

AulWan

eagle eye wrote: »

If he is telling you it's over if you don't move to Sweden then don't go. He should be willing to stay if he wants to be with you.
If he is willing to stay then give it a go if you feel you could for 12 months and then decide.

I did not get the impression that the OPs partner was making any kind of ultimatums about ending the relationship if she does not move to Sweden.

There does seem to be an issue with how her parents (in particular, her mother) treats him, which may be influencing his opinion on where they live / moving away from the OPs family.

Indeed, her parents seem to have an issue with her moving to Dublin, let alone outside the country.

suicide_circus

If i was the parent of a young adult i'd be delighted if they could move to Sweden - it's a golden ticket you've got there. If it doesn't work out you can always come home.

OrdinaryJoseph

If I recall the unedited post correctly you were less clear about what your boyfriend said he wanted.
Have you actually discussed this with him as candidly as your (unedited) post was written?

In a similar vein, have you discussed moving to Sweden with your parents or are you assuming they will be heartbroken? Sometimes a "foreign" boyfriend/girlfriend aren't taken seriously by parents/family until proof that the relationship is permanent.

You're in the horns of a terrible dilemma. However, please make sure that your decision is based on facts rather than assumptions and expectations.

If you do decide to go to Sweden try to view it as permanent move, not a trial run. To integrate fully in a foreign language environment is tough and needs to be approached positively. Also, those that may not agree with your decision can play on the temporary nature of a trial run. There is nothing to stop you having a reassessment after 12/18/24 months, although the arrival of children may well be the most significant factor.

People who genuinely care about you want what's best for you - not them. Talk to everyone, make sure they know what you want, see how they react, then make your decision.

Best of luck!

321123

Emme wrote: »

Another single lonely person here. I have several friends who emigrated in their 20s/30s and most of them met somebody abroad. The one thing all of them said was "if I'd stayed in Ireland I would never have met anyone decent". It's very hard to meet somebody in Ireland and if you do most of them bail if you have any serious responsibility. You have to ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I happy to pass up the chance of a lifetime for the sake of my parents?
• Is my life the priority here or is the life of my parents the priority?
• If I decide to stay in Ireland can I accept the possibilty of being single for the rest of my life?
• If I stay in Ireland am I happy to work in a country where I get nothing for my taxes and things are likely to get worse rather than better?

My advice: go to Sweden. Try it for a year. If your parents have a problem with you going away for a year then you really need to get away! When you get there you won't feel as guilty as you think, you might feel that for the first time in your life you can breathe and live properly! Your world will open up. Sign up for language classes when you get there. Learning a language in an immersive environment is something everyone should experience.

You can come home a few times a year by plane. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, don't pass it up. If you decide to stay in Sweden with him you have a right to do so. Enjoy a proper summer and proper snow and the outdoor lifestyle it brings if that's what you want. From what I know Swedes are more reserved and sometimes considered unfriendly but they are supposed to be very genuine and honest.

If your parents miss you that much they can always come and visit you in Sweden.

Thank you for the supportive post and I hope you will find someone soon, you deserve it!
I think you are a bit harsh though on Ireland but I understand where you are coming from. My parents idea of moving home and settling down wouldn't happen either in fairness. There are just no viable singles in or around my home town (my friends that went to college but returned or commuted are pretty much all singles) and the guys here in Dublin would never want to move down and when I look at my older siblings I don't think their kind of life would make me happy. A Sunday walk (or watching Netflix) is nice but could never act as the highlight of the weekend for me.

321123

eagle eye wrote: »

If he is telling you it's over if you don't move to Sweden then don't go. He should be willing to stay if he wants to be with you.
If he is willing to stay then give it a go if you feel you could for 12 months and then decide.

It wouldn't be over but he doesn't want to raise small children here he says and I have a feeling if we never tried the relationship would slowly fall apart since we both want children at some point at least.

321123

OrdinaryJoseph wrote: »

If I recall the unedited post correctly you were less clear about what your boyfriend said he wanted.
Have you actually discussed this with him as candidly as your (unedited) post was written?

In a similar vein, have you discussed moving to Sweden with your parents or are you assuming they will be heartbroken? Sometimes a "foreign" boyfriend/girlfriend aren't taken seriously by parents/family until proof that the relationship is permanent.

You're in the horns of a terrible dilemma. However, please make sure that your decision is based on facts rather than assumptions and expectations.

If you do decide to go to Sweden try to view it as permanent move, not a trial run. To integrate fully in a foreign language environment is tough and needs to be approached positively. Also, those that may not agree with your decision can play on the temporary nature of a trial run. There is nothing to stop you having a reassessment after 12/18/24 months, although the arrival of children may well be the most significant factor.

People who genuinely care about you want what's best for you - not them. Talk to everyone, make sure they know what you want, see how they react, then make your decision.

Best of luck!

Thank you and a lot of good advice there! Do/did you live abroad yourself?

Scarinae

I moved to Canada last year as I fell in love with a Canadian. I came to this thread too late to read the original unedited post, but wanted to let you know that I worried too about the idea of being so far away from my parents. Mine were supportive about the move though and it is so easy to keep in touch these days with free Whatsapp calls etc. If the main things holding you back are worry about your parents being upset and worry about it not working out, then I'd say you should go for it. You'll regret the things you didn't do much more than the things you did.

I deliberately timed my move to Canada for the spring so I would have plenty of time to settle in before the winter. I was dreading the winter, but honestly with the right coat and boots, and plenty of layers if you're going to be outside for a while, it is absolutely grand. In both countries, buildings are well insulated and they have excellent systems for clearing roads and paths. You'll quickly get used to things like shovelling snow from your own garden path and driving with winter tyres. Stockholm is at a higher latitude though so it gets darker in winter than where I am, and some people find that hard.

There is only a one-hour time difference between Ireland and Sweden, and there are plenty of flights which can be cheap if you buy them enough in advance so you'll be able to go back to Ireland several times a year if you want. I have cousins in Sweden and that didn't stop us being close growing up, in some ways we were actually closer to them than my Irish cousins as we spent much more time with them when they came to stay with us during the summer or at Christmas time.

You can get pretty far in Sweden with just English, but it would serve you well to learn Swedish especially if you have children - my cousins grew up bilingual which is such a gift. You also have the advantage of moving there with a local, so navigating the different culture will be easier for you than if you moved there with an Irish boyfriend for example.

OrdinaryJoseph

321123 wrote: »

Thank you and a lot of good advice there! Do/did you live abroad yourself?

Yes, I've been living outside of Ireland for almost 25 years.

MartyMcFly84

Stokholm is really not that far away. Both Capital cities with Airports so you can fly straight to Dublin in a couple of hours.

What do you have to loose by going? Vs What you have to gain?

You can get home regularly and your parents can visit also. Its great to live in new places, meet new people and see a different perspective in life. I highly recommend living abroad for sometime at least if you have the chance.

Worst comes to worst after 6 months/1 year you dont like it, you can always come back. Dublin will always be here, but your relationship will not.

PHG

Hi OP,

Firstly, I would say give it ago, you have nothing to lose. Long distance relationships rarely work too and put a real strain on most relationships. Worst case it turns into a life experience .

As for Stockholm.... I have lived here for 2 years, so let me give you an idea of the place and general advice (I know a bit off topic...)

Firstly, Stockholm is a large town more than a city. Move in the Summer as it is a different beast to the Winter and from what I gather many people don't last who move over in Winter, for example, we had 2 days of sunlight in November and that is tough!! So get that vit D ready. We had a very mild winter this year but it can drop to as low as -15 at times. Also, in Winter, Stockholm is dead! What I mean by this is that the main street in winter could only have 15ish people in it at any one time from 8pm onwards during the week. The Swedes don't really go out like we do so when you do find places to go out, it can be mainly ex pats. They are very much into board games and Boules Bars (Game bars) instead of the pub like us.

I highly recommend meetup.com for events and there is a large Irish community here. There is also pub quizes, beer meets, coffee meets (called FIKA) and engage with the Irish community. Unfortunately, the Swedes are for want of a better way to say it, quite cold, and it is difficult to build a relationship with them. It is just their culture. Most ex pats I know who have been here for years, either have 1 or 2 Swedish friends or none.

Summer is fun here and there are loads of roof top bars, festivals and events. Ask your BF about Midsummer or heading out to the Archepelligo. There is constant stream of sporting events too. As for the language, most companies offer Swedish lessons as part of the package.

Transport is way better than Dublin and trains are usually only a few mins between each train and run almost 24hrs. Buses are not great after 6pm (depending on the route you are on). Food is very healthy here and it is hard to eat poorly. I am not fat but still lost weight when I moved here just with the healthier options available. Some stuff is hard to get here, as in, a number of places don't serve chicken and some vegetables are few and far between e.g. chillies (I cook a lot with them ).

But 100% it is worth a shot. Give it a year to settle before babies come along to see what you think of the place and go from there. Hope it all works out and you have a great time!!!

eagle eye

321123 wrote:

It wouldn't be over but he doesn't want to raise small children here he says and I have a feeling if we never tried the relationship would slowly fall apart since we both want children at some point at least.

I lived in the US many years ago. I came back here and then met my wife at a wedding. She is from the US. She came over here to see how things would go. At one stage she was very homesick and I told her that I would move to the US if she felt she couldn't live here. In the end she decided to stay but she knows that if she decides at any stage that she wants to move back that I'm up for moving our whole family over there. The reason she doesn't want to go is raising our children which is easier in this country with a better education system as a bonus.
Fwiw if you are planning to have a family I think it'd be very hard to beat this country.

Emme

eagle eye wrote: »

I lived in the US many years ago. I came back here and then met my wife at a wedding. She is from the US. She came over here to see how things would go. At one stage she was very homesick and I told her that I would move to the US if she felt she couldn't live here. In the end she decided to stay but she knows that if she decides at any stage that she wants to move back that I'm up for moving our whole family over there. The reason she doesn't want to go is raising our children which is easier in this country with a better education system as a bonus.
Fwiw if you are planning to have a family I think it'd be very hard to beat this country.

I think Sweden has more child friendly policies than Ireland. Maybe that's why the OP's boyfriend wants them to have a family there.